Been a stronger energy to this thread recently.

Thinking if I should bother trying to have kids.

I might be a broken failure, but my genes could be very useful and viable given the right conditions. Part of me wants to create something that succeeds where I have failed, and doesn't suffer from the same problems I acquired. It's like wanting to create an idealized version of my younger self. And I do not think I'll ever be able to truly shake this.

Raising children is always an engineering project to some extent. I want to create something that has the capacity to do and become whatever it wants, successfully. This was possible for me once. What I'm feeling just wouldn't be fair, somehow. I don't think I'd be a terrible parent.

Was | | this close of subtly telling a girl I have a crush on her
Wouldnt do it if it were just any gril, but I have a feeling she might have some feels for me
Gdamit

>tfw the feeling isn't mutual

it hurts to live

I'm not sure if I can have the confidence to face him again. I want to earn his respect, but it's difficult because I'm an awkward but funny kid. At least I can amuse him.

Met a girl. I like her, she likes me. But somewhere i feel like someone like me doesn't deserve love ,because of what i have achieved, been trough and how autistic/anti-social i can be sometimes..

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I'm so fucking lonely, but tired of being the only one who puts any kind of effort in this.

>>16535404
yup

>>16535388
I always like these awful people and I wonder why. I think it might be because I think that in some way I could turn them right. But I'm awful too. I'm a cheater. And I fucked a whore. Whores really hate people who judge them. I'll admit that I judged them but I only felt curiosity. And I honestly felt for them. Maybe that's what pissed them off the most. That I can feel.

I fucked up and lost 60£ and now I feel so bad, sad and scared and devastated. Help me anons

I'm scared of telling my current boyfriend I was pregnant by my ex boyfriend but I lost it. It was 3 years before we met so I didn't think I needed to tell him when we first got together, its only been 2 months now but I feel like I have to tell him.
Should I have told him already? Is it ok that I haven't brought it up till now? Would you feel repulsed by her? Should I keep it to myself?

I'm giving up. I can't fucking do anything right. Failing university, hate my fucking job and my dreams have been crushed absolutely. I would be fucking fine with it if I wasn't alone. So Christmas day I'm killing myself. I'm done.

Today I was crossing a parking lot and a man slowed down his car and asked if he could tell me something. I said it better be good because I couldn't take anything bad. And he said I just wanted to tell you that you are a beautiful woman.

And that's very nice and all that but the thing is -- I feel terrible about myself. And I think it's because I'm on 4chan. I think this place is soul-corroding. But here I am. I need to get out of here.

>>16535351

There's a fine line between psychopathy and altruism. I have never truly understood borderline personality disorders. It always seems to be triggered by abandonment and percieved hostility. It's sad that certain posts on these threads and on the letter threads can trigger these disorders and end up in hurt as a result.

"Wait isn't that how the world works?" "Perhaps son, perhaps we should just live life instead of discussing it"
"Class dismissed, I quit"

>>16535426
Why not take whatever money you have left and do the funnest things you can think of? It might give you a deeper appreciation for life. I'm sorry things are going awful for you but know this, it's your life, it's your property that nobody else owns. Man, everybody tells you to do this and do that but if everyone was always right, wouldn't we all be millionaires? You might think you need a university education but have you seen some of those institutions? A degree really is nothing more than an over glorified piece of paper. What I'm getting at is, fuck everything else, just aim for whatever makes you happy.

>>16535433
Every time I get depressed about something I turn to not leaving my room and reading 4chan all day long. This place isn't good for the self esteem.

>>16535425
Totally depends on what type of guy your boyfriend is. I guess if i were your boyfriend, somewhere down the line i would've wanted to know.

>>16535438
I have BPD and yes this place is like cutting yourself inside.

>>16535433
>I think this place is soul-corroding. But here I am. I need to get out of here.
It is. It really is a mind-bending, awful place. It plays on the mind's blind spots and poor ability to counterbalance gradual change assisted with submersion in another culture. You don't catch all the feedback loops and what it does to you.

As much as I don't like the term, I'd call this place toxic. It's a toxic, awful place, regardless of your intentions or mindset you visit with. If you've realized it now, get out while you can, before the drive fades.

I'm sick of dating this chick that I don't understand. She has borderline personality disorder, I can't tell if half of what she says is meant or genuine. Sometimes, it seems like I'm talking to a sociopath. I don't feel like I can trust her entirely. I don't know what she wants from me. She lives at home with her parents and only goes to college driving her parent's car; I live on my own, work regular jobs, and go to school too, but at a different college. It feels like we're in two completely different worlds sometime.

I watched a documentary with her last night, the recent one revisiting the Kurt Cobain murder conspiracy. It was pretty well done, had interviews with credible professionals and people involved in the case, as well as detailed all of the fallacies and issues with the initial "investigation" and details of the story. She just kept saying how dumb it was because it made Courtney Love look preppy. As partly a journalist student, I can't take her seriously anymore.

Good thing I just have to focus on work and school.

>>16535351

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AqnEGu8VF8Y

"Wait no, I need this job"
"This is your homework to discuss with yourself."
"Do not share or discuss."
"Class dismissed."

:End of postings:

>>16535442
would it be enough for you to end a relationship over?

i am really sad because my life is bad and i don't have any friends.

>>16535461
sorry you're sad anon, i'll be your friend.

>>16535446
Huh. I have it as well but I've never had much trouble being here. Only place that sometimes gets to me is /b/.

>>16535464
thanks

>>16535469
that's okay, apart from being sad what else you got on today?

>>16535439
Anon I wish I could. At this point it just seems pointless. The loneliness I what is really killing me now. I can't fucking vent out to anyone . I'm so tired of this life of disappointment and regret.

>>16535474
nothing. what about you?

I find it interesting when people have conversations with themselves on these threads.

>>16535477
Not that anon but are you sure there's no one? No parent, maybe a relative you're close with?

>>16535482
I will probably go to bed soon, that's about how exciting today gets for me.
you should watch something funny to cheer you up a bit.

>>16535465
Are you Male or Female. Uhh… I think there's a HUGE difference in how a female responds to 4chan and how a male responds

>>16535503
Fine then Poirot, tell me, am I male or female?
I've not previously posted so you have this one post to go off.

I came here because he comes here and I wondered about it. Now I know his mind is a cesspool and I made a big mistake when I fucked him.

>>16535508
You're male

>>16535513
Don't give up your day job, dickhead.

>>16535503
I'm female.

>>16535496
I'm not close at all with any of my relatives. And even if I did tell them they would probably put in in a hospital like they have before. I'm fucking losing it. I think about killing myself everyday every week that passes by and the urge grows stronger and stronger. Im tired of hearing that I'll find someone/ something that will put my life back on track. So far it's been shitty times again and again. Fuck man

>>16535519
Well now you're certainly acting like a bitch.

>>16535524
It begins.

>>16535440
It's addictive. Like smoking.

>>16535524
this >>16535508 isn't me

>>16535534
No that's me. I'm hilarious, you're a sad sack.

>>16535450
I've read about this theory. I believe in it.

>>16535539
A sad-luck Dane

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My boyfriend is into Undertale and I am absolutely fucking sick of seeing this shit everywhere already.
He won't shut up about it, he won't stop drawing bad porn of it, he keeps saying Chara is his waifu.
It's annoying and obnoxious and I really wish he'd shut up about it. It almost makes me want to break up with him.
The game isn't even that good. It's trying to tell a good story, but the execution is absolutely balls and it feels like a 15 year old made his first game.
But my boyfriend insists that it's amazing and I should play it.

I want to get off this Meme Off RPG Maker Game train ride right now.

>>16535558

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KUF_Ckv8HbE

thetruesize.com


Everything is a lie
Gravity brings you down
Money brings you up
You can't see anything
Until you're at the top

I don't care about friends, the few I have are enough for me, but I just want a quiet, average, comfortable life.
My parents are both toxic people and I have to endure their arguments week after week, I can tell they're truly sick of each other and I'm afraid of not getting my life on track soon enough that I have to choose between them when the inevitable happens, I can never have peace of mind because any small misunderstanding can lead to all-out verbal war.

I want to get a shitty job that lets me support myself and get the fuck away from here, but everything is fucking taken everywhere. I feel so fucking caged, I went through a lot of shit while I was in college but those years were liberating, I was my own person and my life belonged to me, every day was filled with new experiences, every day I longed for classes to end so I could go outside and have a cup of coffee with my classmates as the afternoon set in, to leave the books at my smelly apartment room and go for a walk around this town where no relative of mine lived, to look out the window and feel like I could truly go anywhere. Here, back at home, back in my hometown, I don't go anywhere, I just stay at home all day with an alcoholic in denial, a hysteric who hates herself, and my little sister who I can tell is just as wishful of a way out of this mess as me.

That quiet, average, meaningful life, I'd give anything to have it back. I don't care if I have to get a crappy job where my superiors step all over me, or if I have much less free time for video games, NEETdom fucking sucks and it's nearly driving me insane. I want to be the average joe, that guy you see in a crowd and forget in the next few seconds, on his way to work, his only care being that there's a week left until payday so he can't be eating anything too fancy for a while.

Those videos blew my mind.

>>16535588

I will share more another time.

>>16535450

Interesting.

I have a new boyfriend. He's a great musician, he's smart, and he's the best lay. He has a great dick. And he can really throw down.

The only problem is that he has M.S. and sex hurts him. I mean, he hurts all the time but the exertion hurts him. Even if I'm on top. When I'm with him all I want to do is fuck as many times as we can. He's into me so he's on but I know he'll hurt the next day.

I feel guilty.

>>16535574
Hey thanks for these vids. Everything they tell us is a lie.

>>16535580
Wow, and I just found out my sister secretly went for a night out and is puking her guts out downstairs from drinking too much mixed with possibly giving a blowjob to her ginger boyfriend and swallowing.

Only the pets are worth saving in this house.

>>16535404
jokeri pokeri box

I want to hurt someone. Not physically. But I want to see them cry. I want to see them cry and then yell at them for crying, just like they did me.

Yeah I know *retarded*

>>16535678
why do people like this have to exist

>>16535684
Wow are you following me from thread to thread?

I want to be like the hot boys in skinny clothes in the fashion magazines.
I want to do a complete body shave, permanent if I can.
I want to be the ultimate fuccboi despite being a straight dude who loves titties and pussy.

>>16535684

Ignore it, it needs attention to survive.

>>16535697
I'm sure you'll find someone who loves that shit. You're not that unique.

Should I get into amateur astronomy? That hobby really catches my interest. Rather than sitting at home and staring at the computer screen all night, I'd be outside staring at space. It would be a natural transition.

