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My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of our 4 year old has decided

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My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of our 4 year old has decided to, "Take a break", effectively creating a single dad in the process.

It has been 2 weeks, and she has been by to visit a couple of times, but how long should I wait for her?

I know people need space, but I don't want to be left in the dark in all of this and I want her to stay because she wants to, not because she has to.

I don't want my daughter growing up without a mother, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure her a well off life.

What do?
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>>16473319
>Girlfriend of five years
>Mother of four year old
>Had your kid one year into dating
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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>>16473327
Thank-you for the advice.
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>>16473346
Aaaaaaahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha Oh wow what a nig nog.
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>>16473351
You're a wet blanket.
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>but how long should I wait for her?

have you tried asking her?
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>>16473319
It's over dude, I'm sorry. I would just end it now. When people take a "break" 90% of the time its the death of a relationship. Maybe get a lawyer if you want custody of your daughter?
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>>16473319
>I don't want my daughter growing up without a mother,
uh dude, if she's pulling shit like this, I don't think you want your daughter learning behaviors from her.

what you do is start documenting that she abandoned you and her child, any bad behaviors she's partaking in. save texts, messages, etc. don't be caught off guard when she splits for good and tries to take the kid with her
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>>16473355
I have.

She does not know. How long should I tolerate this?
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>>16473358
>>16473359

I'm pretty sure it won't come down to that.

I honestly just want her to want to be a part of the family.
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>>16473360

sorry to say this, but "I don't know" usually means "never"

i'm suspecting that you both had your daughter too early, then she lost the attraction but decided to stay with you on behalf of the daughter

now she's willing to move on
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>>16473353
Sorrynotsorry. Your situation is hilarious to me because you had a kid with a woman you only knew for a year. Amazing.
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>>16473358
Well according to you there's a 10% chance it's not over, so it's worth a try.
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>>16473379
You're life must be full of joy then.
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>>16473378
I know this really doesn't seem like it will work out, but I can't let go until its over. There is a slim chance it will fix itself, and that is enough to warrant at least trying.
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>>16473387
Yeah its pretty great. A whole lot better than yours right now.
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>>16473319

>take a break

M8 it's over. Let's think about this logically alright, if she TRULY cared why isn't she discussing the problem with you? If you had a problem with something would you pretend it doesn't exist and hope when you look again in 4 days it's fixed? If I came to your house and smashed a window in would you go "Dang. I need a break from this house to find myself" leave for four days and then come back hoping the window is magically repaired?

Your wife is not addressing any problems in the relationship with you, she is running away and hoping things magically get better and when they don't she is going to turn around and blame it on you. "Well I was willing to take a break and try to fix it! Everything still the same though!"

A relationship is eactly that, it requires two ADULTS. Not an adult and a child who throws a tantrum, expects you to read their mind, and thinks things magically fix themselves instead of addressing them.

Does that mean I'm 100% for sure right ? No, there's a possibility you guys will be fine. You need to pull your wife aside and have a real talk with her though, not a "y-y-yes wife" talk but a real one where she voices her concerns and you respond to them. Good luck anon.
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>>16473418
I'm taking her out to dinner tomorrow and I hope to get a final answer.

The spark has been gone for a while, but I believe it is possible to rekindle.

Appreciated anon, thank-you.
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>>16473374
>I'm pretty sure it won't come down to that.

What makes you so sure? Open your eyes man.
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>>16473427
Dude... you're setting yourself up for a huge dissapointment. What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you have any dignity?
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>>16473449
It's actually so my daughter gets to spend time with her mother that she has seen 2 times in 2 weeks.
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>>16473449
My dignity lies in my attempt to keep my family together.
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>>16473374
I just got blindsided in the same way. No matter what it comes down to, yoh have to at least prepare for the worst if you really want what's best for your daughter. Are you ready to afford even the slightest possibility that you could lose your daughter? The burden of proof is almost always on the male for custody.
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>>16473478
Isn't that a huge red flag? What kind of mother does that to her daughter? Jesus Christ, man. And what will happen whem she comes back and takes her away from you?

Damn it OP, open your damn eyes and start documenting everything. I can't believe what I'm reading.

If troll, 10/10. Raging hard right now.
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>>16473505
If my own disappointment means that I will truly have done everything in my power, so be it.

I have an obligation to try and uphold my duty as a husband and a father.
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>>16473526
Do you think that it would be best for your daughter to be taken away from you by someone who at least considered abandoning your family? Then you have not done everything in your power to uphold your duty as a father. You might be able to have both, but you have to make sure that you don't end up with nothing, anon. At least document everything that occurs, no matter how painful. Take it from someone who has gone through something similar. Land with your feet up no matter what happens.
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>>16473526
Then why did you post in here, if you ultimately won't listen to any advice?

