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Hey, guys and girls. I need some clarification on something.

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Hey, guys and girls. I need some clarification on something.

tl;dr: Why are girls not answering my fucking messages? Why are they not replying even when they already explicitly said they would like to see me again?

Long version:
Let me give you a little context: I'm pretty much a 27 years old kissless virgin in "recovery" who is not bad looking, goes to the gym even though is far from athletic, has a decent job with average-to-good incomes. I still don't have my own place or car and my life is not really that interesting although I'm working on it, those are my weakest spots right now.

Recently I decide to make some moves with different girls in really different situations. This is what I got:

>girl 1
>know her for a while, recently single but already over the break up
>used to get along awesome with her
>try to take her out, always busy or already had plans
>goes on for a while until she stopped answering my messages

>girl 2
>friend from girl 1, single
>know her for a day, she's extremely nice towards me and invites me over to visit her at her job
>do so, have some good laughs, ask for her phone
>message her two days after asking how's she doing
>chit chat and laughs
>ask her out
>doesn't even check my message
>no replies, haven't seen her again since then (it has been weeks since)

It sounds like you're asking out girls who aren't interested in you. They get the idea that you've used the friendship in order to get in their pants and I imagine that it feels quite degrading and hurtful for a woman to realise what you're doing.

>girl 3
>know her for two months but rarely see her
>one day we start talking on Facebook by pure chance
>agree to go have a dinner
>do so, go for drinks
>do so
>tells me to write her any day to do something together
>agree to meet again during the week
>message her on the following days
>"too busy"
>ignores my requests on the next days
>goes back to her country

>girl 4
>know her by pure chance on a friday night after partying, each one in different places
>walk home with her
>we have a few things in common and we get along well, it's like we already know each other
>reach her's
>tell her it was nice meeting her, compliments me back, ask for her phone
>gives it
>get home and message her so she can have my number
>chit chat and laughs, ask her out
>"sure, we can go out :)"
>tell her I'll write in the following days so we can set a day
>write two days later just saying "hey, how's your sunday going?"
>doesn't get my message (1 grey check), think she blocked me although I still can see her last online status
>has went online several times but I don't know if she got the message as I deleted the conversation out of disappointment

What the hell is going on? I gotta say that I didn't insist in any of these cases. If she didn't answer, that's it. Should I be more direct in my propositions instead of playing easy and asking for their numbers? Or is it that I'm a worse person than I thought? If that's the case, why would they say yes like the girl #4 or be inviting like girl #2?
Could be the case for girl #1, althugh there has always been a lot of chemistry between us to the point of flirting with each other a lot, getting drunk together, stay up really late talking about anything and even confessing me that she wished she wasn't with her ex. Then she suddenly became a ghost to me, never get to see her, never looks for me like before, nothing. It's like we stopped being friends all suddenly.
idk man. you seem to be doing alright and then they just stop talking to you?

well, its hard to give advice on this kind of thing because i wasnt there the whole time watching you talk to these girls and everything.

but my guess is that maybe youre giving out too much of a platonic vibe? like, maybe youre spending too much time in the "friend who im interested in" stage. idk. do you make it pretty clear that youre interested?
ask them once then give up entirely and move on. your overthinking things. my attitude is, ok she said no, no sense in ever talking to her again. unless she later asks me, if not than fuck her
That would make sense in girl #1 and #3 since they are the ones I knew the most and hence why I went slower on them.

But #2 and #4 were like the "hello, nice to meet you, we get along well, let's go out" kind of fast. I don't what else can I do that is not jumping over them straight away.
That's what bugging me up the most. I gave up on the #1 as soon as I saw disinterest from her. And I didn't push #3 any further. Freaking #2 didn't even see my message although it has 2 grey checks and #4 said yes and then never replied back. That's the kind of mental mess I have right now. I can take a "no", but I don't know how to handle the ignoring from #2 and what the hell is with #4 "fake" yes?
Like, they lost their phone at the same time? Just answer the damn thing.
so what the fuck is a guy supposed to do cold approach women and make it clear in the initial conversation you want the goods? relationships 99% of the time develop from friendships, and I've heard girls say that get frustrated when a guy doesn't make a move early enough
not even reading is a no. likely #2 didn't read them because they didn't want you to see the *read* receipt. Fake yes from number 4 is her accepting it to be polite than blowing you off from there. she didn't want to seem like an ass at the time by rejecting you or later decided she didn't want to see you again.

It's hard but try not to focus on the failures. think about #5, #6, #7 and so on. they will come in time. and likely they will reject you as well. The dating game is shitty but holding out for the gold is awesome once you find it
replied to
meant to reply to
Girls are cowards, what else is new?
Well, I kind of know, anon. I'm another one to think that if a girl wants it, they sure as hell gonna make it happen. Sure, shy girls exist, but even does go for it if you let it clear enough.

I do want to think on the next ones, but what the hell am I gonna do? Like, the ones who said no, were no. The ones who said "maybe" in the past now are a "no". The one who are a "maybe" now, are also a "no". And to make it more fucked up, the one who was yes is also no. I should just go gay, they seem to have it easier.

I wouldn't say "cowards". I would say "hypocrite".
You could say you're sorry for trying to flirt with her, because it sends like that wasn't what she wanted, and you really want to at least remain friends with her. Just a thought, im no pro. Im thinking shell either say okay, no, or that she is interested in you but blah blah blah blah. At least you'll have Youre answer. Or it won't work.
>Why are they not replying even when they already explicitly said they would like to see me again?

cause.... women
Well, thanks for the input. I don't really consider her anymore as someone I want to go out with. About our friendship, our schedules really keep us apart and you kinda stop caring in some way.

