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So my girlfriend and I got in a pretty serious argument the other

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So my girlfriend and I got in a pretty serious argument the other day over our sexual compatibility. Essentially, she isn't really turned on by the thought of having sex in a bed at night. Something about it being too planned out, predictable; she has to sit around expecting it all day. She wants to be "surprised" when we're out in public, from what I understand. Wants me to like, drag her into a dark alley or some shit when we're on a walk. We were at an amusement park and she kept making what I thought were jokes about sneaking off, but later got upset with me for not being "open minded" enough. I've always been under the impression that people who can't get off with normal sex are fucked in the head somehow, but I care about her. Is this a dealbreaker? I'm really totally not down with the idea of fucking in public, especially getting caught doing it.
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>>16525394
not really a deal breaker if the two of you can reach a compromise. if you're not comfortable doing something sexual, you absolutely should not do it, everyone has their own personal boundaries and its important that your partner respects that.
that being said, there is no reason that you can't spice things up at home. instead of waiting before bed at night, why not approach her in a different room during the day, or in the morning? try it out in different spots in the house and different times and see how it goes
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I'm not a HUGE fan of public sex, but I mean I'll do it occasionally if I know for sure we won't be seen. You could think of places you can bang without anyone catching you.

My boyfriend is friends with a guy who once full on just fucked a girl over a park table during the day, in view of anyone who walked by; shit like that is awkward. Don't do that.
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>>16525400

I mean I just don't see a compromise if I'm unwilling to have sex in public - that seems like a pretty specific and serious desire. I don't really think she respects the boundary though because she is hinting that we can't make it long term if this is the case. I can't do much about the home situation because A) we don't live together and B) because of her work hours. Even when I stay over, with her leaving for work by 7am and getting home at 6 "too tired" to do anything, it's practically impossible.
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Is she a Sagittarius?
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>>16525409

Honestly I cannot think of a place where it would be a good idea to fuck in public. That's like high schooler bullshit, thinking you won't get seen or in trouble

>shit like that is awkward. Don't do that.

But that's what it usually boils down to, it's in public
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>>16525416

You'll need to have a serious conversation with her about it if she's hinting at a break up because of this. If she's serious about that, then you need to address it rather than waste your time. If she's using hints at the relationship failing as a way to manipulate you into doing something you're not comfortable with, you need to make it really clear that is not cool at all.

Relationships are hard work and sex isn't spontaneous and amazing all of the time. Its really important that you both make an effort to keep each other happy sexually, but its also really important to be realistic and respectful to each other.
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>>16525431

> sex isn't spontaneous and amazing all of the time

I agree, but it seems like she's convinced that what I think of as "normal" sex is typically boring. I just think she's wrapped up in her 2015 woman mind about it, and for some reason having sex in bed at night isn't empowering enough.
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>>16525442

Its not that uncommon to think that way. I had that sort of trouble with my current bf. Successfully navigating the situation for us meant that he had to accept that I wouldn't want to have kinky adventurous sex all the time and that I had to try to make an effort to change things up from time to time when I normally wouldn't feel like it.

Just going from personal experience, the best thing to do is to just talk it out. If things are meant to be with you two, you will find something acceptable. If not, it's no big deal.

Sometimes people put huge weight on sex in a relationship to define how well bonded you are. Your gf might be having some trouble with that.
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>>16525461

>try to make an effort to change things up from time to time when I normally wouldn't feel like it

I think that would be a fair compromise normally, but I'm just not going to drag my girlfriend behind the bushes in the local park and fuck her. The entire idea of that turns me off, and I don't see any situation remotely related to it that I would be interested in.

I just think she takes sex entirely too seriously, especially since it was partly what she studied in college.
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>>16525469

When I had a similar problem with my bf, I sort of figured out that he would sometimes equate the sex we are having with how much we love each other. I think that this is probably a pretty common thing with a lot of people, do you think it could be this with your gf?

Why not book a holiday away together? Surely both of you could schedule some time off and go somewhere for a bit of a break. It could ease the tension, and you could change up the sex your having without having to do it in public.
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>do you think it could be this with your gf?

Not particularly, I just think she's spent too much time thinking about sex and has convinced herself that if it isn't radical then it isn't good. I get the impression that she think I don't "get it" because I don't want to have sex in public places.

>Why not book a holiday away together?

I would say that this is a good idea, but one of the things she brought up about public sex is having sex on an airplane, which I think is fucking ridiculous. I also think going to some foreign country would make her want to have even more sex in public.
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>>16525496

I really don't know then. She sounds like a hard case. All you can do is confront her and have a serious conversation about it.

If she thinks about sex a lot and has an interest in sex, she must understand personal boundaries and individual fetishes. Its pretty mean of her to be so stubborn about the public sex thing.

Do you see the relationship as having long-term potential?
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>>16525418
Fuck outta here, that has nothing to do with anything.
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>she must understand personal boundaries and individual fetishes

I would hope so, but I get this holier-than-thou attitude from her where I think she just thinks I'm not cultured enough or something. Like having sex in public would change my life, make me a better person.

>Do you see the relationship as having long-term potential?

I had a lot more hope in that before this came up
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>>16525513

The only option is to just talk it out, anon. If she really loves you, she can get over the public sex thing. Sex should never define a relationship.

It's dumb that she has that kind of attitude about it anyway, from what you've said, she sounds like a teenager.
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>from what you've said, she sounds like a teenager

Right?? Honestly I think she just spent too much time in the wrong kind of relationships in college. Ones mainly based on having sex and partying, instead of building a lasting bond. That, and she identifies as a radical feminist and probably hates the idea of any traditional way of living.
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bump?
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Sounds like you dont really know her very well, you might not be compatible. Just dont change who you are, unless that is what you want for yourself.
Thread posts: 19
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