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My girlfriend of almost 3 years just broke up with me. Some context:
>We're both in our late 20's and were thinking of getting an apartment together (we both live at home because we're stuck in one of America's most expensive cities)
>she has depression and her medication sapped her sex drive. It's almost been a year since we had sex. I haven't pushed the issue because that always made things worse
>she asked me to see a counselor last week because she said I "don't share more". I'm quiet, but open, so I was a little confused. I said I'd do research.
>she told me tonight that she doesn't see herself with me in the future, and she's really sad because I'm "perfect" and "the perfect boyfriend", but the relationship wasn't making her happy. Truthfully, I haven't been entirely happy either, but was willing to work it out. She wasn't.
I guess I'm looking for advice because I'm 29, the new job I got hasn't turned out to be the job I was promised, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I'm stuck living at home. On top of the pain of a breakup, I feel like I have nothing to show for myself, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know how I'll make it through the weekend, nevermind whatever future plans I had, like vacations and shit.
I just need advice for getting my shit together and not being a pathetic mess. Obviously people have suffered worse breakups but I feel like I'm at square one in my life now.
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First off man, I want to say I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Break ups are tough under any circumstance, and it sounds like while she may not have been perfect, you really did care about this girl.
Reading your post makes me think you're spending too much time focusing on what you don't have instead of making the best of what you do. I also get the vibe that you feel like there's some expectation that you have to live up to. Take it from a guy that lost 5 grand on an engagement ring, a good job, and is now paying for a kid he doesn't see: chasing that shit will only make you miserable, because that's how it always goes when you try and force something that isn't meant to be.
Three years ago I would have punched myself in the face for saying this, but you should ease up and just follow your heart. It may seem like you're in a dark place now, but you're a hell of a lot more free than you realize and your happiness is 99% in your hands. Take advantage of it while there's still no consequences.
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>>18564247
Fuck that bitch anon. She hasn't fucked you in a year.
>Living situation
I recommend trying to room with old friends that also are living at home or are looking for someone to share an apartment with. Or apply to place in far more suitable and affordable location. If you're very qualified (which you prob won't be cause you're leaving a job after a short time but you can tell them that they lied to you about job and that's why you're leaving) they may pay for some of your traveling/relocating. Whatever you do you need to get out of the house m8.
>girl situation
If you're not ready to be with someone who will only begrudgingly fuck you once in a while then move on. She's great you love her blah blah blah but it's not gonna work m8. She fucked you over big time and thinks its okay to waste your life on her. Download tinder, sign up for okcupid whatever m8. Get laid. Remind yourself what pussy is like so you can move on. Remember bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
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Find solace in knowing that a vast, vast majority of people went through or will go through what you're currently going through right now, some multiple times, and eventually went on with their lives, yours truly included.
With that in mind, accept the fact that you WILL suffer. From the looks of things you really liked that girl and coming to terms with the fact that she won't be a part of your life anymore will hurt. You'll probably ask yourself a lot of ''What if?'' questions and that's totally normal. Give yourself some time to grieve and reflect on your relationship, but don't let it drag you into the mud too long. As >>18564287 said, life goes on so you'll have to stand back up sooner rather than later.
Getting back in the dating scene after grieving a little seems to work for some people. Might wanna try out at some point, just to get some other girls into your mind to help you stop thinking about your ex.
Anonymous
Need to engage with other human beings 2017-07-28 03:58:33 Post No.18564219
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Need to engage with other human beings 2017-07-28 03:58:33 Post No.18564219
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Need to engage with other human beings
Anonymous
2017-07-28 03:58:33
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I need to go somewhere people talk to each other, like now, due to loneliness overload. It can't even cost 50 cents, either. Yeah, things are that broke down at the moment. Does anyone know where I can go and have people talk to me? Some shit has happened to me in life, so I see therapists sometimes, and when it comes to this, they all say, "You have to learn to accept lonely times in life if there's nothing you can do about it."'
