Get It Off Your Chest Thread

>>15036028 (2/2)

Finally, you may be able to drive me away, stamp out my happiness, and generally make me feel unwelcome, but you can't totally take away the only person that I love, trust, and confide in. I'll be coming over periodically to play with my boyfriend & spend time with him as per usual for me, thank-you-very-much. The energy cost will be miniscule compared to when I stayed in Anne's room nightly. If the sight of my blue lifeline cord somehow upsets you, I can't help you on that. Try looking away. As your god would probably instruct you to do, put up with it, because it ain't doing you any harm (I always try to lay it flat so no one trips over it). If the sight of me somehow upsets you, I can't help you with that either, because I don't plan on showing myself much anyway.

However, I will do chores around your house just to shut you up, not because I actively want to help you out. I'll continue to come over to take care of Harley because I know for a fact you won't. If you, by chance, want me to actively help you out instead of avoiding the tasks, simply make me feel more at home. I don't want you to buy me food or treat me to things just to win my favor. I don't operate like that -- pretty sure no one does. Finally, I urge you to stop caring about me because you have to. Care only if you want to. And not because you think your god made me.

tl;dr: You may have driven me away, but I'll still come over to take care of my cat, and spend time with Danny

YOU RAPED ME, ILL FUCKING KILL U BITCH ASS SLUT IF I EVER SEE U. FUCKING RAPIST. RAPPEE!! RAPPEE!!! RAPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not attracted to you physically but I still like you a lot. I hope we can make it work.

>>15036028

I've never seen that guy at UC Davos before...

Everybody seems to be getting into relationships or falling in love or getting other people to fall in love with them except me. I have no problem hooking up, every girl I know says I'm awesome but the only girl that has fallen for me decided not to try to have a relationship.

I just want someone to talk to, to cuddle with, to share a piece of my life with. Is it that much?

>>15036121
Don't feel too bad: being physically attracted to someone is a big part of actually being together
>>15036140
No it isn't too much to ask for. Did you ask the lady friend why, exactly, she doesn't want to pursue you romantically?

I'm kind of giggling here because this thread is useless now for me. Gonna tell her everything in a few minutes. Wish me luck people, I'm going to die inside if everything goes wrong.

>>15036225
Good luck to you, anon~ Tell us how it goes

>>15036032
Call the police? Have you talked to someone yet?

>decide to shoot down this cute, chubby girl in my class who had a crush on me because I had a crush on this really slutty girl in my class
>said girl dumps me after 4 months
>it's been a year and I'm still a wreck emotionally
>if I chose different I might have still been in a happy relationship today

my biggest regret

I hope you come around and realize everything you don't understand right now. I'll be waiting.

Even if I was thin, I'd still look like and be an autistic potato, so, why bother?

I don't want to think about her anymore! I just went to her facebook again and now I'm relapsing. God I hate feeling like shit. I hate having feelings over someone who doesn't give a shit about me!

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I took a vacation on a whim and went to visit some family for a week, no internet, and I forgot to tell anyone I was leaving.
when I got back and touched a computer again for the first time in 6 days and found nobody even realized I was gona - these people I talk to every day for years

I feel like almost all of the social interaction I get is me forcing people to interact with me.

No one seems to ever look for me on their own fruition. I just don't think anyone enjoys my company. The more I toss this around, the more I feel that I just lack value or character as a person.

What is there to do, /adv/?

(1/2)

My social anxiety increased, I have panic attacks, overwhelmed with guilt and remorse, and even though I've gone to my friends and they've offered all they could I keep falling back into anxiety attacks.

I got pissed at my ex and the person she moved on to because (while I should've just left in the beginning) I was kept around and as an ex I was in an awkward position that often led her to misinterpret my intentions on trying to be on good terms while also trying to support her (by encouraging her that she doesn't need to rely on relationships to feel better). The way she treated me and her now partner was crappy, and while I responded out of already established hurt made worse, I would tell her I was hurt and she would reinterpret it and not show any remorse (because I am her ex, but she expected me to to a better job being a boyfriend to her, comparing me to her previous exes and new romantic interest).

I don't fit in anywhere. I'm generally a happy, well-adjusted guy, but I can't really connect with other people. Social interaction is easy, but that's because of the well-tailored person suit I wear. I've had one night stands and fuck buddies, but I've never been able to sustain the veneer of affection long enough to have a relationship. I don't allow myself any emotional attachments except for my carefully moderated vices. What the fuck is wrong with me?

>>15037079
You could be a built, physically capable autistic potato with feel-good endorphins coursing through your veins. That's reason enough

>>15037248

(2/2)

I feel guilt for responding out of hurt and anger, even though I feel I reserve that right. But she continues to pull the "You could've done this" and "You could've done that" card, expected "If you really care about someone you'd do whatever it takes to protect them." when I already was seriously hurt by what she's done to me (her new partner tells me I'm being conditional, which tells me he has had no experience in relationships). Apparently the expectation was for me to accept being treated poorly for someone who meant a lot to me, to let her act like a child and be a bitch and just be fine and dandy about being treated like nothing.

Either way, as the person who was dumped, I wind up RIDDLED with guilt and whenever I express it she reinterprets it as manipulation or selfish intentions, and has showed zero remorse for putting an ex who cared in an awkward position and dealing a lot of hurt just because she wanted a new relationship.

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>>15022971

I am so sorry. I have done everything wrong and keep making one mistake after another. So I am going to try to do something right for a change...

I love you, too, Nate.

>>15037248
>>15037265

(3/2 whoops)

It severely bothers me and puts me in confusion, regret, and anger. And the anxiety and depression fits that I get tell me that I am filled with remorse, but the people who contributed the most to it are stubborn to believe I am trying to manipulate, believe THEY were more hurt from the entire situation (despite them having had each other the entire time), and that I deserve whatever shit I got because I "could've done X Y Z to prevent it, but didn't".

