What becomes of the broken-hearted?

>>16432564
I haven't gotten over mine. It's been about a month and I haven't gotten over it. Probably will just end my life at some point honestly. I speak to her regularly.

>>16432567
>I speak to her regularly

Well, there's your problem.

You ignore that person and get over it gradually. Sometimes the pain springs up when you bump into them at a store or regular meeting place but it gets better gradually. It took me three years to finally get over her.

I won't ever trust anyone again. My first love took my heart and shit all over it. It's not worth the risk of being hurt again.

>>16432564

it was kind of silly on my part. We were together for less than a year but we got along so well and had so many of the same goals that we thought we were destined for each other. Along the way I realized he wasn't the person he made himself out to be, and it ended very suddenly on his behalf despite all of the "I want to marry you"s and "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" s.
I can't hate him, because even though he broke it off with me he still offers to help me in many ways. But I hate that I was built up so much only to be torn down so suddenly. I've been working on moving on - I've stopped crying so much and I'm dating again. But sometimes I look at an old photo or see an old comment or an old text pops up that reminds me of how things were and it hurts my chest in a very real, physical way.
I just try to keep my mind focused on all my future potential.

>>16432583
I feel you completely. I'm the >>16432567

I'm still in love with her and it kills me

broken hearts are as common as the common cold. everyone in their lifetime will get them multiple times, and acting like its something you can't come back from is egotistical and silly.

there will always be residual feelings and such, both positive and negative, but if its something that burdens your life, you need to rethink your life.

>>16432569
I can't physically get away from her, because when I do I just get depressed and suicidal, it's a vicious cycle

>>16432570
Did you get over her by falling in love with somebody else, or did you just learn to enjoy being single again?

Been through 2 heartbreaks now, just in the middle of my 2nd one now...

But having gone through the first one, it makes it easier. I know somewhat what to expect.

First girlfriend, we were together 3 years. When she went off to college she lost interest in me and we ended it quickly when she made it apparent.

It hurt like fucking hell. I would fight and yell with her every day for a bit. I don't even know what i was trying to do. But I couldn't get over it, I couldn't move on. I was depressed piece of shit for months.

But things finally started getting better. I'm not one to meet girls often so no I didn't just "go out and fuck girls" like people here suggest. I'm not a ladies man. It was hard. But still, continued on with life, going out with friends, hitting on girls, even unsuccessfully, etc., all helped.

I'm not sure how it happened but there was just a point where I started to wake up and feel okay...or even good about myself and my situation. It sounds cliche but it really just took time.

I don't talk to her ever. I bumped into her once or twice. We were able to have decent friendly conversations our last few talks. No ill will, really, which I think helps.


Then I met my next girlfriend. She put my first one to shame. I realized what I had with my first girlfriend wasn't what I want at all.

Of course, now I'm going through the same exact thing. Except it hurts harder because I loved this girl even more. But, knowing I've gotten through this before, I can safely say, it'll be okay. Don't give up.

>>16432598
I didn't enjoy being single but it helped me gather myself.

>>16432598
This is >>16432609
and to add, I got over my first ex and was not dating anyone for a couple of years. But I was really truly happy, happy to be single, not caring about a thing.

I miss that almost lol. Now my heart is broken all over again. But you can't regret relationships or feel like you wasted time, I'm trying to tell myself. I learned a lot, grew, etc...

Sure
>Known a girl since we were both 14
>started dating when we were 15
Proposed when we were 17, going to marry after graduation
>All of our parents were thrilled
>very excited, so in love
>Graduate high school, wedding in 8 weeks
>She is busy getting ready
>I decide to surprise her and bring her lunch; get carry out, go by her parent's house when I am normally at work - park at the end of the lane, walk up to surprise her (in the country)
>Dog knows me, doesn't bark
>She's naked, hanging out with her 35-40 year old piano teacher, he's naked too, obviously just finished fucking
>They don't see me
>I walk back, hide the car, wait for him to drive off, walk back
>Going to confront her, hear her talking on the phone with her best friend
>"Of course I will marry Anon! He has a great job, a bright future, and he adores me. I just like fucking Joe. And Tim. And Frank!"
>Decide she isn't worth it
>Drive home, tell my dad what happened, he asks me what I want to do.
>We talk for a while, he agrees with me
>I had changed my plans for my future to please her. I had already done everything needed to enlist, but hadn't
>Went tot he army recruiter, signed, left 3 days later after telling all my friends what she did
more

>>16432646
>Basic was easy. then I did a long school in California where I had a ton of fun. Got sent to Ft Bragg
>Met a lot of girls, slept with a few but never dated; didn't feel right yet
>One day some friends of mine, a married couple, set me up on a blind date with no warning
>She was beautiful, smart, funny - that night I told my room mate I had met my wife and she wrote in her journal she had met her husband
>We got married 18 months later
>Been married 23+ years, have 5 kids
more

its been 3 or 4 months or some thing, i don't keep track anymore and i still cant get over her. shit man even when im trying to jerk off her name pops in my god damn head

the only way i don't think about is keeping my mind occupied, i don't think i'll ever get over her, but i'm sure if i work 24/7 to keep my mind occupied for the rest of my life ill be fine

>>16432595
OP, a wound won't heal if you keep scratching the scab. You need to be strong and fight through the depression/suicidal thoughts, etc with positive things that you enjoy doing.

Otherwise, you're dependant on her to not be a complete mess - what good are you as an individual then? Not one that needs to be in a relationship. Take the gift, the opportunity to work on yourself.

>>16432674
I am scared of being alone, that's why. I am one of those people that will end up alone for the rest of my life.

>>16432657
>We are doing well, my family
>I started my own business, sold it and work for another firm
>My wife hasn't worked outside the home since she first got pregnant
>about 3-4 years ago went back to my home town for a family thing; don't go much, my parents and siblings moved away years ago, too
>run into an old friend, we get a drink
>Ask about mutual friends, talk
>He brings up my ex. I had legit not thought of her in years.
>was very angry I broke it off and left, bad mouthed me still after 25 years
>She had been married and divorced 4 times, had 2 kids
>He thought she worked as a house cleaner and such. wasn't sure
more

>>16432684
When I think about it I remember there being great pain from her breaking my heart but after the years and the happiness with my wife it is more like a half-remembered movie or novel than anything else.
It does fade with time.

I lost a friend I've had for close to a decade. It is often... difficult... to feel okay on some days.