I would resort to conning people at this point, maybe making something up that will get people to engage with me. I can tell that I'm wasting away in isolation.
>Just be cool. Be someone people want to be around.
Yeah, I try that all the time. When you don't have 50 cents to your name, it becomes difficult. Anyone who doesn't believe that has more than 50 cents to their name.
>Get a job.
I have a job. All the money goes to bills and school.
So, back to the main point, can anyone think of how to get people to interact with me? I would be willing to have sex with a weird person, or maybe keep an old person company. Should I start posting /soc/ meetups for my state every day?
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>>18564219
>When you don't have 50 cents to your name
How the fuck do you afford to eat
>I have a job.
People don't talk to each other at your job?
>All the money goes to bills and school.
>school
Join a club
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>>18564406
>how the fuck do you afford to eat
food stamps. I take fiber supplements like they have in the military rations. those are covered by insurance.
>people don't talk to each other at your job
somewhat yeah. it's a lot better than nothing.
>join a club
it's career training, not college
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>>18564219
>I have a job. All the money goes to bills and school.
Get a better job.
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>am black
>have dermatillomania
>for years I kept picking at these hangnails on my thumb until the skin was completely pink (I would even peel off the pink skin)
>stopped picking this year
>thumb has healed but the skin remains pink
How long before my thumb returns to its original color? Or will my thumb just stay pink forever? Pic related is what it looks like right now
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Oh shit, you just discovered the secret to becoming white.
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>>18564211
Better do that on your whole body so you can show people you can be a master too.
On a serious note I don't know shit about biology, but this will probably bump the thread so take the shitposting nicely
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>>18564211
Well the good news is if it does not come back, there are places you get get your skin tattooed to your normal color
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>see people with disability doing something
>really want to ask them if they need help
>don't want to embarrass them or something
Anyone with disabilities that affect daily life in a physical sense? Do you dislike it if people see you "struggling" (even though you may have it under control) and offer to help?
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>>18564196
OP do you need help?
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>>18564196
>see able-bodied person struggling with boxes
>ask if they need help
>"nope, I'm good"
>go on about your day
>see physically disabled person struggling with boxes
>better not ask them if they need help, don't want to shame them
>walk by ignoring them
How is that the better alternative?
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>>18564214
Well, because what may look like struggling to me might just be how they get it done. And what i've heard before is that they want to do it on their own, for dignity I guess. If they were really honestly failing at something, of course I'd help. I'm just talking about something I just saw. A guy walking very slowing uphill on crutches like in the pic, carrying a large store bag in his mouth. He was just going so slow, but in my mind I thought he probably doesn't enjoy having to hold the bag in his mouth, but if i offered to carry it for his, would that be condescending or something?
Long story short, I've been invited to enter a PhD program (paid $34k yr, free tuition/books, extra ~10k from summer work, but will have associated expenses) that feeds into the intelligence community; specifically the NSA, but I have the opportunity to go elsewhere if there is a good fit.
Trouble is, I'll have to leave a safe $75k/yr job and I have a family, so I'll have to support 3 or 4 kids and a wife on half salary and work my ass off for three years.
Kicker: I can take a shorter, 18 month program for an M.S. instead with the same terms. Just no PhD.
I *want* to take the PhD option, because it'll qualify me for eventual senior leadership positions, earn me higher pay, and it appeals to my ego; it'll be my second doctorate. And it's only 18 extra months.
But it's more time in relative poverty, which my family has already had to weather in the past, and we'll have to move again, twice: once to the school, and again at least once afterward to work. My oldest kid will be 16 by the time I'm done, and will not have lived in one place more than 3 years for his entire life.
Do I follow my ambitions, or settle for the sake of easier family life?
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>>18564183
Shit man, if you didn't have a family that's the dream opportunity right there!
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>>18564183
You don't need two fucking doctorates.
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>>18564195
>Shit man, if you didn't have a family that's the dream opportunity right there!
Exactly...
>>You don't need two fucking doctorates.
