[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Extra juicy! | Home]

I am the rebound, should I confront him about it?

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 16
Thread images: 1

I feel like I'm competing his ex-girlfriend.I don't know why they broke up (they were together almost a year ago) but then they stay friends. She has been in the same group of friends he was in. Now she's dating his brother..

I had 2 horrible weeks where I was really down and paranoid, that's when I've seen that the girl and his brother are together.
I told my boyfriend that I would rather be hurt by the truth than kept secrets from, and that I feel distant because it seems like he is hiding something.. so as a way to make him possibly confess this.
He said he has nothing to hide and reassured me that if he had any problems he would be honest about it..

I am afraid that if I tell him he will think I'm a creep for knowing so (because I only know it from stalking on social media) and that he would realize that he is only using me and it is useless...

So I am knowingly the replacement, and I don't know if I should risk asking about his past relationship because of the things I said before. I just want to be reassured that it ended for a valid reason and that he doesn't want her anymore.
>>
However, from seeing his blog, he posted something that is, I think related to her. It was posted on the day his brother and the girl got together.
>>
>>16503208
Be careful, tread lightly. He doesn't seem like the best boyfriend
>>
How exactly do you feel like you're competing? Their relationship was a year ago and now she's dating his brother. Do they all seem tense or upset about it?
>>
You ask us if you should confront him but I don't see anything to confront about. People have relationships, people break up and meet new people and get in new relationships. That's all perfectly normal. A rebound typically refer to an unhealthy short-term relationship that occurs immediately within a week or two of a broken relationship, a month at most, certainly not a whole year. Dating someone after a year is not a replacement. Learning that your partner dated someone one year ago is not a valid reason to behave like you've been lied to or manipulated. You act like he's been acting dishonestly but I do not see anything dishonest here. I only see vague accusations and pointless drama. Like you're just feeling bad or insecure about the relationship and you're trying to put the blame on him.
>>
>>16503208
So let me get this straight, instead of just being honest and talking about what is bothering you, you'd prefer to hide it and try to manipulate him?

How is this even supposed to work? If he doesn't understand or admit to what you're hinting about, he's hiding something, and if he does, he's a bad boyfriend for feeling like shit that his ex is dating his brother?

Do you have any empathy or care at all about how your boyfriend might feel about this situation with his ex, or is it just all about you?
>>
>>16503385
It's more of a feeling that I could never measure up to her. So much of his posts from when they were together are related to her, they have had so many memories and everything. All his friends loved her, and they probably still do.
I only know him from an online dating site, we have no friends in common and as soon as I shown my attraction he developed a crush on me and rushed into a relationship. (this is what happens when people try to find a replacement)

>do they all seem tense or upset about it?

I don't know. Only seen that post he made on his blog which was something like he wished he could have saved her too, but he doesn't want to end up losing himself again.


Other than that a bunch of stuff on the girls' blog hinting that she never got over someone and will always have a thing for them.

Both of them had stuff that related to how they will always love each other...

So they pretty much only broke up, because, I think, the girl got some issues on her own.
Which kind of makes me fear that if she got treatment or something she would try to get back with him.
Getting with his brother might also be her way of getting closer to Him.
>>
>>16503555
I want him to tell me if he is upset about this, or anything, so maybe I can help. Not telling me anything about how his brother and ex are dating and then posting something addressed to her on the exact same day they got together just makes me feel excluded and like he still longs for her.

If I talk about it I'm a creep and an insecure whiny bitch, if I don't I'm a fucking manipulator? >Ok
>>
>>16503572
>(this is what happens when people try to find a replacement)
No that is what happens when people try to find a relationship. It doesn't make the relationship a replacement. Perhaps more importantly, a person that dates you after breaking up ONE YEAR AGO is not a person who is looking for a fast replacement. It just doesn't fit the concept of a rebound. Trying to define your situation as a replacement is like trying to fit a round shape in a square hole, and I'm afraid that perhaps you are clinging to this idea to justify your insecurity.
>>
>>16503398
Confront wasn't the best word then
It's not like I'm accusing him of crap. I'm simply afraid and in need of a conversation/explanation of what happened between them and what is he feeling now.
>>
>>16503601
You made the part up about being "a creep and insecure whiny bitch." People discuss these kinds of things in relationships.

You also made up the part "he would realize that he is only using me and it is useless..."

>"Getting with his brother might also be her way of getting closer to Him."

That's absolutely ridiculous with much of the rest of the stuff you're talking about.

You need to talk to a professional. All of your problems with him are fabricated by you and you make them up from your feelings of insecurity.
>>
>>16503708
Let me add something. I'm currently dating someone and a year ago, my ex broke up with me. We tried being friends up until August. It left me in a horrible state for the whole year. I'm still not even over it. But I genuinely like being with the person I'm with right now and wouldn't take my ex back. I almost had a rebound but was smart enough not to jump into a thing with someone else. Past relationships can haunt people, turn into good friendships or whatever. If you really want to talk about it, ask, these sorts of things are painful so maybe he won't want to talk about it but what you're doing is not fair to him.
>>
>>16503632
You wrote
>I told my boyfriend that I would rather be hurt by the truth than kept secrets from, and that I feel distant because it seems like he is hiding something.. so as a way to make him possibly confess this.
This is not a bad choice of word. You are accusing him of crap. "I'd like to talk about your brother and your ex-girlfriend". That's all you have to say.
>>
>>16503601
>If I talk about it I'm a creep and an insecure whiny bitch, if I don't I'm a fucking manipulator?

Those first ones are labels YOU are putting on yourself -- I didn't write that, you did. And you're a manipulator not because you're not talking about what's bothering you, but because you're playing a stupid game to try to make him feel bad and to talk to you about what you want to talk about instead of just openly stating what your issue is. What you're doing is just destructive.

There are two problems I see with >>16503632
>I'm simply afraid and in need of a conversation/explanation of what happened between them and what is he feeling now.

#1 If you give a fuck about him and think he might be hurting from this and you care about him, why wouldn't you say something supportive? If this happened to your best friend, whether they said something to you about it or not, wouldn't you at least say something nice and give them a hug?

But hey, fuck being supportive of other people when they're going through something, right? It's all about you.

He's your boyfriend, supposedly, so why would reading his social media be creepy? But hey, kids. Or something, I guess. If he gets upset or thinks you're creepy for taking an interest in him and being able to figure some shit out from the public stuff he's written, oh well, that's a bullshit attitude and that would say a lot about him.

#2 If you NEED to talk about something, then open your mouth and talk to him about what it is that you need to talk about, not "I feel distant from you, is there anything you want to tell me?" Is that supposed to inspire him to think that telling you that something about another girl is bothering him is NOT just going to lead somewhere extremely negative?
>>
As much as I agree with the rest itt, I do gotta say I don't think you're thoughts are completely misplaced or weird, we try to find connections in the weirdest things, and in my opinion, this is not that far fetched.
But dammit don't be unfair to the guy, don't make do it say anything. Please don't try to hint at it that is giving discusting, he won't fucking get it.

But indeed just say you want to talk about it, maybe he won't be honest on the subject. If it where true I honestly suspect him to lie. Maybe the situation is way too painful for him. >Doesn't say you are a rebound.
>>
I am drunk and I am going to sleep now holy shot my ducking Granmer... Still trying tohel tho
Thread posts: 16
Thread images: 1


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.