Still didn't answer, so I'll ask again: what kind of mother dissappears from her daughter like that?

Do whatever you want, it's your life. Just don't make threads in here if you won't listen to any of the advice given.
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>>16473541
Feet on the ground, I mean. Best of luck m80
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>>16473545
I don't think he'll listen.
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Women don't just up and leave their families without a compelling reason... Just focus on what you can do to get your daughter through all of this, thats whats most important.
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>>16473374

Document this. All of it. Get the paperwork rolling yourself.

After watching my brother tear his own life apart because he "loved her" and "waited for her to come back" and all she did was come back to serve him an order of protection and a divorce, it shattered him. It's taken him more than seven years to recover from a downward spiral and even then people don't think he's back to normal.

Please, for your sanity and your child's, keep track of everything your 'girlfriend' is doing. This kind of behavior is the stuff divorces are made of, and as much as you want her to come back and be part of the family, she might not care anymore. Do it to save your daughter, but more importantly to save your own mental health and well being.
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>>16473542
I appreciate the advice and I am preparing for the chance that a custody battle will ensue.

All people need space eventually and while I would never walk out like she did, I understand that she may just need to work on herself.

All of this shit is going on, but I am going to keep my head up and think/act positive as it is important to portray that to my daughter. That doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious to what could happen with the custody aspect of what could come of this.

I'm not an idiot and I'm not ready to give up.
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>>16473554
How do I keep track of all of this?
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>>16473319
As harsh as the other anons are op, you gf will most likely leave and take the daughter. Who cares if you're trying to rekindle your passion, if you live in a western country you're fucked if you don't start documenting. Contingency plan m8. Either way this method will most likely work out for you. She leaves you have proof she ditched the mother role and cant be in an adult relationship = you get the kid. It's works out will her = you get the family. Jesus op stop being a fucking kek and think ahead.
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OP does bring a good question: How should he document this?
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>>16473569
Thanks for the advice.

I am not ignorant to the problems that may arise from this situation.
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>>16473568

Write down entries in a journal for personal accounts/notes of things that happen. Save all your texts and replies back and forth with her. Keep track of how long she's been gone during her break.

All of that stuff is important.
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>>16473545
I thank you for the positive feedback.

How does one protect themselves in a situation like this? I know what could happen and I want to do as much as I can in that aspect as well as the other.
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>>16473563
Look man, I'm sorry if I've been too harsh on you. But thinking that a truly good person like you is being taken advantage of by some ungrateful cunt makes my blood boil.
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>>16473590
This harsh reality call is truly what I need and I appreciate everyone's feedback.

I'd like to think that's not what this is, but it is beginning to seem that way.
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>>16473585
So I file for custody and totally jeopardise the chance of salvaging this? Or do I wait for the off chance that she files for it?

Also, I am aware breaks are somewhat common amongst various relationships. How long should I give her if any time at all?
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>>16473609

That's an impossible call for anyone but you to make, sir. We don't know her, we only have your side of it - but if she's randomly taking off because she needs a break, it's usually not good news. I think you should set a time limit for you two to get back together - and if she doesn't make it in time, file the papers. You want to give her time and some space, but at the same time you don't want to be left completely wide open. How long has she been gone?
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>>16473327
Subtract the pregnancy time. Damn, dude.
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>>16473618
From what I gather, at least 2 weeks. Not OP.
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>>16473618
2 weeks.


I know it's tough to judge as there is only my side to the story.
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>>16473618
What should I do to attempt to salvage this, but not fuck myself over?
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>>16473319

What is her basic malfunction? Is it you, your daughter, money, sex, what?
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>>16473587
>>16473587
>>16473603
The truth is that you can't protect yourself from all of this romantically at least. You could even try to move on now and she could just show back up to play with your heart again. Trust me, it's hard but the only thing you can do is protect the things that you have for sure. I don't know what your situation is like but if you really want to try and make it work you should wait to really talk it out after time passes, and if it still won't work that's when you talk about custody and such. Listen to other anons about saving texts, journaling how much she sees your daughter, how she provides for her etc.
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>>16473642
She was seemingly upset about not being married yet. She also said she was depressed a few months back and we talked it over.


I really feel as though this may be because of the marriage thing.
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>>16473637
You will make a video entry each end every day she is gone, proving the date and that she isn't around.
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>>16473667
A video? Videotape the whole day?
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>>16473669
Nope. Just a small entry in which you will show the date and perhaps a tour of your house showing that she isn't around.

Shouldn't be longer than a couple of minutes. Make one during the day, and one at night, after your daughter goes to sleep. Keep them in a hard drive.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP.
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>>16473664

A woman is going to abandon you and her CHILD because you didn't propose marriage?

