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>have no social skills >no friends >go to company party

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>have no social skills
>no friends
>go to company party
>get drunk
>still quiet as fuck
>listen to conversations
>never know how to contribute
>try to talk to someone
>they always leave and go talk to their friend instead, or go to the bathroom
help /adv/.. how do i become good at socializing?
>don't post pictures more interesting than your question

Git gud. It takes years, but git gud.
Here's the thing. To become good at socialising, you actually need to socialise. So practice. Do some after work stuff where you're in a group and can make more friends. Find what's interesting to you and do it. Make sure it's something that has other people involved there with you in the activity (i.e. don't join something which is not a team or class environment). Conversations flow when you have a common interest to talk about.
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git gud at socializing? how?

>don't join something which is not a team or class environment
i'm not good at any sport, even tried martial arts once. i will see about taking some classes

there is another company party tomorrow night. how can i practice there?
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OP: a suggestion: practice, practice, practice.

When in a new area, I go to a bar and bring a good book with me. 15-20% of the time I end up reading. Normally, 10-20 minutes after ordering my drink, someone comes over, asks what I'm reading, and it goes on from there.

Fact is, it's usually a dude, but whatever, it's good to meet new people. Good way to fight loneliness, too.

I'll only spoonfeed you once, but you're on your own afterwards. Keep in mind, I don't give genuine advice to just anybody.

First, don't ever start a topic unless you're comfy with your company. Eavesdrop and attempt to break in and contribute to said topic for a while until you become comfy with your own. For example, a MILF mentions watching the Flash TV show. If you watch it, go ahead and contribute. If you don't, oh well, wait until another topic comes up that's familiar.

Even then, this only gets you so far. You need to talk about common shit like "Hey, Sam, we don't see this weather often, don't we?", "Yeah, Bob, it's been 6 months, god I love the rain.". Or hell "So, how will you do on the test?" "I'll do well, how about you?" "Same". This is when you'll grow with experience. Sports is a VERY good gateway into people's friendships, but not totally necessary. Same for anything like TV shows, Movies, Music, and whatnot.

Don't expect to win the first few hundred times. You may get lucky a few times, but that's it. You have to fail in order to move on. If you're going for the opposite gender, multiply failure by 2.

This is the beginning...of gittin gud.
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>Eavesdrop and attempt to break in and contribute to said topic for a while until you become comfy with your own.
i'm never able to do this though. i approach a group, listen to what they're saying, but never have anything to contribute. people almost always talk about things they have in common that i don't know about
mutual friends they have, things they've both experienced

the only thing i can talk about with coworkers is work really. i can ask them if they're busy, what they're working on, but that's it. convos end quickly. i don't share common interests like sports. i don't have any funny work stories to share. i don't know what to say
well, what are your interests?
i have none. but it's not like anyone asks me what my interests are

i do lift if that counts as an interest
listen to people, most can brable on for hours and will really think you're a super nice guy for letting them talk.
Think of the coolest guy you know, that's always interesting and is friends with everyone. He's not telling anyone anything, he's listening and making people feel heard, then remembers what they said and mentions it next time so everyone feels like they mean something to him.
You can be (a bit more) like that guy!
This, I was just like you OP. I just started asking questions about people, you'll be surprised how much they love talking about themselves. Make comments or state opinions now and then, and try not to judge them before you really get to know them, people hate that shit, especially girls.
Well there's your problem, with out any interests or life experiences how do you expect to be able to relate to people or add to a conversation?

Usually a group conversation consists of people sharing opinions and experiences,. If you don't have either, what do you expect to add?
Never talk about yourself, people hate it if you do it. they all are narcissists down there.
Always talk about themselves.
Only talk about yourself if they indicate the interest.
>really? i haven't looked at it that way.
>perhaps yeah
>no, actually I don't understand, why did you do that
>ah, now it makes sense
etc. the person talking wil absolutely love you for making them feel smart while you seem critical rather than praising. They'll feel like they're actually being heard when you ask critical questions like "why" rather than just agreeing on everything or brabling about your own oppinion.
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i do listen, but i guess part of it is that i don't use these >>16530991 type of phrases that much

i don't talk about myself though, but i usually don't say anything

i feel like this is my main problem. yesterday at the bar, in group conversations it seemed like people were sharing stories and opinions. no one was asking each other 'why' or other questions

Lose weight.

The truth is nobody gives a shit about your conversational skills, all you need is a good body.
Check out this website:
It has tons of articles about social interaction that don't take many things for granted.

It's impossible for us to give you good advice without actually seeing you interact IRL.
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i am thin

Just stand there looking pretty and say whatever the fuck you want.
What this anons says is right, and if the intrest's don't match just fake it a little.