I want to stop having anxiety attacks, I want to stop randomly crying when the guilt overwhelms me, and I want to stop feeling like absolute shit for "responding incorrectly" because some insecure girl didn't want to keep working on a relationship when she was still in love with her first ex.

Seriously, this feeling is absolute shit, and I don't feel like I deserve it for trying to care about this girl. Sadly she was my first love, and the way she's projecting her issues and shit doesn't make me feel any better.

>>15036140
Fuck
I'm crying over a fucking sentence about wanting a cuddle.
>tfw I'll never find that girl who will make me feel comfortable and who I can open up too.

So I still think about her all the time but instead of moping around, I've generally used these feelings to better myself.

My confidence has gone through the roof and I'm keeping myself groomed. I've ordered some fitting clothes that are getting here tomorrow and I'm going to spearhead the only class that I'm falling behind in. I'm actually going to start a stricter diet tomorrow for the gym.

Despite our compatibilities, we are no longer speaking or interacting and I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to die young.

Ha, aha. Ha. I've said this before and I'll say it again you are no shepherd to herd me while I try to leave the pen. You've pushed you've prodded you've even pulled me out but now you claim you wanted me to stay even though you've always wanted me out. I've climb a few hills and ate some of the grass, its not thicker nor better on the other side so leave me to my own devices and I'll figure it out on my own. Stop pretending you are here with me when you where never here, I was always alone. Stop pretending you love me, it was me who fought for it not you. You selfishly cling to my side while I've stopped caring. Pretending to be my guidance you've only now figured out I am beyond saving there's only so much anybody could ever do. I'll do it on my own as I have done everything else. I've survived till now haven't I? No matter my misguidance or my mistakes I've still clung to life doing whatever it takes. Don't follow me you'll only get lost. Don't take half of my weight its too much for you to carry. This is my own doing my own mess that I alone have created. No matter the suffering I've dealt its not up to another to share. I'll say it again and again but we know nothing will change. You'll continue to push me out of the gate. I'll fall from the nest as you always wanted only to return to the top of the tree. I'll burn my hand on the stove as many times as it takes for you to just turn it off. I'll never learn from your mistakes. Let me make my own. My life is mine to destroy or to create now leave your shadows out of my light for its mine and mine alone not yours to sing about.

Fuck you dad. Fuck you. Stop talking about me, stop telling me about your life, stop pretending I am you and somehow this all links up. Let me fuck shit up on my own.

Life is good, nothing to complain about really.

>>15037663
If you're problems are solved, maybe it's time to help others solve their problems.
We are all in this earth and affect it no matter how minimal the effect.
We often create problems for others because we have problems.
Perhaps, if we all didn't have problems, we will learn how to avoid generating problems and better humanity.

>>15037264
I'd still be ugly and autistic, though.

>>15037230
Do you enjoy your own company? If not, it will show through and people will be less inclined to be around you.

Also sometimes a person just goes through phases in their life where they don't happen to run into anybody they click with on a personal level. It passes. If you think that might be the case, go out of your comfort zone and meet some new people.

>>15036028
I can't tell if something is wrong with me or not. It's the anniversary of something that happened to me when I was a kid that fucked me up. I always feel a bit fragile this time of year. Two years ago my bf told me he wanted an open relationship and I lost a job, and then I lost my shit and tried to kill myself. I feel bad because I realized later it probably wouldn't have made me feel as insane if it didn't happen in November. November sucks balls. I feel better when I get to cook for people.

But I don't remember unprovoked crying jags and shit all the time last year, or any other year. I just feel like everything makes me sad or pissed off and I just want someone to take care of me until it's over. I've been having migraines and shit, too.

I'm worried I should see a doctor or something. My life isn't perfect, but a couple years ago we had nothing and we worked really hard and we're almost caught up except for some debts we have to pay back, but I feel like I'm gonna snap. My job is finally stable, it pays like almost well.

I fucking hate my job with all of my soul, though. The company never fixes things when they go wrong. My old lady coworkers are awesome, and soon the rude, "unintentionally" racist lady is quitting.

I just feel like I'm wasting my life and wish I had more excitement. Also, I feel like I should have more of my shit together.

I'm pretty sure without 4chan I totally would have killed myself again. You guys are bros.

I broke down the other day. All it took was to have this girl I'm interested in ask what I was doing for the weekend. She had just finished talking about her own plans with tons of joy and expected the same from me, but when I was about to begin, I just lost it.

It was the first time in months that I had plans. The first time in years that I decided myself to go out. Yet it felt wrong all of a sudden, and I just completely started stammering for a full minute before she changed the subject.

'What the fuck have I been doing?', was all that went through me. I spent all this time becoming more outgoing. All this time creating a personality that wasn't some shut-in neckbeard. Yet I still couldn't do anything but rot away on my own in the weekends.
I made all this effort and preparation just to keep up with the normalfag world, but what did I actually reach with it? Failed exams for the dozenth time? Towering costs on /fa/-clothing that doesn't even fit because I lost so much weight? 'Friends' that only speak to me because I am the one to approach them? Even that girl's a dead end, now that she saw me for what I really am. Not like I had a chance to begin with; she never replied to any texts I sent her and looked the other way if I was around.

All I want is a sign that I'm doing anything right. Some payoff for all this trouble is all I ask. I've been faking for ages, but I still can't make it. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go back all fake and shit, but I don't know if I can bring it up again. I just don't see the point anymore.

I was supposed to go on a date with a guy tonight. He cancelled, again. Every fibre of me says that he did so because he's not interested, but the wording of his texts and the text/Snapchat sex we have sometimes tells me differently. I hope he calls and says he can make it work, but I secretly hope he doesn't.