>>16432683
You didn't end up alone in this situation. That's a pessimistic view to have - if anything, this experience will make you stronger and more intriguing & understanding with whomever you're with next.

>>16432692
If there is somebody else. I won't be able to even get anybody else for the main reason that I'm an emotional trainwreck with a plethora of mental problems. I am not the sort a person would be attracted to. Thanks for the kind gesture though.

>>16432704
I'm feeling the same right now but you can't think that way. So you're an emotional trainwreck with problems.
1. Who isn't?
2. You found someone once before, haven't you? So you can find someone again.

Sure in your current state maybe not yet, but once you let yourself heal, you'll stop feeling this way.

I'm getting over my ex right now, it's been a month. I can't even imagine dating anyone else; not just because I can't but because I don't know who would want to date me right now.

But I'm trying to be patient. Work on myself until that point.

>>16432717
I admire your strength.

>>16432717
>>16432704
>>16432569

>1. Who isn't?
So much this.

>>16432564
My ex broke up and stopped communicating with me on New Year's Eve of last year. I was a complete mess, barely able to function at work and school (but I did and no one was the wiser because I'm not a little bitch). By September I felt like my head was really on straight.

He added me on facebook on my birthday in October and it was not the trigger I thought it would be. I'm still not totally over him, but I rarely think about it anymore.

I'm not better, I'm different.

>>16432745
Good on you. I wish I had your strength.

>>16432735
Thank you, I appreciate that. I posted above, saying how this is the second time I've been through this. It doesn't change anything but having been through this before helps manage my feelings. And if you haven't been through it before just try and imagine that.

This is not the last significant other in your life. It may seem like an eternity but this feeling will end and be replaced by all kinds of different ones.

>>16432753
Thanks for your wise words. I hope that we both can get over our breakups

>>16432762
Glad they could reach you and thanks. I hope so too, and I know so. Trust me it feels unimaginable to me right now. But it's simply not the case.

>>16432751
I don't know if strength is the right word. I don't feel strong, I feel wizened. I do seriously miss the fun times spent aimlessly together, but I've come to realize it's not the person I miss, but rather the qualities present in the relationship.

Good luck, anon. Stick in there and things get better, if only because the bad times are harder to remember.

>>16432766
It's the same with me, I don't really miss the person, I just miss the cuddles and the affection I got from the relationship. Good luck to you too!

well op, honestly i havent really gotten over any of my greater loves i had in my life.

last one ended this summer, i loved her, and well, i still love her.

but i accept the the things the way they are. yes, i loved. yes, i got hurt because of it. and yes, i never really completely got over those emotions.

but that doesnt mean i should suffer because of it. i see positive sides to all of it. i loved and i gave so much. now i realized i should not expect anything in return but that i should only enjoy my ability to love people in general, including my past girlfriend(s).

i am some way in contact with all of them, well except for this last one. but honestly id like to hear from her in some time to come, id really like to see if she is doing well.

there is this kind of an egoistic side in me which shouts FUCAT BITCH, I HOPE SHE DOESNT SUCCEED IN ANYTHING, SHE WILL REALIZE HOW SHITTY SHE WAS BLAH BLAH. but honestly, deep down i wish all the best to her.

and i was always there to help in any way when they asked for help, even if years have passed since the break up.

forgiving is the key to peacefulness in these situations. all the hate you feel is actually directed towards yourself.

Will you get over it? Yes of course, although the timeframe varies from person to person. That's not to say however you won't always remember it because you probably will.

Only ever had it happen to me twice in my life but I like to think that emotional atruggle makes us stronger.

Just remember OP, this too will pass.

>>16432792
This dude knows what's up.

>>16432812
thank you anon

point is to accept yourself the way you are, not to look yourself trough your possessions or trough other people (which are mostly regarded as possessions when it comes to relationships).

each one i loved more deeply as the time passed, and with the last one i didnt feel that kind of an euphoric state of tingling, but i didnt need that anymore in my life. i saw her as a true friend and a companion. too bad she didnt see it completely like that but thats the thing she will learn during next few years, i am sure of it and im actually glad because of it.

yes, it still hurts. i suffer because of it from time to time, but i know its for the best for both her and me.

i dont miss the kindness and affection ive had, i miss the person i was with. and thats something way better than what i felt after last two relationships ended. you only need yourself to be truly happy, and you get another person in your life to share your happiness with.

>>16432858
>i dont miss the kindness and affection ive had, i miss the person i was with. and thats something way better than what i felt after last two relationships ended. you only need yourself to be truly happy, and you get another person in your life to share your happiness with.

Honestly, this is a good point.
After my first breakup I felt a huge gap because i felt so low in myself. I missed her compliments, her caring for me; I felt like I was a loser because she left.

Now with my current breakup I don't feel that anymore. I still feel bad, but it's because I truly miss her; I wonder how she is doing, I hope she will be okay. As for my view on myself... well I'm still feeling down, but it's a proportional feeling. I still feel good about myself, and I don't feel I need her or her affection to be the best version of myself.

>>16432858
This is the way I feel about it as well. Love is a great sensation and can make you happier than anything else in the world. But that doesn't mean you have to lose the joy in your life if you lose that though. Love in general is a fickle thing, it comes and goes so quickly. I agree with you though, love should be about sharing your happiness rather than creating happiness with love.

Also I want to say thank you, this little talk has made me feel better about my own situation. You're a good dude.

>>16432882
i honestly think you are going in a good direction

most people (probably even my last gf FUCK THAT BITCH LOL) after a break up find another person just to feel connected with and just to fill the holes and incompleteness of themselves.

but no one will fill that hole but yourself.

if people continue doing this they just delude themselves and after some time of that euphoric feeling of a relationship still realize that they feel empty and incomplete. and then they blame their partner for it.

but its them who are to blame.

>>16432905
>You're a good dude

oh fuck, im not, im a restless fucker who does silly shit for no particular reason. :D

>>16432917
Well I'm somewhat the same, doesn't necessarily make us bad though hahaha.

>>16432564

I don't know what will become of me. I'm still reeling from my break up. It was the first time I really cared for someone and it ended out of nowhere. I was left scrambling to pick up the pieces and try to restore some semblance of normalcy to my life.

I just started a great job that I love and could turn into a career, but it's hard sometimes to talk to people because I'm still very much fucked up emotionally. I'm 25 years old and I'm still not sure what kind of person I want to be. All I know is that I am indeed capable of loving another person whole heartedly. I'm just afraid that I'll never find someone who accepts my love and loves me back.

