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So me and my GF were virgins when we met. We've been together

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So me and my GF were virgins when we met. We've been together for 2 years now and though the sex has gotten dramatically better slowly as time goes by I've still never been able to give her a real orgasm. Even orally, she gets right to the edge every time then suddenly becomes too sensitive.

So my GF mentioned to me the other day she wants to try using a vibrator because she never really masturbated growing up.

And all I can think is. Great, so she's going to have her first orgasm from this toy while I fail to do it every time. I'm insecure enough about not being able to her her off and now I just have to accept that since I can't do it she needs to get a toy to do it for her. And then after that how will I compare? She can get a real orgasm from that, or a shitty half orgasm from me.

I've done some reading with guys with similar problems and every single time its just people bashing the guy for being insecure, calling him names and telling him to "get over it". Like I'm sorry I feel shame and inadequate, I'm sorry I'm not just magically confident and perfect in every way. I'm sorry insecurity is a poison in our society where if you have it, its your fault and you are awful for feeling it and not being magically confident all the fucking time about everything.
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I know it's no help to you, but i was in a similar situation. It was eventually one of the reasons we broke up. And it really hurt.

I know how inadequate you feel. I'm sorry you have to feel like that. If i think of anything useful I'll post again. Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one who feels like that.

Good luck bud. Someone help this anon out!
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Like it would be one thing if I was able to give her an orgasm and she just wanted to try a vibrator out, but this is clearly a case of "well you can't seem to provide one so I guess I need to get this to have it happen." Where as I would just want her to be more patient, work with me a little more and we can try to make it happen together. I've been trying as hard as I can but she isn't at all. Like She doesn't give me anything to work with when I ask what would help. She just shrugs and says "I'm not sure."
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>>16511110
I just hate how an insecure guy is instantly seen as the bad guy in all situations. Like its not like I want to feel this way. I'd fucking love to be lord confidence. But I get told I'm a bag of shit for feeling insecure and not instantly being 100% accepting and that she should go find some magical fucking Chad confidence who would never have that dreaded human personality poison "insecurity"

Fuck when she's insecure what do I do? Do I blame her for it? Of course not I try and help her and we work through it together and I don't force her to do shit she feels insecure about until she's ready to. But seems that standard in society doesn't apply to guys. We get seen as bags of shit for having insecurities.
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>>16511097

Well, if it's come to the point where you need a sex toy, just break up. I know it's hard, but you're just not gonna connect sexually and it's just gonna go downhill from there when she's literally not giving you any help on how to work with her and she just wants to resort to a sex toy.

Every girl is different. I have a tiny dick and manage to make my girl cum because she's sensitive, so we get along fine. But needing a toy for it? It's just gonna lead to any normal intimacy feeling flat for one of you or both of you. I'd recommend either really trying to tell her to man the fuck up and work with you or maybe you two just need to find different people.
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You're a selfish piece of shit.
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you're going to have to accept that your gf has sexual autonomy and would like to experience an orgasm, and that masturbating isn't an affront to you or a commentary on your ability to perform; hell i'm guessing you probably masturbate, too.

good sex isn't about an orgasm, good sex is about communication and chemistry. if you go into it with a shitty attitude then you're going to get shitty results.


also, for what it's worth, after the first orgasm, it's usually easier for a girl to get off, especially if she masturbates. she probably doesn't even know all of what she enjoys.

you're both very inexperienced, emotionally and sexually. don't panic, it doesn't last forever.
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>>16511138

you don't need to break up over this holy shit
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>>16511097
First of all, get a "Fairy Wand Mini". It's more powerful than a Hitachi.

Second OP, what lengths have you gone to in order to try and make her orgasm?
Have you looked up how to eat pussy and everything? It's best if you eat her out when she's tied down so she can't fight away the orgasm.
This is coming from a girl who has serious mental blocks from orgasming.
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>>16511156

He kinda does. He's even said his girlfriend doesn't even care to try to help him work it out with her. There's obviously just no chemistry there sexually. And probably not romantically if she's like "fuck it, I'm just gonna masturbate".
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>>16511147
Difference between a guy masturbating with his hand and a girl with a vibrator are totally different and the comparison between the two has always upset me.