I'm drinking to ignore the fact that I turned down a party to go on this date, and to stop any negative emotion before it happens.

Plus I'm having wicked gas so that's really unsexy and not conducive to the good old-fashioned banging nasties.

>>15038059
Did he attempt to reschedule? Or at least say something like "hey I feel like a dork for saying this but I gotta cancel, shit's really hectic, will call you tomorrow to reschedule"? If so, maybe he's having some kind of embarrassing family issues or personal problems going on at the moment. It happens.

If not, then my guess is that he's either playing you or doesn't know what the hell he wants. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to string someone along with carefully chosen wording in texts. Tell him to shit or get off the pot.

>>15038098
He said he would get in contact if he felt better. It just sucks because I'm leaving the country soon for work, but he said he really wanted to see me again before I left. It's not like I expect anything after I leave (I'm realistic. Life isn't a goddam fairytale) but it would have been really nice to get laid by someone more than a drunken one-night stand before I go.

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>>15038125
>>15038125
Oh man that's a bummer. Yeah, he may be trying not to get too close if he knows you're leaving. Not to say that he doesn't care about you, but there may be other shit going on in his life that is more important. Doesn't help you out though.

Well, if he doesn't get back in touch, here's hoping you'll meet someone nice wherever you're going.

>>15038036
You shouldn't fake a life that doesn't make you happy. A little faking is normal, but too much is bad for the soul.

If you want to get out more on the weekends, make it a goal. If it won't legitimately make you happy, that's okay, too.

Also, if you are ever going to have a gf, she's going to see whatever you consider your true self eventually. My bf jury rigs lasso sticks so he doesn't have to get up to get a soda off the coffee table. He talks to himself in silly voices. He bought minecraft for the xbox a couple years ago on his day off and didn't move from the chair except to piss for a day and a half. I had to remind him to eat.

It's okay, because he knows that I bitch at the people on Tv and tell them they are idiots, and obsess over fanfiction, and blow my nose on dirty laundry if I don't have a tissue, and only clean my kitchen and bathroom.

Good relationships are like that.

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I'm terrified of my boyfriend leaving me. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend because I'm terrible at housework, even though I try.
Apart from him, I have nobody. My mother is mentally ill, and my father abused me as a kid. My siblings live far away. I don't actually have anyone I can call a 'friend', just acquaintances.
If he leaves me, I will have no house and a tonne of debt to sort out on my own. Plus I'm autistic, so I'm not exactly street-smart. My parents are right; I'm useless on my own, and I have an exit bag hidden away just in case. Goddamn, Rob, I'm so sorry for being so shit, but everything becomes harder when you know there's no way out.

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>>15038166
>My bf jury rigs lasso sticks so he doesn't have to get up to get a soda off the coffee table. He talks to himself in silly voices. He bought minecraft for the xbox a couple years ago on his day off and didn't move from the chair except to piss for a day and a half. I had to remind him to eat.

It's okay, because he knows that I bitch at the people on Tv and tell them they are idiots, and obsess over fanfiction, and blow my nose on dirty laundry if I don't have a tissue, and only clean my kitchen and bathroom.
Thank you for this, anon.

Maybe I'm just an insecure fag, but it really bothers me that you got that girl's number even though you're engaged.

It just depresses the fuck out of me that girls always find you charming and cute without you even having to try, and I always end up dropping my spaghetti or just feeling inadequate.

I even thought it was pretty obvious that I liked her, and I thought we were close enough that you'd try to help me out, at least.

Theres this chick I work with, really funny, cute etc.. She flirts with me every day, like OBVIOUS flirting. She asked me if I had a girlfriend today, which I responded to with a nope. She seemed utterly overjoyed. Anyway, she has a boyfriend, and keeps asking me if she should break up with him, I just tell her that thats her decision and I cant really say anything about because I have no idea who the fuck her boyfriend is. Its really fucking with my head because I think I really like her, and its pretty obvious she likes me, but I cant do shit when she has a boyfriend already.

Any advice? Should I just tell her to break up with her boyfriend already and get with me?

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>>15038163

Aw shit, thanks kind internet stranger. You just made a rough week better. Here's to some good karma coming your way too.

>>15038208
>I think I really like her

Don't tell her shit until you know for a fact you like her. It is her decision, but it sounds like she wants confirmation that if she did break up with her boyfriend, you'd be there to do more than just go out on a few dates before deciding you don't really want her anyways.

For now, don't tell her. When you're sure you want a relationship with her, be honest and tell her you think she should go for it.

Be wary, though. She's in a relationship and had eyes wandering enough to decide she wants you more. If you do end up being together, the same thing may happen to you.

i've suffered from depression and social anxiety since i was 11, but was too embarrassed to take the prescribed antidepressants so i've just covered it up for the last 13 years

i finally got an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, but i'm starting to get anxious, so i probably won't go. why am i so fucking retarded

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I wanna talk to you and connect with you so bad. All we ever talk about it game stuff, that'd be alright were it not for the fact that we both seem to be burning out on the game's content. I don't know, our conversations feel stiff sometimes and I'm afraid you're gonna grow bored of me eventually. Shit, I wish I weren't so awkward all the time. I'm so sorry.

>>15038232
>Be wary, though. She's in a relationship and had eyes wandering enough to decide she wants you more. If you do end up being together, the same thing may happen to you.

Ive thought about this before. Thanks for the advice man

>>15038036
I'm in the same exact boat. I also broke down this past week for the first real time. I've felt awful before but never actually had any physical symptoms happen to me. But now I actually had a panic attack and fainted a couple of days later.