Also being confident helps.
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what's the best way to get life experiences? what interests should i try to get?

honestly, it seems like most people don't seem to talk about interests. they talk about stories of things that happened to them or to friends of theirs. i have no stories and no friends to tell stories about, so it's hard to relate
>Just stand there looking pretty and say whatever the fuck you want.

He's probably talking scrawny nerd thin.
No, I lift a bit. Im ottermode basically

But I am not very good looking...
Damn, if alcohol can't help, you're at a loss cause here. See a therapist maybe, or try kush.
I'm in the same situation on a class group. All they talk about is their mutual friends. Just don't get into those kind of conversations.
So you don't have any memorable memory?
Nothing interesting... Go to school and then go home and watched tv/played vidya growing up. Never really did anything else
Anyone else here just for the pictures?
>tfw office party started early (people chatting in the office before heading to the bar
>everyone in groups talking
>barely know anyone
>feels awkward, just sitting at my desk
U gotta find the person that will be most receptive to you, and play it up to them. Sounds like waiting for some1 to play it up to u is too slow
Tried this.. They quickly walk away
Yup. Up top.
smile and act confident - get good at the "insider smirk" then be apologize that you cannot share the joke with whomever asks
Not OP but I'm having similar problems since I started at a uni. I tried approaching a few guys with common interests but got pretty much no results. A few examples:

>a guy who's into heavy metal and band stuff
>"hey man this band you like is coming near here, are you going to see them?"
<"uhh i don't know maybe not"
<guy walks away

>a guy who's into craft beers and vidya
>"hey man wanna go for a beer sometime?"
<"yeah maybe later"
>we never really talked afterwards

What am I doing wrong? I do have a small pack of friends here but I really want to know more people.

>inb4 lose weight
I'm not a smelly megafatty, I'm just introvert.

Definitely not working here. I'm afraid to be critical in a conversation with people I'm not too familiar with because it will easily make me look like an asshole, I've had it happen a few times. Praising and being the "yeah man that's awesome dude (tears of joy emoji)x10" kind-of-guy seems to be the way to go, sadly.
Op here
At the party

Ask a guy a question. He responds with one word. A guy overhears the response, literally just repeats his answer.
"So you used to do X?"
And he gives a 2 minute response to this guy, while completely ignoring me
Are you ugly and or fat?
Well you have your answer, then. No one likes ugly people.
OP here
Went to a club with a guy I sorta know.. He ditched me. No clue what to do nownn. Just going to go home...

Anyways, Left the club. Didn't really talk to anyone.
Saw coworkers be friendly with each other. Touching, hugging. Etc... While I'm alone, Feels bad man
also just talking to each other. no one really said anything to me..

>feels lonely
Go up to them and talk. I mean how ugly are you? Going out to a club even if your a 5/10 you should be fine.
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i'm already home.
but it was loud, i'd have to speak into other people's ears basically. i don't think my voice is good enough for the club

everyone was also dancing and singing along to the songs... things i can't really do as i don't dance and my voice isn't really a good singing voice tbqh, it's quiet and not in key really

and if you're suggesting i talk to coworkers, honestly, it seems like they are not interested in talking to me. especially when they have other coworkers they'd rather talk to instead
Are you a girl or a guy? Im having a really hard time understanding whats going on. I understand you have a problem, and i know what it is. But your getting WAY too into things. For example: Co workers go to club, I assume everyone is drinking. People are drunk singing songs... And your worried that you dont have a singng voice?? Neither do they. It sounds like your socially awkward. Which is fine, but loosen up man or women.
i'm a guy

but it's not just the singing.
my coworkers like talking to each other, rather than talking to me.

like today at work, i saw a guy with a different looking coffee cup. i asked him where he got it. he told me.
he then, without prompting, goes up to another coworker and tells them about the coffee and how the shop he bought it from won awards... the coworker didn't even ask him about his coffee or anything

this isn't really the first time either where coworkers give more information to others than to me

but back to the bar/club tonight. it seems everyone didn't really like to talk to me, and were more interested in talking and hanging out with their closer friends
One idea is to continue the conversation with interesting thngs, dont just end it with oh okay, after every question you ask. Make some jokes, have some laughs, help people out with work. It really seems like you are over thinking it. They talk to the other people becuase they are friends. You arent friends with them yet. You are an adult now, no one is forcing them to be friends with you, and likewise you dont need to be friends with them.
>oh okay
i do actually do this a lot

but i don't know how to add interesting things or make jokes

>likewise you dont need to be friends with them.
i know.. but i have no friends and i'd like to get some
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Low level conversation, tbqh. If that's all they discuss, might not be worth it anyway.
>but i don't know how to add interesting things or make jokes

Use your own sense of humor instead of trying to emulate someone else; everyone has a style of banter which comes most naturally. Don't expect to make too many friends with puns, though.
that's what they seemed to talk about. i can't remember a single memorable conversation. but then again, i didn't feel too included. and didn't hear a lot of conversations

i never make jokes though, i don't know what comes naturally to me
Bar pick up maneuver test: write down on a napkin, "order any drink you desire, on me. (-your name)

If she accepts and orders something, you have material to work with for conversational use, as well as her, since she knows your name now, it can rock and roll back and forth.