A hand, even with lube can never compare to the sensation of a vagina. The orgasm you have will never be as good. Where as many many people will talk about how a vibrator gives orgasms so intense a human could never do it because a human can never vibrated their cock.

>>16511147
We are both inexperienced, which is why I would feel much more comfortable if she worked with me together so that we could get her off. Like to me this feels like she's gotta go off and have this amazing experience without me. It honest to god feels like she's saying she needs to go get fucked by someone better than me so that she can come back and show me how to do it right.

>>16511161
I've looked up how to eat pussy, watched tutorials, everything. She gets close every time but always tells me to stop, or gets too sensitive, or squirms away. If I try to hold her down she gets mad at me.
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>>16511184

>She gets close every time but always tells me to stop, or gets too sensitive, or squirms away. If I try to hold her down she gets mad at me.

Then it's pretty clear she just doesn't want you making her cum. Or maybe you need to stop being insecure like a bitch and get aggressive and fucking make her cum and hold her down. She may get mad, but maybe that's what she needs rather than a simpering bitch who can't man up and get manly in bed.
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>>16511097
Learn to give head, you dumb fuck.
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>>16511195

As an addendum, this doesn't mean you can't make love romantically. It's just that you need to stop fucking like a bitch, really. She's not gay since she's with you, a dude. She expects and needs you to fuck like a man. If you let her just stop herself from orgasming and go "s-s-sorry" every time she scolds you for holding her down then you're acting like a bitch. She has a pussy, she doesn't want another one. You need to man up and get a little more fucking masculine in bed, maybe a little rougher and controlling, and stop giving a fuck if she gets mad. I'm not saying rape her or anything, but act like a fucking man for once. Like hold her down and fucking make her cum like a man. I've got a tiny dick and can fucking do that, so I know you sure as shit should be able to. Just do it.
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>>16511184

masturbation is masturbation, quit trying to split hairs here. would you honestly feel better if she was doing it with her hand? is the medium of masturbation here really what's bothering you?
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You're having a problem with the advice because a lack of advice isn't your issue. The advice is correct: get over it. The issue is that you have emotional problems. Advice can't fix people. The majority of the threads on this board are a waste for that exact reason. We can't prescribe psychiatric medication. We aren't licensed therapists. We can't correct personality disorders. If your feelings are stuck somewhere then you need a professional to un-stick them. The internet can't do that for you.

Advice is "soup or salad?" It's not "fix me."
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>>16511184
>She gets close every time but always tells me to stop, or gets too sensitive, or squirms away. If I try to hold her down she gets mad at me
That's your problem, OP. I do the same thing as her.
There's a bondage piece, I don't know the specific name, but it's in the shape of an X with hooks at the end. You lie it under your mattress and the hooks poke out at the corners of your bed. Buy some cuffs and restrain her go the bed.
Keep eating her pussy until she's going crazy.
But of course bring this up to her first and tell her you want to try this before getting into toys.

>>16511195
>Then it's pretty clear she just doesn't want you making her cum.
Not accurate.
>Or maybe you need to stop being insecure like a bitch and get aggressive and fucking make her cum and hold her down.
Not very delicately worded, but pretty accurate.
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>>16511184
>Difference between a guy masturbating with his hand and a girl with a vibrator are totally different and the comparison between the two has always upset me.

