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Long-term relationship. Very long-term, I'm the guy, she's

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Long-term relationship. Very long-term, I'm the guy, she's the girl.

Sex almost non-existent. She never initiates contact, doesn't respond to my attempts to. She acknowledges that it's not what most unmarried couples do, attributes it to anxiety or tiredness over whatever's going on in our lives at that specific point but will perpetually get better.

I was hoping for my sex drive to die down as I grew older in order to be happy in this otherwise perfect relationship but it's not happening, what do I do?
ask her about some sex. how hard can it be to ask that question. i mean it's literally the most essential and natural thing in a relationship
>sex is the most essential thing to a relationship
Umm... No. It's important, but not "the most essential".

Op, if you're unsatisfied in the relationship for any reason and the situation hasn't improved after you've made your feelings and desires clear- then it's time to break up and move on.

Don't be afraid of being single. I know it's worrisome when you're so used to having someone to depend on, but you owe yourself better than this. Take some time to work on yourself and see what's out there. Don't settle for mediocrity. Don't use the time you've invested as an excuse to stick it out longer. If anything, the large amount of time you've been unhappy is an indication that you REALLY a need to break up.

Find a girl who will not cu.ck you

I'm not breaking up over this, we're living together and planning on getting married very soon.

I wouldn't worry about being single, I'm very successful with women.
But I want to be with her.
I'm not unhappy, just unhappy with this.


Funny thing is she's not interested in others, and she still thinks I'm very attractive and even thinks my dick is huge (despite it only being above average).
It's like she entirely forgot about her sexuality (at least the past few months, things were a bit better before).
Was sex a frequent thing before? She's probably fallen out of love with you and is only staying around for security. Do you still try to romance her, like taking her on dates and other activities?

I never "took her out on dates". We still go out about as much as we did, which is not too much.
We live together so we naturally spend a lot of time together.

I'm not sure about whether she's still "in love" but the way she acts hasn't changed in any other way through the years.
Oh come on.
Between you me and the gatepost -

She probably won't improve.

Your sex drive will remain high until well into your 70s

Are you willing to live like this for this length of time.

Arrange a side girl.
That's how my boyfriend felt right before I broke up with him. He was "totally blindsided" despite my lack of interest in intimacy??? Like that's a pretty clear signal that she's not attracted to you anymore.
And this is the chan so you want honest from someone who knows?
Two things turn a woman cold like that.
Shes seeing other people or she is looking for something you arent giving.
Aint nothin on you,all women,including yours are flighty.
Ive been in a meant to be ,15 year relationship,best friend,all that horseshit and when she got tired shes just like,oh well,we just dont click anymore.
60% divorce rate youngblood and you are starting with a major spoke missing.
Talk prenup(most states dont even recognize them anymore) and see how she reacts.If you cant get a rational answer or clear conversation about that topic,run to the next titty bar you can find and do exactly what last post said.
Marriage is nothing but economic suicide.
you can't negotiate sexual attraction. You're the easy safe option, is what is. It's gonna get worse from here btw, though without doubt she'll at some point suggest it'll get better if you get married
>I'm not breaking up over this, we're living together and planning on getting married very soon.



Joke's on her if she marries me for my money. We take turns being poorer than the other and neither of us care much about money.

She's not really cold, she's jealous of women in my life, she's cuddly, wants to spend time with me all the time, gets bitter if I let her sleep alone instead of having her fall asleep in my arms.

We're closer than ever in every sense but sex.


We're essentially married, and plan to get the paperwork rather soon. No such suggestion.
jesus christ redpill awareness should be mandatory reading for all males in the 21st century

You realize I wouldn't ruin my relationship with someone now my closest friend and best person I could hope to father kids with just for sex?

I might get someone to fuck on the side for that if I can't figure it out, but that's only a small part of what you're in a relationship for.

Or do you really believe I can hope to find someone that's a perfect fit for me (I'm not the most common type of person) and really get to know them and how my relationship will be with them 10 years in, before I'm too old to have kids that won't graduate school when I'm on my deathbed.
This reminds me of my relationship.
Been together 8 years, sex dwindled after a while & then we got engaged. Very rare sex for a while, got married. Not even had sex since we got married. It's very affectionate with hugs/kisses etc but no sex.

