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Recently my very best friend died in a car accident. He was more

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Recently my very best friend died in a car accident. He was more than a brother to me. We literally grew up together and knew each other for more than twenty fucking years. Basically since birth.

Mom called, started crying
>paul is dead

Sister called, cried
>paul died in a car crash

Dad called, cried
>You heard paul died?

His sister didn't say anything

I can only imagine the pain his parents are living in. Such a good family, christians, well behaved. And he was a good, hard working lad, planned to get married next year in the summer, never stepped out of line. He was one of those people that's a real shame they died.

And I can't seem to feel anything. After being through all those heart wrecking calls, I just opened a beer and went on with my shit like nothing happened.
I am somewhat aware that I may be depressed (at least that's what google tells me) but I don't seem to be sadder than other folk and it's not affecting my life in any way other than just making me think about it now and then. I just didn't feel anything about it, and edge aside, It's concerning me.

I've been alone (both single and away from my family) for many years now and this can't be healthy for my mental state. Am I slowly losing it? I don't want to go to a doctor, not yet at least since I'm a functioning member of the society, I manage my own life, have a bunch of good friends, etc.

But there's something off about me, and I'm aware of that, if only vaguely. Oh, and not american, so therapy, pills and shit is not as accessible (not that I'd want to be hooked on a fistful of pills a day anyway)

Is there anything I should know or do?
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meditation cured my depression and insomnia

http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=107
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>>16510967
You're fine. You don't need to try and act like a Hollywood portrayal of grieving. It's different for everyone in every case. It might hit you like a ton of bricks somewhere down the road, or it may not hit you at all. You're emotionally stable enough to not be impacted by something that doesn't actively threaten your survival. Be thankful.
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maybe you just don't give a shit about paul dying.

what's your reaction to that?
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>>16511005
I sleep like a baby.

>>16511024
I chuckled. I give a shit, just that it don't affect me like it does most people. Also mont people are glad when someone gives birth, or gets married and shit. I don't really give a fuck.

It might just be my mental fortitude. When I was a kid and my grandpa died and everyone was crying like mad (good man in life) I remember saying something like "go bless him" only because it seemed socially acceptable to say it at a funeral. I wasn't really all that affected.

I also can't seem to feel any joy either. I'm not particularly interested in anything to be honest and my "hobbies" are just there to fill my time in between sleeping hours.

Google said this is the textbook definition of depression but I really don't feel depressed. I really don't give that many fucks, that's all.
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>>16511102
Do you feel pity ever?

If no, there's a good chance you're a sociopath.

If yes, then you're just playing the hard cunt and this shit will hit you like a truck one sad night while you lay in bed alone.
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>>16511102
you're trying to guide us to sociopathy but we're not biting because there isn't enough information you can give here to make that valid.
go to a therapist. you don't have to be a crying mess or crazy to figure out if there's something wrong. use online therapy or something.
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>>16511140
Is anger ever relatable to pity? I always loved animals and while I didn't even twitch at fucked up shit like 3guys1hammer, I absolutely lose my shit when I see animals getting abused. I once smashed a brick on a guy's head because he threw a bag of puppies in a river (common standard procedure among degenerates).
The only constant emotion is anger. I'm not an angry person, in actually really chill and relaxed, and while I don't get sad and joyful, I do get angry and it's something I noticed in particular.
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>>16511235
OK, from this edgy post I can say without a shadow of a doubt you have fake hard cunt syndrom(FHCS) with a side of narcissism. Seek help immediately.
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>>16510967

shock.

this is how your mind reacts to pain. pure numbness, a lack of something, when you feel a point is missing and you walk around in circles with your thoughts.

It is because you already have the answer you are looking for, but you just won't look into it.

that's what misery is
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>>16511277
I've accepted the edgyness of my situation, and I've accepted that something is not exactly right in my head. Normal people cry and laugh and feel genuine emotions.

>>16511280
Shock? Yes, I was a little shocked. Any deaths of accidents are shocking because they can happen so suddenly and it's not like he was some speed maniac. He was just a passenger in a car that got wrecked and that's really really sad. I'm just surprised that out of everyone I've talked to, I was the only one who didn't feel touched by this unfortunate event.
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>>16511102

Keep in mind that I AM NOT A DOCTOR!

There's a problem that's not completely apparent to many people. That is, that there is a difference between apathy and depression. Depression is where you're feeling bad, unhappy, depressed, all the time. Apathy is when you don't feel joy or sadness, when you're having trouble feeling anything.

What you describe is apathy. I fixed mine, by moving out from uncontrollable stress (mother), and put myself into even more stress that I could control (2 part-time job equivalents), as well as observing people interact, being sad and happy (my offline as well as online friends).

That said, you should feel at least a bit sad from all of that. Maybe just shock?
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>>16510967
I'm single, away from my family, lost a friend to a car accident 3 years ago. Well, he's been in a coma since then. He was walking home when he got hit, and I saw it. He looked so dead. He was literally mangled and bloody. He broke and bruised all over.

I couldn't get myself to cry or anything. I drank and comforted his parents and truly hoped he would be ok, but I didn't feel much. Now, years later, I feel much more sad when I think of him. Don't think I've shed a tear. I fear death much more now. Doctor and neurologist say it's screwed me up a bit. But we all react to these things differently, I guess. Sorry OP.
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