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My boyfriend told his and my parents he was going to marry me

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Thread replies: 29
Thread images: 4

My boyfriend told his and my parents he was going to marry me and purpose in a couple weeks. Thing is he recently changed his mind about wanting to have kids he wants to but does not want to admit to it where as I do not. I do not see myself marrying anyone I do not want a life style like that I want to have pets and focus on my career. Something else changed recently too he is in his late 20s and befriended some 19 year old and since all he talks about is alcohol which makes me very unattracted to him. He will send me pictures of all the alcohol he has drank and it bothers me.

Should I just break it off? My family really wants me to get married but I am only 21 and do not see that as a future for myself. I feel very limited.
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gtfo
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Marriage should make your life simpler, not more complicated.
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>>16487835
>Should I just break it off?
If you're coming here for help, you probably should.
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You should talk to him immediately. No holds barred. You tell him that you heard about the proposal idea, you tell him exactly where you stand and you work out what needs to change on both sides. It's not the time to pussy foot. "We need to talk. I heard that you're going to pop the question. As it stands, my answer would be no. Let's stop this train before we get to that disaster."
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>>16487845
The thing is his parents already know he is going to and if he tells them I said no they will say yhat means I do not want to be with him at all.
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If you had any sense you would run away screaming....
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>>16487852
Well from your stated goals and his changes, it really does seem that way.

I'm curious to how long you've dated, a sudden change like that makes sense in shorter relationships.
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Here, read this comic
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>>16487868
3 years he knew going into the relationship that I never wanted kids.
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>>16487852
>if he tells them I said no
Did I tell you to say "no?" Is "no" a conversation? I'm telling you to talk to him in order to avoid a "no." I'm telling you to resolve a tough situation like two grown adults.

If he walks away from a fucking dialog thinking you don't want to be with him, it would only be because you didn't actually tell him "I want to salvage this." That would be your choice to fuck everything up on purpose. I don't think that's why you're here, right? To fuck up everything on purpose?

If you don't want him to think and say the wrong things, just do the right thing instead. Jesus Christ. Put on your big girl panties and get ahead of the catastrophe.
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>>16487874

The thing is though you're 21, and a lot of girls say they don't want kids or a family when they're 21. And then all your friends and relatives start getting married and having kids, you deal with the biological impulse to have children that most humans have, and then suddenly you DO want all that stuff. Maybe you'll be an exception, but probably not, and it sounds like your boyfriend is willing to take the chance, wait it out and see.

The only question is, do you really like him? Do you take this relationship seriously and see a future together?
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>>16487835
If he wants kids and you don't, it won't work. Because only one of you can get your way in that, and the other person will always carry a degree of resentment for the other.

So talk it out.
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>>16487874
No to talk down to you, but it really seems like he hasn't got his life figured out yet. 21 as I think even you know is quite early to have life that planned out. He could jump back to what he was, or do something completely different in the future. Having life goals completely set in stone is a rarity now days.

I honestly don't think he's ready for marriage from what you've said. Most 21 year olds aren't.

You know you shouldn't marry him. If he understands you his parent's opinion on how much you love him or want to be with him should be apparent. If he wants to break it off because of it, that will say plenty about whether you two should be together.
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>>16487904
I have been saying since I was 4 that I am never having kids. There are enough people on this planet we do not need any who do not want them and have a choice.
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>>16487913

Do you love him or not, though? It sounds like you've already made your views clear to him, and he still wants to be together. This whole discussion of hypothetical children is kind of not the point.
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getting married at 21 is a big mistake

you're not as developed or mature as you think you are and you're going to change a lot in the next few years. marriage isn't supposed to be something you do just because you're young and in love, it's an investment and a commitment. you're agreeing to be emotionally, financially, and physically responsible for another person for the rest of your life. you probably don't even know what you want to do in the next two years.

fuck what your family wants, this is your life and your happiness. you have to make this decision for yourself and it sounds like you already have.

doubts don't go away just because you're married. they fester and boil and eventually explode. would you rather go through a shitty breakup now or a rotten divorce a few years down the line?
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>>16487913
You probably said that you were going to get a pony when you were 4 too

did that ever happen?
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>>16487913

Talk to me in seven years, when you haven't turned into a famous writer/actress/painter or whatever, and everyone around you is raising beautiful adorable babies
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>>16488005
Babies are gross. Talk to me in seven years when you have no sleep from having kids.
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>>16487997
No I hate ponies. I was a tomboy the only thing I did not fullfil as a kid was become a dolphin trainer and that is because there are no aqaurims where I live.
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>>16488046

Been there, done that, still in the midst of doing that
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>>16488055
If you really wanted to you could move somewhere else and become a dolphin trainer
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>>16488070
Not my idea of a life but if it what makes you happy then do it.

>>16488073
I plan on doing it when I am older if anything I will just visit a scantaury for them. I need to focus on my current career right now.
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>>16487986

This

Why the fuck are you thinking about marriage when you're just 21 yo, it will not work anyway, you're too young, there's a lot of possibilities out there, go do the things you want to do in your life, when you get older and wanting to settle down, then its the perfect time to get married.
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A lot of women say they're not going to have kids, and they are adamant about it. And then a lot of them change your minds. Your boyfriend, and the anons in this thread, are operating off that common assumption, because it is common. Using, "well when I was 4..." is not any proof of your conviction to not have kids, either (people say loads of fucking shit when they are 4, no one takes a 4 year old seriously, and you shouldn't take your 4 year old self that seriously). However, you and most of the anons here are at a stalemate; you're not going to convince them, and everywhere you go in life, there will always be those people saying, "Come ooooooon, you're gonna have kids," and never let it drop. So just drop it now. But do get a better reasoning, or learn to drop the subject sooner so people shut the fuck up. Tell them you physically can't to make them feel bad. Works like a charm.

So back to the real question. You know your boyfriend (wants kids, and was not unreasonably holding out on hoping you'd change your mind) and you (wants no kids), well, you guys are not compatible in the most fundamental way. You're 21. You're not sure about the future of your relationship. He's already showing signs of, "I haven't experienced my youth," or the omg-so-drunk phase and he's pushing it with someone else (also don't use "some 19 year old" as a phrase in your vernacular... you're twenty-fucking-one young lady, only two years older). He's freaking out on thinking about doing crazy things and living his youth (which would require a break-up) and he's doing the thing that young, insecure boys do when they want their cake and eat it and the same time--they try to put a fucking ring on it! This "proposal" isn't about you. It's about insecurity and a relationship going sour and fear, and putting a ring on it is supposed to solve it. It won't. And you won't save your relationship, either. If you want two different things and it can't go anywhere but marriage, then break up.
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>>16487909
Read the OP again. She's 21, her bf is in his late 20's.
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>>16488220
Thanks for not respecting my decission Anon.
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>>16489048
For respecting*
Thread posts: 29
Thread images: 4


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