[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

Can't stop thinking about other girl

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 24
Thread images: 3

I am in relationship with a girl A for more than a year, she is nice but she has started acting really weird last few months.

From the day we started she slowly filled me up with more and more limitations, she restricts me to do many things I liked to do before (going out, drinking alcohol (not overdoing it btw),...) She also doesn't want me to talk with anyone that has vagina and gets jealous when girls like my stuff on facebook. She is constantly monitoring all my texts etc.

I have tried talking to her about it and how I need my piece of freedom but it was not really successful, she keeps doing the same stuff only thing that happened then was she was sad because she is "bad girlfriend" even tho I never said anything like that.

I never had such restrictions on her, I never bothered her for talking to anybody, hanging with boys etc. Trying to change her attitude towards me and making stuff more comfortable for me just doesn't seem to work since all she does when I try to talk to her about something that serious she closes down and cries. I love her but I feel more and more uncomfortable and I am no longer feeling like myself.

Some of her demands are just stupid, today she bothered me because I told her tomorrow I am going to the shooting range with my friends. She started how I never take time for her between week days even tho we never have been together at that time on mondays because her schedule doesn't let us. She even felt pissed when I told her we are going to have band rehearsals twice a week instead of once, she started acting crazy how band is more important than her etc. even after explaining to her it is not going to hurt our time being together.

Meanwhile I met girl on one metal concert she managed to let me go to (lets call that girl girl B) and I just can't stop thinking about her, talking to her feels so easy, she seems interested but she is a bit unstable and reckless. I am not thinking about cheating or anything.
>>
File: madbones.gif (58KB, 752x752px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
madbones.gif
58KB, 752x752px
>>16490273
>From the day we started she slowly filled me up with more and more limitations, she restricts me to do many things I liked to do before (going out, drinking alcohol (not overdoing it btw),...) She also doesn't want me to talk with anyone that has vagina and gets jealous when girls like my stuff on facebook. She is constantly monitoring all my texts etc.

DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER

GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP NOW. NOT LATER. NOW.

Take it from a guy who's been there; that is the worst kind of crazy and it WILL fuck you up in the head for a long, long time if you let it go on.

No one who puts restrictions on their partner like that is worth staying with, regardless of anything else. She might not be beating you, but that's an abusive relationship nonetheless. If you've already tried talking to her about it and she's been resistant, it's over.
>>
>>16490317
It's just so hard, I keep believing in second chances and I am trying to talk with her about it etc. but it's just... not working...

How can I be sure it's just not something in my head? Especialy when there is another girl going through my mind?
>>
>>16490339
Her telling you what you're allowed to do and who you're allowed to talk to is not "In your head." Her being jealous over something as petty and meaningless as a Facebook "Like" is not "In your head." Her MONITORING YOUR COMMUNICATIONS is not "In your head."

There is no gray area here, dude. She's controlling, jealous, untrusting, and manipulative. You don't want to be in that kind of poisonous relationship.

This happened to me when I was in my late teens, so believe me, I know how you're feeling. I know all about the self-doubt and misplaced guilt. But you've got to trust me when I tell you that the ONLY right thing to do here is get her out of your life as fast as possible, no matter how hard that is or how much it hurts. Rip off the band-aid.

Don't rebound on Girl B right away; give it two or three months so that you can recover and get your head back on straight. But keep her in mind if you like.
>>
>>16490375
That seems pretty reasonable. What about consequences? What am I to expect? She probably won't like the idea of staying friends or is this possible? Is it bad or good idea to do so?
>>
>>16490400
To be honest, whether she wants to stay friends or not, I don't think that you should. Spending time with her, even non-romantically, would be extremely harmful to your psychological healing process.

Maybe in a few years one of you will want to extend an olive branch to the other, but that's for then, not now.
>>
>>16490417
that feels so painful... I feel like pure evil doing this.
>>
>>16490437
Not to be dramatic, but if anyone's evil it's the girl who's treating her partner like a prisoner, who doesn't trust them enough to allow them to make their own decisions about how to spend their time or who to associate with, and who uses tears to manipulate you out of talking about your relationship issues.

Regardless, I think "Evil" is a strong word, but either way, she's very clearly the person at fault here. Her behavior and attitude are both extremely unhealthy, and right now you need to concern yourself with your own well-being and stability; not how she'll react to you getting gone.