Finals this semester are fucked, plus I made the mistake of living off campus. One of my roommates keeps getting high and breaking shit or fucking something up, then I'm always the one to hear about it. Can't wait to finish this year and go back to ez mode rez.

I don't belong in your world. I'm not cute, /fa/-tier hipster girl who's into photography and alternative music. I don't have interesting hobbies or interesting friends or interesting life. I care for books and cats mostly, I have morbid obsession with death and exceptionally weak will. But you know all that by now.

Then you must see that this friendship is so painfully uneven... I was just fine and then you came along and wormed yourself into my life, and you know what? I don't care. I have almost non-existent self esteem, really can't afford staying with you in this strange relationship. I know, I said that, done that before. But now it's serious though. How long would it last anyway?

Here's what's gonna happen: I will drift away. So silently and imperceptibly you won't even notice. And in a month time we'll exchange only few sentence here and there; in six months we won't remember each other's faces that well. I'll forget the timbre of your voice and you'll forget I have ever been. In two years I'll forget how your hand felt when it touched mine, so briefly, and in two years you won't remember me at all. And then it will be fine.

Your world is busy and mine's empty, inhabited only by ghosts and endlessly unfulfilled dreams. It's alright though, I like my modest universe. But I was a fool to fall for you; you were a fool to make me fall for you. Did you do that out of cruelty? To stroke your ego? Out of carelessness? Doesn't matter now, because see, I don't have enough space, enough emotions to contain you. It's not a one-way thing; you don't fit into my world too.

I'm done with everything, girls, friends, family.
I think I'll record a single album and after 3 shows I'll kill myself, because I cannot take this shit anymore. I'll pretend to be careless and really fucking cool, but once the time comes, I'll fuck up myself in a remote place.

Fuck this shit.

Im depressed all the fucking time ever since I cant get a girlfriend
Had some decent chances, screwed them all up horribly then chased a lesbian crazy girl for a year and now I think I have a reputation for not being relationship material around town and basically ruined my chances

Im not the most attractive guy either so datingsites have been failing me for a long time now

being depressed I also find some sort of deep hated for my mother who made some stupid decisions for me in my life and brought me into this horrible world, I know, full on edgy but thats just how I feel

erry inch of my being wants to shut everyone in my life out for a while. I am either too petty or they are too neurotic to be around.
there is always some sort of drama in my life and i can't function or communicate to react well to it
or i feel i am misunderstood
the worst
i feel so petty and high strung
is it my environment or
me not being able to have some self control
my actions don't speak like this
even worse i think I come off as a sucker
timid
stupid
pathetic
I am washed up

I'm rather interested in this girl in my college class. We have a few things in common and often get paired or at least get put in the same group together in activities. She's a rather plain and quiet but I don't mind that so much. I don't what I would do to ask this girl out, since I've never had a gf before, or how long it would I should wait before I do so. We haven't really hung out much outside of college, except walking with her to her bus stop and waiting with her before it arrives. I was thinking it might be better if I get myself in a bit of a better shape and get my hair cut before saying anything to her though.

>>16535351
I miss you.
I told you that just now, and it's true. I have to go through all the sadness I went through 3 years ago. lets hope I don't end up in a place ive ended up now. this is so fucked.
I cried, I hid it but I cried.
love you.
it does feel so much better when someone tells you that, like i'd forget how we met <3
Ex

>>16535704
The hate you throw at me will come back to you
Sooner than you think
And when it happens you'll know why

>>16535684
You will know a crushing disappointment sooner or later. It will affect you longer than you think. And you'll know why.

I'm confusing, you're confusing. I'm over it. At this point I think I just need to get laid.

I can't stop eating. I was on a diet for so long, trying to make myself better. Maybe for a girl, maybe just because I was happy, but I was really losing the weight. And now I can't stop eating even though it kills me to do so. I force myself to vomit so I essentially have bulimia now. I make jokes about dying, about killing myself and how it would be easier, and it's only lately that I feel like that's true. It doesn't help that I'm crushing on a married woman. It doesn't help that I wish she would get a divorce so we could try and fail so at least I would know it was worth something. I hate myself.

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I know you really want to repair our relationship or 'get close' to me again.

All I can think about though is how you tossed me out on my ass- the day after I graduated high school no less - because you were sick of dealing with your son. Yes, your son was the issue, not me.

The fact that you let your son move back IN with you a few times after I was forced to find another place to live is even more infuriating. He called you all sorts of horrible names, left everything a fucking mess, and had the cops called to our house multiple times. Meanwhile, I had my issues but shit, I was an honor student who did whatever chores you asked of me.

It's really frustrating how much you brag about being so 'spiritual' - I know the truth. You only help people until it becomes too inconvienant for you. The fact that when dad died, you admitted you were relieved to 'not being dealing with the illness' anymore just shows this.

I can't believe you had the audacity to question why I'm not in college whenever we talk. I got accepted into the college course I wanted and would have been able to go if you had just let me live with you for another year and a half. Shit, I was paying you rent and utilities already and I OFFERED to keep doing so.


I tried really hard to find a place to rent in the area but no one would let me rent, I was too young and you know as well as I do that moving back in with my insane parents was NOT an option. You didn't care. Nope, so long as you got to move to your 'dream house.'

In the end I had to move to a different state to struggle to survive. I still am struggling, very far from home, and you wonder why I'm not close to anyone.

I appreciate that you helped me get away from my insane parents but you came too late and did too little and withdrew your support at such a moment that it really fucked my life up.

I love you but I just can't trust you ever the same.

>>16535433
that's weird this place has made me feel better about myself. i can laugh at other people's issues and also laugh at my own defects. makes serious issues for me feel more light hearted and easier to cope with.

>>16536193
is this about a bad sibling or a boyfriend of mom? i'm genuinely interested.

I found blood in my stool on 3 separate occasions should i be worried?

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>>16535568
tfw

My fiance and I split recently - part of it was because our interests began to diverge.

Not only that but our conversations would become stale unless I was talking to him about his current fixation.

Dude would just become OBSESSED with certain things - like atheism, Fallout games, Pathfinder or Tumblr drama and it just.. it did lead to a few fights where I was just screaming at him that I didn't give a fuck about that shit.

Because it was ALL he would talk to me about. No, he doesn't have autism, I don't know WHAT his issue is/was.

Lots of people are really obsessed with Undertale now - I think it looks like a neat game but I am waiting for the hype to die down because.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear your BF is an Undertard because I know that feel of being with someone who becomes so single-minded about shit that it makes you hate/avoid that thing.

>>16536227
no. just stop putting things in your ass.

>>16536227
yes go to a doctor

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>>16536224

One of my family members took me in when I was a teen to 'rescue' me from a really bad situation at home.

Said family member let me live at their house but abruptly decided to move after a big fight with their son - gave me until I graduated high school and I had to be out of the house too.

This was frustrating as I had been accepted into a certain school but couldn't afford to live on campus - thought I would be able to continue living with family member while I put myself through college.

I lived in a state where you can't rent until you are like 19 and I was a few years from that (graduated early), so I either had to go back to living in the same toxic environment my family member 'saved me from' or move out of state with a friend who was going to the South.

I had no sane option but to go with my friend.

part 1

I hate having to live back at home with my parents but it is the only way I can afford to go to school and get these damn certificates. I hate that I even share the same blood as my parents. All my life they have been control freaks and they can't even see it. My curfew up to the age of 18 was 5pm and I had to have homework done first before hanging out with any friends. Never got to go to birthday parties, never got to invite people to my birthday parties, never got to have sleep overs, no video games of any
kind and then I had to always listen to all that mormon bullshit growing up.
Know that I am home they decided to charge me rent and disable the internet at 10pm every night so they can keep me on a sleep schedule that they prefer. I watch movies after the internet goes down to try to keep myself entertained but its starting to drive me insane. I am not very good at socializing with people so I don't have any friends and having a boring personality does not help me either. About a month ago I decided to perform surgery on my left leg to remove a massive lipoma that has been growing there over the years. I only had enough money to go to school and then get the hell away from my parents and live my life so I bought all the necessary materials for about 40 bucks and some vodka for pain killer and managed to remove it without any issues.

>>16536246

part 2

My mom is a very snoopy person and managed to find some of the bloodied gauss pads burried underneath my mini garbage can and they confronted me about it. I told them the truth and they wanted to take me to the ER to have my blood examined for infection. I decided to go with them after arguing that I was fine. At the hospital they had a person ask me psycological questions like if i heard voices (i don't). my parents told her that I have a porn addiction and that I was depressed etc. I had to explain that I jacked off about twice a week and that I was not depressed because my life was taking off with me going to school etc. They decided to take me against my will to the hospitals psychiatric ward and lock me up there. The next day I got to talk to the psychiatrist who after telling him my life story decided there was nothing wrong with me and they let me out that day. A week later i got a bills for up to $5000 for staying at the hospital for one night. There goes my money for school that took me a bit over a year to save up. Maybe I should kill myself at this point.

>>16536245
sorry to hear that. i have been trough something similar. don't dwell on that shit too much.

Hesitant
to call the shots
don't commit, don't make assumptions
don't believe in faerie tales
when everything else around me pales
I sit with trembling fingertips against the glass
time passed--
we both remember what happens last.

Not everyone makes it.

I have the job and the money. Got some cool friends. I'm doing fantastic in the eyes of the world.

But I'm miserable. I want a gf so bad but I don't want to get a gf while in this state of mind, all depressed and shit. Its a horrible thing to bring into a relationship.

So it does make me question am I just not ready for a relationship then? I'vd already tried the dating sites burning $250 and coming our worse.

Just feel loney every night in bed.

>>16536228
Hey, I loved Undertale too btw. Just to throw one more opinion on the grill for ya.

I cannot believe how much of a fucking coward you are. You tried to make yourself seem like the holy one but you were the one cheating in the first place and you call me the asshole??

How you tried to run away with your dick between your legs was pathetic. I just wanted to see if you had the balls to admit it and end it properly. I thought you were better than that you coward.

Fuck you!

Come to terms recently that despite years of hard work I've not really gotten anywhere, and due to certain recent circumstances, I don't really have a future either anymore.

>>16535351
What the heck is wrong with me?
I don't have any trouble getting a girl, but keeping them is the hardest thing in the world for me. My gf just broke up with me because "stress" I don't know the real issue. We were only dating for 2 and a half weeks. LESS THAN A MONTH!!! Then she dumps me, I hate that I have no clue why. I hate how no one tells me what's wrong when they reject me.I'm a fairly normal guy, nothing bad about my looks but a bit of a long neck. I'm not weird at all, I play sport, was recently in a play, and I'm a great singer. I just don't know how to go on because I feel like crap everyday due to me not knowing anything about why I can't get a girl, or keep the one I had. I don't wanna be lonely anymore. I just want someone to talk to.

