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hey /adv/. How do I know if I'm mentally ill? >Since

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hey /adv/.
How do I know if I'm mentally ill?
>Since I remember myself I have always had a neutral like mood, I've never felt really happy but I do feel depressed very often
>I'm 21 and I have never had a gf(aside from midschool).
>most of the people I know say I act too indifferent
>I do have intersts in few hobbies but they don't do much aside from spending time or "bettering" myself.
>I'm lazy and still don't have clue what I want to do with my life.
>I often think about death, suicide, existational crisis.
recently someone I knew commited suicide, I didn't know her really well, not personally, but I still liked her and thought she is a good person, she looked happy enough, I would never guess she will take her own life. this triggered my depression once again, I know it's normal to feel this way in such situations, but I really didn't know her well enough, and now I'm obssesed with her death and keep thinking about her, trying to find out more about her and dwell too deep into this. I didn't cry when my grandma died, and now this girl, made me more depressed than ever, and I cried for the first time since a few years. If she did it, why would I not? she seemed much greater than me, she was too good to kill herself, a 19 years old girl, didn't even experience life yet, it's all I can think about, I don't want to do much else. what is my problem?
>>
You're obviously depressed, I feel like that too. If you asked me when was the last time I felt happy I really couldn't answer. I feel like I've never been happy in my life, it's kinda weird. But yeah I don't really care anymore, I tried meditation and just focus on studying/bettering myself. Maybe someday I'll be happy Idk, but you don't have to be happy to live anyway.
Suicide has always been a stupid solution to problems imo. If you feel strongly about killing yourself then you should probably consult.
>>
>>16537563
>How do I know if I'm mentally ill?
Do you post post on 4chan?

I've never met a single person who was completely normal that would want to have anything to do with this place. Think about it, this is a group of people with interests that involve everything from practicing obsolete weaponry to sexualizing cartoon horses. Anything except normal human interaction.
>>
>>16537693
except I don't go to these places, I'm only looking for honest anonymous advice, and browse /fit/ or /tv/ for suggestions..
>>16537689
I'm considering getting professional help, I'm most like not a suicidal person, but I want to know where I stand, probably just a depressed, anxious person. which sucks because I really want to feel a rush of feelings like joy or even anger, I only got the down side of the feeling spectrum.
>>
>>16537693
Kinda true.
I'm probably the most sane person on here & even I have issues.
>>
>>16537715
Yeah I know what you mean. I just feel kinda numb all the time or am just extremely stressed. Well I hope things get better for both of us.
>>
>>16537728
every time things do get better for a while it's followed by another "bad" phase. I think the girl's suicide how sad that is, just impacted me way more because I exagerated it.
>>
>>16537731
Yeah same here that's why I get really depressed sometimes because I feel like I'm stuck in the same place emotionally no matter how much effort I do. Most of the time I just try to ignore the feels, it's not like dwelling on it will make things any better so I just don't.
>>
any more help?
>>
>>16537563
bump
>>
It's important to understand that asking 4chan, of all places, is not the correct place to get a diagnosis. Find a doctor and do a few tests. Post results.
>>
>>16538952
I don't expect an accurate diagnosis, just to see what people think
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