How would you feel if you never had sex again with her? You need to address it before you get married, I wish I did.
Maybe she thinks that the sex will start up again once you're married. I hoped for it but no.
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>she's jealous of women in my life, she's cuddly, wants to spend time with me all the time, gets bitter if I let her sleep alone instead of having her fall asleep in my arms.
>We're closer than ever in every sense but sex.
Read through this and I'm willing to bet she'll score at least 15 out of 20. She's super clingy, and clingy girls hardly ever are attracted to their boyfriends (also speaking from experience here, >4 year LTR I've been in). They don't care about you or you needs, all they care about is fixing that gaping black hole of insecurity with ANY guy which happened to be you. Another thing is that the less you do stuff without her or talk to other women, the less attracted she is going to get.

Really I've been there and wasted FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER, EVER GET BACK. And seeing you sign away your life because you're too lazy, too complacent and too goddamn scared of the big wide world with all those unknown women in it makes me fucking mad.

>plan to get the paperwork rather soon
You do realize this is a piece of paper which says you'll be responsible for a person who isn't even attracted to you forever?
>just for sex
>that's only a small part of what you're in a relationship for.
jesus fucking christ. You're already contemplating cheating on the woman you're about to marry, this is so pathetic man.

>Or do you really believe I can hope to find someone that's a perfect fit for me (I'm not the most common type of person) and really get to know them and how my relationship will be with them 10 years in, before I'm too old to have kids that won't graduate school when I'm on my deathbed.
YES obviously. Read your own fucking sentence again and just see how it reeeeeeks of fear. Fear of dying alone, fear of never having kids, or not finding the right person. Here's one truth for you: this girl is not the right person.

And 10 years means jack shit if she isn't even attracted enough to have sex with you. I bet I've pumped and dumped girls who after she stayed the night I had a closer bond with that you have with your girlfriend. If you spend 10 years with ANYONE they'll be your best friend.

Jesus dude you're wasting your damn life I'm so mad right now. I would be less mad if this had some magical turnaround where you get redpilled and see what the hell you are doing. But it won't end like that. It will end with you taking the easy way, just go with the flow, just spend some more years and maybe it'll get better, until after 12 more years you'll find out your wife's libido wasn't that low at all, at least not for the last 7 years where she had been sleeping with some guy from the gym. Bonus points if at least one of your kids isn't yours.
You need to talk to her about it. Ask her why things are the way they are. Is there something you're not giving her or something she doesn't like doing?
Have you tried new things?
Communication is key here.
Sex drive can be affected by a lot of outside factors. Stress, wrong form of birth control, anxiety etc. etc.
You need to be very open about this with each other. Ask her what she thinks the reason is and what you can do to change or improve it.
And if all else fails, you need make it crystal clear to her, that your needs aren't being met and that you are sexually frustrated. And eventually that might drive you into the arms of another woman who is willing to fulfill your needs. (This should of course be the last resort)
Fear is a reealy bad motivator in a relationship.
Look man,we all here know you will stay with her till you are burned and probably even after that,its human nature after attachments are made but what you got can end.Enjoy what you got and im not without sentimentality to say fight for what you got but word of warning:There is a tidal wave of tsunamic fucking proportions coming to completely obliterate the idea called marriage.
Two reasons why:
1)Women are fucking crazy
2)You cant make a marriage work with crazy
40% chance and falling itll last past year five.
I know,you guys are different.
Zactly what i thought.

She's anything but clingy. We spend a lot of time doing our own thing (I play vidya, she does some work stuff on her computer, she listens to music in another room while on facebook, I work on my own stuff, she goes out with her friends and I go out with mine etc.).

I mentioned she's still jealous as a sign of her still caring about me in that way, but she's not pathologically jealous, it's just because I've had women come on too strong in the past and she knows because I don't hide things from her.

I'm just laughing at your insecurities about marriage. I'd be happy to pay for my kid in case we get a divorce, but she's more financially stable than I am at the moment and she should be worried more about me getting her money.

>Another thing is that the less you do stuff without her or talk to other women, the less attracted she is going to get.

m8 that happens to all woman, their insecurities make her attracted to you because that's the way she can realize that you are cappable of fucking other woman

Once you show that you don't care about other woman, they become less attracted to you because she doesn't have to compete against you.

it's the "marriage man are more attractive" all over again
you're obviously some PUA scum who has no fucking clue what he's talking about because you're to afraid of real emotions and rather go pick up a different girl every night.

Sex drive can be affected by so many things, it has nothing to do with attraction.