I've made plenty of progress getting out of my old NEET life and being more of a normalfag but I'm still alone every day after work/school and all day on weekends.

go home!!! I only get a few more hours with him an you are about to take them all. I was looking forward to a weekend with my sweetie and now you wont leave. at this rate we are only going to have 2 hours max to spend together because you wont fucking leave. I dont have another day to see him for two weeks. and thats after a 20 hour shift. for the love of god get the point that we are trying to damn near do anything but fuck in front of you to have a smidge of intimacy

>>15038304
Clearly he's waiting for you two to fuck. Just get it over with.

I thought things were actually turning around and would be okay for once. It turns out my 6 years of living hell are going to continue. I don't know how much longer I can do this...

>>15038304
Tell him/her that?

Fuck sake, grow some goddamn balls.

>>15038356
And I'm trying to vent to friends and nobody cares. It's all a big joke.

>>15038462
>>15038356

It's not a joke.

As hard as it is, I am going through anxiety attacks and the only advice I can offer you, hopefully it works for you, is to try not to let these negative aspects overwhelm you.

Piece by piece, step by step. Nobody can solve all of their problems at once, especially when you look back on everything. Try to think forward and work bit by bit...

>cant seem to get a job, not even thru family
>cant seem to get a gf
>cant seem to make friends
I dont understand life.

>>15038499
Same.

I've been starting to actually consider suicide lately. Every fucking day just seems like a struggle, and I'm under so much debt from student and auto loans that I can't even make minimum payments on any more... I just don't know how I can do it.

>>15038557
Yeah same with loan debt. You can lower the payments. It may also be possible to discharge the debt after 10 years if it is still too burdensome.

I'm not suicidal buy I often wish I could hide away on a remote island.

>met qt at a hip-hop gig earlier in the year
>we were both there alone so got chatting
>had gf at time so didn't flirt or anything, just got her FB to stay in touch
>chat off an on with her on FB, met at another gig down the line
>I break up with said gf at some point
>qt is always asking if I'm going to X gig or suggesting I should
>get chatting again recently
>turns out she works two mins away from my job
>was gonna go to another gig together but I bailed on the day
>say to her that she should tell me what other shit she's going to someday
>says she will, but that 'we should go to something soon though!'
>I take this chance to ask her out to drinks
>no reply but we ironically meet earlier today, chat for a bit on street
>she makes no mention of my offer

In hindsight I should've brought it up myself but I was taken off guard a bit.
Any advice? Should I just hold off for a reply?

"I'm here for you if you need to talk"
Fuck you and fuck that shit. As soon as I open my mouth you think I'm wrong about something. I know I don't have friends, then you'll say I actually do. I know I'm going nowhere in life, and then you'll say I am. What the fuck is the point of talking to you? When all you do is make me feel like I'm such a god damn idiot that I don't even have a clue about my own life. Please, just leave me the fuck alone. If I'm a failure, at least let it be acknowledged. No use to fake my fucking life for me.

>>15038604
Helen?

>>15038655
Nope

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>>15038604
I just watched a video I think might help you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjJ930RMsm4

>>15038493
It's not even negative things. It's like my life is falling apart. I have to figure out how to move and live off a minimum wage job while trying to pay bills. I'm trying to break it down but its one of those, "I need money for bills/rent but to do that I need a job but to get a job I need to go to school, school will affect my job and cost money, but I need school to get a job to pay my rent."

>>15038724

You don't *need* school, school just makes getting the first few jobs easier.

Terrible advice and not encouraging to go to school, but it's the truth. I have a friend who dropped out of high school and he makes 80k (8 years later) because he worked his ass off and networked with all the right people.

It takes time, but you'll get your life on track. Focus on the fact this is temporary, and you'll be able to look back with more wisdom to share with those who will appreciate what you have to offer.

>>15038691
Thanks bro

>>15038737
I don't have 8 years. Everyone I know is unemployed or also works mimimum wage. I totally see what you're saying, technically you don't need school and school isn't a guarantee: trust me, I know, this is my 2nd time through college. But what the hell else can you do if you have no friends in good jobs that are also hiring or that are close enough to go to?

>>15038737

>don't *need* school, it just makes getting the first few jobs easier.

this is a load of bullshit.
Experience is only as creditable as how it's interpreted.

There's more than
>because he worked his ass off and networked with all the right people.
to what happened.

You even have multiple grammatical mistakes.

I'd take this Anon's advice with a pound of salt.

Even if you land a job you're not qualified for, it's going to be obvious very soon that you don't belong there.

Unless, you're a genius or something.

You belong anywhere you want if you're highly intelligent.
That's if you apply your genius and obtain knowledge.

KNOWLEDGE

You're not going to keep a job making sandwiches if you don't know how to make a sandwich and don't learn before you're figured out.

>>15038753

You do have 8 years... unless you're terminally ill.

Like I said, bro, bit by bit. Little by little. Don't focus and worry about how everything is designed to work against you. That shit ain't gonna help you think clearly.

You take steps, and you work on it step by step. Add a second job if you can, talk to upper management if you are able to. Then, when you think you can, apply to a place with upwards mobility or a place you can make a career out of.

I started off in retail and I am working at my school doing tech support. I have friends who are way high up but I didn't need them to work step by step. Eventually I'll meet people who will help me grow.

You can't predict what'll happen tomorrow or the next day. Those might be the days that change your life.

While we've only known one another for three months, I feel like I've connected with you more during this time than I have with anyone else at any other point in my life. Now you are leaving, and I am sad. I am not only losing coworker. I am losing my best friend.

I hope that we manage to stay in touch and remain such good friends. God only knows how much I have enjoyed having a friend like you.

>>15038794
I have about a year before I lose my home. I do not have 8 years to get a decent job.