If it would help you, I could tell you my whole story, but otherwise, the best advice I can give you is to kick-start your own mental recovery from what I assure you is a very, very unhealthy relationship.
>>
>>16490458
I would love to hear full story, I think it would help.
>>
>>16490474
When I was seventeen, I went to prom with a girl who I had been friends and classmates with for a few years, and at the end of the night we decided to start dating. Things were pretty good at first, but over time I noticed that she got extremely jealous whenever I talked to other girls. This was a problem, because a lot of my good childhood friends just happened to be girls, including one of my best friends who I had known since I was ten. I'll call the girl I was dating Carrie and the old friend Aubrey.

Aubrey had developed a crush on me at one point (when we were about fourteen), and we had called one another "Boyfriend & girlfriend" for several months before coming to the mutual realization that we didn't really know what dating was all about and didn't have any "Adult" feelings for one another. This affected basically nothing, as we had been dating more or less in name only, and we remained very close friends.

Carrie was aware of this fact before she ever started dating me, but eventually she got into a conversation with Aubrey behind my back and found out that I had ended my phone conversations with her by saying "Love ya" during our faux-dating period. This caused her to fly in an absolute rage at me, because I had told her that she was the first girl I had ever really loved (which was completely true), and she saw this as evidence that I had lied to her and tried to hide details about my prior relationship.

(continuing)
>>
>>16490500
So Carrie basically tells me that I'm a horrible person and that she can't find it in her heart to trust me anymore. However, she doesn't break up with me over it. Naturally, I'm destroyed and wracked with guilt, and I try to do everything I can to make it up to her and repair the damage that I'm being made to feel like I've caused.

After this incident, Carrie's jealousy goes into overdrive, and I'm basically driven to push away all of my former female friends out of fear. No phone calls, no e-mails, no nothing. They're just out of my life entirely, and I've basically got nobody left except for a couple of male friends who don't live nearby and Carrie.

Now, at this point I should mention that Carrie had some problems of her own at home. Despite not being Asian, her parents fit the high-pressure, scholastic-focused stereotype of a Chinese couple to a T. Her older brother was called a "Prodigy," her grandmother was a political pundit, and so there was a huge amount of pressure on her to achieve, succeed, and meet all of their unrealistic expectations of her.

(continuing)
>>
>>16490500
>>16490511
So far it sounds quite similar, my GFs mother really push her into thinking she needs good grades and she is working hard to reach them, she is super disappointed by getting C I just wanna pass and have fun.

I guess my GF also has some random reasons not to trust me, but it doesn't make any sense. Even my friends started to notice it is stupid how limited I am becoming.
>>
Get out while you still have your balls, though I kinda doubt you actually do
>>
>>16490511
Eventually, she started to shift these same expectations towards me. I've always loved writing and language, and was in community college working towards a communications degree. However, when Carrie found out that I'd gotten a C+ on a math test, instead of consoling me she berated me and started threatening to leave me if I wasn't basically getting straight A grades in school. She made me feel like I was stupid and not good enough for her.

I was infatuated with her, and after having finally regained her "Trust" from the Aubrey incident, I didn't dare argue. So the relationship soldiered on despite all the problems. She could tell me that my hobbies were childish, she could psychoanalyze me (she wanted to become a psychiatrist and liked to make Freudian assumptions about people), but I wasn't deterred.

One time, when we were preparing to leave on a shore trip together during the summer, my mother kissed me goodbye on the cheek. Carrie subsequently spent half of the car ride there interrogating me about whether she had seen my mother had kissing me on the lips, and insinuating that she thought I was lying to her when I insisted that she had not.
>>
>>16490533
nahh I'm quite a crazy and usually too brave, yet I don't wanna be reckless in such decisions.
>>
>>16490541
whoa this is just wicked, my relationship is not yet that far crazy, but do you think it is going to be if I don't make my stand now?
>>
>>16490541
(still continuing)

All of our problems came to a head on my 18th birthday. I was on the phone with Carrie when I got another call and switched lines to see who it was. To my surprise, Aubrey had called to wish me a happy birthday. I made friendly conversation for five or ten minutes, then called Carrie back. When I told her who I had been talking to, she exploded at me again about how I was ruining her life.

