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I was in a relationship with this woman for almost 5 years. I

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I was in a relationship with this woman for almost 5 years. I was the perfect boyfriend. This girl was the one I wanted to marry. Been friends forever. I thought everything was perfect. Turns out she cheated on me, numerous times. Went through my cell while I was sleeping afraid I was cheating on her. Completely heartbroken I ended the relationship.

I spent the next year a mess. I wasn't in bed crying every night. I was out bar hopping, fucking random women, I had fuck buddies for every night of the week. I went too crazy with the alcohol. The drugs. Wrecked my car 3 times. Didn't give a shit about anything and kept fucking these girls. Almost lost my job. That kind of mess.

It took me a while to calm down and chill the fuck out as I felt I was spiraling out of control.

I met this new girl. My current girlfriend. We've been together for over 5 years. The problem is I haven't changed from the man I was after I had my heart broken. I'm just extremely good at hiding it.

I've cheated on my girlfriend numerous times. I keep tabs on her cell phone to make sure she's not cheating on me. I've practically turned into the piece of shit girlfriend who broke my heart all those years ago.

I could give a shit less about her. We've had no contact in almost 6 years. But she turned me into a monster. She turned me into her. I can't help it. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I know how it feels because it's exactly what was done to me. But I can't stop. It's like, after that cunt destroyed me, something in me snapped and I'm not even the same person anymore.

The most recent occurrence was last week when I met up with one of my fuck buddies and I told my girlfriend I went out to eat with a guy friend. I even had him cover for me in case she called him.

My girlfriend loves and trusts me to death. The same way I loved and trusted that other woman.
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[continued]

My girlfriend thinks I'm the one. She thinks marriage is around the corner.

I can't deal with the guilt anymore. Do I come clean and tell her everything I've done? Or do I break up with her for "other reasons" and hide all the scumbag shit I've done?

Or do I keep this sham going. Stay cheating on the low. Stay keeping tabs on her phone knowing where she is where she's at at all times keeping her on a secret complete lockdown. And just stay in this relationship and become the bitch who broke my heart in the first place.
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You became exactly what you hated. Confront it, kill it, and move past it. You know it's going to take a lot of harsh acceptance with yourself to feel okay. You know you've acted like a piece of shit. It's cool though, you don't have to be what you don't want to be. Remember that.
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Confess all the scumbag shit to your current gf. She deserves to know, and if you talk to her, and explain why you did it she may not leave you.
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>>16500417
What >>16500451 and >>16500461 said. She deserves better.
Don't let yourself drag her into a hopeless marriage.
If you're lucky, maybe she'll forgive you some day.
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>>16500471
In the meantime, go see a shrink for fuck's sake.
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>>16500461

I would also say that you should just confess to your girlfriend, but:

>Been together 5 years
>5 years worth of cheating

She is definitely not going to stick around, no matter what reasoning you give her.

She loves you to death and trusts you, and you've been fucking with that trust for 5 years.

She will definitely leave, but know that you did the right thing and that she had a right to know. She can look for someone else to love who isn't broken as you are, because she deserves that at the very least.
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>>16500442
You should tell her all this or show her this thread.

If she doesn't understand the back story, you are going to pass on this cycle. At least give her all the information.
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OP here.

She deserves so much better than me. As one of you stated, I've become exactly what I hate. When we're in bed together, and she's snuggled up on me telling me she loves me, it fucking kills me.

She told me she has had the best 5 years of her life. I work for an airline company. I fly for free. Anywhere. I have her on file as my significant other, which means she flys free with me. We have been everywhere. I've taken her everywhere she wants to go all over the world.

As for materialistic items, anything she wants I'll get it for her.

If she wants to just stay home and watch movies with me, I'll call out of work sick and we'll just spend the entire day together.

I treat her like royalty. But underneath it all I'm treating her like shit.

It's going to be so fucking hard. She is going to be so fucking heart broken. Probably even worse than I was. It's going to completely destroy her.

And as for the break up, one of us is going to have to move out. In all fairness it has to be me. She deserves our home. I don't deserve to live here. But without my income, she won't even be able to afford the rent.

I've completely ruined her life and she has no idea.

And correction: as for my original post, where I said I've had no contact with my ex in almost 6 years, I'm wrong. We actually met up and fucked a few times while I'm with my girlfriend. I just blocked that from my memory.