>>15038771

Wow, I am surprised you know my friend. I guess you also know he got kicked out of his house, did a little neighborhood tech work, had a friend's mom say "you know, I think I know somebody" and then work as an IT monkey building up experience and networking with the right people.

But, you know, my advice with a pound of salt. Tell me how much a film degree matters in film, or how understanding vector based mathematics will be absolutely vital in being a system administrator.

Terrible job arguing the grammar and not so much the content, in which your argument is sloppy in itself. Did you know there's such thing as training? Or that some jobs have you start out somewhere and you work your way up?

>>15038806

Oh.

Well, I will be honest I haven't had that experience but my only guess is you can consider living with friends or someone who can offer you space knowing your work condition/weather and then you can try to build up from there.

Again, bit by bit.

>>15038804

No one gets this upset over a coworker leaving. Grow up.

>>15038839

You're really bad at this empathy thing, huh Anon?

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Honestly, from the start I wasn't sure we would work. You are weak hearted, naive, and a follower. You have shit taste in almost everything. You don't have a type because you're just desperate for attention. I just thought you had a beautiful face and would be fun to take places...

When I try to talk with you, you never have an opinion. If you do, you'll easily change it to fit mine. You're oblivious and inexperience. Why aren't you curious about the world around you? where is your passion? I'm getting bored of you...

If we didnt live together, we would've been over a while ago.

relationships were never my thing.

>>15038839
I guess I understand that, which is why I feel so stupid right now. However, her and I have grown really close these past three months. I've never been as close to a non-family member as I am to her. I'm losing my best friend, and I don't know if, or when, I'll see her again. That's what bothers me the most about this.

>>15038843

Coworkers quit all the time. It's a fact of life.

>>15038865

>Her

The pussy is on a pedestal. Her leaving might be the best thing that happens to you.

>>15038883
>The pussy is on a pedestal. Her leaving might be the best thing that happens to you.
I don't like her like that. She's really just a friend (a damn good one), and I'm just really worried that this is where that friendship ends.

>>15038885

Then all you have to do is tell her that. Ask her for her number. Text her. You'll stay in touch. You aren't autistic, are you?

I'm in love with my best friend. But to get my mind off of it, I just told someone on OKCupid that we'd go on a date on Wednesday. It's to keep my mind off my best friend, but I feel bad for doing it for some reason.

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>>15036028
>>15036028
i did really shitty in high school
really, it's a surprise i even passed
a lot of it was partly due to one of my best friends having severe emotional issues: when you really care about someone, and she tries to kill herself a couple times a year it's draining to say the least.

eventually, for my own good, i had to cut off any and all ties with her. i felt alone, but i wasn't: i had the best two friends in the world, that i'd known since i was 8 or 9. due to geographic issues we were separated until high school - from freshman year to senior, though, we'd hang out every weekend, go out to explore and take on the world, making it our bitch. you couldn't stop us, man - it was crazy how tight we were. we knew everything about each other - and even moreso, we were all going to the same college, too, so the party could keep happening. we'd see each other a bit less due to schedule differences, but regardless, it was no big deal.

i graduated only last year, and it's already all fallen apart. one dropped out to work, another transferred. they've already found better friends, better suited to them, and likely don't even spare me a passing thought. unfortunately, i haven't. these guys were my brothers: it kills me that they were able to just toss me aside so quickly. i don't do well meeting people, and i was blessed to even have them in the first place. i know if i do make any more friends, that friendship could never attain the depth of mutual understanding and trust that my friendship with these guys had.

my friends were all i ever really cared about, man. i'm losing weight, i have a 4.0gpa, but i still feel like shit.

all i know is that now, when i have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, when i have trouble going to sleep at night, and any other time i feel alone, it's because this time i really am. there's no more inside jokes, or snide remarks, and nowhere to go to when i'm feeling down.

oh well. tomorrow's a new day, right?

This better just be a seasonal depression or just a slump, I swear to God...

I can't afford to go back to the old me right now, not yet.

>>15039074
Or ever, ideally.

I still miss a girl who told me never to talk to her again roughly five years ago. I think about her every few months and this just happens to be one of those months. I just want to talk to her one more time but I feel like that's probably a really bad idea. Oh well.

>>15036028
Im depressed as fuck and have a bunch of shit to do before monday for school. I am just not able to work but I have to focus. Hopefully this will act as a spring board for me so I can get some shit done.

Ive lost a shit ton of friends, I have maybe two left and the others think of me as a friend but I do not feel close to them. I lied to my family about school for two years, they found out and ive been treated like shit for the last year because of it. But I deserved that. I work hard, I focus everything in to school now and I help my family. Plus I bust my ass at work. The only real place I feel comfortable anymore is work.

I keep finding myself saying to myself that I want to go home. Even though I am at home. I hate it here. I get treated like shit every day and I cant stand it. I am so tired. I am so stressed out. I just want to quit all of this shit and run away but that wont solve anytihng.

Basically I am stuck for the next year or two untill I finally finish my degree, feeling old as shit in classes and feeling like i do not belong and treated like crap every where I go.

Fuck there is a bunch of other shit too but that is my main thing right now.

>>15039096
What exactly happened? Do you think she's forgiven you since 5 years ago?

A man can be pushed only so far until he hits the breaks. Why don't you just stop pushing already?

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It's not that I don't like being right all the time.
I don't like it when other people are wrong all the time.

>>15039163
Maybe because a man becomes more flexible the more he pushes, then lets himself heal.

>>15039151
I was really beta and she was really outgoing, so basically I'd be a total pussy whenever I tried to talk to her. Also always being scared shitless of hanging out with her in groups. I've actually improved a whole ton since then but it's not like it matters.

>>15039180
Try contacting her. Let her know you changed and that you want to try again. Because you've changed.