>>16536248
Don't kill yourself, get those certificates. Once you find a job, stay with your parents. Pay off all the bills and live life. Suicide never solves anything.

I feel alone. I feel as though nobody cares about me sometimes i think that if i died the only person that would care would be my mother. This is might just all be in my head but i truly think nobody gjves a shit about me. All the girls i liked never really liked me back because they were busy liking another guy. My friends only hit me up once in a blue moon and thats probably when it's beneficial to them. Sometimes i wonder if its my fault and if something is wrong with me. I have been feeling empty these past couple days and I hate myself for it

I'd fucking love to be like the kind of people who manage to deal with tons of different responsabilities everyday, and despite being exhausted, they just keep on doing it.
The only responsability I have to worry about is studying, and I can't even fucking do that. I dropped out of college this year but I'm still thinking of retaking it next year. I feel miserable, worthless, just a lazy ass.

>>16535433
I enjoy /adv/ because it seems genuine to me like people came here to help others and I feel pretty good when I can maybe help that one odd person.

>>16535522
You always have your /adv/ Bros to vent to

I drank some valerian tea earlier, and only now do I remember why I stopped drinking alcohol. However I remain functional and hold myself together seems to either be mediated, or reliant on, the GABA system remaining in a certain range.

I don't like the feeling. I've been in a bit of a strange (a bit "down") mental state lately anyway, but it's as though I've been stripped of self control and finer awareness. Feels sloppy and hazy. Kind of feel like crying. How disgusting. I know it would only make me feel worse.

Might seek out some salsolinol. Complete that part of the ethanol parallel I got goin' here.

I was texting this girl I met for a long time and she just went through a breakthrough and I fucked it up and she said she woulda given me a chance if I didn't lay my cards on the table like I did so I pretty much fucked it up with my absolute dream girl, and now I'm obsessed with her and I don't know what to do. After that , it turned into a shit show, I blocked her, now she blocked me and it's been a month. I miss her so much and I want nothing more than to go back in time... I don't know what to do

>>16536480
I care about you anon. Just kidding, anyone who says that on this site is full of shit. How could they care about you if they don't even know you?
Anyway I can relate to being lonely, it hurts. For you however it may not be as bad as it seems. You need to analyze your situation and put yourself in your friends shoes. Is life so busy for them that they have little time to do the things they would like too? Such as hang out with you? If not then why are you friends with them? There are plenty of other people out there who have the potential to be good friends.

I know you miss me. I know you love me. You made a choice, in telling me this, especially when you chose to.

Your subconscious is trying to hammer through that unforgiving stubbornness of yours. We both know why, and what is there. Factor in what has changed, and who can say?

I wonder which will happen first, honestly.

>>16536573
maybe you could write her a letter and tell her how you feel without laying so many cards on the table.

>>16536227
As long as it's not black, you're generally fine, I think.

I find blood in mine all the time. There was only once or twice when my bum actually was vomiting blood, but eh. I welcome whatever at this point.

>>16536521
dude me too. I am planning on staying at school and study there. I simple can't study at home. too many distractions.

>>16535449

I hear you Anon, my story is totally different but I can totally relate to your feelings. Similar things happened with a good friend of mine.
We've had presidential elections a few weeks ago in our country, so the mass media and the people are going nuts. Point is, my friend has taken his side, and for me, I just don't trust any of them liar pieces of shit. So a few days ago I had to hear his reasons to vote his candidate and JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, all I heard was him repeating all the bullshit we all hear on TV. Worst part is that he speaks like he has all the truth and I just can't stand his 'victorious' attitude when he talks about his decision, like if he was telling me something COMLPETELY new and mind-opening.

I hate it... I don't hate him but I fucking hate his way of thinking and how easily convinced by bullshit some people can be.

>>16536611
I don't know if you were sarcastic or serious but I did actually write her a letter after she blocked me. I was just kinda upfront about everything and at the end I put "well.. you know where I am or how you can contact me if you ever want someone to talk to, and if not, it was truly nice talking to you" And I really thought there would be no way she'd block me this long. I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to go to her apartment I think. She is so beautiful and I just lack self confidence right now and desu I look like shit lately I have not gotten more than 6 hours of sleep a night in 2 months since this all went downhill...

How come whenever the perfect chance comes up to ask you out I never go through with it? Am I afraid of rejection? I don't know.

But whenever I'm around you you make me genuinely happy. Maybe one day I'll ask you. But until then, I'll have to wait.

>>16536658
I was serious. Well sending the letter was good anymore than that however would probable make you seem desperate/controlling. Your best bet is to wait otherwise your going to fuck it up. But you need to be prepared to accept that it was not meant to be.

>>16536669
This genuinely makes me shudder. Just do it, the perfect moment, and perfect state you're waiting for doesn't truly exist. You will never feel more confident, you will never have it all figured out.

The only improvement could be apathy, or detachment. But that isn't going to happen. Just get it over with, you're setting yourself up for failure.

>>16536693

>It's raining
>walked from my house into local store
>grab some stuff
>about to pay my stuff when girl walks behind me, smiling beautifully at me
>We talk about her brother (a good friend) He knows I like her. I told him. He's ok with it.
>She just got her license a couple days ago (we live in a small community; not many people here have licenses,let alone cars)
>I could have asked her for a ride and jokingly criticized her driving
>instead, I buy my shit, say goodbye and slowly walk home in the pouring rain
>She drives the opposite way never knowing my feelings

That was absolutely the most perfect chance I could've had.

You're right though. I'll take that chance soon.

>>16536685
But I can't just wait. It's been a month man, I'm dying inside. I've never been this miserable. The situation was so unreal and I've we have so much in common and I think she's just the most absolute beautiful girl. She admitted that she liked me but "not like you like me" and that I was fun to talk to. I just fuckign was an idiot and it feels like I Fucked up my chance with my dream girl and I can't live with myself anymore. The last thing she said to me was "You obviously just met me at a bad time. Please move on okay. I hope you get everything you want out of life" ... :( I can't get over her. This barely feels like dealing with rejection. It's like dealing with failure. I failed my chances with my dream girl and it's my fucking fault

I've become genuinely scared of the people on this site. I came here to try to understand something that happened to me. They do call me the seeker. And rejection that harsh was a new thing. I felt his hate of me. I didnt know why he hated me. I was very curious. I know he's on this site every day and that was an unwelcome thing for me to hear. I'd heard things about this place that were not nice or generous. I heard bad things. Things I was not comfortable listening to even at the time. Yeah some hard/eyed little bastard told us (we're were getting high) how he would spend hours there when he was 12 years old. But I didnt know this kid Do I decided to see for myself what you guys are iinto. And it's been very educational. Heartbreaking as well,

>>16536762
I don't fully understand question. 4chan isn't one person.

You could say it;s a culture, and the culture is comprised of a spectrum of traits and inclinations. That there are a clustering of attitudes and certain things the general culture brings out of people, but they're still individuals. There is not meaningfully a "what you guys are into".

>>16536306
No one makes it. We all die in the end.

>>16536779
Sorry. I think I completely misread what you said.

Never mind.

>>16535383
Honestly, don't tell her right away start with some flirting. If she flirts back try and escalate this over a couple weeks. Listen to her bitch (don't try to help, I learned the hard way chick's only want us to listen, not to help), then maybe when you feel it's going good and you reached the point where cuddling is an actual option, lean in for a kiss when things are getting heavy, (assuming she goes with it then and doesnt stop the kiss) if you reach that point she definitely wants you you should ask her out when this happens and if it's successful. You'll know when she loses in treat at any point before this, it'll be obvious in how she acts. You'll have a stronger emotional connection to start off when the knot is officially tied and you'll go into it feeling like you really know each other.

I fucked around and didnt do my uni assignments and now am paying for it with a shit gpa

I want to get a a good gpa to qualify for my major.
School is isolated af, I feel like the people here are not my kind. Have great friends back home/ at other schools.

Hooked up with a gorgeous woman over thanksgiving break
Only thing keeping me going right now is going back home and snowboarding and laying pipe
Want to have feelings for this girl, but know that if I do then ill end up regretting it.

>>16536573
initials?

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>Dad died 2 years ago
>He's not a bad person but he was always the man who would say "everything is always going to get better."
>Have really bad trust issues because of it.
>I don't really enjoy talking about my feelings with close people, it doesn't help.
>Generally I mask all of my emotions behind a facade and it works out most of the time.
>Be tonight, flirting with a girl, she's flirty back so signs assure me it's alright.
>Get to her room after helping her bring something inside and she tells me I need to leave.
>"Sorry just another guy is coming over tonight"
>I pause for a second and just assumed it was a friend
>Right when I walk out the door the other guy shows up.
>Pretty tall, has a built body, redneck looking.
>Just brush it off like it was nothing until I hear something while walking off.
>"Hey I missed you, I'm sorry I didn't come over last night"
>Glance back and they're hugging and kissing.
>Normally this doesn't phase me at all but this was I girl I was seriously considering.
>Walk off to my car just sit in silence by myself while driving.
>Stop by a friends house and tell him what happened.
>He offers me out a drink and I just take a couple.
>Not drunk but I'm a bit slurred and I just can't think straight.
>Talk to him more about what happened tonight, telling how much I really love her and I really want to be with her.
>The entire time I record it and I send it to her on purpose.
>She's pissed and instantly texts me saying I'm a pussy and a bitch for being jealous.
>Don't even text back just immediately call her.
>Want to yell at her, want to scream at her.
>All I can do is grovel on the floor, and cry, she asks whats wrong and all I simply say is I miss my dad.
>The call went on for 30 minutes with me hanging up telling her I need to throw up.

I know it's my fault for holding those shitty feelings of my dad, and I probably shouldn't have done that to her. I honestly don't know how to even salvage a friendship between her.

I fell in love far too young.

Luckily, she's in love with me too. But for five years now I've been waiting, waiting to see if this will really work or if we've been living a lie this whole time.
There's one semester left of college. I have a job already. I have what I need to make this work. But if she can't make the jump to be with me, then it will tear me apart.
She's been holding on to this promise for years and I love her so much. I want it to work, with all of my heart.

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I will donate my balls so someone gets some use out of them, not like I do.
I literally had my oneits at my place in a party hours ago and guess what I did? Nothing. I was too worried about every little thing the whole time, escaping what I knew was the right thing to do and what would make me happy. It's like I'm afraid of rejection, or intimacy, or even the possibility of a relationship. I don't fucking know or care anymore. There's something I should do about it but at this point it is beyond me. I'm not even sad, just very disappointed. I'm good at most shit I do and I'm pretty smart, but I would give up so much just to exploit the chances I may still have before I loose her forever.
Any answer to my rant is appreciated if you think it worthy of it.

