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Should I get an abortion?

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I guess you get a lot of those threads around here... but that's just because this is a really hard decision.

Some important points:
-I'm the guy.
-We are going to make the decision together.
-We are together for 8 months, but we have been great friends for the last ~15 years.
-I moved away to a different city about 30 days ago, because of work.
-She didn't come with me.
-She will come to live with me if we choose to keep it.
-We are 28 and 29 years old.
-I have a decent job, but I can't pay the costs o education with my current pay, but It's very likely that I will be able to afford it by the time I need to.
-She doesn't have a steady job but she owns her own company that is stable but doesn't generate more revenue than a minimum wage "yet".
-She is extremely mature.
-I consider myself to be mature enough to raise a child.
-I would be giving up an MBA.
-She would be giving up finishing college, her company, living with her family and the city she grew up in.
-We have no idea where to go for an abortion.
-it's not legal in my country.
-The places that do it are usually really bad and the procedure is dangerous to her health.
-She did that once already, but the place no longer exists.
-We both consider each other a great person to raise kids with.
-We are both scared shitless of having a child.
-We both dream of having a child.
-My family is not rich, but we have enough money to be sure everything will be provided... in case that I can't.
-Both our families will be extremely happy if we choose to.
-I don't know what else I should consider.

I would be happy to have any kind of feedback, but I would appreciate if it comes in this format:

1- Your age (your opinion is important regardless)
2- Do you have kids? Y/N (your opinion is important regardless)
3- Do you think we should abort? Y/N
4- Why do you think that?
5- What else do you think I should consider when making this decision?
>>
>1- Your age (your opinion is important regardless)
26

>2- Do you have kids? Y/N (your opinion is important regardless)
no

>3- Do you think we should abort? Y/N
yes

>4- Why do you think that?
neither of you have stability, you need to focus on your future and on getting your life together. you can always try again later, when you're ready. i also say this because she has experienced one before and will know how to cope.

>5- What else do you think I should consider when making this decision?
think about the environment you will be raising your child in. would you want to grow up in a world knowing you took away your dad's chance at an MBA and forced your mom to give everything up? what if you can't support your kid financially later, what will you do? what kind of future are you giving your child?

please have babies responsibility.
>>
>>16525295
i forgot to mention, in america there are pills you can take which will force a miscarriage, it's still dangerous, but not the end of the world. is there a way you can get this?
>>
>>16525299
Thanks a lot for your response. I'm not sure such pills exist around here, but I will look for them. Do you know what it's called? Even if it's just a slang name. Anything I can google?
>>
1- Your age (your opinion is important regardless)

>28

2- Do you have kids? Y/N (your opinion is important regardless)

>yes, one son

3- Do you think we should abort? Y/N

>no

4- Why do you think that?

>because you two have a rather good startingpoint for a famil, considering it wasn't planned. Having an abortion when you clearly are too young (under 20?) or not in a stable relationship would be a no-brainer. But i can almost guarantee the two of you that this would be a SERIOUS treat to your relationship. You want kids someday anyway. Why not now? It's never the perfect moment. You'll always find something you want to do or achieve before you're ready. And being scared is not a reason. Everybody is. It's normal. You would still be scared if this would be your 4. Baby and was planned. You'll grow into being parents, just like every parent before you did.

5- What else do you think I should consider when making this decision?

That it would be a really heartbreaking thing for both of you to know you have made the decision to not have one anothers baby.
>>
- Your age (your opinion is important regardless)
19
2- Do you have kids? Y/N (your opinion is important regardless)
No
3- Do you think we should abort? Y/N
Yes
4- Why do you think that?
You have not reached that professional point in your life where you have reached an adequate level of education. You need your masters and she needs to finish college. If you have a baby then, your lives will improve immensely. Your lives will improve as well as the kids
5- What else do you think I should consider when making this decision?
How it will affect your relationship with her and whether you two will break up after aborting.

What country are you from by the way?
>>
Thanks everyone! The replies are waaay better than I expected. Never tried this board before =]

>>16525324
Brazil
>>
Oh, and the medication is called Mifegyn here. You take that, it kills the baby. 3 days later you take medication to trigger contractions. It's only allowed up to week 12. And it's horrible. But i guess your gf knows what she would get herselfe into.