Why the hell does she do this!? She was so friendly to me and acted like j meant the world to me and then bang she is ignoring me.

If my past problems of rejection and low self esteem weren't present, I wouldn't be complainjng., but here I am.


I will always be alone.

>>15039199
To be honest I tried this on Skype a couple years back (I didn't have her phone number handy at the time) and never got a reply. Her avatar never changes while those of other people I don't have added still do so I'm assuming I contacted a dead account but the possibility I was ignored has always made me nervous about trying again. You still think it's safe and totally not weird? I mean I am a lot more normal nowadays but there's still that part of me that worries about whether things like this are deemed "socially acceptable."

Believe me, I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. I know you guys have two AP perfect stem kids to raise, and can't afford to waste anymore resources on your neurotic test kid.

Maybe I'm just being a narcissist.

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All through my childhood my parents argued over money. Both of my parents are fucking piss poor public school teachers. Why? I don't fucking know, they both went to college for years on end to have jobs that make all of like $40k a year or some shit. Anyhow, they both suck ass when it comes to finance. Because of this, their relationship was so shit ALL of my life that I've never even seen them hug each other. That fucked me up when it came to relationships, because I never had anyone in my life that demonstrated affection for someone to like, any motherfucking degree. ANYHOW, flash forward to now. I'm a junior in college at a great school, studying you guessed it: personal finance. I don't know if my decision to be a business student was subconscious as a result of my parents or what, but that's not really the point. I come home this weekend to see my parents (both still teach and shit) and I'm fucking met by them yelling at each other over NOT HAVING MONEY IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ACCOUNTS. FUCKFUCKFUCK WHY THE FUCK CANT THEY EVEN DO THIS RIGHT FUCKING WHY!!!??? IT'S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE JESUS CHRIST.

There's no need to ruin yours and your childrens' lives over fucking money. Fuck.

Part 1

I feel like I'm going to end up alone and kill myself by the time I'm 30, or if I'm lucky, I'll make it until someone ends up marrying me for money, cheating on me and I'll end up killing myself by 40.

I had a fucked up childhood and i escaped by playing WoW and other videogames. I'm 19 almost 20 and my whole personality is empty. If I'm lucky I can say something funny once a day but other than that I'm socially retarded. I can hardly hold a conversation with another person, I've been alone for so long and I've only recently learned how to blend in with groups in college. I'm a kissless virgin.

I try to make up for my emptiness by pretending to be a genius, but to be honest the things I've come up with have already been thought of. I try to sound smarter than others by saying insightful things but in reality the only reason I have a developed opinion is because it's really the only thing I have. I still remember when I was a class clown in 4th grade but now I'm afraid of having any personality, let alone humor show. Part of the reason I'm empty now is also because as a kid I was always trying to hide my personality from everyone because of some abuse I went through as a kid that scarred me. Now I'm empty and unable to change. It's past the point where I feel I have something to say but I don't say it, I simply never have things that I want to say to people because they are probably being filtered out on an unconscious level. My fear has been internalized and I have no hope of a full recovery.

>>15039246
If it's to try and reconnect with her, yeah, it's fine.

>>15039328
do you drink or smoke? start smoking cigs, you'll meet people and build up your social skills on smoke breaks

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Spent all day thinking about things I have to do and spent all night feeling bad for not doing them. Isolation brings on a whole new depression. One that is so hard to define and come out of. I can be crammed in a small room with 20 people, yet I'm still alone. Must keep my mind occupied on other things to forget about it. Lately not even that has been working. It's strange to know what the cure is yet not being able to achieve it due to you. You're the problem. Somehow a problem is supposed to fix itself. It makes no sense. The only way to fix such a problem would be for me to destroy my entire foundation. From there new and improved foundations can he built. THE NEEDLE PUZZLE WILL BE SOLVED. I got myself here and I will get myself out by option A or by death. All I want is to have something to be happy about. Just to have something that brings me joy.

Part 2


I felt like a complete failure and tried to get to know this ugly chick who had a good personality because I just didn't want to be a kissless virgin anymore. The situation went like this in retrospect: I told her I had nothing better to do until my next class and asked her what she was doing. She said she was going to grab tea so I just kind of went with her without really even having done the normal thing of having asked her if she wanted to go grab tea or ask her if she wanted to hang until the next class.

I end up walking with her and having some really bad conversation with her to make it frank. She was like a bit red in the face and super clumsy and I know she was uncomfortable. I didn't really know what to say cuz this girl talks a lot but I really didn't know what to talk about with her. Like we do have some stuff in commen but I just couldn't think of anything to say. She's an orphan and she has some trauma I think because she casually described to me and a friend of hers while walking from class her terrible past where her father killed her mother, etc. I thought i loved her for like a day after that until I realized what I was doing. I always have a thing for the broken chicks in movies, novels, etc. I for some reason during that talk with her, wanted to tell her about, at least, my mother's chemotherapy and my struggle so I could connect with her a little more but I really just couldnt bring it up. It failed miserably.
This took like 5 minutes and then she says she's going to go to the club space to see her friend, I was like... ok and it didn't occur to me at the time that she might be trying to escape this situation. I just kept walking with her and I spoke little because she started talking about singing and I really just couldnt give a fuck about singing. Her friend turns out to be this girl that tried to act nice to me a couple of times but I brushed her off because she acts like a fucking bitch in class

>>15039339
Alright, anon. I actually got the same advice from someone else but I wanted a second opinion and I appreciate it. Now I've gone from mopey to impatient because 11 PM is kind of late to be calling people.

Though realistically, the number she gave me has probably been recycled over to someone else, but I just gotta have faith, right?

