Question about sex in a relationship?

>>16455507
Also I apologize for any typos, I'm on my phone and in a hurry at the moment.

Slip him some hot porn of what you want.

>>16455517

If it's important to you, it's important to you. Comfront him about it and make it clear the current situation is frustrating for you, he might be underestimating the urgency because you were too meek last time.

If he's not receptive to it, it looks like you too are incompatible on that front and if it's an important point for you, you should break up.

>>16455517
That wouldn't be weird?

>>16455507
can you explain, clearly and directly, what do you like about bdsm, what you'd like him to do, and what kind of feelings that would elicit?
saying 'I want bdsm' isn't enough, it's just confusing - do you want more intense sensations, the feel of protection and security of having someone else call the shots, is it just plain devotion to your man, what is it you're looking for?

If it's something you want, it's something you want.

My girlfriend is into me tickling her while we're in bed. While that isn't really my thing, I do it because it's what she asked for. And make it clear it isn't like, for every time you guys get intimate, just when the urge hits you. Balance, basically.

>>16455532
When I told him, I explained what I wanted out of it. I made sure he was very clear on it. When he said he'd look into it I even directed him to some reading on it, specifically the things I was interested in.

>>16455536
I've tried that, saying things like "I like it when you did ___" or "I'd like ___ to happen". Little things, like once he grabbed my throat and I told him I liked that, but he hasn't done it since. Or I told him I'd like if he spanked me, but he's never done it.

>>16455536

I find it humorous considering her pic that you assumed she was a sub

>>16455542
I'm a switch, actually. Also the picture was to get attention to my thread.

>>16455507
don't settle for sexual incompatibility
the relationship will eventually fall apart

I am a female sub, and dated a male sub who wouldn't admit that he was a sub. He just made me feel bad about my interests, deemed that kind of sex 'cheesy' etc. He flat-out refused to try anything I liked, yet I catered to all of his interests, even though they were big turn-offs for me since he basically wanted me to dom him (while he was sleeping, etc.)
looking back I'm really disgusted at myself for putting up with that manipulative little sub fuck (we were together 2 years, I kept telling myself it was ok because sex wasn't that big of a deal to me, we were compatible in other ways, etc.), sexual compatibility is just not a component of the relationship you can skimp on. I had to learn that the hard way, and had many regrets.

>>16455558
I don't know if he's just forgetting, thinking it's not that big of a deal, or if he's just not interested. So I don't want to say we're not compatible yet, because that seems unfair considering how we're really great everywhere else in our relationship. I guess what this boils down to is I need to have a serious but reasonable talk with him about it.

>>16455572
you said you've already been intimate, right?
Then can't you tell your compatibility from that? My current man didn't know what the dom/sub relationship yet he was inherently dominant, doing things like choking me/pulling my hair, spanking me without having to be asked. Then when I told him I liked it he just did it more.

Whereas with my ex our first time was awkward. He said I was 'just lying there' and he felt like I didn't want it...facepalm, no I was wanting to be fucking taken, I told him.
But he made me seem soo abnormal and shit. Okay I need to stop every time I think about my ex it pisses me off, he was such a trainwreck

>>16455572
>I need to have a serious but reasonable talk with him about it

Pretty much. Also, what >>16455558 said.

If you already told him once, maybe he forgot or thought it wasn't that important. If you bring it up again, no objections are raised and there's still no change, he's just trying to ignore it.

>>16455649
It's kind of an equal thing having sex right now. There's no clear dominant or submissive traits that either of us do. I'd be fine with being his sub, but I'd be absolutely delighted if we could switch it up between us. That being said, I know not everyone is a switch. I'd be okay with him being either to be honest. I just need it there.

>>16455655
I'm hoping he just forgot about it and is willing to give it a try. I'm not even asking to go all out, since he's not done this kind of thing before. But I'd at least like some little steps being taken here.