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How to stop being needy?

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So I fucked things up with the last few girls that came my way, and I think it's in part thanks to me appearing desperate/needy. The thing is, with some of these girls, I was still in the process of getting to know them. So, we'd be texting back and forth, and it would go from taking 2-3 minutes to 30-45 minutes for them to text back over the course of just a couple messages. Anyway, when I was talking to these girls it was usually during my free time, so while waiting for them to respond, and my mind would wander and I'd start worrying that I said something wrong. Pretty soon, I start to get fed up and ruin my chances by texting back something along the lines of "Hello?" or "You there?" which I know is wrong. Anyway, how do I learn to stop giving a fuck if it takes awhile to respond? I mean, these girls must think we're stupid or something, cause people are glued to their phone 24/7 these days so there's no way it should take that long to get back to me. Also, how do they expect me to be amazingly fun and entertaining within 10 minutes of introducing myself? Especially since they only reply with one or two words most of the time, double standard, right?

S-sorry about the novel.
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I've recently had this problem. She's probs not that all into you, or you have to much time, My guess is you have to much free time. Find something else to do, Atleast's she's replying.
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>>16462050
I guess it would be easier if I were funny. But I'm not that... uh... funny.
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>>16462060
Not the case, i used to make a guy laugh all the time, but people have busy lifes, If she's replying to you that's a good sign, but you need to find somthing else to occupy youself otherwise you're going to drive her away from you.
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>>16462071
Eh, maybe. I just think if I were funnier it would keep her interested, and keep the conversation going. And also it would be more casual and easygoing. Not to mention, my way of getting to know someone is basically just asking them questions about themselves to try and see what their interests are, and try to find common interests. So maybe I seem a little dry and boring. Is there anything I could read (besides PUA bullshit) that could make me a better conversationalist?
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>>16462091
Also, whenever I make note of something I like that's in the same realm of their interests, I always hear "That's nice." or something else mildly bitchy which annoys me. Basically every girl I've ever talked to tries their hardest to work their way out of a conversation with me.
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Gather intel of her on her profile, surely she post's thing's she care's about? Not only that, surely every girl has watched mean girls haha ;) i dunno, but maybe say somthing outrageous? ;) People who r funny say somthing that's outrageous, also, if you're on here, you have a different sense of humour then 90% of facebook werido's.
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Infact, Fuk what i said before. Turn your life around, get proper clothes, proper hair cuts, gym, im sure there's alot of things you could do, to make her strike a convo with you.
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>>16462060
You sound like you may have some of the following:
- very low self esteem
- timid body language, head down
- quiet voice, stuttering
- hedge even the most certain of statements
- seek approval and reassurance from girls you barely know
- act boring during conversation as if just spending time talking will get you somewhere

They don't expect you to be amazingly fun and entertaining, they just expect you to have a reasonably low level of social anxiety and to actually make them feel good that they're around you. Do your dates consist of "interviewing" the girl about shit like their home town and what they do at school or work? Do you talk to them in a mopey, monotone, or timid voice?

These problems can't be fixed overnight and I suggest you see a therapist about your probable anxiety and depression as well as engage female friends or acquaintances about what women are attracted to in a man and how you can come closer to that.
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>>16462103
I've been working out. Lost like 9% bodyfat, not really looking muscular yet, but for those of you who don't work out: you can't cut fat and build muscle at the same time, so it's a work in progress. The clothes thing is an issue, cause I don't have a lot of monies. And yeah, I should see a hair stylist, but I've been keeping it short which looks good, and is pretty idiot-proof.
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>>16462107
Couldn't of summed it up better my self.
Ask your self why gay fem boys have loads of girlfriends? They are always complimenting them haha
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>>16462113
Well, You don't need designer clothes to look good, Anyway, Find a guy who is attractive, and work towards his perfections
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>>16462042
1:Go see a therapist. You have some social anxiety and self esteem issues you need to work out