>>16432564
highschool crush of mine whom I was in love with for many years got together with my best friend during a class trip to Florence.

Pretty much ruined all of our friendships and I felt uncomfortable being around both of them until the very end of school. After school I never saw her again, saw him a couple of times. Last time was probably 2 years ago, 8 years after graduation.

He still felt sorry for ruining our friendship and wanted to get back in touch when drunk, but never followed through when sober.

I didn't realize how broken I was until in university after getting shot down by another girl I felt really bitter. That was the one thing I didn't want to be, cynical, jaded, but it happened and I just felt broken. I distinctly remember wondering if I'll ever feel whole again.

Took another 6 years until the wound felt mended. Happened around the time I got my soul back, but that's another story.

>>16432684
>was very angry I broke it off and left, bad mouthed me still after 25 years
nigga you're ancient

>>16432567
Jesus fucking Christ cry some more.
A month? Post again when it's been a year, drama-queen.

Still not able to move on- it's been 14 months. Did the fwb but that didn't work. Don't think I'll ever get over it but since he won't answer when I reach out, I realize I need to stop stewing.

It's been a hell of a year. I like to think I loved her but a lot of codependency issues were there, not to mention our disordered thinking patterns but I feel much better. I'm actually seeing someone new who went through similar things and we're taking it slow, not focusing on the past unless it's conducive to growth within the relationship and provides insight into more positive means of thinking and being.

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IS IT TIME FORE THE ONEITIS CIRCLEJERKY?

I need some popcorn for the depress fest.

>>16432564
Sounds cliche, but, Time heals emotional wounds.

>what happened that made you realise you were ok again?
Getting back to things I enjoyed.

>what is your relationship now with the person who broke your heart?
She is now a stranger.

>>16432564
>Weld your heart back together with anger and iron
>Rebuild the walls of distrust and paranoia

Never let anyone get that close again. Never let your guard down that much.
Never again.

>>16433945
Dont do that

>>16433945
So was your favorite Linkin Park Meteora or Hybrid Theory

My wife left me because she was 'unhappy'. I thought it was the liwest id ever be in life. Shortly after, my dog died and I realized what a shitty wife she was while my dog was my best bro. Almost a year later I think of him daily and miss him dearly, whereas I am grateful to be free of my wife.

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>>16432564
Happened four years ago. Haven't really moved on, I've come to a state of existence where I live with always having a feeling of longing, coupled with taking unnecessary risks with in my hobby(Rock Climbing). On days the longing gets particularly bad I'll drive to a secluded crag and free solo a route. For some reason being in a situation where making any mistake means I fall to my death calms the longing. I've come to realize I'm not longing for the woman that broke my heart but simply for an intimate connection. Loneliness has slowly been consuming me and I can't figure out how to overcome it. Now a days we bump into each other around campus about once a week. She looks through me like I don't even exist. I gave her a huge portion of my life and I don't get how she can be like that. I feel unable to make another meaningful connection with someone because of how she left me. I don't know if I'll ever get over this, I'll be thirty in a few years, thinking about it makes me feel pathetic.

The brokenhearted continue on. There's no other option. Time keeps moving forward and it drags us kicking and screaming with it.

In middle school, my brother commit suicide. That fucked me up for 10+ years.

In high school, I fell in love for the first time. For once, I wanted better for the girl. I spent a lot of effort to help her through some shit. She helped me through my own problems as well. And then it fell apart. I see her sometimes. She's done well and has a lot to be proud of, but she's not the girl I loved anymore. I love who she used to be.

In college, I met my ex-wife. Within minutes of seeing her, I whispered to myself "I'm going to marry her". There were some massive warning signals going off, and I blinded myself to them. I tried to keep it together for the kids, but after 6 years of hell I couldn't remain. She is diagnosable and should be prescribed with anti-psychotics. (She's been assessed by a professional).

During the marriage, I fell in love with my sister in law. She constantly praised me for being such a good husband to her sister, constantly said she wished she could find a man like me, etc. Eventually I failed, I buckled to it, and I betrayed my ex-wife's trust. I began to love her sister more. I regret few things, this is one of them. Even with knowledge that my ex's sister has likely become an escort, I still love and miss her.

Finally, I fell hard for one more woman. She is completely selfless. She's interested in culture just for the sake of culture. She's very pretty, very grounded, intelligent, kind. I have loved her for years. She's single still, I can't be with her. I think of her almost daily, only wishing her the best. I want her to find a good husband. I don't base my own happiness on her, but it really hurts that I can't be the one for her. I would do anything to be with her.

So I continue on brokenhearted. I derive happiness from within, from my successes, and just keep moving forward in life. I have no other choice.

>>16434801
dont be happy for the sake of success.

be happy for you.

success and career will be just a byproduct of that.

Time healed all wounds. Surround yourself with good friends and do stuff for yourself and you'll be better eventually.

I don't talk to my ex - I like to know he's okay and doing fine but I'm trying to distance myself. Maybe in several years we can be friends again, right now it's too soon.

>>16434483
Dude, you need to move on. Be active, try to meet new people, new women. Loneliness kills, you need to fight it.

>>16432564
I have definitely moved on from my ex of a year ago, but i'm just so fucking lonely in general.

Lately, i'm just thinking that relations are overrated and that i need to continue my personal path anyway...it doesn't make me happy, but it makes me content in some way. So maybe that's good enough.

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I replace it with hate
But I won't harm the person or do them wrong I'll just use it as a means to forget about them it works very well too

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>>16432564

>have you been able to move on yet?

no

>do you think you'll ever be able to get over it?

Get over it in what sense?

>what is your relationship now with the person who broke your heart?

n/a, since she was never even acutely aware of my existence.

The good news is that I'm doing fine in every objective sense. I use my desire to impress her as a motivation to improve myself, and so long as I don't actually try to interact with the real living instance I can't find anything nothing wrong with it. I can't stop thinking about her though.

If I met someone it probably wouldn't bother me any more, but it's not very likely that I will. It's like being obsessed with an animu waifu except she actually exists irl, so I can cling to the like 0.001% chance that we'll meet on better terms like it's a certainty. Of course there's probably an order of magnitude greater probability that says I'll become Freddy Krueger, but hey, at least he almost got to touch a hot girl (?).