I call bullshit.
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>>16473675
That would only prove that she wasn't there at that specific time wouldn't it?
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>>16473680
That's just my best guess. She could also be seeing someone else, I have no idea.
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>>16473681
I agree, but it wouldn't be any different from a journal entry.
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>>16473692
I'm also assuming you have the texts between the two of you stored. Do you have written proof that she "needed space"?
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>>16473697
Yes I have the whole message list.
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>>16473687

Women don't normally abandon their children unless they have some underlying mental issues. That wouldn't be a casual / light decision for them, unless they were sociopathic.
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>>16473701
Then you're good to go. I truly wish you the best of luck.
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>>16473722
Thank-you.

I appreciate the input.
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>>16473718
She was on lithium after her mother passed away.

We both of had pretty rough childhoods, so I would say that we both have some issues.

It's just weird how she has made no effort to take the child thus far. Fucked up as it is, it gives me hope that this may workout.

Either that or she is abandoning what she has.
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>>16473750

Depending on what state you live in, it doesn't really matter. Courts aren't going to award you full custody if the mom wants to have some custody.

You should ask her realistically what she wants to do, and specifically about your daughter.

It's not going to serve anyone well, least of all your daughter, to grow up w/o a mother.

If her mother is crazy, that's another story. But is this "episode" temporary, or permanent?

That's why you need to talk to your wife and get to the bottom of it.
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>>16473759
Should I force the conversation or wait until she is ready?

This all ties back to go long I should let this go on before I call it quits.
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>>16473766

Wait until she is ready; but you should stay involved with her. Offer for her to see her daughter and you for a brief period, like coffee or something. Or just to bring her by for 20-30 minutes.

She might be in a bad mental place, unsure if she can cope with all the stress. You should give her a shot, FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

I can't speak to your relationship and whether or not you should continue with her. This might be temporary and you can work it out, maybe not.
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>>16473427
>The spark has been gone for a while, but I believe it is possible to rekindle.

lol

Said every beta husband ever, right before divorce-rape.
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>>16473772
Don't follow this idiot who knows nothing of the real world.

Transfer all your money in joint-accounts to a personal account, hide everything you can DO NOT AT ANY POINT take your daughter to her, make SURE child services/police know she abandoned her family home,

LAWYER UP IMMEDIATELY

LAWYER UP IMMEDIATELY

LAWYER UP IMMEDIATELY

DO WHATEVER YOUR LAWYER TELLS YOU TO PROTECT YOUR ASSETS AND CHILD CUSTODY

CONSTRUCT A CASE OF PARENTAL NEGLIGENCE ON HER PART

OTHERWISE YOU WILL ALMOST NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN AND PAY CHILD SUPPORT UNTIL SHE'S 18

Your marriage is dead, you should not be thinking of how to salvage the unsalvageable, you should be lawyering up to protect your and your child's interests. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
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>>16473778
We're not married you dingus.

You speak as though you've never been in a meaningful relationship.
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>>16473788
You're still in for child support then, you beta faggot.

Do >>16473785 or suffer the consequences.

And doublecheck if there's no common law marriage in your state, dingus.
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>>16473785
Why would I take away her right to see her daughter? The daughter that loves her?
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>>16473785

You're an idiot.
"Transfer the money"...duh, none of that shit works in court.

You think the police are going to get involved? You're fucking dumb.

Courts award joint custody to parents that have been IN PRISON, that have been missing 10 YEARS. You think the court wouldn't award her joint custody, or at least some custody, for leaving for a period of time?

You're fucking stupid.

The fact that she left doesn't bode well for her mental state; but there is no "gotcha" moment. Judges don't give a shit about specific instances, it's more for the long term effects on the child.

He should see where she is at, maybe she just needs some time.

Long term, OP should really take a cold look at whether or not she is a fit mom, or a fit wife.
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>>16473797
>Why would I take away her right to see her daughter? The daughter that loves her

Because right now, she's thinking of taking YOURS.

And even if she doesn't, the courts and her lawyer will make sure she will.
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>>16473795

Wouldn't custody be primarily accredited to me seeing as she walked out and has barely taken the time to see her since?
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>>16473797

Don't listen to those fucking idiots. Things might go south, you might need a lawyer. It's not there yet. After 2 weeks?

You need to talk to her, get a sense of where she's at mentally.

Women do bug out, usually because they are immature and can't handle the stress. Same thing with men/fathers. Usually it happens before a child is 4, so maybe there are other issues that you don't know about. A friend that she loss, work stuff, something else that is piling on stress.

Talk it over, it's way easier than getting a divorce. Trust me.
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>>16473800

Sorry, I'm not that shitty of a person to deny my daughter her right to see her mother.

This is assuming that is the path this will take as well.