2: Understand that people do have lives that don't revolve around their phones, and texting is MEANT for when you don't have the time to sit down and have a consistent conversation. If you want to talk to someone consistently for a while, ask if you can call them. Otherwise, expect not to get a text back for a while. They could be cooking, cleaning, walking the dog, talking to a friend, watching a movie, etc. They'll get back to you if they are interested in talking to you, so don't bug them! That just pisses people off.
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OP Post a pic of your self on here, Ill give u advice, gay's know everything
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>>16462107
Timid, check. Quiet voice, check. (Can't really do much about this one, it's just kind of the way I am. My voice actually cracks if I talk above my normal volume) Hedge even the most certain of statements (would this be like saying "um" "y'know" or "like" too many times mid-sentece, i.e. being bashful, if so, check.)

I do kind of interview them until I find a common interest. But, for reference, I've never actually been on a date. And yeah, my voice can be monotone. Not sure what can be done about that. Maybe I should see a therapist, but I'm taking Vitamin D3 now (I live in Washington state) and my depression is all but gone. But, now I just feel occasionally sad/cynical.
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>>16462135
Kind of an old one. I'm not really insecure about my appearance at all, to be perfectly honest. And I don't wear that Vans shirt anymore, I know /fa/ would scoff at that shit haha.
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>>16462150
Oops, forgot pic.
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>>16462140
Are you addicted to any drugs or alcohol? Like maybe pot, adhd pills, something like that?
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>>16462153
Also, I know it's stupid, but I'm kind of insecure about my name, like when I introduce myself, I'm kind of embarrassed because it's pretty ugly sounding. For obvious reasons, I can't say it here.

Maybe it has to do with my formative years being kind of fucked up. And generally just feeling ashamed of myself growing up. Damn, maybe I do really need to see a therapist lol.
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>>16462184
Nope. Not addicted at least. I've tried a few thing, cause I'm very open-minded about trying new things. But not addicted to anything, no.
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>>16462195
Mkay

Well I think the best way to move forward is to come up with a plan to see how much therapy is going to cost you in your area. If you can afford it look into life coaches as well.
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>>16462190
OP, U need a make over. You're looking like u belong in the 2001 era. Don't worry. Google Search ' Best men's fashion 2015' scroll through the extreme faggy crap. but you'll find somthing that suit's you, if you do, JUST DO IT! Stop being scared, you're overacting now. no ones cares about names, lol
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>>16462199
Okay, man. Thanks. I think I crew up with avoidant personality disorder (self diagnosed) and I'm still trying to get over my old habits. I know I'm getting a little off topic, here. I guess I'd just like to be as detailed as I can be so you guys can help me as best as possible. Speaking of, thank you to everyone who has helped so far, really. It means a lot.
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>>16462208
*grew up

>>16462203
Okay. I've tried browsing /fa/, but that board doesn't really help me a lot. Also, people that browse that shit have no qualms about dropping $400 on a scarf. I do.
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>>16462208
OP, Everyone has gone through it and one point or another, like i said, find a fashion and suit's you, and build up a plan, and get some courage. How else do you think people become attractive?
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>>16462218
I said it before, not all fashion cost's alot of money, don't buy brand's unless its unique. people who buy a £400 scarf have social problems
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>>16462222
Where should I go, then. I usually just pick up stuff that catches my eye at second hand stores. Like that outfit in that pic of me is secondhand other than the pants so that whole outfit cost me like $45. But honestly, I find it very hard to care about fashion. But I guess I'm going to have to get over it and start dressing like an adult lol.
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>>16462236
Google DHGate prices are really good
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More information about me: I don't really go outside much because most strangers are complete dicks to me, like even people who are at work. And one nasty encounter with a stranger can literally ruin my day, reminding me of why I don't like to go out. I don't really have many friends, one close friend who I live with, and one friend who lives awhile away, so we don't really see each other, and I get along with nearly everyone at my work, but I don't meet any of them outside of work. My family is sparse and I don't really keep in touch with any of them aside from my mom and one of my sisters. I've only been in one serious relationship and the way it ended was really ugly (absolutely my fault, even though she wasn't a very attentive gf and she really took advantage of my kindness and disrespected me and made me look weak in public a few times, but I digress) which has made it hard for me to re-enter the dating world and has left a bad taste in my mouth, as far as feeling guilty about what I did to her, and resenting modern "women" in my age group after seeing parallels in the way that other girls act with the way that she acted. i.e. Inattentive, entitled, and just generally expecting me to do all the work in the relationship at the expense of having access to her body. And worst of all, just being fucking boring. Girls these days bore me. Maybe I should go for older women?
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>>16462240
Just begin acting like that guy's son and the ladies will come flock

