Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 729. page

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>>18591447

I know he wants to marry me, and have kids (I don't want to, and I have told it to him, prolly he thinks I'll change my mind), he he writes me some long kik messages and I just have no intention, nor the mood, nor the courage to answer them in days until I feel better. Then we see each other again and we have a great time together. I kind of feel like this will erode eventually, or it will become tiresome for him.

He's way better than my exes also, but some side effect from therapy is that I'm not that much prone to get into co-dependency with a guy anymore, so relationships are for me just worth of a little contact, and no totes overlapping. (Existentialist personality traits and that yabba dabba)

I'm just a zero jealous, zero attached gal, had never mourned nor craved for any of my exes, it's easy for me to keep going without them. Sometimes I fantasize that he marries to a wonderful woman and he's quite happy and have the kids he wants to have. That would make me happy and zero anxious and so tranquil. I had told this to my therapist(she's great), and she says I should not rush things, not getting married nor breaking up with him, and wait to get better eventually.

He had asked me if I still love him, and I do, but when I'm in the grey zone of anhedonia I couldn't get any feeling, and I just want to be left alone with my non-fiction books and my free time, but I know he feels hurtled for wanting to have it all with me all the time and me not giving it to him.

>TL;DR Not trolling, he's a dreamboat normie and I could get to feel zero for him when anhedonic.

>>18591450
>>18591447
if he knows you, how you are, and how you will be for the rest of your life then then its on him.
let him know that you dont want him to hate you for how you will be in the future

>>18591447
Focus on how you feel, instead of how you should feel. Focus on what is going on, instead of what 'should' be going on. Focus on what you have to do, instead of what you would rather be doing.

I didn't read your whole post, but I read the main topic: "Should I break up with a man who loves me and sees a future with me?" Can you just reply to this post with one compelling reason to do so?

>>18591444
stop being so fucking butthurt about shit that doesnt matter and start being an adult

>>18591449

If I wanted garbage advice I'd try reddit first. Take your angsty shit and go smoke it you burnout.

>>18591453
deep down youre just hurt that she didnt fall head over heels in love with you after 1 month of what was probably nothing more than awkward workplace conversion.

ask yourself why your self-esteem depends so much on what other people think of you. you piece of shit.

>>18591433
Kill them

>>18591437
olny if i can do it with in the stad ur graund law

I bait on 4chan, oh wait that's you.

>>18591419
Yes, but in their own way

It's not a case of being in a constant state of just one emotion. People's emotions are constantly changing, someone miserable today may be elated tomorrow. The thing that differs most is what it takes to make that persons emotions change, I can go from egotistical megalomaniac to depressed bitch boy in an instant if I were to drop a sandwich I was enjoying.

>>18591419
What are your problems?

>>18591401
Don't fuck your roommates
There's 0 reason to introduce that drama into the place you live
And there WILL be drama

>>18591410
yeah you're probably right

>>18591401
if youre going to fuck your roommate, you have to make it casual.

coming up with some convoluted way to initiate physical contact isnt going to do the trick. you have to be pretty clear about your intentions

>>18591379
What are you feeling?

>>18591379
What question

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>>18591381
kinda empty. there's nothing wrong with my life, but there's nothing much exciting in it either. I have my hobbies and all, but maybe it's not enough.
since I started working and dropped uni, I also gave up the ilussion that life is a linear upward progress, and I feel trapped in my routine.
I can't help but being constantly aware of the transient nature of everything

>>18591378
Do you know what her past relationship was like? What about her past in general? Good relationship with parents, siblings, friends, all that jazz?

I'm asking because when we have shitty relationships with people, they often make it feel like it's not safe for us to open up to anyone. As a result, we can keep ourselves distant, pretend not to have feelings or needs, and it might be that we've suppressed our emotions for so long that it's difficult to even find them again

All I know about her old relationship is that it was very wounding, and she seemed to have a lot of hatred for her ex, I never wanted to hear about it. She's very close with her mother and her little brothers, not so close with dad. She lives at home still with them, She's a year back from college and hasn't done the real world living thing, she's a little sheltered. I'm pretty deep into my career.

>>18591527
>I never wanted to hear about it
If you never hear how she was wounded, you'll never become aware of what her emotional raw spots are--those moments when she'll feel the relationship is threatened in some way and needs you to reassure her.

>I'm pretty deep into my career
She might've tried to reach out to you in some way, tried to express her need for comfort, but you weren't there for her. That can be emotionally draining

>>18591371
Post regularly in an asexual forum or else.

>>18591371

Would do you want one? Serious question.

>>18591435
I got little to no libido

>>18591366
you have common interests with them

it starts from childhood and you learn social skills from there onward right so I mean if you were always introverted or autistic or something, i dont know what to tell you except it sucks and you need to get your shit together before anyone wants to hangout with you

sorry

>>18591366
i'm sorta like you OP, but i realised it's no different to making friends when you're a kid. the more you talk to - and spend time with - someone, the more you will naturally connect.
it's the initial introductory phase that bothers me the most. it's the most important and yet the most boring part of making friends, since you're always asking and answering the same questions. but if you never grind through it then you'll never discover what you have in common.

>>18591351
Just think of how jealous they are.

>>18591351
Just tell them you watch porn

>>18591351
realize that no one really gives a shit about anyone other than themselves and all of this worry about how other people perceive you is just an excuse not to self-actualize

In the USA it's required by law that credit card companies give it like 25 days from time of purchase until when the bill is due to prevent interest.

