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It's about being too picky or being true to what I like.

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There has been a speicifc kind of girl that I've always been attracted to, I guess you could say that for me this kind of woman is my "type" (Closest person I can think of would be someone like Anna Kendrick) they are typically sweet with pleasant demeanor, bubbly at times but still has their head screwed on right. This is the kind of girl that I would like to build a relationship with, now of the past 15 years I've come across maybe 5 girls that fit this profile and it's NEVER panned out.

I'm wondering if it's because I'm being to picky or i'm just being true to myself, other women feel like a compromise and as if I would be emotionally holding myself back.

For example this latest girl is an absolute sweetheart, and now she's dating some guy with a (I kid you know) beer belly, lazy eye, beard and liver cancer survivor. Now I'm not Brad Pitt but I though I would have much more to offer and instead I got shuffled off as nothing more than a friend.

How do I adjust my perspective? Can I find the woman that I would love wholeheartedly?
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>>16503983
respect the beer belly
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>>16503983

1. Knowing most people like you, you just have a crush on Kendrick and want a cheaper copy.

2. You would need to write a thesis for us to be able to tell you whether or not you are delusional or have reasonable preferences.

3. Was the guy with her when they were kids? How old are all 3 of you? Are his parents rich? Are you a kissless vergin? How much do you make? What's your bench? What's your career? What do you do? All these pleb questions have direct bearing.
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>>16503983

Oh btw

>they are typically sweet with pleasant demeanor, bubbly at times but still has their head screwed on right.
>now of the past 15 years I've come across maybe 5 girls that fit this profile

If we go by your posted "profile", this should every 5th girl at most. Why don't you post your actual criteria. E.g. movie-star hot, etc.
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Preferences are guidelines, not absolutes. You fall squarely in the "too picky" category.

It's perfectly fine to have preferences and have deal breakers. Just like it's fine to say you hate onions, or are vegetarian or whatever. but the second you have mandates and specific necessities--especially when you have no experience otherwise--that limits the scope of who you're dating and creates an imbalance in your development and pool of prospects. Keeping in line with the dietary motif, it's the equivalent of saying you only eat McDonald's Big Macs, and no other food ever, period.

Just start dating outside of your norm. The fact that your preferences are so narrow just means you haven't actually developed yourself enough to actually know what it is you want and are instead chasing after an unrealistic ideal that only ever exists in your head (as opposed to a set of preferences built through experience).
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>>16504008
you forgot:
3. ... do you even lift?
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>>16504029

Nah, covered by "what's your bench" senpai.
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>>16504008
>1
Nah she just has similar psychical features, and I thought that might give some sort of visual guideline

>2
She graduated in physical therapy and because of her profession she's always had a sense about her when it comes to life, living it in a more holistic manner (from the food she eats to the way she carries herself). Due to the sporadic nature of her job working in a small clinic she's also been focused on saving money and not expending her energy in frivolous pursuits (like clubbing on the weekends or lots of shopping, she's a bit more of a homebody). That type of sensibility in lifestyle I actually find very attractive. After losing her father to cancer she's had to become independent and while by no means do I see her as anyone deserving of pitty, I've come to admire how resilient and independent she is compared to other women her age. She also has the most adorable laugh, but that's just my opinion.

>3
We all met around the same time, maybe she met him about 1-2 weeks after me.

>>16504022
>Just start dating outside of your norm.
I want to, and a few months ago I tried with a girl whom showed interest in me and while it was nice to see someone from time to time, I didn't feel like I was really that vested in her. I didn't feel the full honest expression of emotion that I wanted to feel, she wasn't the kind of person that liked to cuddle, or make out during the movies, sex was boring to say the least.

It's just that when I find someone who really has that special potential, has the things that I enjoy in personality or physically, I end up caving in someway and botching the entire thing. So I guess maybe picky isn't the right word, maybe it's just that I fall so hard for someone I just have no emotional chill about this because I build up in my head what could be versus what is and I really want to reign in my thoughts so we can take things slow and have a better chance of success.

Meant to put this pic.
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>>16503983
I would analyze your past relationships and see why they failed. Make a list if you have to, you might find similarities between relationships. For all the reasons you blame the other person for not making it work between you guys, see if there's any thing you can change within yourself. Deep introspection is required of course and its not immediate. Technically you can make compromises with yourself and not other people that wouldn't make you feel like you're settling. A small example is what if your partner never helps with cooking or cleaning up. You can stay angry that they are messy, communicate that you dont like it and work out a compromise with said partner, or you can compromise with yourself and do all the work. A compromise with yourself could be as simple as knowing that your partner does laundry for both, or goes grocery shopping for you both. I read in an article that splitting duties (this article was about monetary duties but I feel it can apply to more) right down the middle is not necessarily healthy can cause conflicts. Making sure their is balance is better. If there isn't balance, make sure you're okay with it. If you're not okay with it, honest and open communication is always encouraged and is the key to any relationship!
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>>16503983
>For example this latest girl is an absolute sweetheart, and now she's dating some guy with a (I kid you know) beer belly, lazy eye, beard and liver cancer survivor. Now I'm not Brad Pitt but I though I would have much more to offer and instead I got shuffled off as nothing more than a friend.
I know it's not trendy around these parts to assume women are anything but shallow, superficial objects, but maybe she just likes him more than she likes you? You're using a masculine mate-value system (looks above all else) and applying it to a feminine mate-value system (complicated beyond all fucking reason). Apart from the 'liver-cancer survivor' bit (what? we should ostracize cancer survivors now?) you only describe him in terms of his physique, which time and again (and I know, it isn't trendy to say so) is shown to be less valuable to women than to men.
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OP, it's very evident from what you said about yourself, this girl, and the other guy that your personality is the issue here. I've met people like you before. The problem is simply that you're an asshole. You're trying to apply what you perceive as straight logic to a situation that is based on emotion. You're assessing what she'll do based on what you think would be the most reasonable thing to do, being that you have money, power, or whatever else you think makes you a good person. If she's a physical therapist, she has an intrinsic desire to help people. Somebody like that just won't find an emotional connection to somebody like you who perceives everything as black or white.
Thread posts: 11
Thread images: 2


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