That's true. But I know a man who has (almost) the same doctorates I'll be getting, and he's a multimillionaire. So...
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>be me
>ugly as fuck (been told this online and IRL)
>kissless virgin, never had a girl interested in me, never asked a girl out
>have not had friends since I was 12 or 13 years old
>go through high school a friendless loser, carries over to college because I don't know how to be any different, miserable loser in college
>have a meh GPA, don't know how to network at all because of no social media
>living with parents (don't really mind this tho)
>the life of complete social isolation and misery means I have no hope in anything anymore and have no reason to even try for anything in life
>went to a therapist a couple of months ago, never went again because I felt like she was judging me
>getting angry at women when I see them with other men due to how easy it must be for them and knowing I'll never compete
>and to top it all off I can only masturbate to fucking cuckold pornography now due to a massive inferiority complex
Not having friends kills any motivation you could ever want to do anything in life. Every damn thing. Even if a girl did show interest in me now and straight up said she wanted to have sex, I would surely reject or ignore her out of fear about my lack of experience. I probably wouldn't even want to hang out with people because I would have no clue how to act with them.
I don't even know if it's possible for therapy, medication, anything to fix me at this point but if I could, how could I fix all of these /adv/?
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What did people tell you when you posted this yesterday?
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>>18564159
How do you fix that? One book at a time. I was in the same boat as you word for word. It takes time but for the love all the sunshine in the world it was worth it. Just have faith that it is possible, because it is.
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>>18564194
Nothing concrete.
>>18564200
Which books do you recommend anon?
Smell bad no matter how hard I try to avoid
2017-07-28 03:39:18 Post No.18564126
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2017-07-28 03:39:18 Post No.18564126
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Smell bad no matter how hard I try to avoid
2017-07-28 03:39:18
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21 m. For the past month or so I've developed slight swamp ass that ends up being unexpectedly substantial. I hardly eat fast/spicy food. I could afford to lose about 7 pounds, no rolls I gotta wash under. I shower daily, wipe thoroughly, dry off completely, and even have antiperspirant/deodorant dedicated to that area. After this morning routine, it still shows up slightly but substantially. I've even put a pair of underwear beneath the underwear I'm wearing; not wearing two pairs, but wearing one while a loose pair is a "buffer layer". The worst part is I have to go to class and sit near people. I try to keep my distance. It's a big damper(lol) on confidence. Being pretty hygienic I never pictured this affecting me. Imagine its reemergence like Tim Allen Santa Clause where he shaves but it grows back instantly. It's not swamp ass after my morning routine, but a very slight moisture in my crack that ends up being obvious and potent. I'm kinda tired of being frustrated and fixated on this lol. What do?
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Put deodorant in your ass
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>>18564126
You may want to visit a doctor, I've seen people inkecting botox in their armpits for that very same reason so there is the chance modern medicine has something for you
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I've been putting deo down there every day....
Botox sounds spooky and expensive but if this keeps ruining my life I might research that, thanks
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Married people are always unhappy, fighting about money, fighting about the kids, getting divorced, and are full of regret.
Why should I want to try to get married? If not, what's the next best option?
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Marry someone you actually like and who you will get along with.
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remove all women from your life and get a male roommate you can exchange brojobs with
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>married
I haven't presonally seen a desirable, positive relationship between a man and a woman over the long term, EVER
ever
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>take muslim gf's virginity
>she takes mine
>she spends night over
>next morning 156 missed calls from father, uncle, brothers and cousins
What the fuck do I do
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>>18564121
If you weren't a newfag you'd know the rules.
>pics or it didn't happen
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>>18564135
So you're saying I should have taken pics? Do you realize how mad these men are? I can't imagine them finding a picture on top of it.
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Tell those fags to fuck off
Anonymous
Does this make me a whore? 2017-07-28 03:28:09 Post No.18564068
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Does this make me a whore? 2017-07-28 03:28:09 Post No.18564068
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Does this make me a whore?
