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/adv/ Yesterday I made a thread about the boss who's acting

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/adv/
Yesterday I made a thread about the boss who's acting like a father figure to me but also kind of touchy-feely and compliments my personality and looks/clothes.
I think I'm starting to get feelings for him. I feel so guilty for being a bit cold to him today. What do I do? I don't want to develop feeling for him and we'll be seeing each other a lot one-on-one in the coming weeks.
>>
Oi, a bump. I'm sorry! I didn't expect to suddenly find myself really really liking him, and I shouldn't, he's older than my dad. But he's so kind and he actually listens when I talk, I feel so safe around him and after establishing that he *may* want to get into my pants, I just don't know what to do because that would have disastrous repercussions.
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A final bump.
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Acting like a father figure, meaning there is a great age span between you?

A lot of people meet their future husband/wife at the workplace.

If you are sure you don't what that I guess you would have to talk to somebody. If it is a corporate job they probably have somebody to talk to (Don't mention name or position, just that it's a colleague).

I don't know how to deal with it, but you have to deal with it some how!
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>>16498866
just stay away from him awhile and it will go away
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>>16499960
He has a son who is exactly my age. He is fatherly in that he cares about my wellbeing and touches me often like a dad would touch their kid, messing up my hair and poking me for instance. But there are sometimes more sexual undertones to his actions and words that he doesn't acknowledge at all, like having me do his hair or going on a hike with me just for pleasure. And he always tells me I look wonderful as always He is single now but he was married, lately he's been talking about his ex wife more often too. Lately he's been wishing me a good night almost every evening, and he always tells me how much he enjoyed spending time with me working.
I can't spend less time with him. We work as partners for long stretches of time (3-5 hours/session, a few times a week) and it's collaborative work, we need to work close together and in tandem.

I would really like to talk to someone in HR to figure out what to do, but it's a university job. Do universities have HR's for lab assistants? I'm paid but I haven't spoken to anyone higher up and I don't know if they exist for workers like me.
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>>16500070
Yeah, universities have HR departments for sure. Just try not to get him into trouble since it seems like he hasn't really done anything wrong.
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>>16500131
Since our department is small, I have a sneaking suspicion HR people will know exactly who I'm talking about. I looked up HR for my uni and they're people that my boss knows quite well, and they know I work for him.

Anyway, my problem is that I'm starting to really, really like spending time with him, and I kind of want to hug him. Like, my feelings are getting weird and I've established that his actions, while not bad, are a bit inappropriate.
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>>16500183
Am I the only one on this board that thinks it's weird to date someone with a son the same age?
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>>16500183
If you don't want to go to HR then you should talk to him directly about it. Tell him you're starting to develop some distracting feelings/emotions and that you think it'd be best to set some professional boundaries.
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>>16500189
No, it's really very weird and I wish I weren't developing feelings for someone who is totally inappropriate for me. He is older than my dad!

>>16500190
I can't even imagine how that would go over, it feels like that would be heinously embarrassing for me and awkward for him.
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>>16500190
Plus, we've worked together for over a year (but the kind of inappropriate stuff started this semester) and we basically have NO boundaries. Texting almost everyday, meeting up outside of work, and talking about basically everything (except for sex life). I thought he was just a super gregarious guy. Maybe he really is.
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>>16500201
Just keep him as a friend and stop worrying about the romantic aspect. If it happens then it happens.
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>>16500201
>it feels like that would be heinously embarrassing for me and awkward for him

Yes, it would be embarrassing and awkward... What do you want though? You don't want to go to HR because then other people might find out about what's going on, you don't want to talk to the person that you're having the issue with because then he'll find out about it, you don't seem to like the direction that things are heading without you doing anything at all so... What is it that you want?

Do you just want some magical way to stop the feelings that you're developing for him while changing nothing else? Go try a hypnotherapist or some bullshit.
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>>16500208

If you have no boundries, start putting some up. Slowly, but put them up. Some reasonable things, like not telling him where you are (going), and if he asks say it's personal, even if it's a meet with a friend for coffee. Distinguish between proffessional life and personal.