Opinions? Proper idea, or, lame move?
>Opinions? Proper idea, or, lame move?
are you asking if this works?

buying a girl a drink first sounds like a bad idea, as some girls will just take the drink and go back to her friends

Possibly, valid opinion, anon.
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last night feels really bad in hindsight. really felt like no one wanted me around. saw everyone else having fun..
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Where was last night?
a bar
All the advice is here is from bad to terrible.

You need to understand that there's many types of socialization, and even if you dont have anything to add, you can be inside the conversation by showing your interests.

You might be quiet because you don't feel like talking or maybe you want to listen, OR you actually want to talk but you can't bring yourself to it (Anxiety, fear of judgment).
Being aware of this is very important.

I've found this website to be eye-opening http://www.succeedsocially.com/okaytobelesssocial .

It really explains baby-steps in what to do/say in most situations, and it helps you understand what people are thinking, why they do some things, etc.
dem dubs
But they DO like ugly people, why do I see ugly people with friends, wtf is their problem, they should be as lonely as ME!
the thing with breaking into conversation is that i'll always feel like i'm butting in and that i'm not wanted, it's been like that since middle school ,i've seen some people try it and then the group is all like "why is he trying to butt into the conversation?". maybe it's just me idk
thanks, will take a look
i call bullshit. socializing is incredibly easy if you are talking to a person with the same or at least similar interests.

if you are talking with someone you have nothing in common, then your conversation will be forced, and not enjoyable. At some point you or the other person will make a fool of themselves and say something stupid to try and keep it going.

theres literally no skill. people have called me quiet my whole live. and ive been going about it like being quiet wasnt normal. so i tried fixing this "problem" of being quit or shy or whatev. so i started going to parties, being more talkative, more friendly and open. whenever i tried to socialize then it sounded forced and i came off as fake. fuck that...One thing ive noticed is that many people are for some reason very uncomfortable with silence. whether it be with a friend or coworker, i listen in to peoples conversations all the time and its so easy to tell when two people cant keep it going and one person is trying hard to keep it flowing and the other is trying to stay interested and not come off as rude. its literally entertaining sometimes to see awkward faux pas during conversations.

call me an autist but with all the bull shit ive seen people do and how fake and pretentious they make themselves to be. I see this in people all the time and im trying my best not to copy that behavior

lol its ridiculous, to think that theres some abstract book of rules on how to socialize or date. I feel like everytime i leave my house people expect me to behave in a certai way.
the dubs dont lie. its like anything, you gotta practice. there is no instant solution you seem to be imagining we can tell you. just talk to people about what you can when you can. if you have a close friend or family member, talk to other people the same way you talk to them, theres no difference
Who the fuck reads in a bar?
They are way too busy for that shit to happen.
>if you have a close friend or family member, talk to other people the same way you talk to them, theres no difference
i have no friends. i have family, but not that close. we talk, but it's no better than the conversations i have with strangers and other people
Fuck, I remember being EXACTLY the same.

You just need to force yourself to get out and socialize. It takes time but after a while you'll find yourself adapting in social situations more and you'll seem like a generally more likeable person to others.

I think a lot of them go and talk to their friend or something, is because they can sense you're nervous and desperate and that makes people feel uncomfortable.

Just hang in there man. Go get a job, go study something you're interested in and meet people with the same interests. Exposure to social situations and having bad, awkward experiences is the ONLY way to get past this.

Good luck man!
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thanks.. i do want to get better at socializing. i want friends ;_;

i'm a virgin and was talking to my coworker crush once
>who else do you know at the company?
>what are your friends from school doing?
>who do you watch movies with?
i barely know anyone at the company or old classmates, and watch movies alone mostly..