Been heart broke. still heart broke. I fucked up from stresses from work and college and highschool at the time, thought i could handle all that and have a girlfriend. ended up eating away at me. I broke up with her because i couldnt keep her happy and we always fought on the time I had off. Ended up getting back together later and she wasnt feeling us so she broke it off. I miss her everyday, we talk on rare occasions, I'm hoping she'll miss me one day as well so we can either rekindle it or so I can say no. Whatever I feel is right at the time.

>>16432564
Developed feelings for my best friend. Doesn't want to "lose our friendship" in case anything happens. Still good friends but I'm tired of feeling like I failed and I'm not good enough. Thinking about her with other guys absolutely crushes me and when she doesn't respond to me but has time to message boys on social media I feel like I'm not even important to her (despite the fact she calls me her best friend). My friend told me to cut off contact, but we've been friends for a while and I don't even want to think about leaving behind someone who's been such a big part of my life for so long. She's done some shitty things to me before but I still hang around because I keep thinking about the good parts. Is she worth just keeping as a friend?

Damn, this song... I had a cd it was on, and my sis and i used to listen to it for hours. Anyways.

Yes, ofcourse your heart will heal. You see, if somebody you love, dies, the world seems to fall appart and you don't think you'll ever smile again. But then life happens and you'll find yourself not tinking about that person that often anymore. They just start to disapear. Sure, there will be days you'll miss them like crazy. Or you'll wake up from a dream about them. It happens. That's the one that got away. But it doesn't have to stop you from loving again

>>16435323
I live a highly active lifestyle, and meet new people all the time. I just feel unable to make meaningful connections with them. Everyone says I need to get out and meet people, like I'm some shut in when I'm actually not.

>>16432593
Most sensible post itt

I cut contact with my ex boyfriend when he started dating someone new.
He didn't try to contact me either.
For months I was a mess, couldn't go to uni, couldn't sleep, i had to rely on sleeping pills, he was my first love and treated me like shit.
I finally started to feel better about myself, met a new guy who has started to treat me like shit one month ago.
He'd always tell me "we're together" then a few days later "now we're not" and stuffs.
I thought we could be friends but even as friends, he treated me like shit. I've decided to cut contact, he got angry and insulted me on facebook, i've never replied, he's mentally ill.

Now ex bf (first love) has contacted me.
I thought that i was over him, but he started talking about how much he likes this girl but it's not working out.
And since that night, i can't eat anything, everytime i think about it, my belly hurts like hell.

I'm completely alone.

>>16432564
Cut all connections with your ex and move on.

>>16432564
My ex gf broke my heart in february by dumping me (mainly because she was depressed). She's the only person i ever loved, most important person in my life etc., and she stopped talking to me completely so this summer felt incredibly shit. I've never been so sad, I've been crying every day, got some counseling too.

The first step towards getting over it was finding a new girl. I made some accounts on dating sites and started talking to girls, a bit of sexting, went out with one and we kissed and shit. I like her, I don't love her how i loved my ex, but it helped me feeling better.

Now my ex has started trying to reach out to me again, she messaged me but I told her i would only talk to her if she was ready to apologize and explain what happened, which she didn't. So now she's just sending me some snaps every now and then.

We're friendly and I'm definitely happier than I was before. I don't know how things will develop. I still love my ex so much, while this new girl, it's not a long term thing. But thankfully I'm feeling much better now, and I also would be happy if girl #2 dumped me, I wouldn't mind being single right now. With the ex it was very hurtful because she gave me no explanation and stopped talking to me, so I thought she hated me for some reason. Now that she's trying to reconnect I know she doesn't hate me (even if it's hard to forget what she did), so I feel better I guess. Maybe we'll be able to remain good friends, even though I know it will be hard for me cause I love her so much... we'll see

>>16436096

>Now my ex has started trying to reach out to me again,

Ugh.
I just want to get to that point.
I don't know if it will ever happen though.
I want to get back with her most of all but would also just be happy hearing from her, hearing her explain why she won't message me, etc.
But at least my "I think she hates me" phase is over. I messaged HER the other day and she responded very happily and cute-like...although not enough to think she wants to get back together.

Now I plan to move on. I won't contact her again. Right now I'm wishing she'll contact me some day. But who knows how I'll feel in the future, if she does it in like a year.

Anyways... heartbreak sucks. This sucks. But I'm already excited...to discover love again. I know it will be a long time but I'm trying to be confident that it will happen.

>>16436115
If I can give you any advice I guess as hard as it is try not to contact her. I figured out from this experience that the more i pushed the more she distanced herself. I would try to reach out to her from time to time, you know those nights when you're not thinking straight.. and it always made her mad and made me feel even more shitty.
Then I started seeing the other girl and stopped trying to reach out to my ex, and after that she was the one to reach out to me. But consider that something like 7 months since the breakup have passed.
When I was where you are now, I wanted more than everything for her to reach out and at least try to explain why she acted this way. But honestly once she did contact me, it didn't make me feel that much better. She still hasn't and won't explain shit. She still has the flaws she used to have, that contributed to the breakup.. So honestly I don't see us getting back together and be happy, I think I need to find someone else, someone better.
I just know that I will always love her, she was my first love and will always have a huge place in my heart, but it's like a brotherly or family love now. Even if I love her a lot and care about her, I won't be on her side all the time, but that's fine, just like a parent can't have his kids always with him.
Knowing that she doesn't hate me and that the breakup was all her fault makes me feel better about myself tho.

>>16436134
Thanks, I think some of that is advice I needed to hear.

I definitely don't plan on contacting her again. I was thinking about messaging her again 1 more time soon, asking if she thinks we'll ever have a chance to get back together; but I know that's a bad idea and will only end in more heartbreak on my end and bad feelings on her end.

So I'll do nothing. I'll try and move on. I'm bad at meeting girls, might take me a year or so rather than a few months, but it's ok. I'll be looking. And if she contacts me in the meantime, I'll see how I feel... but I need to drop my expectations. Because even if she DOES end up messaging me, it may go exactly like how it did with you, and I may not feel that much better or know that I want to be with her.

Cut all contact, blocked/deleted her on facebook, skype and her phone number. I sometimes wonder if she actually know how much she hurt me

>>16436139
> I was thinking about messaging her again 1 more time soon, asking if she thinks we'll ever have a chance to get back together

Yea I did ask her that early in the breakup process, and it wasn't very satisfying. She basically said from then on she would only see me as a friend, unless "something changes". What hurt me the most was that she did want to stay friends, said she was "afraid to loose me" and shit like that, only to cut off contact completely afterwards. I felt shittier when i lost her as a friend than as a lover desu.

