TW RAPE

We are often shaped by our first sexual experiences. It can go to either extreme, I was molest by a fat woman as a child, so I now have am irrational disgust towards fat people and will occasionally throw up when I see obese people eating.

You can't get over your past so you try subconsciously justifying yourself that it is good. Try rebuilding your relationship with men and intimacy from a different emotional standpoint and only have sex if you got really close to someone. Put sex in a new context that is not broken.

I think you answered your own question. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just how you are. I think as long as you do it in a safe environment and perhaps in a loving environment, you can live out your fantasies without putting yourself in any sort of danger or bad place for want of a better phrase. There are people out their who will indulge your sexual fantasies while also caring for you, etc. Yourself and they just have to be able to differentiate from fantasy and reality.

>>16505892
My first sex was with a whore.

I still don't like whores.

>>16505880
Short answer as to why you have rape fantasies? Because you consider yourself damaged goods and not worthy of anything better.

You are wrong. You are absolutely wrong.

I hope you understand that you need therapy. It's a kind of PTSD - you had bad experiences and are still shaped and damaged by them. Therapy will help you work out your anger/grief/pain from the past and be more able to function in a healthy way.

>>16505893
this is really cool I'm gonna try it thank you

>>16505936
mmm this sounds right but i don't know if i will ever be able to say any of this out loud

Because it felt good? I wouldn't be craving chocolate if I never had chocolate, and if the only thing I knew about chocolate is what strangers obsessed with hating chocolate told me, then I'd tell others chocolate is bad for their healthy too. Tell me chocolate is bad for long enough and I'll even hate myself when I actually do have chocolate and am amazed at how good it feels.

Just saying...

>>16505972
Try to discover the emotional aspects of a relationship more, try to put it more on a ground of mutual respect, and building something together instead of feeling that you are only worthy if you do everything to please him and let yourself being used. You are lovable otherwise, you just need to discover it together with someone.
Do you have some serious relationship to try this with?

>>16505972
All you're doing is finding ways to deepen and intensify the fantasy.

Think of it like this, if a man came and said he didn't want to like gay sex and wanted to be straight, and people tell him ways to work around that, wouldn't you agree that the further down the closet he goes the harsher his coming out will be?

It's the same for rape fetishes. If you choose to deny it with a man who will accept denying it all you'll do is be in a 24/7 foreplay mood, where all your interactions with him are building up for the intense orgasms you're used to getting when you accept your sexuality. Even when you will have sex with this man it won't be how you want or what your body expects and you'll be even more disappointed and go even deeper in the rape closet. You'll be miserable and you'll make your partner miserable, and your repressed sexuality will eventually win and you will end up cheating on what is most likely a nice guy. You'll feel like shit and so will he.

Most women, abused or not, have a rape fetish. It's healthy, it's normal and it's nothing to be ashamed of. There are good ways to practice it and you shouldn't be shamed into thinking you need therapy for needing it.

>>16505994
OP please ignore this asshole

>>16505880
That's disgusting, why did you let it happen to you? Gross

>>16506007
Yeah, better she hates herself and wastes prime years of her youth hating herself for her sexuality and experiences instead of learning that they're part of her and to deal with and express them through healthy outlets. You're like the guys who used to tell gay people they suffered from severe trauma and there was something wrong with them.

>>16506012
i understand what you're saying but that other person is right i do feel damaged and worthless and I'm almost sure thats what it is

>>16506020
It's not. A lot of people here are lonely and absolutely love knowing someone is dependent on them, even if only anonymously and briefly. When he calls you damaged and broken it's a way for him to get authority over you and feel good that you're putting so much trust into him to let him guide your life.

The "damaged" and "broken" feeling you're having is normal. Most people have it, it's part of growing up, it's part of learning empathy, of learning that like yourself, nobody is perfect. It is however only a small part of you, even if right now it feels like it's all of you. It will be something that while it will be a brick in the foundation of your personality it won't be the entire foundation. You are you, and you will keep changing and growing and fixing yourself, becoming richer as the time goes by. But if you accept to see yourself as something damaged and broken you will ALWAYS rely on the people who sense that you feel like that and abuse you for their own desire to feel useful. You won't grow, you won't add other bricks and you won't become a richer person, instead you'll just develop deeper and deeper mechanism to cope with something other have systematically taught you is wrong with you. Why? Because assholes decided to throw fingers at you, call you a victim and exploit momentary emotions. Fuck that, be free, accept and love yourself.

>>16506027
woah this is good

>>16506020
This is why you should rethink your intimacy and relationship with men. What made you think you are damaged is past bad experiences and that you don't know anything better.