What do you do when your girlfriend is constantly depressed?

>>16494213
get out now. i am the voice of experience, op. this girl, and most like her, are sinking ships that you will go down with if you stick around. she will not change, and this will continue to damage your own mental health as long as youre involved with her. you need to plan this out- make sure you wont have to see her again after you break things off. she will cry, she will probably get hostile/violent, but you have to stick to your guns. you have to take care of you, man.

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>>16494213
Well what I did when she was depressed was stick around and wait for her to get better. She didn't. She simply became more delusional, depressed and psychotic and I became her punching bag for it.

What I should've done was leave. You know that, but are afraid that she will die or harm herself if you leave or you are worried you'll regret it. Maybe you will, but is there anything worse than sticking around with someone as awful as she is? Probably not a whole ton.

What you should do is leave her. You can't fix her. You can't save her. She has to be the one to do that. Even if you made her life full of enjoyable activities, she could still decide to be unhappy. You can't save her. She can only save herself.

>>16494241
>>16494241

I really wish there was another way. I really fucking do. I feel so hopeless.

What the fuck is causing this? It's not fair.

>>16494247

>as awful as she is

When she's not like this, she's my dream girl.

If it wasn't this way, I probably would have left. I don't know why the fuck shes like this. I guess she's bipolar? All I know is that mental illness ruins the lives of more than just the people afflicted. I actually expected to get called a huge asshole for my thread desu.

I still don't feel comfortable leaving her. That's what my brain tells me to do. My heart just fucking won't let me...

Dude i was in the same position as you are in right now.... at the end I couldnt stand it so I broke up with her.... she got better with time... I dont really know if I regret it but im glad shes ok now.... breaking up I still believe was the good choise... thats what i suggest

I'd love a girl like this. A girl I'd understand since being a depressive shitbag myself. Where'd you find her?

Also, if you don't understand or can't deal with her, leave.

>>16494274
>>16494274

I highly doubt you'd understand her or a girl like her just because you're depressed too.

Well that seems to be the consensus. The thing is is I already know I can't do it for something like this. I'll regret abandoning her. She wasn't always like this.

>>16494251
nothing is fair, dude. the cause is likely so deep seeded and convoluted that you wouldnt even understand it if you found it. the only solution is to get out before this fucks you up even more. you cannot change her, and she obviously refuses to make the effort to change herself. trust me, ive been there (recently, at that). i know its hard. im still dealing with the after-feels myself, but this is ultimately whats best for the both of you. and i think you know this to be true.

tl;dr: grab your balls and do what must be done

>>16494281
>I highly doubt you'd understand her or a girl like her just because you're depressed too

To understand, you must be or become...

>>16494287

I just can't do it. I can't give up on her.

>>16494241
>get out now. i am the voice of experience
^this.

i had a depressed gf too and it serioously fucked me up, still dealing with the consequences for my mental health to date (am in psychological treatment)

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>>16494304
You aren't giving up on her. The moment she stopped, or never started, to care for her mental health she gave up on herself. You aren't doing any good for her. You are allowing her to disregard her and your mental health, and physical health from the sounds of it, in order to validate her existence. You want her to be a person, not a leech.

Femanon here. Ive been on both sides of this kind of thing, OP. If shed be homeless without you, hook her up with some homelessness resources, and then let go. Dont feel guilty about it. You aren't her father. No matter how much you try to fix her, she isnt going to get better. Not like this. And when she picks up on your resentment, youll be the bad guy even more often. Just let go. I know it hurts like a bitch but if you hold on its going to beat you down, and for what??

Stop trying to fix your broken gf and fix the confidence issues in yourself.
You are not a magical cure for depression. Dicking her a few dozen times isn't going to fix it either.
Dump her, you don't have enough badges for that shit.

>>16494362

I just cant do it

>>16494371
>I just cant do it
then rent a room in the nearest psychiatry for yourself. you are going to need it soon.

>>16494371
Then you have issues too. Probably co-dependency.

What that means is that deep down you want someone to need you. In fact it isn't a want. You need someone to depend on you. Ultimately, this is just you being self-indulgent.

>>16494376

>>16494368

Yeah. My brain agrees with you. Heart tells me to not abandon her even if you say its not abandonment.

Maybe ill find some way to do the psychiatry treatments for her. Ill get stronger than i already am.

As far as my confidence goes I wasnt always like this. My mother died in march and i got depressed, she was there for me and helped me out of it. This is probably one of the main reasons i am so conflicted. Id feel like a traitor. I just cant live with that.

>>16494383

I think you fancy your analysis abilities a bit too much but granted you are only going off pieces of information. Its probably what id assume too.

Thanks for the point of view

>>16494398
>I'll get stronger than I am
>I'll be her therapist
You can never become strong enough to support her unless she wants to get better. You aren't a professional. She was there for you, yes, but did she decide to be happy for you? Did she make you happy in spite of you not wanting to do so? No. Even you said that she "helped you out of it". That doesn't mean making everything perfect. It is showing you that you can help yourself. You decided that being happy was more worth it than being sad and that you started doing things to make yourself happy. If you can't live with yourself as a traitor, then you won't be able to live with yourself as someone who can't help her either. Neither are healthy ways to live your life and I hope you realize that.