Anonymous
2017-07-28 03:28:09
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>Be me, thristy female, mid 20s, virgin, too shy and unsociable for relationships
>Really interested in BDSM, wanna be somebody's sub
>Meet a guy online through a shared fandom
>He shares a lot of my kinks and he acts like a dom
>We chat frequently, sometimes about vidya/anime/whatever, sometimes about fetishes and porn, sometime about how we wanna bone each other.
>He'll tell me how to masturbate and what to do while we're chatting, and I get off on being bossed around
>eventually he starts asking for pictures, and I live to please so I oblige
>Nothing that identifies me, titty shots, body shots, pussy shots, no face.
>This has been going on for years now
>Only recently occurs to me that a future BF might take issue with this
Have I fucked up, /adv/? Isn't really strange that I did this? I was just going with the flow and I like/trust the guy, so I didn't think anything bad would come from it. But most girls wouldn't share pussy pics the way guys share dick pics, right? Especially with someone she's never met. If you were dating a girl and you found out she did something like this, would you take issue with it?
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>>18564068
depends, show face.
only then would an answer be clear.
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>>18564068
its 2017, if a future bf doesnt like it then you can tell him to shove it. his own insecurities are the only reason why he would be upset about it
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>>18564079
Face is a six on a good day, maybe a seven with professional help. 5 or less when I'm not trying, which is most of the time. I'm nothing special, but not outstandingly ugly. I'm not sharing pics.
I was overweight when I started talking to this guy, but I've lost over 30lbs now [spoiler]mostly because I want to look better in the pictures I send him.[/spoiler]
>>18564086
I don't have the highest market value!
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Should I try to watch porn with my gf?
she won't let me in, will this open her up?
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>>18564055
just tell her you know she will like it and then fight through her resistance. thats what an alpha would do.
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Be fucking patient like shit dood. Nowadays everyone expects people to be as fast and easy as our phones. Chill out and don't be a dickhead.
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>>18564779
this
porn will probably make her want it even less
most of the time the women there aren't exactly treated nicely and that's what you will want to do when you're with her
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I cheated on my boyfriend and now I regret it.
If I could turn back time I wouldn't do it, but in the moment I was stressed and we had just had a massive fight. I wanted to get back at him.
He doesn't know and I don't want to tell him. I regret it so much and just want things to go back to normal.
It was only this one time and I'll never cheat again.
Is this wrong? I really regret it and it was huge mistake. I just don't want to lose the man I love ...
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>>18564050
Cheating is wrong. Feeling the way you do isn't necessarily wrong. Just know that it means you're going to be living with the guilt of what you did while you're trying to make everything normal again, which can end up making everything so much worse sometimes. Especially if it's the sort of thing that would be worse for him to find out later. Keeping secrets is hard.
Do what you think you can live with.
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>>18564050
Keep it secret. Forever. Period. Don't try to allay your guilt; you earned it and you deserve it. Make up for it by being better to him now. If you say you love him, prove it.
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A person deserves to know. It's going to be hard but you have to tell him. How could you respect him or let him foolishly trust you when you know it's all not true. You are deceiving him because he thinks everyday that you never have done the one thing that would tear him up inside. You'll feel better knowing you made a mistake, admitted it to him and yourself, and learned from it. Who knows maybe he'll forgive you
Anonymous
I don't intend to sound edgy, but I probably will anyway. 2017-07-28 03:21:59 Post No.18564044
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I don't intend to sound edgy, but I probably will anyway. 2017-07-28 03:21:59 Post No.18564044
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I don't intend to sound edgy, but I probably will anyway.
Anonymous
2017-07-28 03:21:59
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Is it possible to get reverse PTSD? Don't get me wrong, the event that happened to be was awful. However, there were a lot of good feelings associated with the abuse(oneitis, parried with long term psychopathic abuse). What I mean by PTSD in reverse, is the "triggers" of the abuse bring back extremely pleasant euphoric feelings, while everyday life feels like a bleak depressing derealized hell. This has been going on for some time now, years actually.
