How do i fake a suicide. doritos must be included
Hit yourself in the head with a bag of Doritos until you die.
Try to shove the whole bag of Doritos up your pee hole.
How do I help someone who engages in self-harm?
>>16624154
Tell them it hurts you when they do it and that they should seek professional help
>>16624154
A psychiatric intervention. You can't help them directly because you aren't a trained medical professional. You aren't a psychiatrist or a therapist and you have absolutely no resources at your disposal to help this person at all.
Anyone actively hurting themselves is eligible to be physically committed against their will. This person might just be an attention seeking fuckbag or they might actually be someone who needs immediate help. Either way, a couple days in a mental health facility might do them a world of good.
They might be pissed off at you but hey, they wanted attention, now they got it.
>>16624165
don't
chances are that they will keep doing it and feel even worse because now they think they are responsible for your pain
i'm in a bit of an awkward situation right now
a week ago i asked my friend if he had any plans for new years eve, he said that they're doing the same thing as last year and that i better not get sick this year
backstory: there was a wild party at his dorm last year, we had everything planned out and i caught a fever 4 days before the party, so i didn't attend that party
so i assume the invitation was kind of implied with the "you better not get sick this year", but i still don't want to appear pushy and crash a party that i wasn't invited to (i didn't get a facebook invitation to the event, which is how they usually arrange their parties)
how do i probe if i'm welcome on that party without coming off pushy, in case they don't want me there?
>>16624120
Dude just ask him if you are invited to the party.
>>16624171
i was overthinking this, this actually makes perfect sense
just set up a date with some girl
laid out the plans and all, "hey let's go to X at Y time, that work for you?" and her response was quite eloquently:
>Yes
that's it. I don't know why, I guess I just find her cold, singular utterance a bit weird. what should I say next? "Great see ya then"? keep in mind I am a noob at dating in general so if this sounds completely normal, just let me know and also tell me how to respond and what my next steps are
please and thanks /adv/, love you guys
>>16624104
just say "k see ya there"
next time you ask someone out, do not give them a chance to say yes or no
like what you did "that work for you?"
keep in mind girls do wanna do anything (most of the time) and rather have a guy who is decisive
say:
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>16624126
gotcha
>>16624127
th-thank you senpai
I don't know what to do or who to talk to.
Last year 4 days after new year I attempted suicide. In a few days it will be a year exactly and I'm starting to feel really bad about it like I'm terrified of that day. I don't know what to do please help me..
Do drugs.
On the 23rd marked one year since I tried to kill myself and honestly I didn't give it two thoughts. Why are you terrified of it?
Why does it frighten you so much?
Been dating for about a month and a half. Haven't kissed yet, both of us are each other's first and somewhat awkward. How do I introduce intimacy into the relationship without coming on too strong?
Tell her you want to have sex with her.
Tell her you want to bend her over a table and fuck her in the ass.
>dating for a month
>haven't kissed
are you 12? how do you even start a relationship without kissing?
How to get over PTSD?
I fucked a fifty something year old man in the ass one night when i was out of my mind drunk in a foreign city (actually, it was closer to 7am)
also I got basically raped by a guy when I was skiing and never told anyone.
I really, really liked the ski resort (I'd never been) and the snow and everything was magical but now I feel sick when i hear about skiing or mountains, and travelling abroad cos of example one. I think I may have ptsd of some sort.
Main reason is probably because I'm bi/asexual and had never properly done anything with a guy then that weird shit happened. Guy who raped me basically was in his 30s (me 20)
Seriously, do I take MDMA or something? help
pls respond
Take Jublia.
This is why nobody takes rape seriously...
I've had basically the same group of friends since early high school (24 now) but I feel like they're all turning against me recently for some reason. I haven't done anything retarded to fuck anything up and if anything have been nicer lately.
It started a few days ago when I found out that something had been boiling under one of my friendships for the last year and it just erupted into an instant disintegration of one of my friendships. I didn't care so much because she was being extremely disrespectful so I decided to let her fuck off.
They talked shit about me to all my friends though and maybe that's what snowballed the situation, but who knows. After that, my friends started disrespecting me more and whenever I try to voice my opinion on our plans for the holidays or anything, my friends immediately shoot me down and talk shit to me. It even got to the point once where one was physically harassing me at a high school bully level
I'm massively frustrated and don't know what to do. New years is going to suck because they just want to stay home and play video games instead of go out, despite us having an opportunity to do something really fun (but it was my idea so they shit on it), and if they keep treating me like this, especially in person, I feel like. I'm gonna end up fighting one of them
I don't even know what I'm asking for from you guys, I'm just really frustrated and annoyed
I would distance myself from them for a little bit. They seem to be too stubborn to at least try to see eye to eye with you. Op, you don't need this negativity.
But, would you mind telling us what was it that angered your one friend who started this?
