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>live with parents at age 19 >dad is a total dick to me,

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>live with parents at age 19
>dad is a total dick to me, yelling at me for very trivial stuff
>missed a spot while mowing the lawn -> angry yelling
>left food scraps in garbage disposal -> angry yelling
>that kind of thing, trivial stuff overall
>has been going on for years
>finally get so frustrated i straight up tell him that his constant hostility has eroded any positive feelings for him and that i do not love him
>he walks away in shock, hear him cry a little bit
>haven't talked in days (nearly ruined thanksgiving even)
Am I autistic? Did I do the right thing? I mean making one's dad cry can't be a good thing, I feel really bad about it, but at the same time he's a total dick and I was being honest about how I felt. There are times when he's cool and we talk about TV shows we both like such as Rick and Morty and he's not physically abusive, so I think I went to far, but at the same time... extreme hostility over really trivial stuff, all the time. I don't know how to proceed with this. Any advice?

Also, I know I'm a loser for living with my parents. I'm not ungrateful, though, I told him I'd leave the house if he didn't want me here (basically be homeless) but like I said we haven't spoken since.
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>>16504119

His feelings got hurt, he will get over it.
And no it's not weird to live at home from 18-25, specially if you are saving for something or still in school.
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>>16504136
I'm moving in with a friend across state in 7 months, pretty much waiting for that and not doing anything else.
I was thinking, that he WOULDN'T get over this, actually, like. is there anything more shattering for a parent than to learn their son doesn't... like or love them at all? Well, maybe I'm over-dramatizing it. I feel more awkward than bad at this point, so maybe he's feeling the same.
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>>16504145
Don't worry buddy, you really haven't done anything wrong. You showed him how you feel, and he being the dick he is really deserves it. It doesn't sound like this will effect the bed you sleep in or the food on the table, so you're in a good spot. Just wait for it to pass, hopefully him respecting you more. The relationship with him might become somewhat awkward but really it's positive cause it'll make things calmer.
In any case, best of luck to you anon
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>>16504119
>loser for living with parents at age 19
kek
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>>16504165
Thank you, I actually feel better now.
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>>16504119
Don't make the same mistake as me OP.

>My dad was abusive in both words and physhical. My mom divorsed him.
>My bro takes over my dad's bad habits in time.
>Ignored my brother al the time, like he didn't even exist, and during arguments my bro could see in my eyes i saw him as lesser than me.
>3 years of ignoring past and my bro and i fight. Table got broken, i took out a sword(one for show, but still made of metal) and swinged at him. He punches me in the face repeatedly, i strangle him.. etc..
>All a sudden he bursts in tears, we talk, and there it came. He had suffered so much pain because i ignored him, not that he didn't do some shit too me, but still...
>I regonize that if i was a better person, not so depressed and without any aspiration in live he probably wouldn't have hit and shouted at me all those years.
>The abuse was just him looking at me, seeing my flaws as a person where he had other flaws and projected his own hate for himself and the disappointment of me being me into abusing.
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>>16504195

D:

Aww, are you still in contact?
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That's good OP. Better than keeping it in. My parents yelled at me all the time too for stupid things, and I never yelled back. I don't live with them anymore but I still have nightmares that I do. I scream that I'll kill myself and other stuff that never actually happened. I imagine it's my subconscious screaming at me for not screaming at them. I'm doing alright enough now, but still hate having these dreams pop up.
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>>16504119
>Also, I know I'm a loser for living with my parents.

Kek, no you're not.
Most of my friends still live with their parents, and pretty much all of them are either working full time or are in uni and working part-time.
Living on your own is too expensive, sharing a shitty house with a bunch of strangers sucks and fuck paying most of your wages for a house that will never be yours.
You're better off saving that money or buying a car with it.
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>>16504345
I'm surprised that so many people are defending living with parents now. When I was growing up it was beat into my head that such a thing was the ultimate hallmark of a loser. I guess this is me seeing societal change firsthand
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I know how you feel OP, when things were difficult at home I butted heads with my dad a lot. I remember specifically thinking that if he were to somehow fall off a cliff I'd be quite happy about it.

That maybe was a tad excessive of a thing to say though considering he is (I imagine) allowing you to live there for free so you have to give a little.

This will pass though you may want to apologize for speaking in a hurtful way but air your feelings that its been hard to live with him, and ask him if there are some things he's been trying to talk to you about.
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My dad is dick to op.