I finally snapped, and began to demand that Carrie tell me how she wanted me to kill myself, since nothing else that I could do would make her happy. I had totally lost it. I don't think that I ever would have actually hurt myself, but I was in complete despair. After I finally calmed down, we talked it out some more and Carrie promised that she wouldn't leave me.

Big surprise when two days later, during our nightly phone conversation, she decided to dump me anyway. Didn't even have the guts to do it in person. I was destroyed, but she wanted to stay friends, so we did.

(continuing)
>>
File: cycle of abuse.png (72KB, 650x452px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
cycle of abuse.png
72KB, 650x452px
She is controlling and manipulative. That's what the "bad girlfriend" thing is, manipulation. She is twisting your emotions and guilt in order to destroy your momentum when you're trying to confront her. When you bring up bad behavior she immediately turns the blame on your instead of her. You have to walk on eggshells around her in order to please her and you need to crawl for forgiveness when you can't meet her unrealistic expectations.

This is abuse. Get the fuck out. Don't let her manipulate you into staying with her, because she can and will try that.

This will not get better, it will only get worse. yes she will be upset and hurt by you leaving, but she needs to learn that this sort of behavior is unacceptable, or she will never change. Leave and don't look back. You will be happy you did.
>>
>>16490562
So we continued to attend classes together for a few months, until I finally convinced her to give me a second chance. However, this time, there was the stipulation that our relationship had to be a "Secret," and that no one, especially not her father, could know about it.

I was desperate, so I agreed to her terms, and got back on the carousel of unhappiness. Old patterns repeated themselves, and despite devoting myself to this girl and remaining her "Secret," and doing everything that I could for her, she dumped me again after another few months. Over the phone. Again. She still blamed me for the birthday incident, and told me that I had given her nightmares and generally ruined her life by threatening suicide, and she couldn't move past it.

Yet, she still wanted to stay friends. So we were amiable during classes and continued our regular e-mail exchanges. Until one day she picked another fight with me over e-mail about something stupid that she had decided to twist around, and in a moment of clarity I realized that I was done being jerked around and I messaged her back to never speak to me again.

(happy ending inbound)
>>
>>16490590
So I spent a couple of months being an emotional disaster and repairing all of the friendships that I had stamped out at Carrie's behest. Which included Aubrey. And when I told her the whole sad story and apologized for being such an awful friend, Aubrey simply said "I forgive you for it; that's what friends are for."

This threw me through a loop, and made me realize what had been missing in my relationship with Carrie - no matter what she did, and no matter what she accused me of and blamed me for, she never, ever, ever forgave me for anything. Ever.

A few months later, Aubrey also admitted that she had developed real, mature feelings for me, and after realizing how much her trust and forgiveness meant to me, I decided that the feeling was mutual. In the ultimate "Fuck you" to my last relationship, Aubrey and I did exactly what Carrie had always feared the most and started dating again, for real this time.

(conclusion)
>>
>>16490609
Well I admit on doing few mistakes myself, she did forgive them but it's kind of derived from her demands.
>>
>>16490609
Fast forward to today, and I've now been happily married to Aubrey for three years. When we have problems in our relationship, we talk and work through them, and we never hold grudges.

A few years after we had broken up for the last time, Carrie sent me a friend request on Facebook, and in an attempt to move past everything that had happened between us, I accepted it. Then, a few months later, after she had made a few too many judgmental comments on posts made by my friends, I unfriended her again. I've never dealt with her since.

So anon, that's my wild ride. Take it as a cautionary tale if you like. You're not the only person who's ever been in the situation that you find yourself in now. I get it, and I know that it's hard and that it hurts. I know that getting out seems terrifying. But it will be absolutely the best thing for you if you get this girl out of your life and move on. It'll be awful for a while - maybe a long time, even. But once it's over, you'll be so much happier and more confident that you'll hardly believe it.

I struggled with self-worth issues and depression for years after my toxic relationship with Carrie, but after a lot of personal effort I've gotten better. I hope that my experience and my advice can help you to make the right decision faster than I did, and save you the trouble of dealing with the long-term effects of dating a crazy bitch.
>>
>>16490627
amazing story :D enjoyed it and I am feeling much more confident now. Thank you :D you are awesome anon :D
>>
>>16490635
Best to you, friend. Don't give up, don't compromise, and stay strong. It's a great tropical day on the other side of the storm.
Thread posts: 24
Thread images: 3


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.