it feels hopeless since i'm failing at socializing.. i'm not able to get friends. and without friends i won't get a qt3.14gf
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hmm okay this is how it goes,you get an orangutan im not talking little chimp or dancing chimp bullshit i mean a real fucking orangutan.
don't ask me how to get an orangutan because that is not my fucking problem.so the orangutans name has to be Clyde or chip that is non-negotiable all orangutans are named clyde and chip i don't know why is that but that is how the fucking world works.So you and clyde become man and ape in town your seen everywhere together you make a scene so go to that group or what ever the hell you are don't be a pussy talk loud make everybody notice you laugh even harder everytime you say something witty or smart you high five the orangutan the town will begin to buzz about a man and ape now if you did everything right you will probably get some numbers from chicks that wanna be seen with you and clyde/chip now what you do is let all those chicks down slowly say that you are not ready or some bullshit or im not ready for a relationship yet i don't fucking know or say that you and clyde have to go to monster trucks (orangutans love monster trucks) at this point the upper hand is yours you can lure any kind of chicks at that pace you do what ever you want you are a smart guy do it at the pace you want.you get invited to family functions you bring clyde/chip everywhere he becomes like one of the family you are all a one big happy family.
>who do you watch movies with?
Might've been a subtle way of finding out whether or not you have a girlfriend lad.
didn't think of it like that. could also have just been a followup question.
i told her i went bouldering, and she asked me who i went with too..

maybe she's trying to figure out how much of a loner i am
Only shitty people would care about that. She's just trying to find out more about you.

And bouldering? Which state? I rock climb all the damn time.
toronto, in canada
i suck at it though, and don't know anyone either

want to be able to make friends and do sport/trad outdoor climbing.. but i'm awkward as fuck as evident from this thread

she probably isn't asking to find out how much of a loner i am. but would probably ask to see if i have a social circle or something...
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Ah, alright. It's strange to me that you don't find friends climbing. Maybe the gym I go to (Florida, it's all flatter than an anorexic's chest here) is just super friendly, but I've met almost all my non-school friends there, from 17 to 55 year olds.

Well, if you suck at it you always just climb and git gud. Even the best climbers in the world suck compared to mountain goats, so it's all in the perspective.

You may be right about why she would ask, girls are weird like that. It may seem like a slower social time for you just now, because you're in Canada and it's cold out and there are only 8 or 9 hours (I think?) of sunlight a day.

If I were you I'd go skiing and drink. Great way to meet people, skiing is.
i don't really talk to anyone when bouldering

>Great way to meet people, skiing is.
is it? if you don't know anyone, you go up the ski lift by yourself and ski down the hill

but i do want to go skiing at least once this winter, just to learn to ski and try something new
Well see, that's keeping you back. You find a route you can almost climb, and climb it with other people. You all help each other out, give and receive advice, and just get to talking about all kinds of stuff.

It's harder when skiing, but I didn't say "go skiing and drink" for nothing. Those are connected. All the ski places I've been to have a lodge or big room with bathrooms, food, and drinks being sold.
when i'm at the gym, i see people mostly climbing in groups
one guy tries a route, then his friend tries the same route. i don't want to jump in their set and try it...

i'm going to montreal for work in a month, i do want to see if i can spend a weekend learning to ski at mont tremblant (pic related, looks really cool, but probably expensive)
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>skiing literally right in the town
Best setup right there.

As for the gym, well it's not like a lifting gym. People try a route a few times, then take a break. Climb what you want, maybe ask for advice from somebody who knows what they're doing, then get to talking about other stuff.
thanks, will try it
Learn lots of jokes that degrade black and Mexican people. Make sure to explain that you're not racist, because "they're not all that way".
I do this but I always wait until someone is done speaking or I feel like a dick when I cut someone off and then apologize and tell them to continue. I find that with walking up to a group conversation I can't really involve myself until a person in the conversation involves me

This pretty accurately describes me when I'm too drunk to think of anything to say, just pretend your interested in whatever they're saying, try to remember as much of it as you can, ask all the questions you want. Although having a good excuse to end a conversation is always good, last time I didn't have one some guy talked my ear off about firefighting

This actually works, I've seen it before, the only reason I haven't done it is because I don't know where to find an orangutan
>try to remember as much of it as you can
i actually have a good memory and do remember most things people say to me

but people don't seem interested in talking to me, i think part of it is that i don't know how to respond to people. i say nothing and nod, or i just say 'oh okay'. i'm interested usually, but maybe i don't show it well
Try thinking or related questions, don't be afraid to say "Hold on a second, you mentioned something about ... Can you tell me a little more about that?"
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thanks will try to use that
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Have you been working there for a while? If you didn't act interested or sociable before, it'll probably take a while before people adapt.
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i've been working there a year, and i did not act interested or sociable before

i still don't really. i've really only been talking to guys who i've worked with. there are lots more people who i see at the office that i don't talk to, but they don't talk to me either
I would suggest to keep trying then (long enough for people to get used to the more sociable you, and start treating you differently, even though that can take a while).
And possibly also try interacting with some people who don't know you (and/or know of you), to get faster and/or unbiased feedback.
thanks will try
shit happens my fucking life is exactly yours
but don`t give a fuck to anyone
at least u`ll find some true friends
go get a job find sth interesting u like
read books u`ve never read
watch movies u always wanted fill ur time or kill it
don`t worry life won`t be this cruel always
just don`t care or like me all ur hair will turn white
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