I'm in an affair with a coworker and I'm starting to think something's wrong with me because I have absolutely no remorse for what we're doing, how his wife is getting suspicious, or that this could lead to their marriage ending. They now have a baby on the way (unplanned pregnancy, which is making him stressed out and see me more) and I know I'm supposed to feel guilty but if anything, I feel relieved since now he likes spending time with me instead of his wife even more.

tl;dr I'm cheating with a married guy and don't feel badly about it at all. Is that normal?

>>16535425
tf? Girl keep that shit to yourself, why would you tell him? All that's going to do is cause drama and that's such a personal thing that's three years in the past, he has no need to know.

>>16536621

You're lucky to have that kind of chance Anon. I don't have that possibility at the place I live, and I don't feel like studying at home either, I don't even have a "personal" space to focus, read something or study, my room is a mess.

>>16536925
>people being complete unrepentant bags of shit

Completely normal, be sure to kill yourself m8

>>16536930
Sorry you got cheated on, anon

>>16536779
I just re read my post and it sounds hysterical even to my crazy ass. And I do hear what you're saying that it's not fair to judge a site as if it's not diverse.

But that's just the thing. I don't think this site is diverse at all. its manifestly White male age 15 - 25. And that's okay. Own it. I guess the saddening thing for me is that most of you express a worship for women and at the same time a glee in defiling them.

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>>16536936
Actually I'm a misanthrope who has decided humans are cruel and horrible based on my observations of the world, nothing particularly unpleasant has ever happened to me personally

>>16536956
Oh, ok, fair enough

>>16536951
>I don't think this site is diverse at all.

then you are new as fuck and only interact with shitty normalfag boards like /v/, /adv/ and /r9k/

>inb4 'b-but /r9k/ is literally the opposite of normies! reeeeee!'

>>16536984
I am new as fuck. So new that I have no idea what the rest of your post even means.

It's what they call the Virgin/Whore thing… and it's a thing that is older than fuck. Well, maybe 5 minutes after fucking.

I hate myself. I don't have what I want, I don't have the life I want, I just want it to be handed to me. I don't want to have to do anything. I'm lazy. I'm in constant pain and I do it to myself. I just want to cry, alone, in a dark room, and do whatever I want all day long. that was high school. Alone, in the dark, on the computer for hours on end, then go to sleep by myself with my fantasy life. Now I have a real relationship and I'm an adult and I fucking hate it. like, I love my relationship, but I want to shut myself into a dark room and disappear and not have to go to work or have to do anything. I think about dying a lot.

>>16536984
What is a normalfag? I don't think I'm one of those.

>>16537022
Do I sense a note of sarcasm in this post?

>>16536389
Someone didn't read the letter.

>>16537031
Maybe? I don't know. I don't even know myself anymore. After years of getting told who I am and how everything I do is evil with a bad intention maybe it is. Maybe I'm a terrible person that deserves to die right now. I mean, how do we ever know that we are good people? How do we ever know for sure? We all screw up, Lord knows I have. So does that mean I'm a good person that screws up? Or am I a horrible person who deserves to die?

>>16537043
I don't believe that goodness is anything that is real. It's just too subjective. So I don't know. I know that I very much want to be a kind person, and that is something that I can do. It doesn't mean I can't be an asshole sometimes, or most of the time. It doesn't mean that I'm not very bad. I know I'm sick. But I truly do want to love everyone. Still, I feel my love rejected so many times and that makes me feel terrible.

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>>16537002
Damn, that IS new as fuck

In any case you should realize that the 'white male aged 15-25' is mostly true of the new crop of people who basically use 4chan as a form of social media and not in the original sense of an imageboard for anonymous discussions of shared interests

If you look at the boards that are discussions of more obscure media you start seeing older people, more women, people from other countries who don't have a website like this in their own language, and more importantly, people who aren't just here as an edgy counterculture pose.

That's not to say there aren't a lot of 15-25 year old white males present on those boards too, but they tend to be somewhat divorced(and hence diverse) from the stereotype of what 15-25 year old white male means when used in the context of this atrocious facebook-tier board of /adv/

You're welcome, now get out

>>16535450

This is misunderstood by the ignorant, which is good. Not every man and woman should know the truth. Most here are born to be slaves and die as one.

>>16537054
That's a noble thought.
Brings me some peace. Rejection doesn't make your love any less beautiful just because someone else didn't accept it. Don't let them cheapen you. Love is love, and even though it can be painful, it can touch us in the darkest of places.

I remember loving someone who didn't love me. For 15 years. He tore my heart to shreds and pissed all over it. And yet, I was still thankful that he showed me I could feel that deeply and love that strongly. it was beautiful and I was happy to have felt something other than the stark loneliness of my life. Hold onto the innocence of it because in it, lies rare beauty.

>>16537064
Why do you want me to get out?

Hmph, I fucking called it. I knew that deadbeat renting the room would try to grab our toilet paper. Good thing I decided to hide it.

>>16537071
I was loved by a person like that and I ripped his heart out and pissed on it. I did. And I am ashamed of this. My only excuse was that I was very young. Still I'm unable to get in touch with him so I fear the worst.

>>16537077
It's common sense to pull someone out of a pig sty if they've fallen in

unless, of course, they are a pig

>>16537078
Why am I reading this entire post as a metaphor for something?

>>16537090
Huh. Nice. What you want pics to show you I'm not a pig? What the fuck is that?

Anon from a week ago here, still unable go control my urge to fap.

Was able to subdue it for a couple of days, but afterwards...

Any genuine tips to stop it? Perhaps a way to stay busy somehow?

That's what I'm talking about. The cruel needling of female posters who express vulnerability or judgement of any kind. As though having opinions warrants an insult. WTF?

>>16537085
He wants closure, I promise. Even if he pretends he doesn't. We all want closure. We want that "i'm sorry, you didn't deserve it" moment.

everything is robotic. I have no ambition and I want to sleep my life away.

I'm 24 and I feel like I should be moving on from 4chan and tumblr and other online places but I have nothing to move on to. I have no friends, online or off, I'm a kv, I have no job.

I've been very stupid. I get nervous around people I like and I act like an idiot. This makes people generally dislike me and I can understand why. I want to control this so badly. I want to have people like me.

>>16535351

The more distance you give to toxic people the less toxic you feel and the less toxic you become. Try it anons, it just might change your life.

If you're toxic you're probably offended by this post already so go ahead and take deep breaths before you angrily post another mad response.

Everything will be alright if you just mind your own business and be a good person in general. If you can't do that then repeat deep breathing until you feel calm enough to make rational decisions.

Don't project your negative qualities or assumptions to others. You will always be a drag to anyone around you and they will avoid you.

Deep breaths, calm down and pray. No one is hurting you, no one hates you, people are just living their lives. With or without you, understand that and your life will be less tuburlant, drama free and you'll be free from negative peer pressure.

Good night.

I'm afraid I have to agree with the person who said they were scared of you people.

>>16537097
clearly the art of metaphor is lost on you

I thought this might be fun but I'm bored now, oh well

>>16537118
thank you

>>16537118
I love the mixture of vinegar and treacle in this holier-than-thou hippie shit.

>>16536597
It seems you're both in the same situation I am with someone. Best of luck.

Personally, I'm having a lot of fun here.

I think I've finally come to understand that nobody knows what they're talking about. If everyone understood that I think we'd all be a lot happier.

Ignorance is bliss
Just like the American dream
Because you have to be asleep
To believe it

>>16535568
>Hasn't played it
>Those judgements on the game
Man, women are the worst.

>>16537150
LOL i like this guy already (prob don't know what i'm talking about)

>>16537159

True

i'm not even old enough to say i've began my life. i am old enough for this website but i've been here for so long. and now i am back. i feel like i was making progress but have fallen back the down the hill. what do i do with my life? she was just a distraction. I though i was working towards what i wanted but i was just making money so i wasn't a failure in her eyes. What i like is now a chore and i'm at a total loss. i feel like what i want will come to be but that might be naive. i don't know why i am here and i don't know if trying to figure it out is worth it.

>>16537159

Good one

>>16537185
Just move along lad.

Whats wrong with me?...I've been working hard to become a more social human, which I think I've done well so far. Yet I go to a small convention to try and meet new people and don't end up talking with anyone. And don't get me starting trying to talk to a girl I'm attracted too. Fucking going to be forever alone,fml.

>>16535375
dont do it

I'm going to just have to suck it up and say that I was played. I was played and I got angry. And I tried to tell myself that I hadn't been. And I tried to understand what it's like to be like that. But that proved to be more painful than being played, but still I kept on. And then I realized that I'd played myself. And so I fold.

I don't know how to live life normally. I had some issues when I was younger, I couldn't function properly in school environments due to crippling PTSD when I was 16, and I ended up in a hospital for a psych evaluation. I didn't freak out or anything, but I had a real bad attitude with the staff working there, and I guess it got under someone's skin a little too much and they literally ruined my fucking life over it. The psychiatrist filed for civil commitment, and based on FABRICATED reports that proved I was mentally ill, I was court ordered to any treatment of their choosing for any length of time they decide. My legal guardians didn't agree with the decision and tried to fight it in court, but they told my parents they would take away custody if they didn't just stand down on the decision. I tried to tell them that the reports used against me in court were often taken out of context, or even contained events that didn't ever happen, but they just used it as proof that I was even more mentally ill.

Treatment was the worst hell I could ever possibly imagine. It was like something out of a fucking movie or an old book about historical asylums or something, where the main character is falsely accused of being insane and keeps trying in vain to prove that they're not. Everything you say and do WILL be used against you. The psychiatrists decide who you are. If they tell you you're a drug addict, you are, and if you disagree, you're in denial. There's no free speech. Someone else decides when you shower, when you eat, what you eat, when you sleep, who you talk to, what you say. And with a civil commitment, you never get out unless you do every single thing they say. Even if you're never helped by anything, it doesn't matter. You just gotta act like you do, follow every rule to a t, and police the other patients. Took me a long time to swallow my pride and kiss the ass of the people who fucking tormented me for MONTHS just so I could go home. Fuck everything

>>16535351
http://0bin.net/paste/uruTKA3dquAtkTPa#Ql4-kevKUYpIpODSoy9yhhbt+dFwn+vjp6tQZ/O+ybd

i wrote this for myself tonight

if you want to, have a gander

if you have something to say, go ahead. ill read it in the morning, i promise.