>I'm bad at meeting girls, might take me a year or so rather than a few months, but it's ok.
I suck too, after all I'm an autistic anon. I just installed every single app out there. TInder, OkCupid, Lovoo, meetme...
You probably won't find the love of your life there, but it can take your mind off things, and make you feel loved again. And you can even make new friends and shit. So yea give some apps a try.

>Because even if she DOES end up messaging me, it may go exactly like how it did with you, and I may not feel that much better or know that I want to be with her.

Remember that unless one of you has changed in the meantime, things will not work out, there's a reason people break up. In my case it was her clinical depression, but she refused to work on it or get counseling or take meds, so even though she's feeling better right now, i know she didn't work on it and if we got back together we would get mad about the same things and it will end the exact same way. Unless she changes (cause I finally see she was 100% at fault for the breakup) things between us will never work out.

Sometimes you fall in love with an idealized mental image of a person, but in reality they have flows which will never make it work unless they change. Sometimes you gotta realize you were in love with the idealized version and not the real one, if that makes sense. Remember that they have flaws, and like they caused you pain once they may do it again

I am broken hearted right now, but it is my own fault. Slowly but surely I can feel my time running out, I know my heart ache and loneliness will consume and kill me soon but I digress.

I broke up with my ex-gf a couple of years ago, she didn't want to break up but I felt like I couldn't be who she needed me to be. Told her I was fucking a side bitch to make her angry at me and leave (I wasn't fucking anyone) I lied. I realised my mistake and thought I could get her back but by the time I tried it was too late and she was with some single parent unemployable loser faggot who scams money off her and lives with his alcoholic mother.

I tried dating and I can't connect with anyone, they don't get me she did. Tried sexy time with wiminz, but I get disinterested and lose my bone after like 5 minutes.

I miss her every moment of every day. I love her. We talk/text once every month or so. The memory of her haunts everything I do. I feel like if I die maybe I can be reunited with her in the void or some faggy emo shit like that. I fucking hate myself.

>>16436162
I wonder the same too. Sometimes I have the feeling she never realized how much she hurt me.
She was the one person who hurt me the most, I was crying daily and I got to my lowest ever, got close to suicide.

It's weird how the person you love the most can also be the one who treats you the worst and hurts you the worst. But I guess it makes sense.

Thank god I'm over that now.|

Ten years, still won't stop hurting.
Went thru 13 women, she got married got a divorce, pining over a dude who just dumped herm she had a kid doesn't know if it's his or the ex-husband.
Still friends, far as I know I'm her only real friend no one else even gives her help to goto the doctor.

Still hurts and won't ever stop no matter what I try. Hurts worse when I'm not talking to her. Hurts when I do.

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>>16436169
Sorry bro.
I'm sure given enough time you can find someone else like here, you just need to look in the right places, create opportunities...
Maybe in a parallel universe it didn't end this way and you two are happy together, who knows

>>16436183
I know you are right, I know I could find someone just as good, try and go out, reconnect old friendships, make opportunities. But I am almost 29 and I've pretty much accepted that I am a forever alone. Most days I can handle the all the feels and crushing bitterness and loneliness, some days like today though it just gets to be too much, you know?

>>16436193
>almost 29
>implying that's old

bitch please. For men the 30s are a golden age. Make the most of it

>>16436163
Yeah, i made a few accounts, but so far nothing has popped out to me.

Good points though.

Exactly, im afraid of being hurt again by losing her as a friend. I mean, we dont really talk anyways. But... She looks at every snapchat story i post... Like 10 minutes after i post it.

It gives me some kind of solace but at the same time i just get anxious about the day she stops looking at them...

Wondering if i should delete snapchat or delete her or something. But scared to do that too in the off chance she wants to talk to me one day...

>>16436266
someone who is 29 and lacking social and relationship skills normal highschool kids have is not going to have a golden age. they've got more than a decade of learning to do to catch up with their peers.

>>16436286
I most definitely have a lack of social and relationship skills. I have at most 4 friends and I barely talk to them/seldom socialise with them.

>>16436163
Wow.. this is the situation I'm in to a t. Down to her saying she didn't want to lose me and then refusing to talk to me the next day.
She didn't decide to go to counceling until after she dumped me.. which baffled me considering I wanted to be with her through it. At least she's doing.. but fuck I miss her.
But.. I'm deffnitely guilty of falling for the idealized version.

The longest heartbreak i had took 3 years to go away.
That was a long time ago and now nothing bothers me. I lost so many people as a kid and teenager that I just don't get upset by loss anymore. It's just the inevitable

OP My broken heart was 3 years ago. It still hurts, and I don't think it will ever stop. It wasn't just the initial pain, it was realizing that what I wanted was part lie and part naivety. What actually exists out there? I don't want it. That's the part that keeps it hurting, and I can't fix it or make it go away.

>>16432564
Broke up with my ex, relationship lasted abou 4 years, trying to be friends. Not going to be okay, trying not to think about it by overworking and spending money so I have no excuse not to work.

>Get involved in WoW through boyfriend
>It was our way of coping with an LDR
>Fast-forward, he doesn't play with me, raiding is life, even though I raid.
> FFS. Screw your shit, we break up. I go alliance. (Still love Horde. Don't hate)
>Join RP guild (not the ERP kind)
>One guy sticks out in particular
>all the flags go up in my mind I need to get to know him better.
>Finally work up the nerve to say something
>Find out he's dating someone else.
>FFS. Fine. I'll stuff my crush on him back in a box.
>Start dating Douchebag McMidgetchaser
>2 years into that relationship, original crush has a huge falling out with the manipulative bitch we now call "Lady Voldemort"
>I want to say something to tell him so bad how much I feel. About my love. About what he deserves.
>Not the kind of douchy woman who breaks up relationships over feelings.
>Fast-forward 3 years, Douchebag McMidgetchaser does that to me.
>Get back in contact with original dude.
>Fast-forward 2 years, finally have the balls to tell him I have feelings for him
>Get a maybe in reply
>Constantly get more maybes over the next 6 months
>Feeding me bullshit lines about not being ready for a relationship
>Within the last week his whole attitude has changed
>See status on facebook about him spending time with a "Good friend" and "He hopes it goes well"
>FFS. Another douchebag leading me on.
>Fuck men, seriously.