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>>18564044
battered woman syndrome
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>>18564044
That's called denial.
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>>18564061
what does it mean?
Anonymous
What to do if you don't have an identity? 2017-07-28 03:01:29 Post No.18563988
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What to do if you don't have an identity? 2017-07-28 03:01:29 Post No.18563988
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What to do if you don't have an identity?
Anonymous
2017-07-28 03:01:29
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Is it possible to develop an identity or personality if you don't have one? If I spend my time alone, my mental health deteriorates, but I really don't enjoy spending time with other people, and I think I don't enjoy spending time with them because I don't have a personality.
How does one build/maintain relationships if they don't really have any motivations or drives? The only reason I have the few friends I have is convenience; we went to the same highschool back in the day, we live in the same city, they are all roommates with each other, and all they ever want to do is play video games or watch movies/anime. As a result, it requires very little effort to maintain the friendship, and that's the only reason we're still friends.
Conversations all feel pointless and I don't really enjoy doing anything. My experience has taught me that to make friends or date I have to fake a persona to hide my lack of identity and personality, which always causes me to feel a good deal of resentment towards the people I'm interacting with.
I would like to enjoy other people's company, but I think I have to become a person first. I thought forcing myself to do things would make me enjoy them and develop tastes, preferences, and hobbies, but that has not been the case. Is that the only way of developing an identity? Not in an edgy or angsty way, but I feel like god forgot to give me a soul or something. Also, all avenues regarding therapy have been exhausted, so I pretty much have to fix this alone.
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>>18563988
Not to sounds tone deaf or mean but the solition you are looking for is get out of yourself. Help other people. Develop skills in stuff u enjoy regardless of others and make sure you have a serious plan for your carreer or life. Hell, volunteer in some organization. You are only thinking this bullshit thoghts of "having no personality" because you are bored with an unchallenged life.
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>>18563988
Its not that you don't enjoy spending time with people, EVERYONE enjoys to spend time with people, they just need to be the right people.
And its not that you don't enjoy doing things, you just have not found what you like to do.
What do you do on your spare time?
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More people are like you than you think. Take a look out of everyone you know, how many of them really are all that interesting? Most people I know are just known as "guy that can get super drunk" or "guy that lifts alot of weight"
I matched on tinder with someone my boyfriend knows.
I'm really ashamed. I've never met him and I don't know, but he follows him on Instagram, I've seen him like soem of my boyfriends pics and vice versa... I don't think they talk in text or hangout, but I'm really not sure. I'm kinda scared he might tell him.
-I went on tinder with no intentions to do anything or actually meet anyone, we've just been in a bad part of our relaronship for a while and have considered breaking up many times. I guess I was just seeing what's out there, but I didn't intend to meet anyone.
I'm reallt scared he will tell him? I don't want my boyfriend to be hurt. Also, idk if I should break up with him since i even matter a tinder, maybe I should leave him altho I love him so much and we've been togethe more than 3 years, I never intended to do anything with it and only swiped like 3 different days total.. But it's still pretty bad.
I really need advice. Also, I don't want my boyfriend to find out Bc I don't want him to be hurt or damaged even if I broke up with him I don't want him to find out.
I'm scared as shit he will tell my boyfriend What are the odds tho? In pretty sure they don't talk or hangout, I've never met him, he probably doesn't even know who I am.. My Bf has one pic of us from a year and a half ago on his Instagram so unless this guy remembers that and looks at my Insta he probably didn't even think that he could recognize me in the swipe? I said no then deleted it .
I'm really scared idk what to do I feel awful and also paranoid
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>>18563858
what is wrong with the relationship
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>>18563858
>I wanted to cheat without my bf knowing but now there is a chance my actions have consequences!!
women
>>
The fact you're on tinder means you're trying to find a backup for when the relationship fails. You have lost interest in being loyal to your bf.
End the relationship so you don't do anything further in the realm of cheating