You seem like a cold hearted anon.
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>>16473803
>Wouldn't custody be primarily accredited to me seeing as she walked out and has barely taken the time to see her since?

Are you really this clueless?

Women almost always get awarded custody, oftentimes even if they have severe problems like alcoholism, parental negligence and mental issues.

UNLESS the father ASKS for single/primary custody and has a very good case on why the woman would be a worse parent.

The very case I'm teling you to start building NOW.

As I said, you have been warned, I'm out of this thread. Don't cry later.
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>>16473803

You'd get primary custody, but the judge will still award partial custody to her, even years later.

You'd get physical custody as well.

One piece of advice you should listen to: you should document everything. Things might get better, but they might not; you might need to go to court.

Get other witnesses involved as well, a he-said/she-said goes nowhere.
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>>16473810

That's not true, where the fuck are you getting your info from?

Fathers get joint custody all the time.
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>>16473810
Unless you are talking out of experience from a batshit crazy relationship, that has no effect on my view.
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>>16473820
>my girl is an unicorn, she would never do these things!

lel
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>>16473816
>>16473810

He is probably parroting stories from this site and is ignorant to how things work.
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>>16473825
>>"I have never been in a relationship and I parrot the popular 4chan opinion"
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>>16473805

I want to talk it over, I just don't want to force it on her in case something is truly wrong.

I'll drop the relationship shit and try and get her to tell me what is truly wrong, if anything. All while preparing for a custody battle.
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>>16473837

That's a pretty good outlook. You need to be there for your daughter, and a custody battle might be in the cards. Or she might give up custody. Or she might want to go back with you.

Point is, you need to see where she is at. This is NOT to be treated lightly. A woman that just bugs out, even for 2 weeks, is NOT NORMAL.

You need to see if it's more about her mental state, or if it's more a temporary thing that you guys can get over.

Talking with her isn't going to hurt anything, and might help everyone; but you'll need to be sympathetic and not accusatory.
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>>16473829
Apparently neither have you. Where is your meaningful relationship now? Chances are, she's fucking someone else as we speak but instead of protecting you and your daughter from her you're here waiting for her.

A great mom amd surely a role model for your daughter. You're beyond help OP and ultimately when you end up alone and paying child support it will be your own fault.

You could've prevented it but your choice has been made. You chose to look the other way, you couldn't handle the truth but I am an asshole for saying it, huh?
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>>16473921
You're right to think that that COULD happen, but its not a certainty.

I am not going to give up something that has a possibility of being fixable until I know it's over.

I am aware that a custody battle is a possibility, but you really seem adamant that this WILL happen, when there's a chance it could not.
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>>16473808
>You seem like a cold hearted anon.
heh, wait until you meet her lawyer
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Thanks to everyone for listening. I appreciate your assistance and input in my endeavour.


Have a good day/night anons
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>>16473403
Not op but wtf is your problem? Do you get off to the pain of others? You seem like a huge faggot. I hope things go wrong for you and no one gives a fuck.
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You called yourself a father and husband so you think you are married so don't get bolshy when people treat you as if you are. In some countries you have been living together long enough to be common law husband and wife.

But remember that at this point you are a father first and everything else a distant second.

Your daughter is your priority nothing else is even close.
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>>16473359
Trust this guy. Seriously. Don't be fooled by the vaginal jew.
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>>16474062
Lol you guys are great
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If your dead-set on making things work with her visit her and discuss this, but like this Anon said >>16473785 seek legal counsel and then a lawyer.

Talk to people in her friendship circle that can tell you what she's been telling others, if any of the conversations she's been having sound like she is trying to recruit people to her side of things your relationship is dead in the water my friend and I am truly sorry because that is the stage in which a person is trying to rationalise reasons for why she can still be a good person and to leave you.

Best of luck Anon.
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>>16473374
She does not get the benefit of the doubt in situations where she can ruin you and your child's life.
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>>16475646
She has been quiet at work and has only talked to her friend whom she is staying with. People have asked me what's wrong with her.
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>>16475657
That is good advice.

I just don't want to file for custody when I have a chance of making this work.

Making this work is top priority as I want my daughter to have a happy full family.
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>>16475962
>I have a chance of making this work.

You don't. It's dead. Several people told you this ITT. You refuse to listen. 120 posts later and you still cling to the one post ITT of someone who was just being nice and told you, for feel-goodness, that you had a 10% chance of making this work.

You never did. You got too beta, she lost attraction, attraction can't be negotiated with words, you're trying to walk against a wall. It's likely she hates you now and/or is already fucking other men. Your desperation and insistence on the matter only turn her off even more.

Forget her, dumbass. Focus on child suport.
>>
>>16476160

I'll take a 10% chance.
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