Also saying 10 years means jack shit shows that you've never had relationship long enough to find out.

Don't listen to all these morons here. Talk to her about! Ask her what she thinks could improve her sex drive again. Try different birth control. My GF stopped using the pill after 14 years and has been a crazy sex maniac ever since. So it could in fact have something to do with that. Maybe her hormones are going crazy. There are literally a thousand things that can affect her sex drive. You need to talk to each other and maybe even see a doctor about it.
money isn't the issue I'm seeing with your marriage, it's the fact that you'll be with someone who doesn't think you're attractive enough to be intimate with. Have a fun life op you're a lost cause

doesn't have to compete for you*
>"marriage man are more attractive" all over again
unless you're the chump she's married to

PUA lol it's for kids. I'm saying this because I spent 7 years in EXACTLY OPs situation and I didn't see it until I was out of it. Everyone here including me is seeing the truth, and you aren't. I know what you see because I've been in your place. Good luck OP I feel bad for you but it's your life.
well the truth is, he hasn't really spoken to her about it and they haven't explored all options to why this is happening.
If you are willing to dump your GF of 10 years because she MIGHT have a medical reason for a low sex drive, then I feel sorry for you.

I'm not saying what you're saying isn't true. It might all be true and she just doesn't want to be fucked by him anymore. BUT I think 10 years are worth fighting for and making sure you explored every other possibility.

So again, only one way out of this OP, TALK TO HER! Make sure she understands how this makes you feel and that you want to work it out together.
you're assuming they have had a tip top sex life for 10 years and only suddenly it's dwindling, in which case something like a new pill or whatever could have caused it.

Maybe OP can enlighten us with how long this has been going on?

She's got some health issues and is taking some medication so I'll check out if there's any case that could be messing with her.

Birth control isn't the issue, the pill isn't a common thing over here and she's never been on it.

She never had the sex drive I have and I'm pretty okay with that because mine varies too, but right now the mismatch is pretty terrible.
Hey, I've taken antidepressants for a while and my libido went completely out the window. Haven't had sex in 6 months before seeing a doctor who then told me it might be related to my medication. Turns out, it was. Switched to a different kind and everything is back to normal.
So before you jump to any conclusions see a doctor. Also maybe switch to a different kind of pill. A friend of mine also had problems with her libido and turns out it was related to the pill she was taking.
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>no sex
>otherwise perfect

doesn't that just make it a platonic friendship?
And you're assuming you know anything about her or their relationship.
Just read this list of possible causes for a low sex drive in women.

There are so many possible reasons for this.

You need to talk to her about it.
top kek

have a fun life trying to beg your wife into having sex with you op. I'll be with my gf, we have some crazy fucked up kinky sex twice a day or more if my dick wouldn't hurt afterwards. Take care and remember to livestream when you finally kill yourself
dude this isn't /b/ go crawl back into your hole.
you don't know the first thing about me and are already making assumptions just so you can make yourself look superior.
I never once said anything about me or my relationship. I simply said that there are more reasons for a low sex drive than the attraction to one another.

But what ever, why do I even bother...
does she perhaps have some fetish she doesn't talk about?

We've talked about it passingly, she sees it as an issue but attributes it only to things like not getting enough time to ourselves due to having to travel or going out and doing other things or moving to a new place, along with some changes to both our working conditions.

But the thing is we've been having less sex even before that, and it might be related to what she was diagnosed with and started taking some meds for because it might have been around that time or a bit before that.

Oh and I should say that when we end up having sex it's pretty fun for both of us (I don't think she has ever NOT orgasmed, not even once), it's not like it's a chore for her, but it's been happening less and less.

