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female dry spell

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I have a problem with attracting men.
It seems like I am invisible to majority of them and cannot get any dating options.

It's been two years (soon 3) since I got into dating market and I was unable to get a bf (or even potential one) during that time.

I go out regulary, try to be present on many parties and places I can meet people. I am not fat, take care of myself, use makeup and try to be open and talkative.

What else could be an issue here?
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>>16451559
>invisible to majority of them
Holy shit, I really can't see you in your picture
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>>16451564
So funny
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>>16451564
Lol
>>
A picture would help. What are your hobbies/interests.
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>>16451559

A common mistake would be expecting the guys to make the first mvoe every time. If you find a guy you like, initiate things with him. Ask for coffee, go jogging together, study together if you're in the same class, etc.
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>>16451601
Not going to post a pic and don't really think there is a need for that: I look average or little above (6?) and apart from what I mentioned before, only unusual feature is wearing glasses

hobbies include languages, history, folk culture and some most stuff- still I am mainly concern about attracting men and at this point hobbies rarely matter
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>>16451615
>implying that as a woman you have to do any of that
just say
>lets fuck
and thats all you need.
>>
>>16451615
tried that, worst advice that can be given to women ever

>>16451621
even worse, unless your aim is being considered a worthless fuck-buddy
>>
*shrug* thems the breaks sometimes.

I'm a male, relative attractive, decent personality, someone people always assumed was in a relationship.

It took me about 3 years of actively dating before I met my girlfriend. So much random shit always just made getting in to a relationship at times feel like something I was doomed to fail at. It felt like I couldn't meet anyone, and anytime I met anyone I was interested in, some random turn of life would fuck it up.

My highlights: The girl who moved half a thousand miles away the week after we finally actually talked and connected (having lived near me for 2 years before that), the girl who's sibling died a few weeks after we started dating, the impromptu lunch date that went so incredibly well it last 8 hours, only to get a text the next day that pretty much said, "I can't date you, because I fall in love easy, and I can't marry you because of my religion."

And actually...a few weeks in to dating my girlfriend her uncle died, and then a little while after she also lost her job. So maybe my curse still continues xD, but at the same time, we've been together closing in on a year, and are insanely happy.

Just keep plugging at it, and keep trying new avenues. Dating can be tough on everyone (i know my girlfriend was pretty burnt out on dating too when we met.)

Oh, and if you want more specific tips: Dress better, get in shape, be more true to yourself, be confident, be more DGAF. For anything more specific you'd need to provide more specific info.
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>>16451623
>tried that, worst advice that can be given to women ever
holy shit I know. Every thread here, guys suggest that and they all say they've got on dates with 500 women who asked them out, but it never ever works that way in real life.
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>>16451559
What the hell are those things in OP's pic?
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>>16451629
>but it never ever works that way in real life.
It takes a few tries before you have any success. Why do you think guys on here vent about it so much?
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>>16451636
those are robots, if you manage to google them there are youtube links how they walk, wobbling on their legs and its insanely cute

>>16451626
thanks, I know that sometimes we are just out of luck but I am starting to lose my patience, especially if I compare my dating life to my other female friends
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>>16451636
Mechanical cows. They don't need water and have a superior yield, though the taste leaves something to be desired.
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>>16451641
it is not even about success- even if you do manage to ask guy out it's just the worst wat to do it which can lead to bad outcomes like guy not respecting you, being considered cock-starved and all other fun stuff.
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>>16451623
>>16451629
It's not bad advice. Everyone just fails to mention that it might not work the first time you do it. There are plenty of girls I'd not ask out myself for various reasons but would gladly go on a date and see where it goes if they were to ask me out.

Just keep asking out guys who you like and find attractive.

Your hobbies matter. If you've got hobbies where you naturally meet people you're much more likely to find someone like minded who you want to date compared to when your hobbies would have you sit at home alone.

