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"I have a boyfriend"

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Can someone explain this to me please? Not bait, I just need help understanding the other side.

This happened, say, 2 months ago. An ex friended me out of the blue. This was my first boyfriend from perhaps 8 years ago. There was no attraction involved in the first place and he basically used me as a rebound. Whatever. It hurt, as my first experience into relationships but I got over it. I was just providing backstory.

Anyway 2 months ago he refriended me out of the blue. This was someone I hadn't seen in years. Clean slate as far as I'm concerned. I think I casually mentioned I had a boyfriend and he seemed to shut down. He wouldn't accept an offer to hang out. He wouldn't even talk to me. Eventually he stopped talking to me and I know for a fact unfriended me.

Can someone please explain this behavior? I think it was taking it too far. I had no attraction to the guy, clean slate, as far as I'm concerned he's an old acquaintance. So why'd he just shut down when I mentioned I had a boyfriend?
>>
he still likes you this isn't rocket science
>>
He wanted another rebound. You weren't able to give it so he moved on.
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>>16522053
Lot of girls use it as code for "fuck off."
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He thought you were desperate and could get some easy sex from you. The moment you said you had a boyfriend showed him you weren't as desperate as had thought and so he moved on.
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>>16522072
Oh. I wasn't. I was just mentioning my boyfriend because he's extremely important to me and I love him. I was being blunt and not literal. Sorry. Also very socially awkward and shut in so I don't know a lot of code words for things

So I might've accidentally told him to fuck off without even trying? Jesus.
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>>16522053
Either
a) he likes you and you hurt him so much when you said you have a boyfrind that he stopped talking to you, or

b) he thought he could use you again.

Either way, don't worry about it.

Also, dat delicious "old snake"
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>>16522083
Could be, or >>16522066
Hard to say. Though, re-reading it, you did message him afterwards so he should have realized you were being literal.
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Guys you sure are helpful. I never considered he'd come back in the future to use me again, if that was his plan. Thank you for helping me see the other side of the story, whatever it might be
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>>16522053
>Can someone please explain this behavior? I think it was taking it too far. I had no attraction to the guy, clean slate, as far as I'm concerned he's an old acquaintance.
Good for you. Your mistake, however, was assuming he felt the same way.

>So why'd he just shut down when I mentioned I had a boyfriend?
Because he wanted you back, and he assumed you would take him. Telling him you had a boyfriend nailed that coffin shut.

Ultimately that's a good thing for him, but to call it a shock would be an understatement. He's hurting, and he needs some time and distance for his wounds to heal. He didn't handle this very well, which is why you saw a shutdown.
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>>16522136
But when we had a relationship, it was 8 years ago. I was 15 and he was probably around the same age. I learned he only went after me because my female friend (at the time) said that *I* liked him. She never told me this info. I did not like him. What I did know is that the guy dated my female friend before she dumped him. That's when he used me as a rebound.


You'd think he'd still 'like' me, or have any feelings for me, after 8 years?
There was no love or attraction involved back then. And HE did the dumping. It's not like he wanted me in the first place>>16522053
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>>16522182
>But when we had a relationship, it was 8 years ago.
Yes. Yes, it was.
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>>16522083
>So I might've accidentally told him to fuck off without even trying? Jesus.
Sort of, but if he was genuinely interested in friendship or catching up, he wouldn't take it that way. As you said though, there's really no reason for him to suddenly contact you. He probably got out of a relationship that made him think about his previous ones. He might have really wanted to give you a chance now, or just figured you'd be easier than trying to meet someone new. You might not have been the only ex he went to either.
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Either way anons you really helped me see a different perspective.

In general though, why do people of the opposite sex seem to shun you when you mention you have a girl or boyfriend? Shun as in, not even open to friendly taking. And if they talk, it is very terse.
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>>16522220
>why do people of the opposite sex seem to shun you when you mention you have a girl or boyfriend?
normal people don't, it's only if they're Interested in you. Also close/best friends (especially single ones, speaking from experience) can sometimes get tense because you aren't the closest person to them anymore and it feels a bit like being replaced. Friends move past it though, unless of course they are interested in you romantically.
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>>16522220
>not even open to friendly taking
Because they aren't open to being friends. Some people consider it a known fact that the opposite sex can never be friends. Other people have experienced opposite sex friendships and therefore don't agree.
People of the former group, if they approach someone of the opposite sex end up feeling lead on if conversation goes on for awhile before bf/gf is brought up. Because they think it should have been obvious that they have zero interest if you're taken.
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>>16522355
What should we do anon?

Say I have a boyfriend early on, or too late?
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>>16522365
Early on slip it as casually into conversation as you can. It's still one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't things. People who just wanted to chat might take it as a "fuck off" if it's too obvious.
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>>16522401
Oh ok that's my usual habit anyway if I feel I'm in the position to say it. Mostly I never bring it up
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>>16522365
Why does it matter?

If someone really just wants to be your friend they won't think anything of it (or they'll appreciate that you're discretely saying you're not interested in dating, and discretely ignore it).

If they are just looking for a date, then you're both better off ending the conversation. It's much worse when a guy or gal keeps trying to date you or "win you over" from your current partner.

It's not actually like telling someone to fuck off (unless you say it in a really bitchy manner, or it's the first thing to come out of your mouth). Most people just fold it into small talk.
>how's it going?
>Pretty good, gf and I are going to a movie Friday, otherwise same old
Thread posts: 20
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