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I have 3 jobs and go to uni. I've been essentially homeless

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I have 3 jobs and go to uni. I've been essentially homeless for a few months but finally found a place near my school. Finals are coming up and I have so much to study for.

The problem is that I've been a cunt to gf for months and she's become more and more distant to the point where she's almost afraid of me.
It's putting me in a constant state of depression and bitterness, and I can't get anything done even though I have so much to do, and I just act like a bigger cunt and I don't realize it until it's too late.
In one bad fight I went off and pretty much used everything she's insecure about and rubbed them in her face.

What do I do? I'm essentially heartbroken at this point because it's more and more obvious she doesn't want to be with me, and the guilt of eroding away what we had is unbearable.
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>>16516996
Please help, please respond.

>tl;dr heartbroken and I can't focus on anything because of the pain
>>
Why do you have 3 jobs? Can you not afford to let one go?

It's the stress, obviously, that's making you act this way. Tell me about your situation with more depth.
>>
>>16517068
>It's the stress, obviously, that's making you act this way.
I try to tell her this, and she understands to an extent, but I was like this (not as bad though) before shit really hit the fan though.

>Tell me about your situation with more depth.
To put as briefly as I can
>live with mum all life
>court battle over house for a bit, had $15k in savings that eventually got drained help paying the court fees and other miscellaneous things
>summer 2015 with gf for about 5 months
>we get evicted from juden lawyers
>happens way earlier than expected so have all our stuff tossed on lawn
>we shove everything we have into storage units
>find a small efficiency near old house for really cheap
>semester starts
>one hard class, and four other easier classes
>live too far from efficiency
>now in -$10k in debt to pay rent, insurance, storage, food, gas and whatnot
>get a job as a tutor
>eventually realize paying gas is too much, as well as food
>eventually just start sleeping at school in certain areas
>fucks with sleep cycle because have to leave before people come
>~4 hours of sleep a night
>shit diet so can keep extreme budget
>constantly depressed
>extreme highs and lows in relationship, fights every other week
>get horribly depressed when she cuts me off, can't function, get nothing done
>some weeks I just do absolutely nothing
>have major break up a few weeks ago
>can't function
>we get back together
>she's extremely distrustful of me, lost a lot of attachment after borderline abusing her for months
>makes me even more anxious, angry, and depressed
>take on another job as a busboy
>finally more income
>privately tutor time to time (aka my 3rd job)
>so behind in classes because either busy or was so depressed couldn't do anything
If I didn't have gf and didn't care for her I think I'd be fine if not just a bit frustrated
But all the fights and constantly making her feel like shit I have nonstop guilt. She pretty much lost feelings for me at this point
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>>16517319
Oh and
>dropped really hard class
>still fucking behind as shit and have so much to catch up on
>move to a new place near my school so can go home without worrying about paying too much gas $$$
Oh, and forgot to mention
>prescribed generic Ritalin during summer, works wonders, but only take it when I need to study
>gives me boner problems sometimes
>>
>>16517322
Oh yeah
>got wallet stolen recently
>had original of SSN because needed it for W4 or something
>got new ID but still haven't gone to social security
>got lifelock

We were really good in the beginning, I started becoming a cunt because I had little sex experience and she had none, so we had a lot of difficulties, and since the kek meme became the new hit meme on the 4chins, my insecurities skyrocketed and became extremely paranoid.
It's when I started distrusting her so much and became overly confrontational.
I eventually got gud thanks to internet and practice, and that's not really an issue anymore, but that's when things started going downhill really hard.
She was obsessed with me at the beginning and would always visit, gave me her facebook even though I told her I'd feel bad for invading her privacy, she would always get me things or feed me, always up for sex.
After I started being cuntish that slowly dwindled to the point where I was the one putting effort.
I destroyed her love for me, it was the greatest and the more I lose the angrier and more bitter I get, which makes me lose more and more.

She loved me now she hardly cares for me.

I can't handle the pain holy shit.
>>
I think it would be healthy for both of you if you take a break. It's going to be hard to rebuild her feelings for you. If she's a wise girl then she will understand why you need to part. Stress does explain, but doesn't justify your being a dick to her, but you probably know it telling by the way you speak about it.
Successive fighting with stress is hard. Try to set up a healthy diet (fruits and veggies aren't that expensive), breathe deeper (that's a basic way of fighting stress most of us forget), trick your mind out of depressive thoughts. I'm talking about all the wrong you think about yourself, change it to positive things, you don't even have to believe it - but you don't have to believe bad things either, yet you do. It's all in the attitude. I would advice also some physical activity, but I'm not sure how is your free time, seems like non-existing - if you have even ten minutes daily for some warm-up it's going to make a major difference. Stress is basically most efficiently relieved by physical activity, because our bodies release stress hormones in preparation for danger. If no danger comes by, it's wasted and intoxicates your body.

I don't know how to deal with the rest of your life anon, but I sincerely hope you'll eventually get over these financial problems and work out a way to be together with your girl again, and if not, find another wonderful girl.
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>>16517350
I waste a lot of time just lying around sad.
I've trying to go back to the gym for so long, but I've just been too sad to go.
I waste so much time just feeling bitter and shitty, like when she doesn't want to talk to me, which is almost all the time at this point, I can't even function.

I just can't stop ruminating.

She'll be away on a thing for her job for a month.
It'll give me time to rebuild.
I just wish she could at least miss me, but I know I don't deserve it.
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>>16517444
Use this time to get back in touch with yourself. YOU are the most important person in your life, everyone you care about are second. Realize, you are not yourself, it's the depression that sucks you out of you and replaces with worse version of yourself - it's been hurting her all the time, not you. If you show her your true self once she gets back, she might give you another chance. But most important is that you put yourself back together first. Work on your emotions, don't let them take control over you. They are just chemicals and impulses running around your body, you are strong enough to command them.
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>>16517469
I'm going to work through the pain

Thank you, this helped a lot
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>>16516996
Send your exact post to your girlfriend, thank me in the Hades.
>>
Probably not what you came here to hear, but break it off. You have your plate full and having to deal with extra relationship-induced stress will just break your back eventually. Just apologise to her and explain that you need to focus on fixing your situation first and foremost. It's the better option than the continuous emotional abuse she receives.
>>
>posts Have a Nice Life "Deathconsciousness" album cover

If that's what you're listening to, no wonder your pain is heavy. Get some cheerier fucking music, bub.
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>>16518735
this, depressive music helps a lot to depress oneself...
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>>16518278
I've essentially told her this and how I feel awful
There are times where she ruminates literally every awful thing I've done and fucks her up and she can't help but being angry or hurt by me, but when she's not and misses me she understands
But like stepping on a foot, whether intentional or not the pain is still there

>>16518363
She'll be away for a month, I think that should be enough time to fix my current issues, start working out, regain emotional control, and I would hope enough time to heal some wounds I left in her

>>16518735
>>16518880
It's the original painting the album art is based off of, but yeah don't worry, I was listening to depressing music because it was able to get me emotional enough to let out some pain, but I'm turning to motivating music to get me going
I really like Garden of Delete
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