Can't talk for all guys but for me personally glasses are a slight turn on as long as they fit your face. Then again I've got glasses myself.
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>>16451650
>Everyone just fails to mention that it might not work the first time you do it.
read >>16451649
its not about success. In most cases asking guy out doesn't work well for a girl, even if he agrees to hook up.
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>>16451649
>being considered cock-starved
For asking a guy out? Really? I'd react more along the lines of "finally a girl who doesn't think she's in a Katherine Heigl movie", unless she makes it obvious that she's only looking for sex.
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>>16451652
Stop jumpimg to bed with them on the first date and stop caring about what other people think of you so much.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects you for pursuing something you like? And if they really are that close minded then why do you give a fuck about what they think about you?
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>>16451658
girls don't ask guys out unless they have no other option (most at best flirt to show interest but wait for guy to make a decisive move). If you are the one who does then you are considered pathetic, a girl who couldn't get anyone to get interested so she has to throw herself on guys.

>>16451661
it is not about jumping into bed. Guys respect what they earned, not what was given to them. And it is not only mine opinion but shared consensus among almost all women I know.
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>>16451629
>>16451649

I'm this guy >>16451626 and I've gone out on dates because a couple girls asked me out first.

But i've also turned down some girls because they were sloppy drunk at the time or seemed creepy levels desperate/clingly (like potential stalker levels; one girl literally told me she 'USED to be crazy clingy and possessive--but that was like a year ago". later that night she randomly tried to unfasten my belt to reach down my pants in the middle of a parking lot).

Actually, my gf technically asked me out first (She actually beat me to it by seconds). She was also the one who brought up a second date first too (like an hour before we ended our first).

Didn't consider her cock-starved, or respect her any less, in fact, maybe the opposite. Part of what attracted me to her at first was how outspoken she could be about a lot of things.
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>>16451620
>glasses
My fucking fetish.
No we definitely need a pic.
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>>16451649
>not respecting you
Not gonna happen. Not with me, not with my friends, not with any guy I know. I'd like to know what country you live in, to avoid it like the plague, if people behave like that.
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>>16451665
That's only true for alpha Chad's who are way too insecure about their masculinity or really conservative guys. If either of those os your type then asking them out won't work.

However if you just want a normal guy who wants their gf to be their equal then keep asking out guys you fibd attractive.
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>>16451559
Old guy here. I think there could be a few things going on here.

1 - you don't have much experience, so you don't have much confidence. This manifests itself in how you make eye contact, body language, etc. Like you need to learn to flirt a little. Not slutty "I am gonna let you put it in my butt" stuff, just the simple things like, making eye contact, sly smiles, a little hair twirling, sitting/standing a little bit closer. I am sure there are a ton of videos and books and such that can give you advice on what is shown to work and what isnt. But you will need to practice them.

How do you dress? I am sure you have heard of "peacocking" for men. ie: dressing to get attention. Again, not saying you have dress sluttily, but maybe you could liven up your clothes/hair and add a little flair or showcase your figure or something.

If you are average/cute as you say and not a hambeast, and not getting any attention, then you are somehow putting out the vibe that you are unavailable. modifying the above will change that perception.

But there is more.

Do you smell bad? I remmeber in college that there was this super cute girl I really liked, but her breath was so bad I couldn't stand to be near her.

Is your attitude shitty? Like do you put people down a lot? feel sorry for yourself and complain a lot? These are all turn offs. Its hard to diagnose the issue without more info, but it is possible that guys see you as whiny bitch.

Are you going for guys that are "in your league"? or are you, a self described 6, going for 9's and 10's? Do you hang out with "hot" people, ie - are you the ugly one in the bunch?

If you are only hanging out with hot, outgoing girls, then you are going to look like beige wallpaper compared to them, the KAWS paintings that catch their attention.

Hope this helps.
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>>16451649
Sure. That's the nature of the beast. You have to take a chance some time.
But a lot of it is also down to how you present yourself. You can ask a guy out without seeming desperate or creepy, especially easy if you're still young. As you get older, rusty social skills stick out more so get some practice now. You'll thank yourself later.
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>>16451559
Sounds like you aren't taking enough chances, op. The complaining up thread about girls asking guys out never working is just that- complaining. We don't live in a world where a woman says yes to every guy who asks them out, nor do we live in a world where guys say yes to every girl.