>>16537118

This, in all honesty I used to be with a bunch of shitheads in uni. Smoked a lot of weed, drank, fucked sluts and had a blast. Had an accident, fucked up my left foot and I was out for almost four months. All because my friend drove under the influence. Fucking piece of shit almost got us killed. They talked a lot of shit too but they're mostly just wageslaves nowadays. I started my own business they shit on me on fb calling it this and that. My gf and my relatives supported me, eventually everything worked out.

Tl;DR
Toxic people are shit but at least you'll know a good person when you meet one.

Right now I hate myself and I want to die. I wish I could die rescuing someone. Then everyone would love me.

>>16535351
There's no better feeling than the orgasm one gets from making love

>>16537230

Your friend deserves a beatdown just for even driving drunk or high. But yeah fuck toxic people.
Mine's the opposite, my relatives are toxic.
Everytime I do something I get the putdown suddenly everyone knows and starts making jokes.
I don't tell anyone and they still meddle.
I know they were alcoholics and drug addicts.
Maybe they were scared I will change and leave them.
I'm starting to hate them in honesty.

I weep for you.
You lived through the civil warn, torn from the place you had spent your childhood, to a new and foreign land. You learned a new language, you went to school. You came back to Cyprus, to find your old flame. You took her to a new land. And then, it all fell to pieces. Your parents disowned you, your siblings despised you for choosing her.
She wasn't happy. She raped you for every cent you had, forced you to leave your children and your house, when she tired of you. That she couldn't stay with you because you had found someone else. It was all her fault. You did nothing wrong, I want you to remember that. Don't blame yourself.
Your brother passed away, under a month ago. You lost your job. Your girlfriend had to return to her country.
And still you smiled, as I handed the letters you haven't redirected to your new house. You smiled, and told me that my hair was getting long.
Dad, I'm so fucking sorry. I'll come visit you sometime. I promise.

>>16537385

wish you the best with your dad anon senpai. you all would be so happy ;_;.

It's funny. I've never frequented /adv/, do my best to avoid spending as much time as I used to on 4chan as a matter of principle, and yet find myself here because this is perhaps the only place I can say this.
I've known you for years. You've seen me, and been with me, at my best, at my worst, at every moment in-between. We consider one another brothers in the most literal sense, with no distinction between blood and one another, because we're that close. We've always promised to act as each other's confidants, and unwavering I was in what I told you; I am, without a doubt, who I am because of you.

And now, K. I always thought it too good to be true that our friend group, 4 strong and all sharing that spurious, invincible bond, could exist. That it was a blessing of the highest magnitude; executive order from the top to balance out all the mutual bullshit and struggle we've experienced, and found new family in. And now, a drunk handhold that lasted a handful of moments too long as I looked into her eyes has broken it, broken I, who have identified so closely with you, our friendship, our fraternity. It started with a leg against a leg and has devolved into a constant game of lingering touches, of hands grazing against one another, each other, and a secret knowing despite not a word's been exchanged. You called her your first love, and she seemed so wholesome, so absolute in her caring, and now I find her and I engaged in a silent, lurid dance.

I don't know where it ends. And I'll ask her when she felt it, if it was indeed that moment months ago on your birthday when we all reconvened. You, J N, K, and I. If it's instant lust, the thought that what we're doing is an almost indescribable sin compared to who she and I have both conducted ourselves as in our years long friendship, then I will recant.

My feeble justification is that it wasn't a mad, wild mistake of passion. That we both thought it for a while. That something did, in fact, exist between us prior.

>>16537397
I'd made some grammatical errors whilst whittling that post down to the 2,000 character limit, and may as well add one last word to elaborate, excuse, and conclude.

I don't know what it is. The right thing to do, the thing that absolutely comes to mind, doesn't ever prevent me from reciprocating a touch. I write of the insanity of my perpetrations and yet refuse to act on them. I think back to some Smith's song I'm sure I'd sang before on one of our countless trips and misadventures: "Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I don't know." Steven Morrissey may not have known, but I sure as hell do.

My mother had an affair. Your father had an affair. Both our homes were ravaged and our upbringings cast gravely adrift in the wake due to betrayal of love. That, and so many other mentionings: your first girlfriend was the eldest of 3 sisters, an italian last name, educated beyond belief and bound for greater things after a stunning high school career, and mine just the same. To a fucking 'T'. We've lived with one another on multiple occasions, had entire homes to ourselves for a summer and forged a friendship in an almost fantasy setting of mutual success and joy. We laugh at how similar our lives our, how deep our lines run, knowing it simply strengthens our lifelong bond.

And now the unthinkable has happened and I haven't even mustered the courage yet to ask her why, but I can promise you this. I will find out why, and how, and if it doesn't fall into accord with how I've lived. I've thought about her before, true, and always laughed it off and those thoughts thinking, "K? Her? Never. Never should I worry about that for never would /she/ do such a thing."

And maybe that's exactly what's so damn appealing. Oh, the fucking humanity.

Fuck... Where did all that time go? I just turned 19, my brother is turning 8 next week. God dammit, school is over, time to consider a job. Becoming isolated. Got diagnosed with autism after all those years of wondering what exactly was wrong with me.
Just... Fuck...

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>>16537434
classic

Humans r so dumb

I'm so empty I don't even know what I could say here.

I have no energy to talk to people, I want to be social but it's just so exhausting. I have no idea what to talk about or what I should answer
Can't even talk much with my friends anymore. Even with them talking got exhausting.

I should stop taking drugs to get my head clear and stop the depressions

I should go back to gym, lift hard and eat well

I should search for an creative hobby, I used to draw so nice when I was younger

>>16537462
Same here, minus the drug part

>>16537462
God damn are you me?
On the brighter side I can tell you from experience that laying off drugs will be an immense help. Also try to stop masturbating, it is a great drain of energy. I am on the verge of getting a gf too. I too used to draw when younger, I should look back into it maybe it will help even more.

>>16536890
jk

Went to clubs last night with a group of friends. One of which was a close female friend that made out with me a few months ago while drunk.
Well me and our mutual male friend went back to hers. He likes me, and I didn't want to share the spare room with him so I crashed in my friend's bed. Well, first it was spooning, then she was telling me to "come here". Starting kissing me. We were both still trashed. We crossed a few lines (at least on my side). She kind of saw it as a challenge to turn me on I think. It's not like I didn't go along with it. She told me..."it won't be awkward between us later." Well, all I got from it is that I feel really uncomfortable about it all and that I don't find women as attractive as I thought (female, just in case you didn't catch that). She messaged me today to say, it was nice, but she needs cock.

Well...that's all fine. I'm definitely not interested in her romantically or sexually, she's a valued friend is all. But she pushed it last night.

I don't know... Why am I the only one feeling weird about this all?

I went out with this uni girl on Thursday. It went really well and Friday night I slept over her place and we did everything but fuck (we're both virgins). Still, we both got each other off and have been having really good times together. Yesterday she mentioned how she couldn't stop thinking about Friday night/the next morning and eventually, last night we went downtown. Afterwards we cuddled and listened to a record I had just bought in my room. I ended up staying the night again and just got back. I asked, out of curiosity more than anything else, if I was her bf/she was gf and she said she wanted to take it slow for now. I'm still quite happy tho.

>i love you but as a friend
>i don't love you like the way you love me
>we're just friend right?

If you want me to died just tell me so I can leave in peace. It hurt to much.

One day I'll be stronger, smarter, tougher than ever before

>>16537927
rejected

>>16537139
Tell me about your situation? Maybe it can help.

I can't stop thinking about you when we aren't online but then when we are I can't seem to say anything.

I know that we've only really known each other for a few weeks but the amount of time we spend together I thought that it meant something.

>>16538165
Unrealized potential is so maddening

>>16538165
I HAVE THIS SAME PROBLEM WITH MY BOYFRIEND OF 1+ YEAR

>>16538165
SAME

>>16538165
>>16538168
Try having 10000 things to say and getting answers back but knowing it will never matter, he will never love you
>dat feel
>right in the solar plexus

I think i'm falling in love. For the first time ever. It's fucking awesome!

Can we please just be adults about it? That's all I meant. It's really not that hard to just say what's on your mind. It doesn't matter if it is hard to hear. I think it's best to know the deal beforehand to avoid all the bs that silence causes.

Hopefully you won't read it, but I want you to read this. Yes, it's me, someone you used to call everyday around 7-8 pm.
Today we broke up. I really hoped that it would never happen, even though we were together for about 3 months.. I still think that you could fix me, you could help me and yourself as well.. if only you just took the responsibility.
I'm not mad at you, I accept it, as much as it hurts me, I still accept it, because I care about you.
I know, I know, 'everything ends' ... But I hope that you will change your mind.. maybe we just need time apart... just don't leave me forever, please. It hurts... and you know how it hurts,... so why are you doing this.. in this exact time... I thought we were like ...so good together... But i guess i'm just nothing... not good enough for you... I don't deserve you... I can't ... If i wont handle it... I'm just going to end my life...
It's funny, how you can change one's life. Now I have three choices, but I used to have one.
>commit suicide
>find someone new, just to end the pain
>just wait, maybe everything will change.
And I'm telling you, I choose the third option.
Love me, till I'm me again, my sunshine.
I've fallen for you so hard.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm waiting for you.

w/ love, Tori.

A

It's been weeks and I still can't get you out of my mind. I've tried keeping myself busy by playing games and watching anime but it doesn't work. I just miss you so much and I would do anything to hear from you again. I'm just afraid to contact you first because of that last message you sent. Sounded like you were mad at me..
Anyway, please send me a text if you still think about me too.

And also, sweet dreams handsome x
I miss saying that to you..

>>16538076
Somehow, I don't think it shall help too much at all. But, sure, I suppose I can spare a yarn.

From the very first days, there was a failure of intution at play. For our hearts were immediately aware, but our minds still weren't quite there, being that they were still bound by those we had previously found. Well, that didn't atop things completely, for there were always subtle hints offered on either side, but they were somewhat unconscious to a certain degree, so neither of us was able to read them accurately.

And, now, as things presently stand, so many factors have had a hand in molding our present state, but somehow, it still feels like an interruption of fate. Or, I could just be crazy, who knows; it wouldn't be the first time I've walked down the wrong rabbit hole. This distance and silence, though, still seems to me the most erroneous path to be. But you can only do so much to help someone see, who still clings to delusion so stubbornly. Or, perhaps that's me.

But, I feel like I did what I could but, for the sake of my sanity, it seems that it would be better for me if I continued walking.

It can only be inferred, not seen, that the man who left behind his eight cups initiates his journey while still weeping.