>>15039347
Am I the only one worried by this post?

part 3

She always takes pleasure in pointing out the teachers mistakes. Anyways, we meet up with her, and it's even more awkward. I say hi, I have no problem, I'm relatively confident until I have to inject too much of my personality into a conversation. As long as it's just my ideas I have no problem talking in front of a classroom. At this point us 2 are walking in front of bitch girl and her friend that I forgot to mention. She ends up running out of ideas for conversation (because I literally brought nothing to the conversation other than odd comments and bullshit). There's this like 5 second long silence that I keep cringing over. She makes a comment about how full the school is right now (we're in a high traffic area). I'm just like yaaa totally, and I can't think of anything to say again. I end up just saying that I need to head up to class and we say bye. I don't think this will work with this girl. She's super nice and smart, and we can talk about things with other people around, but I totally run out of shit to say. And sometimes I say shit that is completely weird, like I'll inject an opinion or wahtever into the conversation but nothing ever amusing unless we're at least 3 people in a convo, or it's too intimidating for me. I'm seriously fucked.

FUCK thank you for letting me vent, and if anyone actually read all this shit god bless you.

>>15039341
I won't smoke to meet people. I drink casually and I used to smoke a lot by myself, but it started making me depressed so i quit. Going to try shrooms over the break with a friend to see if that changes my brain. Heard it can help you empathize with others, maybe I'll be able to connect with people more after that experience. I would seriously trade everything in my life to be able to just talk openly to people without fear of how I'm being perceived.

>>15039347
I'm where you are yet I am not terminally depressed. I found my only solution was a therapist and I'm working to get myself to one. I really think you should see one.

>>15039405
Do you like being comfortable? Like, do you ever just go on an adventure alone? I learned that once I was friends with myself it was easier to become friends with others. You have to accept that not every will be exactly like you though, which I think was my problem. Learn to love the flaws in people

>>15039386
>>15039417
Nope.

>>15039386
No, I am too. Because I've been there.

>>15039347

I don't want to give you empty words because you can easily see through them. But I will tell you, when you realize this is temporary, you can pull yourself to get through it.

There are small things that can boost your confidence just a bit, and mistakes can and will happen but don't let the thoughts eat you and kill you inside and out.

I keep saying this throughout the thread but "BIT BY BIT" works. The big picture can freak someone out and break them down.

Focus on building yourself up to tackle the huge

>>15039420
Nope, that's not my problem. I'm very comfortable alone. I used to go jogging, but I'd often just end up sitting on a bench and thinking at the park. I'm content with my own thoughts and my own person. It's because I'm so used to being alone that i have issues being around other people. Like I don't really ever have to think of having a personality when I'm alone. I just think about what I think about certain things, but I never really bounce off myself, like have conversations with myself, you know what I mean? It's the social aspect that I'm missing, and I'm not even aspergers or anything, like I understand social contexts even though I fuck up sometimes because I'm considerably inexperienced compared to other people. I just have a hard time being a fun person for other people to enjoy being around.

>>15039430
>>15039417
Therapists don't seem appealing to me nor do I think they can help. So far my only and best idea is to dig my way out of this isolation by getting into a relationship. I'll probably come off as fucking crazy, but I just don't care anymore. This shit has been going on too long and it's about to make me fucking implode.

>>15039446
A relationship sounds like a good idea, just don't go all toxic. Therapist never sound like a good idea until you visit one. What's there to lose?

>>15039438
I think you're thinking too much during the conversation. Obviously you don't just say random offensive shit that comes into your head (this is taught early on), but I think you're doing the opposite. I think you over think things, so when your response to what person "A" just said comes into your head, you immediately come up with a reason/excuse to NOT voice that initial reaction. Does this seem on track?

>>15039347
Just don't do anything crazy anon.

Because of my constant procrastination I will probably be kicked out of university this semester, even if I pass. I need to raise my GPA to certain level and I've already been on suspension. From last spring. I'm already a year behind because I switched majors and I'm having doubts about this one too. I'm 21 and I feel like 17 like I haven't made any progress and that I've even regressed from highschool.

I'm getting sick and tired of this culture of competition/jealousy over girls that my roommates are creating. Almost every time I (or another guy) leaves the room... "where are you going?" or if someone's coming back "Where were you? Who'd you hang out with? What'd you guys do?".

I mean jesus fucking christ... the passive-aggressiveness/tension between my roommates, between the girls who these tensions are about, and between my roommates AND the girls are just getting ridiculous.

>>15039361
Do it today or sometime tomorrow! Don't wait.

>>15039463
That used to be me, but now I fear that my fear has become internalized and I just simply don't have things to say sometimes. Sometimes someone will say something and I will have absolutely nothing to say on the matter. I've been trying to build a habit of forcing myself to say anything the moment I recognize myself feeling afraid to speak, in hopes that I can face whatever kernal that lies deep in my psyche.

>>15038961
Really wish I wasn't a moron and knew what to do in this situation.

>>15039463
Actually you know what? You are right. There are many situations that I think of something to say but I repress it because I feel that it would be depressing to hear. I'm going to take a fucking lesson from that girl and try to be open about whatever I'm thinking. I'm going to try to wear my scars on my sleeve and see how that goes for me.

>>15039462
It'll be interesting to see what happens due to the fact that I have no idea who she is and have never talked to her. I'll probably update tomorrow. Therapists will just try and pump me full of meds, I won't do that.

>>15039446

Don't depend on a relationship for happiness or else it'll kill you if it ends. And trust me, it'll fucking kill you even if you did nothing wrong.

Talk to a therapist. Trust me in that therapy, while short each week, gives you opportunities to re-evaluate on your own terms what's going on and gives you windows of other thoughts and ideas that you can discover on your own.

They won't tell you anything, just listen and be there as an ear.