So no it should be a different billing cycle

>>18591354
Ah cool. Thank you so much!

>>18591344
Look closely at your bill, probably the back. The billing month is from some random date (not always the 1st) to the day before in the next month (e. Jan 15-Feb 14). All charges that get to them in that period are listed. (Sometimes a store is slow and the charge doesn't get to the card until a day or two later).

You then have a stated time to pay the whole bill and not be charged interest. If you miss that deadline or only pay part of the bill, you'll be charged interest and maybe a penalty.

Every purchase after the bill date (e.g. February 15) will be on next month's bill

>>18591292
>Be me, freshman fall of 2015 (Not in the US btw)
>First year I'm studying art/crafts (Don't ask bout this, not important)
>End up in class with 7 girls and 2 other guys
>A couple of months in and everything is going smooth, I'm liking school and my class isn't so bad
>One day this beautiful, and i mean GORGEOUS girl walk into my classroom
>She's here to talk to her friend who's in my class
>We briefly have eyecontact, and my heart melts
>I look like it was nothing to not appear as a creep
>A little while passes by and i turn on some nice music for the boys to check out
>The girl recognises the song and slowly slips over to my desk
>"Hey, you listen to that too? That's awesome"
>I'm somewhat suprised and try to think of a simple reply
>"Yeah, they're the best"
>She replies "You're cool" and slides back to her friend
>Bit of a random statement, so i just quickly reply "You too!"
>We continue on with our seperate conversations and she leaves

>be me
>in high school
>see girl with chad
>wave at her
>she scoffs at me
>follow her down the hall
>chad pushes me over
>everyone laughs
>bell rings
>everyone hurries to class
>get an erection thinking of chad's hands on me in protection of her
>she must be a trophy
>fantasize about running my knife through chad's throat
>with blood still on the blade, run it up her vagina
>HNNNNNGGGGGG

>>18591306
This was the first time i ever saw her, but it seems like she had seen me before, and somewhat liked me. Looking back at it, the whole conversation was just so beta and plain retarded from my end. I should have said something nice to her. Anyways, continuing with some green;

>A couple of weeks passes by and i tried to stalk this girl a bit
>I find out her name and that she is currently taking an electritians class
>"Thatskindacool,jpg"
>I keep thinking about her from time to time
>One random day she and a friend of her's frome her class come over to our classroom
>I glance casually over at her and her friend
>"They're probably here to talk to her friend from my class" I think to myself
>They slowly come over to my desk
>"WaitWut.png"
>"Hey anon, we're doing a project in our class where we basically have to be entrepreneurs, and we wondered if you'd help us?"
>"Of course" I respond
>"Great! So basically.."

She explains the whole situation to me and i agree to help. I'm enjoying just listening to her soft voice.

>She adds me the same day on Facebook so that i can join her and her friend's group
>We chat a little over messenger about stuff and interests, get to know each other a bit
>"Hey anon, feel free to come over to my classroom anytime you wanna chat :)"
>"Yeah, of course, I'll stop by some time!"

You don't exist to please other people, so it's not important if other people aren't pleased by your appearance. Spend your time doing things you enjoy instead of worrying about other people.

No. Most women are just catty bitches who will hate anyone unusual to hide their own insecurity.
Find a creepy boy and buy a haunted castle or something. Start a grunge band. Eat fish from a can. What I'm saying is be creepy if you're creepy. You've got it, own it.

no, at least you still have both of your arms. It could always be worse.

College kids are a bunch of dumbshits, and as you grow older you'll find more people mature enough not to call people names because of how they look.

Your friend seems to really be trying to help you feel better and even if it's not working, you should be glad that she cares about you enough to keep trying still.

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>>18591248

They may be, sometimes - for brief moments, perhaps longer if you're really lucky - but never forever. The probability of someone literally existing who matches your conception of ideal so perfectly is so low as to break universal limits. It's why humans have invented ideas like Tulpas (check /x/ for more on that shit... it gets deep). It's hard not to do, but you'll find that once you try to really completely listen to and experience the people you are around - just try to experience the universe through their eyes - that you find yourself having to adapt your internal audience to fit the experienced world. There is a dialectic, and it is liminal, and there is an equilibrium. It's so hard to do; it may be enlightenment itself, but it exists. I guess it's the root of compassion, and ultimately leads to ego-death because you realize that you don't actually exist outside of the sum-total of the identities that others construct of you outside of a solipsistic bubble, but that's also okay. It's how you build a universe. You are eternal in your own universe, and quantum-immortal. So it's worth exploring, ya' know? Okay, rant over, /adv/. I'm curious to hear thoughts on this.

(2/2)

K

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You are deeply troubled and should seek psychiatric help.

>>18591216
Have you tried ASMR?

or Weed?

>>18591225
Yes, both. ASMR never gave me the 'tingles', and it makes it even harder for me to sleep since somebody is whispering. Even if I hear a clock ticking in an other room, it keeps me awake even longer.

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>>18591216
I once heard, if you have trouble falling asleep, you didn't work hard enough that day. Whether it be physical or mental, maybe a little bit of both, try to really strain yourself in some aspect each day. If the day is over, and all your work is done try exercising, but really exercise, break a real sweat, have a hot shower. Exhaustion is what puts you to sleep.