Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 6861. page

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>Meet girl
>Start flirting
>Reject her
>Carry on acting as we always did
>Learn things about her life (which I'll get to in a sec)
>Start falling for her
>She wins me over
>She asked me what our relationship was; are we together?
>Told her I'd tell her on Tuesday (tomorrow), implying that it's good news.
>Suddenly changed mind and realised I don't want to pursue a relationship with her
>If I reject her now, I'll ruin her life

This is why: some of the things she's told me are that her parents divorced when she was at a very young age and her father doesn't support or visit them (he's dead to her). Because of this, they've had economic problems and have had to move 13 times (she's 16 now) and she has to work with her single mother at the local market.

So apart from her fear of moving again and losing all her friends and all (she's been here a year now), she also lost her virginity (at some age before 14) and started passively smoking at 12. Her grades aren't that great either (to be expected when all the before has happened to you).

Now, since we started getting close and I tried to help her change, she's stopped smoking, been studying a lot more, just seems to be having a better life, as if she'd been saved.

Now, if I break up with her, she'd be devastated, I think that, not only she'd go back to the bad habits, but she'd do them in bigger proportions, worse than ever. And, honestly, I don't think she could handle nor deserves any more sad occurrences in her life. Even after all that's happened to her, she's still got a great personality, kind, sweet, honest, etc.

I really don't want to destroy her life, is there any way I can let her down without doing so?

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Hey guys,

So a half an hour ago I was walking in the city on my way home. There were these UNICEF-volunteers hanging in the streets approaching people talking about little kids in Africa having trouble finding water and bladeeblabla... She asked my age, I responded with "23" and she said excellent and she asked me if I'm happy and I told her "someday are happier than other days", she said "it's because its fall and the days are getting darker soon." I said yes again. And then she told me "You know what's worse? Little kids in Africa who are sad because they have a lot of trouble getting water blablbala" After that she asked "now would you be interested in a monthly donation..." blabla you know the rest!

So what was my answer? "Yes! I'm interested..." Did I say yes because I wanted to? Or yes just because I was afraid to say no. Anyhow, I filled the forms but I told her that I'm going to think about it first before I'm depositing money for UNICEF"

Also might add that I am 23 years old and never had a gf, I am a student who barely can get money. I don't know but I have a hard time saying "no" because I'm not very confident and I'm also weak to say no to beautiful girls, she was indeed beautiful.

Help me guys, how would you've taken the situation under control? What should I do in the future if I'm coming across a similar situation? I need your help!

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I didn't see one. Checked the entire catalog. I'll go first. (1/2)

You said a lot of things, and I don't remember any of it, but here's what I got out of it: I have no place here, I have no place in society, I don't live here (my mom often says this to me), I don't belong here, I have no other place to go, I am a guest. I really felt like calling up Safe Harbor to see if they'd take me in: I was (am?) homeless. Think about that: me showing up at the very place you volunteer at. I never felt comfortable with you around, I always quieted my voice if I knew you were home. You're very offputting and imposing. Meanwhile I tried to stay out of your way, as much as I could, because your behavior and actions conveyed that's exactly what you wanted me to do.

I don't see how that makes me a pain in the ass if I don't provoke you. You, however, provoked me routinely. I can see why Bryan hated you; I side with him. What would your god think? He'd probably be disappointed in you. Being the type that worries about what happens after you die, this should be cause for alarm. You talk about becoming blessed, yet you drive me away? That's like deducting bless points, or whatever you do in your religion to calculate them. You can volunteer all you'd like but it won't cover up for what's going on between us.

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I've never felt the need to post here, but I want some older anon's advice on this.

My background (my life story):
I'm 18 years old and well, for my entire life I've been fairly happy, though I've been by myself. My parents were always busy and I have no siblings, so I used to entertain myself with vidya and tv a lot. I've always been a straight A student. As a kid I played lots of soccer and cricket, I eased up on it when I turned 10 or so, but I still always made time for physical activity. As a kid I always used to eat a lot, so I was fat.

Starting secondary school was more or less okay, but I went from being extremely talkative to being extremely introvert. This really hit me when I tore my ACL at 14. I didn't treat it properly so now even today I can't run without pain. Physical activity was out for sometime.

Now because of that, I started becoming very socially anxious. I never ever went out and I ended just staying home doing nothing with my life. I still did well in exams in school, but today I realise it wasn't worth it. While everyone was going out having a wonderful time, guys meeting girls etc, I was at home. Now I should note in my country there are more same-sex schools, so I've never broken out of my comfort zone to talk to girls and stuff.