>>16432564
Yep I moved on. I focused on making a career for myself. I can't really say when, but my outlook on life has gotten a lot better since. We dont talk much, I really hate her so whenever she initiates catch up conversation I just brag about myself until she stops replying.

>>16433012
How did you get your soul back?

OP here, thanks to everyone who has shared. It seems there are a lot of people who are still fucked-up from their heartbreak, which I guess is sad but re-assuring in equal measure. I wonder if this is reflective of society as a whole, or just of /adv/.

I'd still be interesting in hearing more, particularly from anyone who has previously felt like a lot of us here (at their lowest point, obsessed, not sure that they'll ever get over it, etc), but eventually learned to re-connect with and enjoy life again. How did it happen for you?

>>16436906
This post is so underaged I can almost hear the.. Whatever the modern equivalent of linkin park is

>>16436906
....gotta be bait, right guys? anon can not be this stupid, r-right?

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>6 years later
>so autistic I literally can't forget him
>wake up from dream about him
>tried cutting him out for 2 yrs
>no effect
>dated other people "moved on"
>no effect
>still think of him multiple times per day
>he cancelled plans for today
>kill me

>>16432689
Wonderful story. Thanks anon.

it's been a month, anons

i still find myself absentmindedly thinking 'oh, i should mention this to alex' etc

the other day i went to grab some groceries and picked up her favourite snack, only to remember i'm never going to see her again after i had bought it

so much of me will always belong to her

I had some really bad, traumatizing relationship experiences and had my heart broken more than once. (I'm a female)

I've blamed myself for everything, I tried to hurt myself because I wanted to punish myself. I couldn't sleep or eat. It took me a while to realize how bad what I was doing was.

I can tell you what had helped me:
1. Looking for the worst in other person.
2. Reading- I would read psychology/psychiatry books in order to understand the other person, or where did I failed in a relationship and the ways I could help them/understand them. I ended up understanding that I did no wrong and I should move on.

Over time you "cool down", you start seeing the other person for what they really are rather than sugar-coated fantasy of them you have in your mind and you just stop caring, you see you don't need them and you are better off without them.
If you want to give a shot to some books I tried try searchin for Daniel G. Amen books, especially "brain in love".

gotten mine broken twice in the last two years. first one I didn't really get over til I started dating lady #2, we had a significantly better relationship and just had a lot more in common as a whole then long story short it ended up not working out. still kind of not over that one but definitely a lot moreso than when we first broke up, didn't talk for something like 7-8 months and now we get along again, just don't talk as regularly as we used to.

basically time is the biggest thing that'll help you, and being able to realize that the one you thought was perfect for you and understands you completely wasn't actually that person at all, eventually you'll meet someone better for you, but that won't happen if you're not taking care of yourself in the first place.

>>16432564
time
experiencing my lowest point
picking myself back up
getting better from that point on

My high school sweetheart cheated on me in senior year with girls that bullied me and harassed me to my face and online. The girls continuously bullied me until I switched to a continuation school where I could get out of high school early. I got out early, became severely depressed. Was introduced to drugs, OD'd twice, attempted suicide. Finally got off the drugs, and picked myself up and got back on track to college and a career.

Our relationship now: We don't talk. Even after the relationship though, there was drama. We had a close couple that we were good friends with. After our relationship ended, I kept in contact with the boyfriend of that couple. He told me he found out my ex was fucking his girlfriend regularly. This poor dude was at school all day and working all night to afford a place for him and his girlfriend. They split after this and he kicked his girlfriend to the curb. Haven't heard from her since. Still friends with the dude though.

Then, even after that, I still get my ex's girlfriends coming to me (had two of his girlfriends come to me in the past three years) saying that he beats the hell out of them. I suggest they report it. He tells them that he beats them because I broke his heart or some shit. Don't know where that came from. Pretty convinced ex is a psychopath. Never talked to him again (it's been five years in total) but hear about the trail of tears he leaves behind him often.

They broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We go to the same school and i've run into them a couple times so now every time i leave my apartment i go into panic mode thinking i'm gonna see them again. the feeling disgusts me and i wish i could just stay inside all day.

i looked on the blog for the first time in a few weeks on tuesday, had a panic attack, went for a walk towards the place they told me their friend lived (figured they were still crashing there) and got mugged by two losers with a gun. i guess karma is real.

anyways, i'm sick of feeling so anxious at the thought of just seeing them around school/town. i hate them for the stuff they did but at the same time i miss companionship and having someone around that i actually get along well with. i wasn't sure how to make friends with others before the breakup and now i'm really not sure.

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>>16432564

I kinda hated her after i found out she had the hots for another guy i hated.

Then in retrospective im kind of happy about that mistake of a trainwreck.

The other guy was better than me in so many ways.

I finally got it through my thick skull, that in order to win a girls heart youve got to be worth it.

And besides. A few months later i found out that she wasnt nearly as quality, as I made her out to be.

So take your despair and sadness and use it to improve yourself in whichever way you find worth in.

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>together for 4 years. Lived together for 3.5 years
>broke up last February
>first long-term relationship for both of us

Not over it. We still talk. We have mutual friends. We went back and forth on getting back together for months now, until he fucked one of his employees once and she quit abruptly. Almost got him fired from his job.She went back to her ex.

He says he still loves me/misses me, but can't be with me. I told him tonight that I won't be contacting him anymore.

It's been 10 months and it still hurts like hell. I get drunk a lot, chain smoke cigarettes, cry. I've tried dating, but I hate all the stupid guys I keep meeting. I've improved everything about myself the past 10 months in hopes it would make me happy, but it doesn't.

I'll always love him, and I hope with time it's less painful. I really can't take it anymore, and I'm going to therapy to talk about my grief.

>>16437132
Happened at a talk by John Croft at the 2012 permaculture convention.

He was leading a group version of the Pinakari meditation. It was the most grounding experience I had in my life, but honestly the entire convention was very healing for me.

I hadn't dreamed in my sleep for 5 years by that point, or let's say I wouldn't remember dreaming whenever I woke up. After his meditation I started to dream again and I have ever since that day, every single night and oh my god it's amazingly fun.

Never had a nightmare since then either and it's been 3 1/2 years.