And I hesitate to ask this, but are you SURE there have been no sexual advances? If you're sure, do you remind him of his wife or childhood sweetheart or something?
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>>16500225
I guess I'm apprehensive about laying out my feelings towards him. It's not really a situation I'm familiar with. I'll keep considering it, though. I think I have one other question-- I have a male professor that I trust quite a bit, but he doesn't know anyone involved but me. Would I be able to ask him on his input? Or is that inappropriate to do?

>>16500242
Thanks, anon, that's some advice I can start using today. I don't really know what you mean by sexual advances, honestly, but he's never compared me to any of the women he's had in his life. I only know I have one big similarity with his ex wife (we're both not from America).
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>>16500292
that depends on you and the prof, some profs are genuinly interested in the personal life of students, ask him first if hes interested, if the answer is yes he will feel good about giving you his advice
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>>16500292
It's not really inappropriate to ask a mentor figure (like the other professor you trust) about advice on these things. Don't go into too much detail or anything but they should be able to give you some solid, professional advice on what to do in your situation.
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Where is professor (not yours) anon? He is made for this type of thread.
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>>16500322
>>16500323
Thanks guys. If I can't set up boundaries on my own, I think I'll ask him what can be done in my situation to gently amend it. I won't mention my crush though, that's embarrassing and my own fault for having it. It just makes his invitations more tempting. I've been kind of ignoring his suggestions to come over to his house and watch movies with him, but maybe that's just being friendly, I don't know.
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I would try to find another place to work.
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>>16500406
Ok, It might be just me, but him inviting you over for watching movies would be like inviting you over for sex.. But I wouldn't know. I've always been a beta.
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>>16498866
>I don't want to develop feeling for him
Why not?
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>>16500607
Not an option right now, we have some projects we absolutely need to finish up.
>>16500812
Oh dear. I don't know, it is quite an ambiguous request but he frames it kindly and innocently.

>>16500818
Because I'm 20 and he's over 50, he's my boss and I admire him, but there's no right way for this to be anything but sex. I'm a virgin and I have a lot of problems, this would not be good for me at all. IF he's trying to get into my head it's working, or I just am an unstable person and get crushes on those who are kind to me.
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>>16501184
The compounding issue is your own feelings are going to make it hard to set boundaries because you obviously like how he's treating you.

If I read between the lines, you're only become concerned now because you've developed these feelings and sexual overtones may not be far over the horizon.

I guess you're Asian (Chinese?) and under the usual pressures that having a relationship brings. Or if not Asian then under similar cultural pressure.

If you're a virgin with a lot of problems then an older guy, with patience, experience and whom you trust, might be the best one to explore sex with. With an age gap like that he's not going to get weird but your own emotional state must be able to handle it.

I suggest not reporting it or discussing it with anyone. If you're comfortable with what he does and you like it, then maybe leave it be and if he goes a step too far then say "I can't" and he will most likely back off.

Don't over think it.
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>>16501184
>>16501235
This is my fetish.
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>>16501235
Thank you, you've described me quote well. I am apprehensive about just going with the flow because it's unclear to me how many (if any) girls he's done this to before-- he is also leaving for a year soon, which is worrying, but maybe this is just a reason that he won't try anything too inappropriate.
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>>16501436
Op, you are just a gigant, self-involved twat. You sound so naive it hurts to read. You either want to fuck this old guy or not, it's literally simple as that. If you choose to start doing stuff with him, be prepared for a disaster because it's not gonna end up well. IF you are as fucked in your head as you say you are/come across, try to distance yourself from that guy and look for a bf among peers
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>>16501451
That is really not a kind thing to say to someone, online or not. This thread has been helpful for me. I feel like you do not understand that feelings can be confusing, and as a 20 year old undergrad chick it can be very hard to understand the intentions of a 50 year old man who is behaving so kindly. I'm sorry I frustrate you, but other have really helped me out in this thread.
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>>16501451
If OP's boss understands her as well as she thinks, I'm sure he'll know not to stick his dick in crazy.
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>>16498866
>Someone does something I don't like
>What are some ways of confronting this without confrontation?
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>>16501673
If he's just being friendly and she accuses him of trying to seduce her, you know that won't end well.
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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