Just ask a guy out. If he says no, then it's his loss.
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>>16451686
thanks there was a lot og potentially helpful stuff here
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>>16451689
This is true, getting practice is the best thing you can do.

And it is completely possible to ask someone out, whether girl or guy, and not be so awkward about it.

> be at a party, talking to a guy, new Cage the Elephant song comes on. Him - "I love these guys" You - "yeah, they're pretty good. I hear they are coming to town in December.' Him - "Oh yeah? Cool." You - "I am going to get tickets, want to join me?"

> Be at a party - talking to a girl. Saying stupid shit about some arcane art issue but being really animated about it. She either gets bored because she is boring or laughs and looks me in the eye and smiles. If latter, I say "what? I have some hearing loss from too many concerts." and move in closer. If she leans in and talks into my ear, make sure my cheek touches hers, then pull back and, looking her in the eyes, validate what she said with a "You are right." or " I know, its totally fucked." Then eventually get to saying "There is this show at XXXXX gallery. We should stop in sometime next week and check it out."

You need to develop some commonality with guys. You need to have something to say. You need to prompt them to say stuff and listen/pretend to listen to them.
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>>16451629
>guys, I'm a lonely girl how do I get bf

>guys: ask boys out

>nooo, becuase then I give them all the power and could possibly be rejected!

>guys: yeah, we know.
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>>16451741
>>16451741
You know all those responses from girls werent about fear of being rejected right? Read them, there are different things that usually go wrong in such situations
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>>16451759
And basically all of them are either
>I'm afraid of being rejected
>I don't want to seem like a slut

The first one is their problem and the second one is really easy to fix by not dressing and acting like a slut and not jumping to bed instantly.
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>>16451759
>gives them all the power and could be rejected
>and could be rejected
>and

I guess I should have said or, but if you're going to argue semantics then it's not worth it.
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>>16451770
I think you didnt understand posts like: >>16451665
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>>16451665
>girls don't ask guys out unless they have no other option

>"I'm not ugly"
>"I'm interesting"
>"I'm social"
>"I'm invisible to guys"

You HAVE no other options.
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>>16451686
I fully agree with this advice. Most self respecting guys with options don't want a girl who wants "someone to be with", they want someone they have chemistry with, things in common with, who moves them in a way. So you need to not "present" yourself as a potential partner and judge how they are as a potential partner, but focus more on what happens in your interaction, between the two of you.

A good example is that maybe you've had the experience of communicating through whispers (cinema, place with public speaker) for extended time with someone you usually are not physically close with. Usually this makes people see the person in a slightly different light because the physical proximity (hot breath on your ear, them leaning in close so you can feel their bodyheat) suddenly makes them aware that this isn't just a source of company but a flesh and blood person of their desired gender.
Of course you can't just physically latch on someone, but there are subtle little things you can do. If someone doesn't hear you, lean in (with just your face, or it's a bit much) quite closely to their ear. If you make room for someone and step closer to them, make it so close you almost touch him with your back. Doing things like this will make them more likely to start seeing or considering you in a sexual light than if you're having a dry conversation with quite some distance between the two of you.

Focus on the eye contact, the smiles. Don't just respond politely but react in a more teasing way. This catches people off guard, makes the interaction more informal and playful (which in itself resembles flirting), the atmosphere looser. It also shows that you see them and think about them as a person, and aren't dryly processing what they tell you like it's a lecture.
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>>16451785
>guys don't respect
Afraid of rejection

>guys want to chase
Afraid of rejection

>all the women i know think this way
Well how about you go ask some guys instead of taking everything cosmo says as truth

Yeah if you're acting really fucking creepily and being clingy when asking them out it will turn off guys. However there is literally no excuse for not asking out guys other than being afraid of rejection.
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>>16451793
And definitely, definitely highlight your assets. Not just in the sense of dressing for your bodytype and adjusting your haircut to your type of hair and face (feel free to ask advice if you provide more info on your specifics), but mostly showing who you are through clothing. You want to appeal to the kind of person who has something in common with you, so you want to wear the things that make you look like the kind of person you are. People aren't machines who just calculate someone's attractiveness, just like you no doubt do guys respond stronger to girls who seem to fit into their niche. Eg dress a bit conservatively feminine, or tomboyish, or look very classy and put together. The last thing you want to seem is bland, because this has such potential to attract guys you are compatible with.

