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/adv/, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months (I'm

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/adv/, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months (I'm 20, he's 25), but I have some negative feelings about my relationship and I can't uderstand why.

The problem is that he goes out drinking often with his friends and I don't. I feel bothered that he goes out to clubs and bars two times a week. I never drank with him (I'm under 21 so I can't go to bars and clubs). However, even when he has people over at his place, I don't get invited and I honestly don't want to be invited. I'm very mellow and him and his friends are pretty crazy when they drink. I'm a homebody and don't have a lot of friends. I know I won't fit in his lifestyle and he won't fit in mine.
I feel lonely when he is out drinking while I'm home enjoying my own company.

He treats me really well and we always have a good time together, but when I hear about his weekend, I feel a mix of loneliness/jealousy/sadness/inferiority.

My question is: can our relationship work out even though our lifestyles are nothing alike and are my feelings rational or just immature? Can someone help me understand why I feel this way?

Also I should mention that
>I trust him that he's not cheating, when he's out
>he likes me more than I like him

I can provide more information, if you guys need. Thanks!

>Gif unrelated
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>>16514576
I'd say he'll grow out of it, but given that he's 25 and still doing this, he ain't changing soon
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>>16514576
do you see yourself with him after 5 years ?
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I should mention that we always watch movies, cook together, or do other non-party related activities when we hangout. I like it but, I told him that I feel like we only get to do things that I enjoy doing.
I know he used to drink a lot with his ex and told me it was fun for him.

I can't fully enjoy our relationship because I want us to be part of each others' lives but I know it'll be hard since we have incompatible lifestyles.
We are still in the honeymood phase so it's not a big of a problem for him.

Does anyone have similar experiences to share? I would really appreciate the input!
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>>16514600
He'll get tired of our relationship, you mean? Can a partier and a non-partier really not have a future together?
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>>16514611
No, but it's because of these feelings.

My ex was was a real jerk and a player but I saw a future with him because he was serious about having a family and grew out of partying.

With my current bf, however, it's hard to see myself with him in 5 years, even though he's a kind and intelligent guy. These feelings are only because of the drinking so I was wondering if our relationship still has a chance.
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>>16514620
No, I mean he's going to keep being a partier. Most people grow out of the party phase, but that happens before 25. By 25, most people realise they need to get their shit together and they have more responsibilities than they did when they were 18 and can't keep wasting money on getting drunk. If he hasn't realised this yet, chances are he's really not going to.
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>>16514576
how did a 25 year old party-type meet a 20 year old homebody?

as for advice? talk to him about how you feel. simple.
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Get over it
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I broke up with my ex for similiar reasons, but she was 20 and I was 21. she could of came to the bars as I lived in Canada. But she absolutely resented it. After we broke up I realized we had even less in common but for me this was the tipping point.
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>>16514666
I work in retail where I get to talk to a lot of people who are regulars. That's where I met him. He liked how shy I was and thought I was pretty so he asked me out.

He knows that I don't like how much he drinks so now he tries not to mention his nights out with his friends to me. He tells me he is really happy with me and I think he loves me but I told him that I wasn't very happy in the relationship. He got really hurt by that and was on the verge of crying. I hate seeing him that way and I honestly don't think it's right to tell someone to stop doing something they enjoy doing (it's not like he's an alcoholic or anything).

That didn't really solve the problem, though. The only thing that really came out of our conversation was that now he feels like he has something he can't talk to me about (his weekends).

Even if I breakup with him, I feel like I'm going to encounter things I don't like about a partner in my next relationships and I can't just run away every time. I want to work things out but I don't know where to start.
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>>16514708
Would she come with you once in awhile?
I made myself sound like a true homebody but I do party, just once in a blue moon. The thing is that I could not do it every weekend. I party maybe 10 times a year
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Yeah, I feel you are being somewhat demanding in this relationship, asking him to change his life basically because you are worried/jealous of his social life.

Why can't you compromise and meet him in the middle? You can't expect him to completely change and abandon his friends and lifestyle. I would suggest trying to get out at little more with him, go to some parties even if you are uncomfortable doing so, and then in return making him go out not as much.

You have to compromise its the only way forward.
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>>16514576
do you have sex on a regular basis?
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>>16514721

Honestly not really,

The odd time we'd all hang out my buddies house play cards/board games or whatever and have some beers but nothing too crazy.