This is bullshit. An orgasm is an orgasm, it doesn't matter how you get there.
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>>16511252
Strongly, strongly disagree. having jacked it many thousands of times. An orgasm balls deep in a vagina feels so so so much better than a jerk with some lotion.
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>>16511216
>>16511209
Last time I tried she eventually forced my head away and said "I told you to stop! What the fuck, its too sensitive and hurts!" and was angry at me. So what am I supposed to just fucking rape her?
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>>16511211
I've had therapy in the past and am aware I still have issues to work out, however I don't agree with you in all aspects. I don't feel in this situation the only correct advice is to "get over it." 4 Chan and in the internet in general has this "get over it" just don't let it bother you, every person is autonomous and should do as they please mentality that I feel is incredibly fucked up and devoid of responsibility to those you form bonds with. Like it or not your actions will affect those around you and if your response to them when the actions is just "Deal with it" then that tells me you care more for yourself than anything else.

I'm not telling her to never get a sex toy, i'm trying to come to a compromise here but I'm just met with choruses of "she can do what she wants, get over it." How about we act like people in a emotionally solid relationship and she helps me work towards getting over it by meeting me in the middle. Relationships are give and take.

I see what you are getting at and agree in a sense, the internet is not a substitute for help, and I'm aware I'm stuck on certain things here. But everyone has issues and helping people gradually overcome those is more productive then giving them an ultimatum.
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You mention eating her out to get her to orgasm, but have you tried simply rubbing her clit to climax? If you can't get her to orgasm that way within 2-10 minutes then perhaps you're just not doing it right or it's something to do with her physically or mentally.
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>>16511283
If she gets too sensitive, then toys won't help. She'll be just as sensitive and stop before climaxing.
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>>16511097

If she never masturbated growing up, thats probably a huge issue. Your issues probably don't have a lot to do with you, and mostly have to do with her level of comfort. Its hard to explain, but there is a mental component to having an orgasm as a girl. If she doesn't know how to get there in different situations, then she will have a difficult time getting there with you.
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>>16511309
Let me do something seemingly crazy here. I concede entirely to your point. Everything you said is right and I'm wrong. Agreed?

So you don't need advice. We've just established that you know the correct answer: consideration, conversation, compromise, "give and take." You just proved that you already know the correct advice here.

See how the problem isn't advice? It's emotion. Advice is about knowledge, about ideas. You obviously don't need ideas. Even if you don't like the ones you've been hearing, you yourself already know a better alternative. There's nothing more to hear or learn.

You're coming here, whether you're aware of it or not, to be made to feel better. We don't do feelings. The Internet in general doesn't. There is no help to be had here. You're wasting your time.
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>>16511329

This isn't true. Sensitivity is complicated. If they go for a long time, or she's really turned on, or he's going too hard it can become over sensitive.

If you're by yourself with a vibrator its different, especially if it has different settings. Its easy to keep yourself form getting overstimulated if you're alone and controlling everything.
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>>16511335
This is very accurate OP. Most girls never orgasm because of a mental block.

Which reminds me.
Have you ever eaten her/rubbed her when she's piss drunk, OP?
Being drunk a lot of the time helps surpass that mental block.
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>>16511341
It is true to an extent. I've masturbated by myself and not able to reach an orgasm because the feeling became too much, and I couldn't push myself past that point. The sensitivity I was referring to is the heightened sensitivity from being close to an orgasm. Not the sensitivity from being sore.
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>>16511339
I only think you are half right. I'm also coming here to be pushed outside my comfort zone. I've used the internet many times to do this. Of course I'll argue against it, its human nature, it feels uncomfortable. But the more I get exposed to ideas that make me feel that way the more I get used to them.

I'll tell you right now that this thread has helped in some sense. My thoughts feel less erreatic and more organized and I can see the validity of points that were raised. I still feel that a lot of my points are valid as well. Had I sat alone to brood I might have never ever become comfortable with the idea of her ever using a sex toy. As it stands it makes me uncomfortable, but I think I'll survive it but I would like to reach a compromise where she is more willing to work with me so we can have her reach an orgasm with just the two of us first.

Advice doesn't have to work like a debate where one side says "ah yes you are 100% correct" and switches paths, it can work in a way where the little bits of various things people have said stick with you and slightly deviate the path you were on. Enough little deviations over time can lead you to the right track, or at least the best track for your mental health.
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>>16511097
top kek.
as if sex was just about orgasms.
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