I can't wait to feel sore again from fucking with you like wild animals

>>16538398
That's what I should be focusing on

Just crawled out of a very dark place in my life. I've met this amazing girl and were getting on really well. Getting to the stage where I ask her out but im afraid that if she says no then ill be sent right back to that place I spent so much time trying to get out of.

>>16538412
Yeah, do it! It's amazing. Everytime i move i have to think about the two of us fucking like there's no tomorrow.

>>16538426
I had a fat lip for three days recently after giving a vigorous blowjob, it was nice

I want to try and get to know you, but everything I've learned about you suggests I'm setting myself up for disaster again. at the same time though, now that I'm already a disaster, I find comfort in knowing that there is someone out there like you who knows how hard it is to open up and trust people again. You seem interested, in your own way. I just have to figure out how to get out of my own head long enough to talk to you, to show you that it's okay and I don't mean any harm. I hope you let me in and when and if you do, you don't hurt me like everyone else has.

I was going through my college notebooks...

You had wrote in a couple of these, and we did share one for a class we took with one another. I miss your notes, which were rare to begin with.

The notebook discussing where we were going on our first trip together, much of it your writing, broke my heart all over; I couldn't bring myself to destroy these pages, or return them to you.

I want to break my last rule, but I doubt I will ever have that chance.

I hoped we would have a happy ending.

>>16538575
>right in muh feels

maybe you still could?

I never put any effort in and never take anything seriously I don't personally mind it but I'm not really getting anywhere which tends to happen when you don't put effort in, but I just fear other people take me too seriously and either think I'm really childish or really weird

I take everything to heart. I feel too much. But at the same time I don't think any of this is real. Even all this. We are utterly dependent on electricity. None of this exists in concrete form. That's why people like me will have value after the big flashflood. I memorize.

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I feel like all my efforts to give the impression that I'm a normie are paying off. I'm staring to be more fashionable, have better grades, hang out with my friends often outside of college, etc, just because I have a bit more money now compared to before I was a college student. But deep down I'm still a hopeless fujoshi, just like my friends. I just need a bf to look even more "normal" but I feel like it's not going to happen anytime soon, maybe because I'm too picky.

People judge by looks, so I'm trying to make them all respect me thanks to my looks by making them think that I'm a normal average person with no hobby and no personal problem. I can't believe it's working, it's amazing. Overall people are more friendly and respectful.

>>16537219
holy fucking shit I truly feel enraged that you had to go through that. I have been to a psych ward based on false accusations so I can kind of relate. What you went through was what i feared would happen to me when i was stuck in those empty rooms. Days upon days of nothing to do drives you insane. I swear its mental torture being stuck there. I know I have more psychological problems now than before i was put there. And they top it off by billing you a outrageous amount of money.

sadness will swallow me whole but maybe it's better that way

I have never felt any romantic feelings for anyone. I probably never will. Even when I have been in relationships, it's more along the lines of being with someone I lover rather than someone I'm IN love with. Basically exclusive friends with benefits. I've only been in three relationships. I do date a lot, though. These three people were just the only three people I could see myself standing for a long period of time. They all ended on good notes. We went back to being friends. I wonder if they ever realized in the end, we were never just above friends. We were just having sex, as friends.

It's disgusting to me that people actually get crushes and actually pine for the love of another person. I hate it. I hate clingy people. I hate people who can have so many emotions. I hate people who love. I hate them because I'm jealous of them. I want to feel something other than indifference and apathy. I want to feel passion, too.

>>16539061
You haven't met the person who makes you feel that yet anon.

I woke up this morning with the intent to break up with you, because I feel like I'm going to be throwing away my dreams to stay with someone who doesn't let me be me, not matter how much I love you. I almost did, when we started arguing. But then the topic got changed and I vented my frustrations about a thousand other things. Now you're picking up those pieces and my heart had melted all over again. That doubt has been almost squashed, again.

Am I ignoring my gut on this? Or am I just terrified of thinking you're the right one and so jumping to all the wrong conclusions? Maybe I'm settling. Or perhaps I don't want to hurt your feelings, because when push comes to shove you open that hard exterior and show me how much you really care.

You'll never know how much I love the third wheel, the one that nearly destroyed us months ago. Or at least I think I do. I don't know what I want, and I'm scared that by the time I figure it all out it'll be too late.

I do love you, but the future is so uncertain. I'm so scared.

I just had an epic falling out with my roommate/best friend. I have realized that she is a horrible, selfish person and I don't want her in my life. She is self-destructive and was starting to bring me down with her. I am mad beyond belief at how much time I spent with her. I tried repeatedly to cut her out of my life for years, but she always pulled me back in.

Now we are no longer on speaking terms, but still have to live in the same house until the end of the summer. I don't really know what to do, other than to hole up in my parts of the house.

I don't seem to have what it takes to live in the real world. The way things work just doesn't make sense to me.

All I want is to meet someone I think is attractive, have it returned and then have this crazy story of how we met and fell in love. It lasts obviously.

Is this asking for alot?

I really wish I could give a fuck but I just can't

The only thing keeping me going is my fear of the alternative, which is disappointing my mom and sister.

If only I had something to get excited about like a girlfriend or a hobby. But nope. Can't do anything for more than 5 minutes without being drawn back to my computer. And when I get bored of the internet I end up sleeping unhealthy amounts. I tried playing guitar, jogging, hiking, photography, partying. There's nothing in this world for me. Girlfriend is out of the question.

I'd honestly kill myself if I didn't feel this deep responsibility for my family.

Fuck you Justin Schmitz. You will never bring anyone anything other than pain.

>>16535892
Initials? I have a feeling I know who this is. Is it S.L?

I just typed out responses to like 5 of you and and x-ed out the window on accident

I don't like me

if anyone asks, I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm going to fake it until I make it.

>>16539256
no, sorry

I feel like a stomped over piece of shit whenever my family fights, my heart hurts, my body feels weak and it worsen the depression, what can i do to make any of this bearable, i've thought about suicide a million times, but i never have the courage, i'm broken, how can i feel better?
I don't even feel like eating, studying, talking anymore.

>>16539305
why do i even fucking bother, if my family doesn't give a shit about how i feel, why would any of you?

>>16539327
Do you currently live with your family? What do they fight about

Get out of my dreams, you unfaithful bitch.

I can still smell you when i masturbate. I miss you! I wish it was friday already!

>>16539377
I do. About how my mother keeps mocking everyone for their feelings, they fight about the past, she trows in our faces what she suffered but fail to see what suffering she always brought us. They fight about everything.

>>16539377
>>16539400
My father was abusive, to my mother, to my brothers, and it left a scar in everyone, the suffering did not end there, she also made hell out of their lives and mine, we're a broken family.

>>16539436
>>16535351

Happy holidays.

Not posting anywhere anymore.

>>16535351
I don't know why I am not working. I was doing so good.........

>>16539485
Troll harder faggot. Too vague.

Are you a J?

>>16539400
>>16539405
Sounds like there's no easy way out of this one. Might be best to leave.

>>16539532
2016 i'll get a job, i hope that soon i can get out of "home", i'm still in school you see, gladly it's almost over. BTW my father doesn't live with us anymore, but what he did haunts us still.
I just feel for my brothers, they will keep enduring that hell if they don't leave too.

>>16539061
I'm the polar opposite of you.

And I hate you too because I'm jealous of you.

This is really what I want:

I want you to just give me a warm friendly hug and say hey let's be friends. Or something like that.

I know I'm not for you and I never was. I just thought it would end friendlier… a lot friendlier. So I'm so hurt. And I know you dont' care. In fact you hate me more for having feelings at all.

I'm not a bad person. I'm not the toxic psychopath you seem to think I am. All I want is a gesture of kindness on your part. That would be generous.

HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OVER MYSELF FUCK

I'M TIRED OF BEING LONELY

AND TIRED OF BEING A CLICHE

JW-

Just when I think I'm out, you pull me back in. I'm so confused and foggy these days, but my head is clear enough to know I like you.

MC

>>16539666
What cliche?

>>16539666
being a cliche doesn't make your suffering lesser!

My parents divorced when i was 10. From the age 11 to about 17 i was forced to spend two weekend a month with my father. Who would get drunk or high and make me dress up like my mom and rape me. At some point in time i became ok with being raped and didn't really blame my father for it.

>>16539670
A lonely
>tfw no gf
college kid who always blames everything on someone or something else and can never really seem to get ahead socially or with other people

Has romantic interests but an absolute dearth of self-confidence, which results in a severe amount of insecurity and anxiety in anything having to do with relationships.

>>16539680
I almost wish it did.
The last thing I want to do is wallow in it.

>failed 2/3 university courses this semester just finished
>now can only enroll in 1 (instead of 2) summer school courses
>if i fail 50% or more of courses in a semester i get suspended for a year
time to join ISIS

I think I got raped today and it feels shitty asf. It feels like I cheated on my girlfriend but at the same time I never consented but at the same time I wasn't strong enough to say no, and that's on me. I wanna tell my girlfriend but I am scared that she will leave me if I do. I fucking hate this.

>>16539512
And I just remembered why.
Fuck you faggots kill yourselves I hate all of you retarded fucking beta losers.
Goodbye forever /Adv I don't need an internet strangers validation to feel good about myself like the rest of you idiots fuck you good bye.

>>16539741
see you tomorrow

>>16539709
Oh honey hang in there. It's very hard to be where you are now but it gets so much better. Really. :) I know this. I've been around a while. As far as relationships go, understand that everyone feels the same way. Oh God I remember when I was in college and a boy who liked me knocked on my door. I was supposed to go to a party with him. And I was so scared I turned out the light and hid under my bed. Didn't answer the door. I mean -- what the fuck??? And even tho i'm on this thread bitching I'm laughing at myself. It gets better. It really does.

>>16539396
Initials?

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My ambitions are for the most part complete. The only thing left in my life that will satisfy me is to continually make genuinely special person happy. I long to put someone on a pedestal and to share and enjoy every moment in our lives together. I want to make every day something special and exciting for us. I wish I could right now.

I isolate myself too much, getting too enveloped in my own activities. I won't be able to express myself and demonstrate who I really am to you because I'm far too socially cautious. I'm sorry that I can't show you who I am Y and I'm sorry you can't see what we could be like Y. You are genuinely special and today I didn't do anything to make you understand that.

I wish I could be that person that reassures you that you are special, but I can't yet. I am very sorry to see the opportunities and beautiful moments that have been missed today go to waste. Next time I hope that I can express my emotions properly and make you feel like you should. For what it's worth, you were beautiful today.

Just get over it, Amy. I love you and deep down, you love me. Quit burying something awesome in all the hurt and get over yourself, for our sake, and for the sake of the future we would have.

