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My girlfriend doesnt believe in herself at all. I was up with

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My girlfriend doesnt believe in herself at all. I was up with her while she was crying all night for no real reason, she hates herself and doesn't want to fix it.

The next day I'm in class and there are actually happy people all around, and I feel happy until I think of how she is at home. All of her problems could be solved in a day if she stopped putting herself down. It'd take 3 proper workouts to get her to start to like how she looks, but she doesn't do anything. Meanwhile I'm watching this thin happy girl singing and dancing, and I'm trying not to stare because it's the most refreshing thing for me.

Please, how do I get her to stop inviting in toxic friends, sitting around hating her body and spending all day watching TV? Patience and understanding has done nothing thus far.

Pic unrelated.
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>>16475735

Look man some can be fixed some can't.

if you do there may also be the chance shell think shes to hot for you.

I say you honestly tell her shes fat and that her bitching has gotten so bad that your losing interest.

If she want to stay in the relationship she'll come work out with you if not tell her you don't need a fat bitch when theres better out there.
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>>16475756
Anybody else have any ideas less abusive than calling my girlfriend a fat bitch?
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>>16475813

Oh dude I just read my own post

I'm hilarious

Geez man a little bit of abuse is good man.

Thats why ladies have secrete rape fetish

50 shades of Gray bro.
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>>16475818
She has a thing for me being mean. In bed.

Telling her fragile mind that she's basically disgusting in a serious context isn't a great idea.
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Some people just won't. Tell her that the constant put downs are draining you and she needs professional help.

You can't fix people and you aren't obligated to. Eventually you'll notice that she won't want to change, she won't have the drive to and you can't force it no matter what. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to.

Your happiness matters too, don't let her leech all the joy iff your life with her unwillingness to seek help.
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>>16475735
Get her to go to the gym with you. Take her out places, encourage her to do the things that she loves to do / used to love to do.

Don't quit on her.
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>>16475848
I don't want to. This is what I try to do, but one way or another she ends up talking to some ex-methhead friend, or spends a week watching TV, or whatever else. I'm starting to notice that im happy doing schoolwork, and they just aren't meshing lIke they did when she cared.
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>>16475867
Force her to come with you. Explain that it fucks you up to see her so sad and making no effort to change it, and that you want nothing more than for her to be happy and you think this will help.

If that doesn't work just leave her.
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>>16475897
> it fucks you up to see her so sad and making no effort to change it,
If I know self pitying types, she will just leverage that to go 'Oh, I'm such a terrible person, making you feel bad, I deserve to die' etc etc, all without actually attempting to do something to make you feel better.

This attitude of wallowing in self pity instead of doing anything is actually quite selfish and self absorbed, if you think about it.

She's in a feedback loop of self loathing, and I'd love to hear from anyone who knows how to resolve this, since it'd be very useful to know.
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>>16475915
>selfish and self absorbed, if you think about it.
It is, yes, so OP being so open and honest about how he feels should at least SOMEWHAT motivate her to try. I'm assuming she cares about him to some degree.

But yes, some people are just fucked and don't even want to try (see r9k).
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>>16475915
>'Oh, I'm such a terrible person, making you feel bad, I deserve to die' etc etc, all without actually attempting to do something
My ex was like this. I couldn't talk to him about anything without him scream sobbing about how he was a bad boyfriend.

My solution was literally dragging him to a therapist. I made the appointment, I grabbed his leg and pulled him out of bed, told him we'd be charged double if he didn't go, drove him up there, and sat with him in the appointment.

Now at this point it had been three years of failing to be his therapist myself. And our dynamic was pretty set. He viewed me as the answer to his problems and believed he didn't really need to do much. I worked tirelessly to accommodate him and he would crack mean jokes at me that I told him made me feel bad.

The therapist was a fantastic guy and I was super impressed with him. I've been to many therapists- don't settle. They're people too and you need to connect with them.

I basically let them work together until my ex was comfortable going alone, had support that wasn't me, and improved some of his negative outlooks. But our dynamic was set and he didn't respect me. So I left once I knew he was finally on the path to recovery.

Hopefully your girl will fight for you more. If you haven't been together too long, maybe.

Good luck.
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>>16475951
Basically this.
Therapy works wonders if you actually put yourself in it and can connect with one (so yeah, try it for 1-2 months, if you don't feel it's helpful move on)
Thread posts: 13
Thread images: 1


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