That wasn't me you're responding to, I'm OP. She doesn't have any significant fetishes, we haven't talked about things like this for a few years because we know what we like.
She's a bit submissive, but nothing too extreme (some heavy spanking, some dirty talk), I never acted disapprovingly of anything she said so if it was a fetish that was holding her back I believe she would have told me.
Phewww son,you have no idea what awaits you on the kid front.
You just dont and you are saying you are margin poor.
Whoever owns the home will get physical custody.That is usually the bitch cuz she needs that security.
Even if you own the home she can kick you out and local police/sheriffs have her back.Enter the lawyers.And watch what money.you.might.have stashed.Disafuckingppear.
Thats just to get back into the house to prove the house is yours to acess your own files after she posts a no tresspass order she can basically write on a napkin and show to a court clerk to make it legal.Then,if she revokes your name from phone acess on your bank mortgage good luck getting back in without a three month mess.What if paents arent made?Whoops,all those lawyer retainers drained your shit,honer badger dont give a shit and those faggots will ask for the entire note in 90 days.A new war.And with all that you will be in JDR court just to be able to see your kids,which 3 months prior,you were father to on a daily basis.Then,regardless of where you live,in the back of a Yugo or a cardboard box,if on paper you make more than the bitch she can ask for marital support.
Plus,since you arent the cp-custodial parent,you will be assessed support payments regardless of foreclosure or bankrupcy.Be prepared for an assessment double of what you make because if you are in arrears the state starts to take over and get a percentage of your payments.
Das right,most states take administrative percentages8-15% of your support payments.
And thats just a taste of modern divorce in america without her lying about some feigned bullshit to get you criminally charged.
You have no idea,at all,what marriage has become in this country.Just dont and if you are in the UK the shit is even worse.
Word to the wise,choosing a university is important in your life but the bitch you decide to be with can very well determine whether you live or die in the future.
well things change over the years. maybe she's gotten more submissive and you're not being dominant enough. who knows.

at this point I think every possible explanation has been mentioned here and it's now up to you to talk to her openly and making sure she get's what you're trying to say.
You're sexually frustrated and need that to change in order to be happy. Make her hear that loud and clear.
Or shes sapiosexual and only nerd talk will get her going,who knows.

But I don't live in the US, laws are much better over here and my girl is not crazy. We love each other as a person anyway, so even if we ended up divorcing we wouldn't be dicks to each other (and we've tried breaking up before, it was pretty civil).

Stop projecting your own insecurities about potentially marrying the wrong person because you go for vapid women, and start dealing with my issue, please.
we are. there is nothing more to say. it's your turn now. Go talk to her about everything we just discussed here.
How you feel and that you're frustrated and that you need something to change.
Take a look at this. Might be helpful, might not.


It paints sex as incredibly in all relationships, and I would argue it's very important in most, but definitely not all.

Clearly, it's very important in yours (at least to you), so you need to have a chat with your significant other.
Make it candid, and honest. Ultimately, if one party is not satisfied and cannot rectify this in a way that is
completely OK with the other, that unsatisfied party needs to make some hard choices about sticking around.

Good luck Anon, I wish you the best of luck.
>Sex almost non-existent.
>planning on getting married very soon.

Enjoy your divorce rape when she inevitably cheats on you and you're stuck with alimoney/child support forever.

You got too beta, she lost attraction, everything else is excuses.
Well that could be the problem too because women use sex as a barganing tool. You need to spend money on her if you want sex. Men evolved to extract resources from their environment while women evolved to extract resources from men or i can be wrong and she just lost respect for you.
>You need to spend money on her if you want sex.
TERRIBLE, betastic advice, guaranteed backfire.
>Well that could be the problem too because women use sex as a barganing tool
Any woman that does this deserves dread game at best, or a hard next at worst.

this desu

but you should've just posted the story of the spreadsheet guy (i.e. OP's future)


if that doesn't wake him up to the fact that getting married to her is a horrible idea, nothing will
OP it seems like she truly loves you. She could have other problems contributing to her low sex drive, such as medication or stress. I have antidepressants and the birth control bill so my libido is really low, but that doesn't mean I love my fiance any less. He means the absolute world to me. So, what we do is a lot of sexual acts without going the full way, because sex can be painful for some girls such as myself so it takes a lot of foreplay. Suggest making out naked while masturbating, oral sex, dirty talk. Include her in your masturbation. It'll give you the feeling of intimacy without penetrating. Good luck, and congrats on engagement.

Yeah that shit is weird I'm not doing stuff with her not being into it, me being naked and her just going through the motions, I'd rather cheat.


If I do insist on having sex we're going to probably end up having it, but I want it to be natural instead of forced. I've only had her use an excuse as being too tired just as much as I've used the same excuse.

It's mainly because this has never been the sort of relationship where we went "Let's have sex", but organically ended up having it.
If you'd rather cheat than share an intimate experience, you're fucked up and I hope she leaves you. Seriously that's messed up.
See a couples counsellor. It feels like you failed having to do that, but you haven't and it is incredibly helpful. Right now she will resent you for always trying to fuck her, and you will resent her for not fucking you.
she's depressed man.
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