I'll be honest I didn't go out that much when I was dating her I didn't entirely have the time as I working like 2 or 3 weekends a month with the army, but there are multiple times where she wouldn't come or suggest that we stayed in. In kind of sucked and I slowly unintentionally distanced my self from my friends.

I'd say I drank a lot more frequently before I met her, and after I broke up with her, but we got in a lot of stupid arguments over drinking. I wouldn't consider it excessive I was working two jobs (15 hours a week in an office, plus school, plus the army so I didn't really have lots of time to party). Where she got the most upset was whenever she came back home to see my family/friends. I grew up in a very small town and all we do/did was drink and she didn't enjoy it at all...
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>>16514725
My feelings are demanding, but he doesn't know how this bothers me on a daily basis because I know that I can't ask him to abandon his life. I once told him that I don't like his drinking but I won't expect him to change and that if I become very unhappy in the relationship, I will just leave.

Before I do so, however, I want to see if 1) I'm just being irrational and immature and if 2)we can somehow compromise
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>>16514731
Yes, everytime we see each other, which is about 2x a week. We are also very open about trying new things. I love blowing him and use my periods as an excuse to go down on him.
We're still new as a couple, though, so even if we have some problems, sex is regular.

I should mention, though, I'm on birth control and my sex drive is has been pretty low this past month. Idk if it's because of my negative feelings about his drinking or because of the birth control.
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>>16514745
Okay, I see. My boyfriend's lifestyle is definitely crazier, though. His time off is on weekends, which is when he would go out partying. Maybe we'll end up like you and your exgirlfriend as /adv/ isn't inspiring in me a solution yet. :/
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>>16514640
Okay, I'll keep this in mind
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>>16514793
mm,sounds good, you remind me of one of my better ex's. then it's fine ... see, everyone has vices. he's a drinker, i'm a chain smoker, the other guy is a video game addict, the other one is always bruised from getting into trouble. you know what viced people hate? being judged for their vices. so leave him alone and don't try to tackle the subject from a "i dont like your vice" perspective as no matter how subtle you will be, he WILL see through your attempt and start harboring negative thoughts ..but.. if he doesn't grow out of it however, which should happen soon as he's fucking 25, you should think about the future. do you want to be with a potential future heavy drinker? i wouldn't.

it's perfectly fine to enjoy the love thus far. fewer and fewer people have it these days, so make the most out of it. if you do have serious future thoughts however, start thinking hard.
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>>16514818
You sound more open to it then my ex did. She didn't like it at all, it seems like you still can drink and would go out with a "smile" on if need be. If this is your only problem it might pass, but i'd say give it some time.

My ex and I had more problems (lack of common interests could also be another thing, but I didn't really realize that until I spent a lot of time with her last summer
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>>16514576

You'll be 21 in a year, max. Tell him you'd like to join him when that time comes. Give it a shot. Not saying you join him all the time, just give it a few tries. Perhaps he can tune down the partying a bit, you tune it up a little.

Me and mye GF found a nice balance in time. We started out when I was 19, she was 21, now 23 and 25. Both of us partied twice a week or so, pretty hard with clubbing and shit, often together. As she got closer to graduating university (she is ahead of me), her partying spirit faded, and she'd rather have a few friends over for drinks at home instead of hitting the town. Mine faded a bit too, but I still go out with friends often, although I don't go to clubs anymore. More of a chill bar type now.

What we do on weekends is that one night we cook together and drink some wine just the two of us. Watch a movie or whatever. The point is that one day is just our time where we do stuff together. Sometimes we make propper cocktails.

Then one night we either go to or host a small party with close friends, or I go to a larger party or an event, like a concert or something. She joins me from time to time, but when I'm out it's more often without her than with her.

Point is, she kinda curbed my interest in hard partying (unkowingly) by showing me more sophisticated ways of enjoying alcohol, and enjoying it in a more moderate amount in other settings than at big parties and clubs. She never told me to stop, never demanded I change, and she never tells me not to go to an event if I want to go. Think of such ways, then suggest he tries it with you. Might help.
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>>16514766
Honestly at 20, you should just be 20 and free. Hes been there, you havent. You need to see whether you really love him. If not, then you need to be fair and break it off. It sucks but it sounds like your unhappy. Its those situations where you care about him too much to change him and you care about yourself too much to be unhappy. Thats why I say age does matter and an age gap of more than 3 years in their 20s is usually doomed from the start because people are usually at different stages of life. If you guys are like mid 30s and up, 3 years doesnt matter, hell not even 10.
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