I'm afraid of sex. I had a baby, and got really torn up down there. Needed thirteen stitches. I'm now extremely tight, sex is very painful. I'm not sure if I was stitched up too tightly, or if it's scar tissue. He wants to get intimate, but I freeze up. I don't even want to touch myself or use my favorite toys.

I'm not sure how to talk to him about this, or move past it. I do have a therapist, but she hasn't proven to be very helpful in any way. It's been over four months, I've had sex twice, and while it felt good after a lot of foreplay, the initial pain was so severe that I don't know if I want to try again. I also had problems walking for hours afterward due to aches and dizziness.

>>16539767
Thanks for the words.

desu that's kind of adorable, at least in retrospect

>>16539970
Talk to a doctor maybe? Sounds like more of a physical issue.

>>16540025
Last time I went in, they told me everything healed up well and I could have sex with no restrictions. I could try going back, though.

The big problem is that I'm sort of afraid to be alone with my fiancee after the baby goes to sleep, because he might want to have sex and I don't want to disappoint him.

When it comes down to the gym and making progress and actually getting my ass into gear I have solid motivation. I can see myself without all this fat and I can see myself being happier. It's like I'm at one end of a long road and I have the binoculars needed to see the end.

I'll see what weight I can lose in two weeks of healthy eating and go from there. All the meals I can prepare are high-protein but, fuck, they're all low-calorie and I don't want to cut that steep.

We started as more or less, enemies

We're from two completely different cultures and view the world so differently

But I think I'm starting to have feelings for you

I am repeating my mistakes.

I hate myself.

I want to run away to a nicer place, but I'll never escape the cause of my own misery. Because it's me.

I divorced my ex-wife last year. I want to move out of state but having a couple kids with her makes things difficult. Lately I've been feeling more hate for her and by extension my own children since I feel trapped here.

>>16540519
What mistakes anon?

For me:

Ive been suicidal and i dont talk about it

Been feeling my first relapse coming in hot, drinking sounds great.

Im in a cult and the only person who will talk to me if i leave is my gf, besides her my only friends are in the cult

My dad is a piece of shit
My mom said i wasnt her son and called me an asshole today

Girlfriend is the most loving, sweet, loyal person i know but because im sexually experienced (19 girls) and she isnt (im her 2nd) i keep thinking about leaving/cheating on her

Im very attractive aside from the most british fucked up teeth youve ever seen which destroys my self worth, also if I'm not focusing on sticking my jaw out my profile goes to shit

All of my work buddies get fucked up so i dont hang out with them

All of my cult friends are sober but only like me if im fully commited to them

Gf is on period and has a cold sore so the past week has been unenthusiastic handjobs

Smoke too many cigarettes

Sleep disorder

Broke and wont be able to afford that much for gf for christmas while shes spending a lot on me

Car insurance is 450 a month

I dont know boys, girls dont make you happy. Money does.

Closer to killing myself every day

I am too depressed to do anything academically and my friends and family are starting to resent me for it

>>16535351
Lost all my confidence and now I'm too scared to retake a certification exam I need so I can finally get a job

I'm a fucking retard that needs to stop spending so much money on pornography, I need to save to buy car parts, god dammit!

Before I went abroad, I was a different, sadder person. Now that I'm back, I'm scared I'm turning back into that person.

>>16538197
sounds good, just remember people are ruthless pieces of shit that'll rip your goddam heart out and move on like nothing even happened. essentially don't fall too hard to fast

I fucking hate myself and I hate her too

My girlfriend is an alcoholic with severe depression. When she drinks she gets upset and shuts down completely. When I try talking to her she gets mad at me and tells me to give her space. So, I give her space and she just sits there and sighs out of frustration/anger to the point where I start getting irritated that she won't just tell me what's going on and so I try to change the subject and 8/10 times she goes for a walk.
What do?

>>16540604
You should just fucking leave, you're a selfish piece of shit. They really don't need you. Bye.

>>16540782
kek, poor baby comes from a broken home and is butt hurt at reading divorce woes

>>16540641
I am also suicidal, and have told no one. It has been this way for a few years now, and I think this will be the norm, for some time to come.

I am there with you, on the verge of a relapse. Maybe a step too close, actually.

I am not religious, but AA/NA has a similar pull. Most of my friends are a part of these organizations, and it becomes tiresome at times. Occasionally, it feels like an impromptu meeting.

My family is terrible. I do not associate with them, except when necessary. They have shunned me, as it is.

There was one... Something special, something rare, between us, but you know the rest.

I'm fairly attractive, but I never cared for it. I'm in decent shape, good equipment, but I am racked with insecurity. Who isn't? As it is, I reject those women that approach, as I do not care for the casual thing.

It is the same with my work friends. I work in an industry in which drugs are constantly around, and I can't have that. I can ignore it at work, but God help me if we play cards, go out, etc...

I've quit smoking, but bought half a pack off a friend, it was a rough weekend. I used to be a chimney, and I know how that goes.

I also suffer from insomnia, and my mind refuses to stop when I have a thought, or memory; a vicious cycle that simply feeds my insomnia.

I'm perpetually broke, but I make decent money, and that only makes it worse. Rent, utilities, fines, oh my... I agree that money can help, but nothing compares to having the right woman in your arms, as you fall asleep; it is a level of contentment I lack the words to describe.

We have a good bit in common. I hope your life improves, Anon.

I think I’m still angry about a lot of things. And I’m a little blasé about the pain I sometimes cause by shutting people out. It’s something I do that’s actually somewhat cruel, but it’s one of my more common defense mechanisms.

But now we’re in a weird place of trying to mend broken fences, and evaluating which ones need to be/are worth being fixed. There’s a lot of people. I was very bitter and lost, and I still am.

I think I'm going to start taking my anti-anxiety again.

>>16535351
Part of me knows I should push through and get help and get better. Another part doesn't want that. That part of me wants to get to the very bottom, to kill myself not just to get out of my own head, but to hurt everyone that I love. I do not know why.

I think about disappearing and leaving everything and everyone behind. 24. Lived in the same city my whole life. Most of my old friends are either rich and successful, burn-outs/drug addicts, or dead. All of my new friends are through work and I have no interest in hanging out with them outside of that. My girlfriend has issues that I'm trying really hard to accept and adjust to but we constantly fight and then make up and it is becoming quite a chore for both of us. My job is a joke and, though I make good money, I feel underappreciated and feel like my time is being wasted. Not close with my family but they care a lot about me and have expressed that I can always ask them for anything. The only thing keeping me here is fear of failure and that I won't be able to make it on my own elsewhere. I have no direction in life. I dropped out of college and haven't really given much thought to what I want to do moving forward although the people close to me remind me that I need to figure that out.

I've had 5 girlfriends since, and its been 5 years but holy shit, I can't stop thinking about the girl I fell in love with first, and the girl who told me she loved me too, but couldn't be with me.

Why does nothing i do make me forget about her

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Was eating at the commons at shool with my best friend, and as we go to take our booth, this adorable girl walks up on the other side of the booth. We start to walk away, but then i kind of turn around and she smiles in a shy kind of way and says, "you can sit here if you want.". So of course we sit down with her. Apparently she's in his bio lab. We sit there and talk for literally 2 hours, waiting for her to say she has to leave or something, but she never does. Half-joking talk about how crazy it is that she's never seen any tarantino films, and she should come back with us and watch one. She says, "OK!". Normally, I'm reasonably smooth, but this girl just floors me every time I look at her. I feel the way I did when I was a virgin. Like she's some other species, and she holds the secrets to everything. We get back to the dorm and my buddy hooks his laptop up to the TV, and shows her a couple youtube videos, which she laughed at. So somehow we end up talking about the internet, and someone brings up 4chan. She says she's heard of it, and my buddy proceeds to put /b/ on the screen (which i thought was a terrible idea). But she loved it! She was into the gore, laughing at all the shit we laugh at, and not at all offended by the porn. At this point, I'm starting to straight up fall in love with this woman. So we watch Kill Bill at my buddy's dorm. She liked it, so she decided to stay and watch Star Wars, since we pretended to be so offended when she said she'd never seen it. So we watch it, and she's so into it. She's asking questions and leaning forward in her seat and shit. After the first one, she says she'll stay and watch the next one. It's after midnight at this point. My buddy gets up to go to the bathroom, and while he's gone she looks at me sitting on his bed, and asks if it would be ok if she sat there. So we sat next to each other through the movie. nothing else, happened, really, but I did get her number after so we could eat together today.

>>16540855

For your sake and my sake, anon. I hope it works out, and I really hope she isnt after your friend. I've been in the exact same situation

>>16540866
He knew I was interested right off the bat, so he instantly started pushing his girlfriend, (who he's been with for over a year) into the conversation every chance he got.

>>16540870

Good shit man. It sounds like she has some real interest in you. Find out what she likes so its not all /b/ and you're movies and shit.

>>16540803
I feel as if I have much in common with you, and empathize with your post, brother.

The depression, thoughts of suicide, past addiction, memories feeding insomnia, being perpetually broke, etc... I know those feelings well.

I have given up both smoking and opiates, but like many addicts, I chain-smoked; I've noticed these often go hand-in-hand. Even if you are a step too close, with either, remember that relapsing for one day, night, etc... does not have to become anything more than that. A stumble does not have to become a fall.

Acknowledge it, stop the behavior, and talk to your home group, sponsor, or a close friend that will support you.

My friends from NA are similar, as are my coworkers. Not much advice I can offer here, except to deal with it as you can, and branch out via hobbies, gatherings, etc... It can be different, but this type of change can be beneficial.

I have kept no one in my life from the times in which I was using. If you have done this, you know why you put up with your clean friends, lol.

I have similar problems with my family. We speak, rarely, and I leave it at that. I do not care to pursue anything further, and I believe you share this sentiment?

My issues played their part in ending my relationship with the only woman I have ever truly loved; she was different, special, and the connection rare.

Nothing will honestly help. Time will do what it can to dull the pain, the emptiness, but they will always be a part of you. If we parallel one another, and you feel for her as I describe, with emotion that powerful, a connection that rare...

Consider how uncertain life is. If your issues played a larger role in why the relationship ended, you are clean and have straightened your life out, there is little harm in extending an olive branch.

I think many of us are more alike than we realize, or care to admit. One day at a time, brother.

Care to elaborate on the girl?

>>16540700
Heard that!

