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About 4 months ago my girlfriend and I were having sex and were

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About 4 months ago my girlfriend and I were having sex and were being rough. At one point she told me to stop but in my midst of "sex brain" I registered it as like a stupid sexy "stoooop". When we were done she told me it hurt and that I was an idiot. Moving on.

Three months pass and we make snide remarks about it occasionally when I try to have sex and nothing ever happens, so I eventually stopped trying. Then after a fight one night when things were getting heated she tells me that she was assaulted when she was younger and that entire ordeal had severely turned her off from me. I was immediately apologetic because holy shit now I'm an asshole for being upset about not being laid for three months even though we live together. She told me it still sticks with her and that she does want to have sex again, but she isn't ready. I tell her that's perfectly acceptable and that we can take it super slow when she's ready. Slowly we start making out over the past month and tonight she asked if we should have sex. I could immediately tell that her heart wasn't in it and she was just trying to make me happy so I told her we didn't have to go through with it at all. She started crying and told me that she needed to be alone and she curled up as I left.

As shallow as it may sound, is our intimacy permanently fucked guys? I feel like an ass for thinking about if we're going to have sex ever again, but we've been together for three years and I don't want it to go down because of that.
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>>16523439

ugh fuck that dramatic shit, she knows who you are, she should know you love her and if your accidental misinterpretation of her saying "stop" (saying it once and not saying it again or reinforcing that she actually means it) is enough to decommission her entire sex drive then she sounds like a fucking chore.
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>>16523439
stop acting like intimacy isn't important, being constantly rejected for MONTHS is hardly a shallow thing
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First of all OP, you're not a bad person for wanting to have sex with your girlfriend. I mean sure, you done goofed once but your reaction afterwards was perfect. You've been supportive as fuck where most people would gtfo.

She clearly had some deep psychological issues before what happened and I'd advise her to see a counselor and get some help dealing with the emotional scars. Sex is a core part of a relationship and her issues are going to continue causing a void unless she wants to confront her fear. Best of luck OP.
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>>16523483
>>16523483
Yeah, what she told me tonight was "If I get through it once maybe it'll get better." But I just couldn't bring myself to do it like that. I'll consider therapy because there are some other issues between us nowadays and some counselling might be warranted.
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>>16523439
Anon! It's both of your faults that you guys are experiencing conflict after the rough sex you had.

You have to prepare for these things first!
Some suggestions:
>talk about both of your limits or what you feel comfortable doing. Communicate! However, don't just talk during the act, you also need to sit down and have an open conversation.
>have safe words you can use when either of you want to stop.

I don't think you guys' intimacy is messed up. She just needs concrete solutions that will assure her that she won't get hurt again. At the very least, set up a safe word so you know when to stop during sex. Good luck, anon!
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>>16523439

OP you're being played. If you were doing something with her and let's say your hand get smashed would you cry and go "m-m-my hand was smashed as a kid....I can't ever do anything with you again!"

You're not a fucking stranger, and even if this did upset her, 3 months is more than enough time to get over it. What's your breaking point OP? 5 months of no intimacy? 6? 1 year? How long will she be able to go "n-n-no....ever since you attacked me...I can't look at you the same"

You're being played anon, hard. Especially with all her guilty reactions as well. Do you know what's more than likely happening? She isn't attracted to you/has a crush on another guy and is going to use this as an excuse to slowly distance herself from you. You'll be the "assaulting" boyfriend who she can complain about to her friends and any new interests.

I'm telling you that because something simmilar happened to me OP. Not the assault portion but something I said to her "upset her" and the intimacy dried up. 3 months later she cheated on me. People don't flip switches like that unless they're hiding something/insane.
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>>16523449
THIS
this
this

what the actual fuck is wrong with your gf?
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>>16524003
Fuckin a. Hate to say it but this sounds rather accurate.
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>>16523439
>she wants to have sex again
>but shes not ready

Translation from women bullshit speak

>I want to have sex, but with someone who isn't you
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>>16524003
I'm so fucking sad because...that's the exact situation. She kissed some other guy about a month ago, and that was the big argument where she brought up why we hadn't had sex.
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>>16524079
And now she's brought up moving out and taking a break because "she needs to focus on school and not a relationship, its not fair to me, etc"
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Yeah dude, it's over. She got a bad roll in life and that cost you guys a relationship. I think you need to take the focus off of yourself for just a second and consider one thing: some people are never going to be happy. Like kids born with eye cancer and shit. Well, she's got a history which is clearly never going to subside. She's never going to have a successful relationship.