But anyway, my question wasn't directed towards getting her back, but actually knowing the root of the problems I mentioned so I can solve them.
That's unfair since there's nothing it can be done about it.
You're not being creepy and sending like 4 messages in a row, right? Because multiple messages, and ones that get increasingly rude, give off serial killer vibes.
Of course not. I only send one and wait for a reply. In fact, I have been considering in actually try a little harder and send another one after a no-reply, but even that seems to me like being to needy (not saying that I'm not, but I try to hide it as much as I can).

The only explicit "no" I got was from #3. All the other 3 never replied back and didn't send anything else to them.
If they didn't reply back then that's the no. That is literally how women say no. By ignoring it.
post the messages
i bet theyre boring as fuck
My best guess is that you're not making them feel happy or entertained or some other positive feeling. You're probably just making pleasant, comfortable conversation. That's not enough. I don't even read boring threads on 4chan. Why would I have boring conversations?
I know. That's how I'm taking them.

It wouldn't be useful as english is not my first language.

It could be that too. But I don't know. Things got quite "routine-y" with #1, they seemed fine with #2 and #3 and #4 actually wanted to meet again. Or at least that's what they said, but reality proves the other way around.
People will say a lot of things in a lot of different circumstances simply to avoid confrontation or resolve awkwardness. Rarely put much stock in words.
So wich is your mother languaje? Because you know, the aproach in each country does change, i mean there's basics and how to's, but their thinking varies depending on the country.
Just lurking. Came and saw this post. It is a valid point where you said most relationships start from friendships.

Does saying what you want outright not work in the real world?

answers pls, this anon poses some good questions
>I wouldn't say "cowards". I would say "hypocrite".

As a girl, I say we are both. I am both, personally.
You pushed this through wayyyy to quickly. stuff like this takes time. (If you want a meaningful relationship)

if you just want to fuck, go to craigslist
Sad but true.

Spanish. Things in here tend to be quite straight to the point at least when it comes to dating. Funny though, all the four of them are from different nationalities but have been here long enough, except #3 maybe.
Can you give us a tl;dr of the messages? That might give us some way of judgement.

I've been in this situation before, and I always believe it's a no until acted apon. So if they say yes, but are "too busy" later, I won't ask again (unless it deals with emergency situations). Best advice I can give.
that is also my native tongue
post the messages
Was that really to fast? I don't think so.

I asked #1 to go for a beer like we usually used to do when she was not single.
I asked #2 to go have a drink to a chill nice bar nearby and didn't get a reply.
#3 actually asked me if I was free that night so I took her to dinner and then to have some drinks. I actually think I could have fucked her that night but I'm still giving baby steps. When I wrote on the following days she was like "I don't have plans yet but I'm gonna see what will I do. Have a good night" at 9-10pm (that's still early in here)...

I told #4 to go have "a coffee or something" on the afternoon since she's younger and doesn't seem like the kind of person who would go on a "official date" straight away and she was okay with it, but then when I wrote with a solid proposition in mind and didn't get a reply either.

Jesus, I don't even want to fuck right away. I just want to spend time with them and see where it goes. Maybe that's the freaking problem to begin with?

That's something age solves. Mature (like 35 and up) are ridiculously straight to the point here. If they want to fuck, they sure as hell will let you know. And if they don't they don't waste each other's time.
I won't.
There are a bunch of things people wouldn't get anyway since they are from work, common people and such.

Let's see.
Girl #1 was:

>broke with ex
>agreed in person to meet at night next day
>next day text with proposition
>already had plans with a friend in common "but you can come with us if you want". Declined because the plan sucked
>write her next day to ask how it went
>end up agreeing to meet that night
>ended up being way to brief
>write some days after
>invite her to a concert I know she would like a week and a half before it happened
>already had plans
>some days pass by
>see her at work
>tells me to meet the day after for a beer
>I couldn't that day
>write her the day after
>ask if she wanted to talk about something in particular (I knew she did)
>didn't even knew what I was talking about, didn't even remember about telling me to meet at all
>days passes
>text her to see how's she doing, ask her to meet on a certain day
>she couldn't
>ask for a different day
>no reply
Girl #2. Oh, freaking girl #2, I forgot about her first message. Basically, I went to her workplace to get a coffee and to see her, obviously. I got her number and prepared to leave and she told me to come by more often. I used that in the first message I sent to her. I wrote her something like "I would tell you to pass by my workplace too, but that would be weird as shit, don't you think?". I work the night shift at a hotel. Her reply was awesome to me. "Hahaha yes, that would be quite weird, but I will come by the days I close here to bother you ;)" (she works at a bar that closes at midnight).

"Game on" I thought. So I wrote her a few days after asking how's everything going and shit. She replied everything up until my request to go out. It suddenly stopped just like that.
Girl #3 is based on what she told me the day we went out. I started by asking how she spent her day off and shit and she cut the shit the way I said here: >>16470674

And #4 was extremely short since it was just one night of messages. I made a joke about her having a huge boyfriend since we were joking about security guys in clubs we were that night. She just said "hahaha don't worry, you'll be fine. Yes, sure we can go out :)". Then told her I'd write her in a day or two. And I did. And that was it since she didn't reply.
like i said your texting game is prob weak senpai
but you refuse to post the texts w/e
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