I know my parents limited me a lot but I can't really blame them, in the end it was my fault, I didn't swing the bat.

Anyways, at 16/17 I started talking a lot to this girl, to the point I liked her and ended up changing myself (losing my weight, becoming more sociable with people etc) just so she (and by virtue lots of people) could like me, and I can finally break out of my shell. Sadly that ended up badly and now about a year or so later I'm back to eating shit, no exercise and being twice as socially anxious as before.

I'm in my last year of secondary school now (upper six), and I barely attend school.

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::Life Plan Thread::
A thread to see /adv/'s aspirations

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>>14985815
i need to continue this thread from before as my paranoia has not abated.

i have recently been accused of child molestation by my niece when she was staying with us over 10 years ago.

i have realized that there has been much unrest regarding their family and mine which has nothing to do with the accusations at hand but still may yet relate to spites related to our families.

in middle school my elder cousin stayed with us in lieu of attending rehabilitation for drug abuse, the result of which was physical abuse of myself at the hands of said cousin.

during my high school years from 2001 to 2004 elder cousin's sister's daughter and son stayed with my family. as of now i am being accused of this niece who is serving in the military and seeing a psychiatrist that i sexually molested her during that time.

i was involved in heavy arguments over the internet with the cousins' mother via email over allegations of misunderstanding and familial disrespect. it is known that she is incredibly sensititve and harbors a hatred towards the "tainted blood" in my mothers family as my father who is korean having tainted the famliy blood, thus leading to her hatred of him, myself and my younger brother.

i hold an incredible anger in the fact that i never pressed charges against my cousin for his physical assault on me when i was in middle school, and now the fact that i am being accused of molestation of his niece when such events have never occurred. at the same time i am incredibly paranoid that this could develop further into allegations that could potentially slander my reputation and may even land me in jail.

i have moved out from my parents place, happliy married and am on the cusp of landing a career position that will change my life for the better. srsly how can i move on from this?

pic semi-unrelated it's when i used to work at game crazy around the troubled times.

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aunt called mom this morning. mom called me asking if i molested my niece while she was staying with us 10 years ago while i was in high school. worst case scenario, she accidentally saw me jerking it while going to use the restroom late at night. what do i do?

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Why is it so hard to actually have a relationship with a girl?

20, never had one. Only ever been on dates and occasionally kissed girls on nights out.

I just cant make anything stick and I dont know why

And its a self perpetuating cycle because I feel like I'm missing out on a core part of life experience by never having had a special... anyone.

And that makes me really want someone

And that makes me come off desperate, which isnt attractive at all

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Calling femanons, preferably

/adv/

I broke up with my girlfriend a couple nights ago. It's a very long story, but we do still love each other, and it was really hard for me to do.

After a lot of her begging, pleading, and crying -- all three of which I am just not good with -- she finally said, "I love you, and I'm going to let you go."

Finally, I thought... if only because that's what I really wanted to hear.

But then she begged a single favor: that when I have taken time for myself, may it take months, or even years, that I reach out to her so that she can have one more chance with me. Given that I we had only told each other moments prior that we were "always" going to love each other (I think we meant different things by that, though), I lazily and hesitantly said, "Okay."

Her spirits lifted, we parted ways almost kind of happily, because she was essentially telling herself that this breakup was more of "pause", and that everything was going to be okay for us. I reminded her that this was nevertheless a breakup, and that I couldn't promise her anything. Whether or not she understood that, I have no idea.

/adv/, should I feel bad for her possibly having this impression that we may someday be back in each other's arms? Is this a normal thought process for a female being broken up with? Will this sense of hope fade? I'm not saying that our having a future is impossible, per se, but it's definitely the last thing I'm thinking about right now, since I'm all geared up and set to take care of myself as a single man.

Your thoughts and input are much obliged, /adv/. Thank you.

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Hey /b/ros.

So, the wife and I have been married for 12 years, and over the last 5 or so, we've been having some marriage issues that have been getting worse and worse. We've both done some things that have caused the other to lose trust... neither of us have actually cheated, but we are not nearly as close, and since we've lost that closeness, we've both done some stupid things.

What I do that is dumb is that I will read her messages, hack the password to her laptop, so on and so forth, because I feel that she is hiding things from me. I know that this stems from my low self esteem, my moderate to severe bouts of depression, and my moderate to severe paranoia. 95% of the time, i don't find anything, and then, around the time I start to feel like I can back off, I find something where she says hurtful things about me, or does something that makes me feel insecure again.