Kinda sucks when you're heartbroken and it's about a coworker.

Fucking hell it takes longer than it normally should.

>>16439759
How long should it normally take, anon?

>>16439774
I suppose there's no clear answer to that.

What I meant is that it's much harder to get over someone when you see and interact with that person on a daily basis.

Nope. I'm 28 and I've never had a girlfriend in my life. I've asked out a lot of girls and loved a lot more but each time I get turned down. I don't blame them, I don't get angry or hate them. I just sorta take it all. People love who they love, you can't make them love you. I love someone now and I plan on asking her out soon but is it even worth it? It's only likely that she'll turn me down and the cycle will repeat itself. Love just isn't for some people, right?

>>16437716
My gf of 3 years left me for my best friend the night I was going to propose to her and blew up at me when got into a fight with my best friend and said all sorts of horrible and cruel things to me. I was already at a low point in my life, my family life was hell and I was in a deep depression and I viewed her as the only good thing in my life and loved her with every fiber of my being. I was completely destroyed. I did nothing for a solid month or two. Went back home and sat on my ass, hardly eating, not working, just staring at a wall or tv all the time, with little sleep in between thanks to awful nightmares I had about her.

But then one day I realized no wonder she left me, pining for someone who doesn’t want me and just wasting away. While what she did in the end was so fucking shitty and showed how little she cared, I realized if I had done more, been more, she wouldn’t have left me, or at least at that point in time wouldn’t have. I poured all my energy into becoming a better person so that when I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I’d be able to love them properly and fully and just be a bright person in their without all the baggage I had.

It took a long time, and there were plenty of nights when I wanted to just give up & go back to being a depressed little shit, but I would remind myself how I never wanted to let something like that happen again and put all that negative energy into improving myself. As I improved myself, other things in my life started falling into place, made new friends through new hobbies, got a good job, and got fit. So even though my heartbreak put me through hell, I’m actually grateful to it now, because I managed to use it as a stepping stone instead of letting it ruin me, which considering where I was, it very easily could have and I could've been six feet under right now.

>>16439809
>Love just isn't for some people, right?
Had my first ever gf at 29.

Don't give up anon. If you need help there's people who can work with you and show you the ropes.

>>16432564
It caused me to become asexual. Seriously. Haven't wanted sex nor a relationship in seven years. It's both good and bad. Lets me focus on important things, but I also know I can never be happy. But whatever.

Broke up with a girl after dating for 5 years. We were engaged. She already bought the wedding dress. At this point she had been my best friend for 8 years. I even moved to her hometown so we could live together. It took a long time to get over her, but it happened. Cut off all contact and realized she was a shitty person. Then I kept myself busy with school, work, friends, and personal projects.

Usually the best gauge to see if you've over someone is to be honest and ask yourself 'If they texted me or if I accidentally saw them again would I get a rush?'
If that answer is yes, then you're not over them.

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Hey everyone,I Dont know what to do here.
Like its been three years since I got over my relationship of also three years,and I go to see her with my old friends posting videos and having a great Time and it breaks me inside because I'm not making her smile or anything,she pretend to not know of who I am and it just sucks.
I Dont want to be like this anymore I want to just forget but its hard.

>>16439948
Best thing you can do is block her so you don't even see shit she's tagged in.

>>16439958
That's the problem,its my friends birthday,I didn't show up because I knew the consequences that would happen by seeing her and stuff,and like I just see a video and photo of her tagged with them all and it sucks.
I feel so alone without her even though I know there's always someone else I can go for,I won't kill myself because I Dont think its that bad,but its just like I'm stuck in the down with the blues,I work at least 60 hours to forget my daily life,I Dont have a bad life.just her there like a cancer and she doesn't even know.

>>16439985
It's been 3 years. You should try dating someone else. It might help making a positive association of love with a person that isn't her.

>>16439989
I want to try,I guess I'm just scared the same thing will happen and I get stuck in the slums by someone else too.
Sorry if I sound whiny or needy by the way.

>>16433220
fwb when you've already dating someone is basically the same as getting back together. You reignite the spark of all that once was. Of course its difficult because you haven't fully let go. Have faith mate, things will turn out.

>>16440018
Relationships are always a leap of faith. You could end up sad again, or you could end up finding the girl of your dreams. Life is full of ups and downs. Usually letting go of anxiety and taking that leap is a positive thing.

i knew this girl for 10 years, we were best friends after a year talking we ended up dating. We went to homecoming, and prom. we had so much love for each other thinking nothing will stop us.. everywhere i go she is by my side 4 years later she was pregnant we were both shock but i looked at her held her hand and i gave her a hug and told her "I love you" we both cried.. we had a little girl we were so happy we were planing on moving out get are own place get married. on Oct 24, 2015 she told me "I'm not happy" I was confused trying to figure out what had happened. i get a call she is having an affair... I cried.. I don't know what i did for her to hate me. last week she moved out look at all of the photos of me and her together. I look at the a picture of us as a family together... I want to get over this but i can't laying in bed alone it hurts. I miss holding her, i miss the way it use to be... my heart hurts so bad man I just picture with somebody else I don't want to be here any more.

>>16440061
Thanks,I'll probably repost in this board soon and let everyone know how I'm doing and see if also I can help or be helped by anyone by then,I appreciate people like you and have a good night yo.

>>16438230
a month is not long, im currently at 3 weeks.
give it time, talk with someone

>>16440077
It's no problem. Good luck anon.

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>>16440076
that sucks, im sorry man. Really shitty on her part, but such is life. Try to think about it as little as possible, keep yourself occupied, meed new people. It will take time but things will get better

>>16440076
That sounds fucking terrible. The only advice I can give you is get rid of the rose tinted goggles and recognize how much she hurt you. Don't make the mistake of having positive feelings or remembering positive memories. Those are the past and won't help you here.

How to get over someone 101:
Make a list of all the shitty things they did, and all the things and traits you hated about them. Whenever you find them creeping in to your thoughts, read the list to yourself.
This will cause you to hate them, and you'll be able to move on quickly. After a while, that hate will gradually fade and you'll be completally seperated from them emotionally.

Don't talk to them during this process. Say you need time to yourself if they reach out to you.

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It's a terrible terrible thing to have a broken heart. Today was a particularly bad day as there were points where I questioned what else I could have done? Maybe it was only a communication problem. But I think I would have known if I wanted to stay with her.