I met up with on numerous occasions and fucked the exact same woman who broke my heart in the first place who made me spiral out of control while I'm with a girl who loves me to death.

I am a complete fucking mess.
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>>16500442
Do you want her to end up like you? I wouldn't tell her you've been cheating, she'll not trust people anymore
>>16500561
Yeah just make something else up
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>>16500561
>>16500561
OP, you have a choice

Either you are like your ex, and you dont tell her. This will last untill the day she catches you , and then you will be like your ex.

Or you could come clean, be like a man and face the shit you've done. So far you just pushed it away and ignored it.

To be honest, would you rather have had your ex tell you, or remain silent with the chance that you would discover it eventually?
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>>16500417
Your ex didn't turn you into this person. Your choices are your own. Please break up with your gf. And tell her about all of the cheating so 1. she can go get tested for everything ever as soon as possible and 2. she's not up until 5 am wondering why you ended it. She'll be able to understand that you're a scumbag and she can go get fit, strike up a good hobby, hang out with friends, and move on from you as fast as possible.

I'm sorry that girl wasted five years of your life, but wasting this good womans life when her clock is rapidly ticking is not the correct form of revenge. Your best revenge would have been doing the things you're supposed to do after a break up: get fit, eat healthy, be with new people only when it doesn't hurt to be with them, see friends and family, create a better you over all.
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>>16500417
1. You keep going on about your EX even though "I couldnt give a shit less about her". If you didnt care for shit for her, you wouldnt fucking brag with the edgy "she made me this she did me that buhuu I must revenge so Im not the only victim" shit. And what the fuck, you cheat your good girl with that woman you hate? ... no words

2. You cant deal with the guilt anymore? What guilt? I thought you said you were a monster. Monsters do not feel guilt.

Get help anon. Then think about things. You are delusional with what you are saying. You say A but act B while thinking C.

And never put blame of your own actions on the shoulders of another. YOU made YOURSELF the ass you are. YOU did the things you feel guilt about, not your ex. You are you, until you decide to change.
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>>16500738
I'm not getting any type of revenge. What I'm trying to say is I was never this person before she crushed me.

I'm saying what she did to me sent me down a bad path, a road where I turned into a completely, damaged different person. And I mistakenly got into a relationship with a wonderful woman, being the same piece of shit my ex was.

Maybe my ex didn't MAKE me into this scumbag I am today. But she sent my innocence down a destructive path where I became just like her, or probably worse than her.

I also have no words for myself cheating on my girlfriend with my ex. I really have nothing to justify that. The drugs and alcohol don't help either.

As anon said, I should see a shrink. And my current girlfriend deserves so much better than me. I need to fix myself if that's even possible at this point.
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>>16501067
>Maybe my ex didn't MAKE me into this scumbag I am today. But she sent my innocence down a destructive path where I became just like her, or probably worse than her.


All I hear is "wahhhh this isn't my fault, SHE did it to me"
Fuck off, you're a grown adult and yet you're acting like a fucking child, whining on about how it's not your fault you do these terrible things.
Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop blaming drugs, alcohol, your ex. You were hurt and instead of moving on, you internalized it and acted out to "punish" someone for your ex's mistake as if it was going to reach around and make her feel bad for ruining you.

YOU. YOU did this. YOU fucked other girls while your girl trusted you. YOU made that decision, rationally, intelligently, as an aware adult.

Either YOU can fix it or you can fuck right off
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You lived too long. Now you're a villian, an hero.
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>>16501083
amen
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>>16500417
when your current gf finds you out and leaves you, the lesson you began all those years ago will finally come full circle to its conclusion. should i spoil it for you? ok, here it is- people are to be judged and dealt with on an individual basis. current gf should not be suffering for exgf's mistakes. you are choosing to treat current gf like shit because something in you thinks it is justified due to exgf's bullshit. this is incorrect. now, if you have any decency in you, you will leave current gf without telling her how much of a douche youve been. take some time to get your head right before you try to get back into the whole relationship thing.
source: experience
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OP you are a fucking retard
kill yourself
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>>16500417
Perhaps she was wondering why you would shoot someone before throwing them out of a plane
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>>16500417
You were obviously not the "perfect boyfriend" if your gf cheated on you.

Just break up with your current gf (you don't want her to react like you did) and stop being a jizz cock. Take some time off from relationships and figure out why you do what you do and how you can stop it.
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send this thread to her
Thread posts: 22
Thread images: 2


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