Another thing is that if you are not a very charismatic person (yet) and not strikingly attractive, it is very likely that a lot of guys you talk to find you cute enough, but are both not that invested and don't pick up enough encouraging signals (this goes back to the flirting and smiling, seeking out more personal contact etc), they just assume you're not interested and don't bother putting themselves out there and asking. You don't have to ask "want to go on a date" to coax a guy into going out with you. You can drop obvious hints like "no way, are you telling me I have found one of my people?! we should totally get together some time and go there/do that" if you both like a relatively obscure thing and it comes up. You can leave it hanging in the air for him to take you up on, and if you really like him and really want to go out with him, wait for the very end of the conversation to casually say you had a good time and whether they would be up for doing the before mentioned. Another advantage of this is that you gave them time to process your interest, so you don't put them on the spot as much as with an out of the blue overt request to go on a date.
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>>16451808
Like this anon said at the end, an overt invitation out of left field may be seen as weird, just becuase how the dynamics between the sexes are. Girls are afraid of guys taking advantage of them sexually, guys are afraid of girls taking advantage of them monetarily/socially/(or basically any way except sexually).
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>>16451808
Another thing to add to this anons advice is that you need to have something to say.

Having a wide knowledge base is helpful, but being interested in something is very interesting. If you like reading, get some knowledge about what you are reading. If you like writing, talk about how you are doing NaNoWriMo this year. If you like music, know the local concert venue's schedule. if you like art, know what's going on now, not like "oh I like Picasso." but more like "I love what XXXXX artist is doing on the whole disembodiment theme that Picasso started." (don't know if that is even close to right, cuz art ain't my bag, but you get the idea.)

And you need to have some energy. Someone who looks/acts like just getting out of bed is soooo fucking hard is not exactly going to get me excited to hang out with them.

TL;DR - Have something to say and say it with energy.
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>>16451832
Very much agree with this addition, also learn to master the skill of adding your own input to conversation even if superficially speaking you cannot relate. For example if someone is very fanatic academically and you aren't at all, you can't relate to staying up three nights in the same week to have extra study time. But you might know similar feelings from something (like playing an instrument) you feel fanatic about, so you can still bond over the underlying emotions and "theme". The more you practice this and learn to associate and quickly see the bigger picture, the easier it will be to be able to be a worthy conversational partner about practically anything.
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>>16451652
>>16451665

Holy fuck you are a moron. Just admit that you're afraid of rejection and stop acting like you're some hard core traditionalist. It's 2015, for fucks sake. Maybe the reason you can't find a guy is because you've got your head so far up your cunt.
>>
As it is with guys, you need to get this advice in person. If there's something awful about you which is hidden in a blind spot then what chance do we have of figuring it out? We depend on you to describe yourself. Guessing at your blind spots will reduce us to just that, blind guesswork.

Find someone you trust in person and ask. Tons of general advice are as unlikely help you as a doctor prescribing one of every drug at the pharmacy every time you feel ill.
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>>16451559
Possible Causes:

No personality
Resting Bitch face
Shitty attitude
Picky without any sense of self reflection to what you can actually get.
Fear of rejection(most women)

Try this, go to a bar and wait for a guy to talk to you. If you find him attractive smile and talk back. If you have things in common then the conversation will be easier.

The ideals this world has setup for people are terrible, it's pretty hard to find someone who is really compatible.

I have been in 7 year, 2 year and had alot of one night stands. I have a steady relationship now but it isnt without sacrifice or compromise.

If your ideals are keeping you from being realistic, that could also be your problem.
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>>16452025
>It's 2015,
tumblr is leaking
Thread posts: 46
Thread images: 2


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