It's that simple....
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>>16462276
Thanks, bro.
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>>16462291
You know what you have to do.
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>>16462307
Haha
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OP. Stop talking about your life and face it and get over it. that's why you're scaring everyone away, i got told this the other day, People only like positive people in their lifes, So no negativity from now on. Its life, Get on with it, Face it, I Know it's hard, But your came for the truth, So face it, make the change today
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>>16462320
Ye google "Tony Robbins" and never wipe that smile off your face

When you're mom tells you your dad killed himself -- keep that smile

When you're notified by the dean that you're being expelled from university -- keep that smile

When your drug dealer says the only way you're getting a sack for free is if you kill your best friend to show loyalty -- keep that smile

DON'T. STOP. SMILING!!!
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>>16462339
stfu
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>>16462320
Yeah, right now I'm just trying to live life day by day. It's just that my coworker talked about setting me up with somebody, so all these old feelings are coming up. I'm afraid of how absolutely crushed I will be if it doesn't work out yet again. I'm worried I'll lose all the good progress I've made in my life recently to improve myself and my life overall.
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>>16462354
Yo

http://www.succeedsocially.com/handlingrejection
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>>16462354
why r u letting people make decisions for you. get a grip. no one own's your mind. just stop with this bull shit, get some damn balls or go a therapist
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>>16462359
Thanks, I'll read it.

>>16462364
Part of what you need to understand, is that I've been single for a long time, so it's not as easy as you're making it sound. Also, if I make a complete fool of myself, I know everyone at work will hear/talk about it, so on top of everything, it could be pretty embarrassing, depending on what goes down. But, yeah, therapy.
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>>16462354
Judging by your picture and attitude, that progress doesn't amount to much.

If you are too scared to "lose" whatever you've gained then it means you are too willing to settle for shit. You see those alpha millionaires and billionaires, they risk everything to keep going forward. Every setback gives you lessons and you've been avoiding those lessons. So start taking more risks
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>>16462359
I read a bit, and pretty much everything in the "traits of people who aren't great at dealing with rejection" describes me to a T.

>>16462380
That picture was taken over a year ago. My style hasn't changed much, but I've lost a bit of fat and I'm well on my way to getting fit. And my diet has been better than ever before. Also, my attitude has changed a great bit. In person, of course, on here is basically total amnesty. I'm nicer to people in general, my reputation at work is very good, both in my work itself, and with relations. In the past 8 months or so, I've basically done a 180 and everyone seems to enjoy working with me a lot. It's just that my personal life hasn't followed suit yet. But I'm on my way.
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OP here. I guess the main takeaway here is: therapy, therapy, therapy. So I'm looking up therapists in my area. I've found one and I really hope she's flexible on what she charges, because I don't think I can afford it. Anyway, I think I'm going to go for broke and see that girl. Any parting words of advice? This will probably be my last post.
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go to the gym. dopamine should make you feel more comfortable and less needy, plus over the long run you'll look healthier and more attractive
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>>16462468
therapy may or may not work. and if you're weak willed you could get sucked into paying to see someone for years with no discernible difference in your life. You said you had no money for clothes yet you're willing to spend it on talking to someone. Not saying therapy is useless, or that clothes will make any difference in your life if you keep acting like an idiot, but therapy is definitely not a magic pill that will cure you.
Thread posts: 45
Thread images: 5


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