I strongly urge you to not have an abortion if you can't do it legally in a good hospital. That's really not something you want to play around with. You could easily make her infertile
>>
>>16525268
Abortion isn't legal in your country? First priority fucking move.
>>
>>16525342
Working on that. That's what the MBA would be for.
=]
>>
>>16525335
The active ingredient is called mifepriston. The second medication is misoprostol.
>>
1) 22
2) No kids.
3) Should not abort.
4) It's murder.
5) You don't need to have perfect conditions to raise a good kids. I was born in the middle of a war while my city was being shelled and my sister was born when my father was a 23 year old engineering student, and my mother then quit college. We both came out great. You'll manage. Doing it illegally also puts her in all kinds of risks. Abortion of any kind can damage her reproductive abilities, and she already aborted once. You're both almost 30 and you're not getting any younger. Sure, you can wait up until 45 or so, depending on the woman, but the chances keep falling every year and the older the mother, the riskier the pregnancy.
>>
>>16525335
Thanks, I'll see if I can find or buy that somehow.

Yeah... those risks are really important to keep in mind. We are probably around week 8.
>>
>>16525318
Supporting this anon
>25

>no kids

>don't abort

>you'll never be in the perfect position to have kids
you'll remember this decision for the rest of your lives.
Your fertility should not be taken for granted

> seems like it will be more trouble to abort anyway
>>
>>16525315
Like >>16525335 said, there's two medicines:
Mifepristone and Misoprostol. This can only be used up to the 12th week of pregnancy. It has a 90% success rate and if it doesn't work the first time, you can try again in 3 days.

If you have no access to this medicine, please visit (this is an authentic and trustworth place): www.womenonweb.org

I know this is none of my business but.. if she does take this medicine, please be with her as she goes through this process. Love her and remember to always use protection until you are ready to start a family!
>>
>>16525366
Thanks. I promise I will do my best. =]
>>
most things you mentioned don't really matter, apart from your maturity and relationship.

the question is, do you two want a kid or not?
>>
26 F currently pregnant with a baby girl.

I don't think you should abort. It sounds like you guys actually have a good starting point for a family. With kids, there's no mystical 'perfect time' to have children if you want them.. however, it can be too late to have them. At 28 and 29, your window is rapidly closing.. so think long and hard whether you want kids in your life or not.
>>
>>16525268

1) 29
2) No
3) No
4) Because it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and would make a good parent to a (probably) good kid.
5) There are too many kids in abusive homes, from abusive and fucked up parents.
5.a) I'm generally against kids (giving birth to more), because the kids might go into a problematic house. You two sound ok.
>>
>>16525268
>-She would be giving up finishing college, her company, living with her family and the city she grew up in.
Fyi...no reason she has to give up college. But it's going to be freaking hard.

Take this from someone who struggled through summer school with a newborn. I completed online courses. I'd be doing my readings or typing essays with one hand while I nursed the baby, and sneaking in more study time during her naps. When I had to go take exams in person, my husband took care of her. I didn't get great grades mind you, but I passed everything.

This is difficult. Now that I have my daughter, while sometimes I wonder if maybe we rushed into the decision to have a child, and miss having my freedom, I know I wouldn't give her up for anything. When I first got pregnant I had second thoughts quite a bit...my husband told me that if I really need to, I can get an abortion, and while I was glad for his support either way I refused. cont.
>>
>>16525268
>>16525562
Also, if your families are happy to expect a grandchild and you get some help from them, things will be much easier. I'm not on speaking terms with my parents and his live 300 miles away, so we had very little help. But if you can get someone to watch the baby for you even several hours a week, that's enough to get a leg up in course work, or do courses part time. And idk what it's like in your country, but my school has a day care and I get money monthly that will help offset daycare costs so she'll be spending some time there when I do full time courses next semester.

IMO - you will never not be scared of having a child. Given that it's not legal, is dangerous, and even if you have the baby you will be able to live reasonably comfortably, it doesn't seem worth the risk to abort. You can always come back to a college, an MBA, bring your company back out of hiatus...etc. If she gets an illegal abortion and is fucked over, then..well. Under these circumstances, I would not have aborted. Of course, if you can manage to get the pills as anons here mentioned, that changes things quite a bit for you.

Ultimately though, this decision is yours and you have to figure out what works best for you.

Also
>1- Your age (your opinion is important regardless)
25
>2- Do you have kids? Y/N (your opinion is important regardless)
6 month old daughter
>3- Do you think we should abort? Y/N
>4- Why do you think that?
>5- What else do you think I should consider when making this decision?
As above. Anyway, whatever you do, take care anon.
>>
don't
Thread posts: 22
Thread images: 1


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