I am trying to stop searching through her stuff, unfortunately, in the moment, I don't have the willpower I need to stop myself. I always feel bad about it afterwards, but that doesn't change the fact that I do it. I asked her what she would like me to do when I get the urge to start digging, and she said she would have to think about it, and that it was a fair question.

That was last Friday that I asked her, and I haven't gotten an answer yet. I've been feeling the temptation to dig again, as it's been a while since I've dug. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to hold out, and I don't want to damage our relationship anymore with my weaknesses.

What do you recommend, anons and femanons?

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>Have large goal
>Can't become motivated to do the grind to reach it
>Using and training self-discipline is the only other option
>Already using loads of discipline and willpower just being a normalfag due to terrible past
How can i stop feeling like a victim

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Old thread: >>379136

Companion Planting - Raised Beds - Vertical Gardening - Square Foot Gardening - Polyculture - Composting - Mulching - Vermiculture - Espalier - Fungiculture - Aquaponics - Greenhouses - Cold Frames - Hot Boxes - Polytunnels - Forest Gardening - Aquaculture

Resources:

Murray's DVDs on Aquaponics, (sample: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYR9s6chrI0 )
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/5357600/Aquaponics_Made_Easy
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/6263904/Aquaponics.The.First.12.Months.And.Aquaponics.DIY.DOCU.DVDRip.Xv
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/5699014/Aquaponics_Secrets

Backyard Aquaponics Mag,
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/7670763/BYAP_-_Backyard_Aquaponics_Magazine_15_Editions

Backyard Aquaponics System.
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/8071079/Backyard_Liberty_Aquaponics_System

400+ PDF BOOKS ON GARDENING
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/5247926/400__PDF_BOOKS_ON_GARDENING

Youtube channel Growingyourgreens, tons of videos on almost every single gardening subject,
https://www.youtube.com/user/growingyourgreens

Ollas clay pot watering system,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkNxACJ9vPI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvKq5geEM-A

USA Time of Year Planting Guide,
http://www.motherearthnews.com/organic-gardening/what-to-plant-now-zl0z0903zalt.aspx

Food preservation,
http://nchfp.uga.edu/
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/6835572/Canning_and_Preserving_All-in-One_For_Dummies_2011_-Mantesh
http://fantes.com/manuals/all-american-pressure-cooker-manual.pdf

Mushrooms, (culinary and psychoactive):
http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4970660/Mushroom_Growing_Literature_Video_Collection

Mother Earth News' Vegetable Garden Planner program, (full version requires yearly subscription $fee)
http://www.motherearthnews.com/garden-planner/vegetable-garden-planner.aspx

Tons of Gardening/Farming PDFs
http://www.fastonline.org/?page_id=35
Aquaponics
http://www.fastonline.org/?page_id=32

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This girl and I have been texting for about 3 weeks now and we started subcommunicating to the point where she had basically asked me "Is there someone you like?". At that point I said I'll tell her how I really feel, and said that I can picture us being together at some point, but just not now. The following dialogue then took place.

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is it wrong to sleep with a girl who is in a ldr but wants to break up with her bf anyway?

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I met a nice guy and we started seeing each other on a regulary basis (2x a week). We had a wonderful time until my sister asked if we are exclusive after 2 months. I told her i don't really know, that i don't see other guys and that he said he isn't seeing other girls but we are not in a relationship. Ahe said this is realy weird and i need to find out. I brushed it off and went home. I kept thinking about her words and apparently started to get a bit too clingy. After a week he started to back off and act strange. I waited a couple if days (could have been just bad mood) and them asked what was wrong. After a long conversation we finaly found out that he felt pressured by my clingyness and that things went to fast. So we decided to take a step back. We were back to out former selfe and it went very well. Then maby 3 weeks later it started to bug me that he acted distant and cold again. I was a bit emotional anyways and told him that we should just stop "us" if he does not feel it. I told him we could be fwb because i like him as a friend and the sex is great. He did not want that. So we decided to give us some space and not see each other for one and a half week. 4 days in he asked i he could come over. I was really horny so i said yes. It was weird, because he suddenly was very loveydovey. The lack of intimacy outside of the bed was what upset me in the first place. So where did that come from so suddenly? Well, 3 days later he asks me out for dinner. I say ok because i am curious what's the matter for his new strange behaviour. We have a wonderful evening and then he INSISTS on paying for everythig. Until that day we always split bills. We went for a walk and ended up sleeping together at my place.
I am really confused /adv/. Whats up with us? Are we fwb now? Why is he so cuddly suddenly? I tought i habe drove him away too far with my dumb shit and pressuring him...