You can mourn your relationship if you want, or just pity her. Either way the reality is what it is.
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>>16524081
Bounce out dude, fuck that. Be the one to pull the plug and leave with dignity. Honestly I wouldnt bring up the sex when you have the chat with her about why you're breaking up. She'll just dwell on it and shit talk about it later. Just cut it dry and let her know you lost interest. I'm a different anon than the one previously giving you advice, but this is all sounding eerily familiar to something I went through.
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>>16524079
>She kissed some other guy about a month ago

please explain why you decided to not dump her?
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>>16524132
I always told myself I would growing up, and I was set on doing so for the first week. It's hard though when you're really invested in someone man, you keep trying to justify it to yourself better yourself. It sucks.
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1) your GF is not crazy. I was sexually abused as a child too, and if a guy doesn't stop right when I ask him to, It starts to fuck me up.
2) she should go to counselling for the incident. Make sure she realizes that One- you CAN control your urdges, this was a misinterpretation rather than an instance of uncontrolled lust and Two- you will always respect her sexual boundaries, and you need her to continue to be very clear about what is and is not okay and when it's ok. I know that "talking about/ making rules surrounding sex" sounds like something that will limit the sex, it will actually make her feel more comfortable so she'll put out more often as a result. therapy will help her resolve her emotions about this incident and once they're out of the way, she should enjoy sex again.
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>>16524149
Yeah, she told me she wanted to try since she hadn't thought about it in a while, but she saw a photo of one of her friends hanging out with the person and it fucked her up again, which is understandable.
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>>16524149
She's a looney and you're a fucking looney too.
You act like it hurts because it gives you attention you are desperately seeking. OP's woman is the same.
I've been hit by a bus, jumped by guys, my aunt molested me when I was 12 and my sex life and normal life is just fine. I don't have PTSD, or some retarded emotional trauma.

You're all a bunch of fucking sissies and just want to be treated like a victim, instead of becoming a predator. Harden the fuck up.

OP, ditch your bitch, if 3 months isn't enough time to get over it then its time to fuck off. She's a fucking looney.
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>>16524156
Well so far you have done an amazing job supporting her, so if you think that you might want to be in it for the long term with this girl one day, continue to support her and be patient and undemanding. Whenever you get the urge to talk to her about how you want to have sex, mention therapy instead. ("I want you to be happy and healthy mentally. I just think it will help you express some of the emotions you've buried deep down. You're so brave. Take your time, I'll be right here with you")
Again, the pressure to have sex because it's "expected" can ruin your relationship. I had a boyfriend once who obviously cared a LOT about sex. He apparently had a rape fetish that I didn't know about and we had a really bad sexual encounter one day. It messed me up a lot but I still felt dependant on him emotionally since I felt so broken, so I continued to "suck it up" and put out for him until I couldn't take it anymore and tried to kill myself.
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>>16523439
Dump that ho, OP.
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>>16524173
>this amount of obv repression
>"YOU'RE ALL LOONEYS"

Please see a therapist, Anon
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>>16524178
not him but
>anon says he's had a lot of problems but says he's fine and that people are too touchy-feely
>through this you can somehow deduce he's repressing himself

nigga you don't know the nigga
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>>16523439
First rule of rough sex: Don't even go there unless you've both agreed to it beforehand. It is NOT something to spring on someone.

Second rule of rough sex: While you're at it, agree in advance on the general level of roughness and where "too far" is. (Once you're both into it for a few weeks/months you can begin to test that boundary, but start off respecting it.)

Third rule of rough sex: Safe Word. Just because "No" and "Stop" can be misinterpreted, agree in advance on a code word (Red Light is a common one) that means "Stop that this instant "
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>>16524253
He's telling op that his girlfriend, who was sexually assaulted as a child, is "playing the victim" and "being too sensitive".
I don't know dat nigga, but dat nigga dont know her.
I think we're all projecting
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OP here, maybe some things were left a little vague.

Our "rough sex" wasn't really anything we didn't do normally. I was just pushing to hard if that makes sense. I appreciate all the help with the stuff talking about boundaries but it wasn't nearly the kind of stuff it sounds like.

And she was assaulted about three years ago in her freshman year of college, not as a child, if that makes any difference.
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>>16525176
>And she was assaulted about three years ago in her freshman year of college,
>kissed some other guy about a month ago

Ayy lmao, OP. You're being taken for a fool.
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>>16525176
You are being made into a beta provider until she finishes setting up her life after you.

Is she still otherwise as affectionate?
Does she work and pay for stuff or do housework or similar things of value?
Does she still say "I love you"?

If one or several of these are negative then you are definitely being played, especially since she was fucking kissing another guy behind your back holy shit lol.
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>>16525378
We split rent and bills evenly. She only did it once, it's not like it was an ongoing affair. Yes she still says she loves me.
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>>16525386
Bro. You're a chump. I had all sorts of advice typed up, then I read this.
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>>16525387
Well don't leave me hanging now.
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>>16525397
You break up with this girl and move on, dingus. That's it. That's all you've got left at this point.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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