>>15039516

Oh, you're thinking of the other kind of... psychology? Psychiatry? I get those confused.

I can't stop thinking about suicide. I feel like I have no upward mobility. I dropped out of high school due to mental health(depression/psychosis/anxiety) issues, got my GED a few years later, and dropped out of community college after a successful semester from the same issues. I want to go back to school, but I'm still paying off that loan, my family wouldn't support me even if they could, and I'm afraid of the same issues interfering with my success. On top of that, I've been experiencing profound anhedonia the past few weeks, and coupled with my regular schizoid disposition I have been rendered completely apathetic to nearly any experience. All I do is go to work at my minimum wage job, come home and take care of my dog, oversleep, and try to force myself to enjoy things I used to, like books and video games. It is very difficult for me to take care of things that require interpersonal skills, not because I have social anxiety, but because my mind goes blank when I think about the series of actions required to accomplish the necessary task, and I have absolutely no drive to work through it. I have put off updating personal documents, fixing student loan payments, making appointments, getting haircuts, seeing my family, getting my school portfolio together, getting my driver's license, basically anything you can think of.

My partner has been pressuring me to make large life decision with him, with financial involvement, and it's making me feel like I should break up with him to save him the heartbreak of handling my eventual death. It's not that I don't like him or want to live with him, I just feel like I'm so below him that he's going to regret being tied down to me when he has a career and wants to start a family and I'm just a total shut in, wondering what could have been if I had had access to adequate education and health resources when I needed them.

>>15039506
I definitely get what you're saying, but there's a part of me that thinks this kind of problem is being way over-thought. Try focusing on something that isn't the point of speaking and being involved in the conversation, that should come naturally. You're in the conversation because you give a shit about whatever the topic/subject is. You and the other people in the convo are talking about something that is at least a little bit important, so just voice your thoughts on that and the rest should flow naturally, right?

>>15039500
I definitely will. I really wanna do it right now but on some nights even I'm asleep around this time and I don't want my first call in five years to wake her up.

>>15039518
I'm not relying on a relationship 100% to bring me out if it, but I'm sure it'll help. Better than talking to some fuck who just want my money to act interested.

>>15039514
Yeah dude, go for it! At this point your biggest enemy is yourself, and I guarantee you your problem is 100% beatable

>>15039530
I'm going to try to just be brutally honest with people and see how that goes. If I run into a topic I don't really care about I'll just try and learn to say it in a non-offensive way. I'll try and just talking about interests rather than the conversation itself for once, but htat is much easier said than done.

Good night, and thank you.

>>15039537

A good therapist won't act interested, a good therapist will ask you questions and let you get to a place on your own. Interested or not. I had a therapist not sound interested in my own problems but the questions they asked helped me learn how to have dignity.

Dignity that kind of fucked my post relationship up but dignity that allowed me not to eat my ex's shit whenever she wasn't having her way (keeping her ex as her friend as she goes finding newer guys)

It's like saying...

... you can look for someone to fix your computer whenever it borks or you can pay for classes and hope to learn how to fix your own computer.

What sounds more appealing?

When I'm having issues or need help, none of my friends are there for me. Yet I'm constantly supporting them.

Is it better to just keep people in your life just to have "friends" or is it better to go without people who obviously don't care?

I can't find any porn that has books in it..

>>15039685
Look for the word respect.

Do they respect you? > No > Cut relations

I followed this, and also put up a treshold for zero tolerance.

I advise this strongly. It's better to not have any friends at all than to have toxic friends.

>>15039685
Personally, I left all of my friends and am having the time of my life regarding things that they've negatively affected or fail to aid in.

>>15039774
>zero tolerance

By cutting off people that lack in some areas, you cut off the potential to make them (and therefore the world) better.

Humans are constantly changing beings (some changing faster than others) and are full of potential.

If you're so righteous, you should feel entitled to make reproduce your righteousness and better the future.

We can fundamentally change social structures and thoughts to give those who will come after us a better quality of life.

>>15039774
>>15039775
Yeah... I guess some people aren't meant to have friends... Back to being alone, it was nice to live the illusion for a brief time.

>>15039794
Nonononono, find new ones when you are ready. You are meant to have friends if you feel like having friends ok?

Just understand that it will take time, maybe even more failed tries, but if you're lucky enough to find one of us, one of the people who both receive and give respect you've found a friend everlasting.

Like a year ago I met a dude (both straight guys) while playing an MMO and I felt like we really clicked. We shared a lot of things that I thought were kinda unique to me, found the same things funny/interesting; ended up talking a fair bit and I think we both found each other to be pretty cool. We both played on and off, but when we were both playing I would seek him out for conversation and vice versa. I have a count-em-on-one-hand number of actual friends, so I placed a lot of value in that relationship. I don't really play that MMO anymore, but I still kind of want to talk to him. Trouble is, I have no motivation to get back onto that game and ask him for contact details like Skype or whatever. I'm really introverted so a lot of the time I just don't have much desire to communicate with people. I've also got some social anxiety so there's always a subconcious worry that something might go wrong. It's been months since I've talked to this guy, and I can't come up with a good reason as to why. Sometimes when my emotions turn back on for a bit (like right now) I'll feel like I miss him, and plan to go execute this obtaining-contact info plan later. But that always quickly dies out and before long I revert back to not really caring about anything involving talking to people.

Uhh yeah, not really a serious tragedy like all the other stuff in here, just wanted to get that out. I gotta go do something time-consuming soon so might not get back in time to read replies if you folks have any cuz 404.

>>15039932
You just wrote an explanation why. Take what you wrote here, get on the game every once in a while, no need to actually play, find him if he's there and send this to him.

Figure out his contact details, you know you want to.

No tragedy is too small.