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Dating someone with a terminal illness?

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Sup /adv/, just recently I started dating a chick who is really cool. We've gone on a couple dates now and hung out a few times. We aren't officially in a relationship yet, but we're not seeing anyone else and we hang out at least two or three times a week. Today she told me she has CF and will most likely only live to around 35 - 40. We're in our early 20's. I really like her so far, but this concerns me kind of, the idea of (assuming it got to that point), having a significant other die early and how that would effect my life. I really like her, but if we got serious I know that it would always be in the back of my mind, losing her early, etc.

Well /adv/, what do you think?
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>>16512002
From your perspective, it's totally shitty.
You'd have to go through major heartbreak and your dating pool would be single mothers when you get back in the game.

That being said, having two marriages is more suitable for humans who live as long as we do. Spending 70+ years with someone really is an amazing feat, and not many people can manage it. This may be your way to have two quality relationships rather than one shitty one
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>>16512020
I really like her and don't want something almost 20 years down the road ruin something potentially awesome, but at the same time the idea of that heart break kind of is scary. I'd also be the world's largest shit head if I didn't date someone because of an illness.
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>>16512041
Live life to the fullest then.
Take what comes.
If you do get married to her eventually and you don't have any children then when the time comes you can make some sort of suicide pact.
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>>16512002
Date her and see where it goes. You're assuming you'll spend your whole life together without even starting a relationship with her first.
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>>16512002

Don't bother with her. Get away now while you're unattached.
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>>16512002
Early 20s? Like how early 20s are we talking about exactly? And be honest.
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>>16512151
20 and 21
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>>16512156
Op, you are too young for this. Not only because the chances of you two making it all the way to possibly marrying is very low. But also, if you become attached to this girl, her health issues will take a toll on your mental health.

I won't tell you not to see her anymore, because you are at an age where if you hear that it will only make you stubborn and want to keep seeing her. But that only helps strengthen my previous points. I'm sure you feel sympathetic for this girl, but the problems she has and will have are not some simple things that can be brushed under the rug.

When you say you've been seeing her recently, how recently do you mean?
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>>16512226
I mean we've gone out on a few dates and hang out a few times a week. I think I'd be a pretty big scum bag if I just disappeared though because she's sick.
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I cannot tell you what to do. It's true: one of you is almost certainly going to outlive the other, and barring some strange but by no means impossible circumstances, that will probably be you. If you go forward, then you need to do it with open eyes.

But truth be told, it's not much different from other relationships. Freak circumstances may still tear you apart far sooner than this, for reasons that have nothing to do with her illness. She may wind up living longer than anyone expected her to: improvements in treatment do happen from time to time. You cannot know for sure.

And if she dies young? Then she dies young. This happens to many couples. There are entire fields of study specializing in it. Keep a strong social network to help support you both, and you will be all right.

And who am I to say this? I'm not in a position too different from yours. My wife's life expectancy is not as certain as yours -she's already a decade beyond all expectations- but this wasn't the case when we got married. I walked in with open eyes, and there is no denying that I got lucky. But I haven't forgotten what it was like to make the initial choice. I have never regretted it.
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>>16512241
You don't have to disappear. But maybe try to distance yourself a bit, and be there for her as a friend first. This doesn't seem like it'll come to a happy end.
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OP just continue to date her. Statistically speaking, your relationship isn't going to last very long, not even because of the illness. Just enjoy it and go with the flow
Thread posts: 13
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