>>16494419
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship

Also, this should show you clearly that at least some of your actions are codependent or have symptoms thereof.

>>16494419

Well, I guess I fucked up then.

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>>16494436
Perhaps you did, but fucking up isn't the end of the world either. Fucking up is a normal part of living. To continue to choose to fuck up is not healthy and that is exactly what you are choosing to do if you stay with her.

As much as you love her, you can't save her. As much as it hurts you're going to have to break the relationship. Her ship is sinking and she's just bringing you down with her. She can only help herself and no matter of support or effort is going to change that OP. I beg of you to get it through your head. Get out and don't look back. Don't try to contact her, don't check up on her, because everytime you do it will just extend the pain.

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>>16494433
>>16494433

Well, I read all of it.

The only thing that feels right to me, is that I should definitely give her more space when she gets sad and not jump to her rescue. I can be there for her if she comes to me and maybe stop her from doing something stupid if I can, but running right to the rescue all the time is bad. That, is something that makes sense.

We both have our own circle of friends, some of them are friends with both of us. We have our own hobbies, and some of them are the same. She really is great when she's not depressed. Otherwise, I definitely would have told my heart to shut the fuck up.

So here's what I will do. I will try some of the tips mentioned in that article and try to get her some professional help to the best of my ability. If none of this works, then I really will have to abandon ship.

I've been with many women. None of them made me feel the way this one does when she's at her best. She is so awesome when she is at her best.

I'm just trying to do what I feel is the right thing to do.

OP, why exactly can't you let her go?
Do you love her? I'm sorry, but even if she does get better, she's not getting back to her old self. I actually think nobody gets completely out of depression- there's always this empty feeling, hidden, and it changes people.

I bet that if she gets better she'll probably dump you and you will regret not leaving when you had the chance.

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>>16494481
I think that is okay anon. If you are able to set healthy boundaries, then the relationship is okay. It is alright that she gets sad and you don't need to leave her because she is sad, but also remember it isn't your job to make her happy because you can't control that. Let her know you are there and do fun things with her, but don't try to save her because you won't be able to.

>>16494213
Hey OP, in the same exact boat, except it isnt as severe. My girlfriend has everything similar except no actual attempts. I'm the happy out going guy with my beautiful but conflicted girlfriend. I know how hard it is man, and in those times that she is like that it's fucking impossible to be happy. However I see someone already gave you the advice I am going to tell you. You have to back up a little bit, I know it's hard. I know you care so much and want to be right there for her and are always worrying about her. I was like this, it made things worse. It was difficult distancing myself a little bit, it seems like it's a move that someone who loves someone would do, however in all truth if you love her you will do this for her. Be supportive that she talks to you and encourage it, but do not enforce it. Be there for her, but do not shed your sympathy and indulge in the same mood she is in. It all creates a sorrow jerk circle, it sucks I always do it. Be happy, distance yourself, and keep your love strong, do not worry though, try to do things for her that will lessen her burden with life, like laundry, dinner, etc. Good luck im so sorry anon, but I know what you are going through.

>>16494487
>>16494487

I've already made up my mind.

>I bet she'll dump you if she gets better

That would hurt and would go against her character, but that's her choice. Finding love again would not be impossible in the slightest.

Like I have said. I just want to do the right thing. It might hurt me in the end but that's life, full of uncertainty.

>>16494499
Same guy here, I also think a lot of people in this thread and on /adv/ in general don't understand love. I understand the love you have for her and everything you are doing is justified, don't follow the leave her advice. Love is something special in this world and you're what makes this world great, not giving up when it's hard. Also no it isn't your job to make her happy, however it kind of is if you are lovers. Don't take the responsibility to the point where you feel guilty for not being able to fix her, but just be there for her.

>>16494499

You know, your post actually made me think of something my mother would have said.

My mother would have said to try to be a positive force in her life and you don't need to be her savior to do that. Thanks anon, I really appreciate it.

>>16494496
>>16494507

This post too really. Thanks everyone. I feel like I can be myself again!

>>16494241

This. I went through the same shit and it isn't worth it. It sucks for them but life is never fair. They're gonna break you or drag you down to their level. You're just a crutch for their 'leg' that will never heal due to their refusal of help.

Had a buddy that is currently fucked up from his gf. She refuses any help and drains everybody around her. She literally threatened suicide to get him to stay and he's staying around since he's desperate and easily manipulated.

>>16494213
As the "depressed girl" in my relationship I say leave if you do not have the emotional strength for it.
Do not feel bad; being depressed sucks the life out of oneself and would definitely sap the life of an SO who was desperately trying to understand and help. It takes an insane amount of time and resources to help some one who is depressed and you leaving is not a sign you don't love her or are too weak. You simply don't have the resources.
You can direct her to professional help but if that's not possible please do your best to help her ride it out. Recovery is easier when you have help. Give her reassurance when she needs it and get her out of the house so she won't hurt herself.

It is your resentment, however, that brings me concern. If anything, that's a huge hint you need to take a step back and leave

This isn't "depression" it's Borderline Personality Disorder.

Get out.

GET THE FUCK OUT ANON