I personally cannot wait until he gets old and falls under my care.
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Wow the cancer in this thread is awful...
>im 19
>my dad yells
>I live with my parents

>I never said I hate/don't love my parents

Your parents are your parents.. The fact that he cried means that he loves you and he cares about how you turn out in life. Please rethink your attitude to your father (the person who pays for your stuff) , go up to him , hug him and say im sorry. The after you have done this, manned up then come back to the internet please.
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i love my dad. he never, ever yelled at me. i don't think i heard him raise his voice to me once in my life. he just has this tone of disappointment that can totally destroy someone. so i endeavored not to hear him speak like that.

yelling at someone is just cathartic and when you yell at people they tend to tune you out, i.e. he's not yelling at you to improve your performance and yourself, he's yelling at you for his satisfaction. it's a shitty thing to do as a dad.
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The people here are to autistic to be allowed on the internet. Go to your dad and apologize you P.O.S
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>>16504119
You can never take back what you say.

I learned this the hard way. If we love someone, we'll be patient. I find it better to take the yellings, even if they are petty, than to risk hurting someone like that.

Besides, if you really wanted to leave home...
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>>16504388
>>16504392
This is really not something that is possible to apologize about. Do you know what I did? I told the truth. I'm not going to apologize for telling the truth. When I fight with my mom or brother, we hug and make up, because it's over stuff that IS able to be apologized over - mom deleted stuff on my PC, I got mad, apologized because in the end it was just data. Brother, heck, we don't fight at all, but last time we did it was over a brief fistfight, in the end we apolgoized and haven't fought since. But this? This is my dad, frankly, emotionally abusing me for years and me telling him how I feel as a result. How can I apologize about this, anon? "I'm sorry for telling the truth"? "I'm sorry your abuse has made me not love you anymore"? What do I apologize for, anons?

I'm not sure I did the right thing by telling the truth. I'm not sure what I should do. But one thing I do know, is that I will not apologize for telling the truth about how I truly and honestly feel.
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>>16504308
Yeah since i got my own place and he got his we're less in eachothers face and respect eachothers lives. See him like once a month. We're not super close tho.
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>>16504400
I mean, I have been taking the yellings for about a decade now. It's not that I hate him. It's just that it's hard to feel good about someone who is actively hostile to you. Every time I opened up to my dad he would hostilely attack me. Like I crack a joke and whoops he's in a bad mood so he yells at me to shut the fuck up with really angry eyes even if we were on good standings seconds ago. So the positive feelings really died. The reason I say this is because I think you were angling that "if I really loved my dad", but like I said I really do not love him or have any positive feelings at this point (excluding gratitude for housing/feeding me, of course I'm grateful, but I also do not forgive him for the emotional abuse).
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>>16504407
i think you want to apologize and make this better or you wouldn't want to reply to these posts or make this thread. or at least you feel the weight of the situation and dont think you can apologize or you dad will understand because he will end up yelling at you again
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>>16504422
I genuinely do not want to apologize at all. At most I want to say I went overboard - I said that I had no positive feelings, when in reality I think he's an alright dude who just so happens to be extremely hostile and angry towards me for no apparent reason. However he seems to have taken at me saying he's 100% bad which I feel bad about.

An analogy I told my mom was - imagine if you had a friend who punched you in the nose every morning. Even if the friend was ultimately a good person, you wouldn't like them because they consistently hurt you for no reason.
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>>16504418
No I didn't mean it like that. I have a greater picture of the situation now.

Well, move out. Work for a couple of months. Your dad seems like an intense person emotionally. It isn't fair or normal that he attacks you as often as you say he does, so I'm all for you asserting your own boundaries. But also, there must be certain things you do that anger him. See that this anger of his is not simply displaced frustration, on your part or otherwise.
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>>16504418
Not him, but i get you. First it starts with disappointment in how he treats you, maybe sometimes mixed with anger, but after a while you start to care less and less about that person. Because somewhere you feel that if he supported you instead of yelling it'd make life alot easier.

I don't know what type of man your dad is, but if he's reasonable i would try to talk to him. Don't apologize, but try to seek for a solution on how to change the relationship that you've got with him.
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>>16504430
im in the same situation i guess im just projecting how i feel. desu i did that to my dad screamed back at him told him i hated him because he cornered me in my room and hit me one time for not taking my meds and threw me out on the streets. i really dont even care about him anymore but part of me just does i guess
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>>16504433
I'm pretty much completely cowed, "yes sir" is instinctual. I remember telling my friend, "there's nothing that can be done, there can never be peace" while stressed out, because raccoons got in our trash cans and dad got pissed at me for that, even though there was nothing I could do to stop it, at that moment I knew no matter what I did he would be angry.
>>16504436
>i really dont even care about him anymore but part of me just does i guess
This is exactly how I feel, I really don't care, but at the same time I think of just the times we just chilled and talked about TV and think "maybe he's not so bad", though of course yelling and hostility follows that kind of thinking most of the time. He hit you and threw you out, though, so it seems like your situation was a lot worse...
>>16504434
>maybe sometimes mixed with anger, but after a while you start to care less and less about that person.
You hit the nail on the head, I used to really curse him and hate his guts, but lately whenever he starts yelling I don't even feel stressed, I just feel bored/tired, that's how I managed to get the guts to tell him how I felt, because I just didn't care anymore.
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