Nothing like this is easy, its awful. But it prides me to know that I'm still breathing, I'm still doing things and interacting. Take what you can from your sadness and realize the times when you do feel happy again.

me and my ex only live a few blocks from each other, it pains me to know that she may be stuck up in her apartment, alone and crying, but I know that she will find the strength she needs.

Feeling lost is not always burden friends, its a wonderful chance to find yourself again, a chance for a new and wiser you. Know that with love comes pain, because it pains us to love, to give and realise it is not enough. Know that you are never truly alone and someone loves you.

>>16440122
Did you broke up with her or did she? What happened.

By the way I wish more people in the thread would explain the reason or the way they broke up. I feel like break ups can be very different depending on that

Time is what healed things for me I guess. Time and new heartbreaks.
My break ups were rough, because I was always close friends with people before dating. So break ups were losing a friend and a partner.
Every single time I felt like "That was it, that was my one chance and now it's gone and I'll never have a relationship."
Break ups left me sobbing, not eating, depressed. But then other stuff happens in life. New things to focus on, new people, new friendships. More bad things, and more good things.
I still think about my exes sometimes. Wonder how they're doing since we don't have any contact anymore, and we'd always been friends first. But I don't feel the heartbreak side, and that was even before finding a new relationship.
And now, I'm in the longest most stable relationship I've had. My previous ones feel like they were lessons. It makes sense to me why they didn't work. And as hard as it was, it makes sense that they were something I had to go through.

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>>16432564
Almost a year ago today, my best friend and boyfriend of pretty much my whole life passed away. It wasn't an intentional heartbreak, but it was a heartbreak.
I'm 25 now, he was 27 when he passed. He had been diagnosed with cancer when he was 23. At that point, we had been best friends since I was 10 and dating since 13. We were each other's firsts for everything.
I'm not over his death. I won't be for a long time. I think about it constantly, and the heartbreak never gets any easier. I love him just as much, and I miss him so much it hurts.

>>16432609
Feel you anon, goin through my second breakup, you didn't said but I believe that we both got dumped right? It's a tricky state of mind, sometimes Im angry as a dog and some other time Im just miserable, I believe the perfect state is selflove and love i.general to life and nature and friendship, all that pretty stuff, hating doesn't wirk for me anymore

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'Moving on' isn't a matter of forgetting or ignoring harsh lessons and failed relationships. Moving on comes from new growth, and that means self-improvement at a minimum. You want to get over a failed relationship? Don't pretend it didn't happen. Turn your focus to career, education, self-development. Devote yourself more towards building a life you can be proud of and happy to enjoy. In that kind of growth, you'll move on- you will have grown in wisdom, health, wealth, whatever, but along with any of those things comes perspective- and in that, you'll see your failed relationship for what it is- practice, nothing more. You don't cry because you didn't do well at practice. You learn from it, and try to do better in the future.

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Been over a year, still searching for true happiness.

I get way madder at things than I used to, I think it's because I never gave myself a chance to talk to her, and furthermore because she's horrible at talking in the first place. I was a bitchy cunt to her for a few months, then I was just avoiding her as much as possible, and finally over the summer I told her I forgave her. What I realized just today though was that I still love/hate her just as much as I did a year ago, and so I attempted to again contact her and talk it out. Of course, she ignored all of my phone calls.

Now I'm waiting for a good friend to get back to me about this insurmountable sorrow in my mind, and maybe I'll

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I'm going to wait here and hope she texts me back one day. Maybe she'll decide to come here for grad school like I did, since she said she was leaving because of an 80 mile distance.

>>16432564
>Girl meets boy
>Boy and girl fall wildly, madly in love
>Love poems
>Passion
>Sex under the stars
>Laughter
>Understanding
>Boy and girl move to island paradise
>Date for years
>Plan to have kids, senpai
>Meet up to have coffee on the same bench where we had our first date
>"What are we doing, anon?"
>"Loving each other?"
>Break up, devastated
>Meet someone new
>Don't love them the same way
>Realize I'll never love anyone the same way
>Marry the new one
>Pregnant
>Just heard from ex again
>"I hope you two care for each other."
>Traded Love of My Life for Stability

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I broke up with a ~2 year girlfriend almost four years ago. She was an amazing person but had issues that basically made relationships with people impossible. We cut contact, and I only talked to her once afterwards a couple years later when we sort of caught up to make sure we were both OK.

After all this I'm not over her. I mean, I'm not consciously thinking our relationship should have worked out, or that we'll see each other again, or anything that keeps me from moving ahead. But she's a wonderful part of the world and I still get overcome with love and sadness.

I've dated a lot since but I haven't found anyone I've really clicked with. I hope that's the only reason I still have so much feeling for her. I'd love to not have this cute ghost stalking me late at night.

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I dated the same girl from age 14-24. Everyone, us included, was sure that we would get married. We rarely argued, shared everything, and were best friends... until we weren't. We grew, as individuals, and in different directions, until one day she broke up with me. I pined away for 5 years, missing her, depressed. I didn't move on, but along the way, I changed careers, made new friends, and became the adult I wanted to be... and then I met the woman who would become my wife. We have 2 kids. My ex is an unhappy nurse with premature gray hair and bad skin, and cats. My wife is a Brazilian beauty, a seamstress who makes lingerie, and our kids look more like her, thank God, but with my blue eyes and last name.
Unanswered prayers are sometimes the best prayers of all. Thank goodness I didn't end up with my ex. I didn't even know that I could be as satisfied and happy as I am today.

And, that, children, is why and how you move on, best as I can explain it.

>>16435970
I wish I could help you out, but I know nothing about fixing what's broken.

I recommend removing both guys from your life though, they're just manipulative dicks and nothing good will come from continued contact (that means removing 'one-sided' contact means from your life, like facebook)

>>16440339

>>16440355 here

I've spent a year improving my life, graduated, got a great job that I love, started cycling, and began saving for early retirement. Far as I'm concerned my life is fucking great. But at the same time, I still am haunted by the woman with whom I once shared everything. I don't know how to fix this rage in my heart.

>>16440325
Yep, dumped pretty much... "I ended it" before she began distancing from me even more than she was.

You are exactly right though about that state of mind. Love yourself, love life, love people. Be happy and positive for your future qt. im still hurting but im tellin myself this and it helps

>>16432564
The scars never fade, the love you still feel for them never goes away completely.
But eventually you'll realize that you can, and will, love more than one person in your life.