I'm a 22 year old still living in my parents basement. This isn't another NEET thread, I have a full time job, go to school full time etc. The only thing that's holding me back is that I cannot for the life of me grasp Math. It's always been my biggest weakness, from grade school until now. It's literally holding me back from my degree. It's the last class I need, and I've attempted it twice already, failed both times. I have the final tomorrow and to be honest I doubt I'll pass. I've studied for 8 hours just today, and plan on spending more time in the math tutoring program tomorrow. Even through all that, I know I won't pass this Math class. It's to the point where I'm getting depressed. I've had thoughts of suicide lately, because I feel like a failure. I've spent so much time, effort and money and it's all for nothing. I'm so close to my degree, yet it's practically unobtainable. I keep wishing that I would just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm tired of trying.

I have strong feelings that my best closest friend has lied to me the entire time ive known them....
im a sociopath and a control freak and I feel so dead inside all of the time.

I was thinking of hurting my friend for hurting me because they stabbed me in the back...I fucking hate them.

everynight I dream of the people who hurt me and dream of controlling them by murder.

it makes me feel better about how I was born and raised by my mother, I ws raised to be terrified,

I want to be a predator among people. I want to be the one to terrify the,. not to be terrified anylonger...

I had a dream recently of a coworker with me and my gf.

I was laying on my bed and next to my bed is kinda like a therapist chair bed thing that I got for friends to relax on and my gf was on that but our co worker was in the bed next to me.

This dream was abstract switching from me in my room to some stupid stuff from highschool, but I remembered this part so vividly.

My co worker (let's call her Tina)
Starts stretching and is softly doing some cute moans and I move my pillow (pillow separating us for some reason) and I see her pulling her shirt up and running her stomach and chest. She had no bra and looked at me and I remember smelling something so sweet. She started crawling towards me and my girlfriend was just not even paying attention because fuck logic but that sweet smell got stronger.

I woke up still smelling that smell. I honestly want to date my co worker. Not because of the dream but because she seems so much more different.

>>16535351
Oriental Asian women have the best fashion sense.

>>16539061
Did you ever tell any of these 3 that they were just friends with sex on the side. Because if you didnt its likely they don't.

>>16539970
If you're still having problems in a year, start to worry

Until then, relax about it. Lots of naked cuddles with no expectation of foreplay/sex helped me.

i know i'm not dealing with any of this correctly. i can't afford therapy, i can't talk to my friends because all they ever want is someone who spouts memes at them and keeps them entertained because they're fucked up themselves. i shove people away. i cant trust. i assume the worst. i keep remembering the shit that happened to me. i just want to forget it all and be happy for once in my pathetic life

im sick of dreaming that im running from something or hiding or being hurt or hurting others. it's almost every night and its getitng fucking old. im sick of imagining horrible shit happening to the few people i love. i know its unrealistic and that these people will very likely live to be old and happy but theres a constant "what if what if what if," imagining the worst

i wish i could just be wasted all the time. then it doesnt matter and im forced to focus on the present

My girlfriend of 2 years is cheating on me with my brother. I got him his job. I got him started in a whole new life. I have no idea why he betrayed me like this. I'm honestly not even mad at my girlfriend as much as I am at him. As I sit here in bed and listen to her sleep I feel nothing but love for her.
Fuck.

>>16541008
Thanks! It's nice to know I'm not alone, and you're right about alot of it. You have an email I could hit up?

You are spot on about the girl, and how it is. She's just so hurt, and angry. I'm ashamed, but want to fix it. It has been over a year, but we both buckle and reach out one way or the other. It's still there. I just don't know how to approach it.

I desire power. I want full control of my life and even others.

i feel so nervous. I feel like a little kid who is unable to make major decisions for himself. I`m trying, and its kinda getting better, but I dont wanna live like this any longer. I want to put my narcissism behind and finally live a life worth living. But its gonna be a lot more work from now on. I have to pay rent. I have to finish this fucking stupid piece of shit of a B.A, which is draining me emotionally. Fucking studies. I wish I had the emotional strength to make decisions like a man. but im a pussy. Im a little pussy crying for help as soon as he gets in trouble. i really try to control my self-hate, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I just want to fucking strangle myself to death. I deserve punishment. There is this little sadistic broken kid in my head telling me that Im a worthless pathetic little fucking loser. I hate it.

Im getting stronger. I can face my demons. But Im so scared. Mum please help me.

I should apply myself, at anything, in any direction. I've never taken anything seriously, I have vague dreams and ambitions but they have never amounted to more than a desire or passing what if, should or could be. I need to find my place in the world and quick.

i have to keep my emotions to myself. i have to keep my mind occupied. if i think about it for more than a second, i fall back into it.
i'm desperately trying to squash my feelings for you and it's overwhelmingly hard

Why does it have to be so complicated?

I don't even know anymore. I don't know if I'm good or bad, handsome or ugly, smart or dumb, liked or hated. I don't fucking know how this world works. What the fuck is the right and wrong answer anyway?

Stop being a piece of shit, get off your ass, and WORK HARD to make your dreams come true!

>>16542268
Thanks Shia, I will

>>16540846
My family says I need to "figure myself out"
No plans, no direction, "college dropout"
My family says I won't be able to make it on my own
Balancing acts upon a throne

Job's a joke, or am I a jester?
Though I have the script, its hard to gesture..
Life's a chore, my friends are dead
A plastic crown sits, crooked, on my head.

If I abdicated
If I disappeared
Somewhere called elsewhere
Might not be feared.

>>16542169
Your initial, or the person you have feelings for? Please anon.

>>16542169
Why?

>>16541939
I deserve punishment
So I'll do it to myself
Masochistic, is that sadistic?

Little pussy doesn't know how to live
Little pussy begs for mom to check for monsters under the bed
I ought to kick that little pussy out of my head but instead--

I dread.

I have no interest in the things I used to enjoy. I still cry randomly at any time of day. Now I also get nightmares. I used to love nightmares. Now I am afraid to go to sleep. My mind is scattered, can't focus for shit. And to top it all off I inflict hurt on those closest to me. gg m8, gg.

>>16542607
I'm becoming a fan.

Not a Stan Fan but a fan.

>>16542578
Because it's over and I need to move on. I don't know if you ever truly get over someone you were in love with.

>>16542462
I can't, as it's a lost cause. Besides, I'm probably not the person you're looking for

>>16542213
It doesn't.

>>16542719
What happened?

There are certain types of love you never get over, hence "the one that got away." You might want to consider that before trying to run from your feelings. Running won't work btw.

>>16542722
I really want a storytime now.

>>16535790
You're probably not here to read this anymore but certainly do so. I was into astronomy for the best part of a year (then I moved to the city where /no stars/ so I didn't keep up) but it's a really worthwhile hobby.
You'll love the astrolabe thing, I know I did.

What should I study (self learning) onwards?
Math? Haven't done it in years and I'm kinda lazy when it comes to opening a math book but I know if I set my mind to it I can get back the taste for it and I won't need nothing but pencil and paper and I'd be doing what I consider one of the very few worthwhile activities of mankind.
Computing? I'm already knowledgeable and somewhat skillful at it. I consider this to be my passion atm but I can't focus on a programming project, I can only build linux distros and play with the system. I could make a custom distro to be my project. But it takes a lot of time from me, I can't focus on a single subject and I keep jumping from perl to lisp to networking to security. I also need a laptop and I pawned mine to pay the rent.
Go? I'm very interested in war strategy and go generally, but go books are virtually non existent in my country. There is a go club and the guys are cool and all but I kind of suck at it, it's the only discipline where I'm a slow learner (I'm used to being a fast learner in almost everything) and I don't know if I can take the bully and always losing to everybody in the club.

Fuck fuck fuck I could only take two of the above, so which should I drop? Should I flip a coin? throw dice?

>>16542959
Try looking through a Bartles or Rosenlicht analysis text. If you can make it through those, go math. If not, computing.Go is child's play

Damnit. Why do I feel like you are here in these threads somewhere too? I just want to get over it but it feels unavoidable somehow. I'm still not writing you tho. I looked enough like an ass in the first place.

I hate this feeling of being stuck.

I hate feeling like I'd make a fool out of myself to work on my creative outlets.

I hate feeling like I'm a failure.

I hate feeling like I don't deserve the people I have in my life.

I hate it.

>>16542986
x2

not a j, btw :)

Today was the day I broke up with my girlfriend of more than 3 years.
It was getting out of hand, with nasty arguments becoming a weekly, sometimes daily ritual.

It's just so sad that it became like this, especially when now looking back, and seeing your resigned face when I told her that there was no way back.

Crying myself to sleep instead of talking to her...

>>16543009
Not a j either.

>>16539072
Initial?

>>16542924
I can't really say since they browse this board and look for me haha.
I've decided to stop chasing after them and to start healing.
They definitely are the one who "got away" but I mean, so am I. I don't find comfort in thinking that there's someone out there for me, but rather that I know that I was worth it and still am.
If it's meant to be, it will happen. But right now, we both need to figure ourselves out as individuals.

Get over yourselves, no one wants to be your friend anonymously or orbit you online.

>>16543136
Maybe making this clear would be worthwhile. Too often there are misunderstandings that lead people apart where there is no reason for them to be.

>>16543274
honestly, I've done all I can possibly do.
he just needs his time and so do I.
it fucking sucks but I'm trying to understand it lol.
in the mean time I'm going to keep occupied and get used to being alone again

File: a3a2f91b-9e71-49b3-bd52-fe6242878544..png (808KB, 1080x1920px) Image search: [Google]

808KB, 1080x1920px

>>16543411
>dubs of fate
I'm in the same boat, except I'm the guy. I tried making my feelings clear, and she says she misses me, but seemingly only as a friend. I can't go back to being just friends, though; it hurts too much. I'm not really sure what else to do except try to move on as best I can.

Niall, you were supposed to be my best mate but after treating me like shit all summer - not apologizing and now not speaking to me for 5 months only to try speak shit about me to people, i'd like to say something mature but I can't i'm removing all your ways of contacting me after I wish you a merry Christmas this year - goodbye, you were supposed to be my best friend but you just hurt me and even though I could hurt you- I can't bring myself to do it.
H you're the most decent girl i've ever met, you're beautiful and you're kind- I truly care for you. However I can't keep going on with you screwing with my head just to pass your time. I get we're just friends who irregularly get together but it meant a lot to me if you ever change your mind i'll be here but I am now just moving on.
To my flatmates i'm just getting to know, I get i'm a shitty person but I like every last one of you and even though I suspect some of you speak about me unkindly behind my back and may not like me i'll do everything I can to try and be a decent friend to you. I'm sorry you have to put up with living with me.

>>16543454
hopefully we can both make it through this bc right now I still can't believe I'm single lol

There's women you should never let into your life.

Tomorrow is going to be another hard day, but I fear Wednesday the most.