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I acted on my urge and hooked up with a trans, the whole thing

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I acted on my urge and hooked up with a trans, the whole thing last less then 5 mins and I am literally sick to my stomach when I look at myself and have been thinking about killing myself. I was a virgin before i met her and I did this to see if I was gay/bi whatever turns out im far from either and am disgusted with myself ( even though what I did was gay). The worst part is I have a fiancee and child and am scared of losing them. I only sucked it for about 20 seconds and am frail I caught HIV haven't kissed my son or girl since yesterday and am thinking of ending it all... ive been watching trans porn for 10 years im (24) and would urge people NOT to live out their fantasy because reality is not welcoming, just typing this I wanna vomit...what should I do ? Also I havent slept or ate and have been having dark thoughts all night ughh god I fucking sicken myself....i cant stand being a cheater but i dont want to lose them...fuck
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Hold on, you're a virgin with a fiance who had a child?
Fuck's wrong with you?
>I was a virgin before i met her
OOOh I see I meant I was a virgin before I met my fiancee sorry
This makes no fucking sense whatsoever
Oh well that's different.
Okay well don't beat yourself up, you wanted to try something new and did. I mean the more you realize that you're still normal the better you'll feel. Get yourself tested and remember that you're just who you are. It sounds like bullshit but just be yourself.
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>OP is raising a child
your right im sorry but my minds racing 1000 miles a min .
I keep telling myself that but im a cheater i always said id never be that, i got what I always wanted a family and have ruined it, i haven't told her yet but i plan to get tested. like i said i have had no sexual contact just in case.
lemme attempt to translate this mess:
you knew your fiance when you were virgin. now, you are 24 and have a child. you watched trans portn for 10 years, and had a fantasy about sucking dick. you did it, and now you feel like shit for doing it, even if it lasted 20 seconds. also, you are scared about having HIV...
is this it? was there transmission of any fluids?
yes thats it thank you and I dont think so i dont think even precum came out.
OP... You fucked up big time, would your fiancé react badly if she knew this?
yeah i think shed take my son and id never see him again.
Oh shit, OP what have you, looks like you have two options, hide this forever and live with the guilt, or come clean and beg like you've never begged before
Sometimes its best to keep secrets from hurting someone... But at some point you will have to confess.
I just want to be fair to her if i get checked for std and come back clean and live with the guilt is that fair? I fucking love her but I couldn't live knowing i was gay on the inside or some shit...though now ive done some gay shit and its worse cause im NOT and I fucking cheated..
When , when my son is grown up and moved out on his own?
Stuff like this always comes out somehow OP, I would definitely get tested but if you come back clean then it's up to you if you decide to hide it but if you hide it and it comes out a while down the road she might find it even harder to forgive you knowing you hid it for so long
IMO, you don't have to tell anyone. just make sure that you don't actually have any STDs.
you learned your lesson, whatever that is

>i dont think even precum came out.
AFAIK, HIV needs transmission of fluids. other STDs don't, though.
I dont think i can tell ill just have to fucking let guilt eat at me till i die.
If I have any stds ill tell her though, if by the slimest chance i got HIV, ill kill myself because before this shes know ive fought depression..i think thatd be easier for her to deal with ? thats selfish to i guess I dont fucking know... though im done with /b/ and most likely 4chan after this dies. thanks for your input everyone.
>I've done something I regret
>better kill myself

Just another day on /adv/.
You aren't going to catch Hiv from giving a brief blow job without any blood/semen transmission, if you are very worried you can get your doctor to treat you over the next few weeks with antiviral drugs. I think you will be fine.

Cheating is bad & so are having secrets. You have been hiding your fetish from your fiance this whole time. You really need FULL transparency in marriage. Since you have a child involved I think it would be even more selfish of you to tell your fiance and risk her pain as well as breaking up your child's home just to relieve your guilt. Since you will not be continuing an affair and know it was a mistake, and right away stopped it, you don't need to tell your fiance. You need to process this on your own, as a man. Get a counselor if you need to. But sometimes hurting someone with the truth just so you will feel some relief from your guilt is not the best course of action. Give it time, get professional guidance and approach it, if at all delicately and with guidance of a professional.

Everyone makes mistakes, forgive yourself.
You had a dick in your mouth for 20 seconds, people have done a lot worse bro, if I did something like this and told my girl I think she'd just laugh at me, then again it depends on the type of person your fiancé is, do what's best for your kid man if there's a chance you'll lose him don't risk it
Don't end it if you have HIV think of your kid dude
your right im a man i need to deal with this for her , my son and me i fucked up ive up this fetish out and am done.
Thread posts: 27
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