>>16624115
I used to live with her. The place we lived in was owned by her family. She moved out and I moved out a year later. I only gave 20 days notice when moving out (but in my defense, I told the landlords/her sisters that I'd prorate, and they said it was ok), I supposedly left the room dirty (even though I spent an entire day vacuuming and cleaning), and not all the bills were payed when I left (because both of the other roommates owed $400 in bills and I wasn't going to pay it for them)
I wouldn't have minded if she talked to me about it but it's been half a year and I've hung out with her plenty of times and it's never come up until she hung out with my friends and talked shit about me to all of them behind my back
Your "friends" suck. Fuck them.
My female friend (that I have hooked up with before) and her friend keep joking to me how her and I are going to hook up tomorrow on NYE. Should I take that as she actually wants to hook up? I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to shit like this.
>>16623995
>HURR GUYS IMMA HAVE SEX A GIRL LOOK AT ME HURRRRRR
Shut up.
>>16624003
I honestly don't know I'm an idiot with this shit
Yes fuck her
I'm guessing she's not into me.
She's from Hawaii. I'm from California. She visited twice. I visited once.
Should I press send?
>>16623994
Christ, no. Don't kick yourself in the teeth. Say something like, "Yeah? What did they say? Do you still want to come?"
>>16624002
This.
Dont be such a little bitch, OP. Holy fuck. So what if her parents don't like you? I doubt you'll care when you're balls deep inside her.
>>16623994
Nice beta responce. Should have told her you'd much rather see her over what her parents think.
Hey /adv/ what are your thoughts on pot?
Positives?
Negatives?
Experiences that made you have a negative view on it?
have read about lots of bad experiences about it
mostly long term users (like a decade)
they become somewhat dependent to it, and have a hard time when trying to quit
lots of them says they have alot of improvements on their life once they are clean
Sometimes fun but frequently makes me anxious, so I don't do it anymore.
Use it in the weekends when you've got nothing else to do, no work, no homework or whatsoever. Doing it everyday makes hou really dependent on it. And for someone who's a student or has a shitty job I'd recommend not buying it constantly.
So I unfriended someone on Facebook which I now regret. What's a plausible/socially acceptable explanation/lie I can give that shows I "accidentally" unfriended them? Is there any way that's possible (to accidentally unfriend someone) on Facebook? Please help :(((((
>>16623981
>how can I lie to my friend
Some friend you are.
Tell them that they did it but they were too drunk to remember.
>tfw a tornado hit my town a couple of days ago and nobody called to see if I was alright
not a single. fucking. person.
If you're reading this, fuck you Colby. Fuck you Bianca. Hope you choke on your own vomit you shits
Sorry to hear about the 'nado
are you a hillbilly?
>>16623931
No i'm not a hillbilly
I was in the April 2011 tornados and 2 of my internet friends and a girl I knew irl checked on me
I'm a 19 year old kissless virgin. People irl and online tell me Im good looking but I'm kind of short (5'6"). I'm going to a coworker's new years party tomorrow. There will be lots of college age people (including girls) and alcohol. I plan on getting drunk to ease my nerves. How the fuck do you talk to girls? I hear all this conflicting advice. "Talk to her how you talk to a guy" "follow pua step x, y, z" "talk to her and make escalating physical contact" "read the red pill" What the hell do I do? Some people make it sound like a fucking science. I at least want to kiss a girl, and hopefully get a phone number. I just need common sense advice. Also, what are basic ways of flirting?
>>16623875
the reason you get so much different advice is because all of it DOES work. on some women. every person is different, and believe it or not, girls are people.
you've heard the term pick up artist, yeah? there is a reason they are called artists, and not pick up scientists. there is no perfect formula that works. they are people who react to different things differently based on their own interests and upbringing and surroundings and how they react to them (That 'soul' element).
so talking to her like a guy works well because she doesnt feel like a piece of meat. women know when you are just hitting on them, and its not hard to detect a formula in it.
after that follow step x, y, z works just as well with the right girls, because girls just like to talk. x y z works with men to is the thing.
despite this, 90% of the girls you talk to will not be interested in you no matter which approach you use.
the best you can do is talk to them like they are humans, and find someone who matches with you. and if you dont, touch pennies, but you dont want to have to constantly be trying to figure out formulas just to talk to a girl.
Saw a balding thread earlier. My hair has been like it is in this picture for the past 3 or 4 years, the crown slowly getting bigger. Tried nioxin, rogaine, tons of shampoos and oils and no effect whatsoever. So after seeing that thread here today I did some research and discovered Toppik microfibers. Went to the beauty store and picked some up... Wow!! My hair hasn't looked this full in years! It doesn't get all over the place and make a mess either. Comes out in the shower.
So for any balding anons out there, unless you have the money for a follicle transplant, this is your best bet. I may lose more hair in the future, but for now I feel great. I can look down without worrying.
After product application about an hour ago.
And btw, that is not residue from it on my neck, I just need a trim down there. My hair seems to be migrating from the top of my head down the back of my neck lol.
I hope this helps many balding anons.
as having a good head of hair is one of the only things going for me it makes me slightly butthurt that people who have other things can simply buy hair.
Also how the fuck does that work? You literally have hair where you didn't ... and you said it was an hour ago? where does the hair come from??