Anonymous
Roommate/Best Friend Issue 2017-08-06 05:39:46 Post No.18594403
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Roommate/Best Friend Issue
Anonymous
2017-08-06 05:39:46
Post No. 18594403
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So, I'm a college student who lives in student housing. I've lived with the same roommate for nearly a year and a half. We're great friends, we get a long great and I've had some intense conversations with the guy about some pretty heavy shit. I'd venture to say that he's one of my best friends. Although I don't know if the feeling's mutual as I tend to get emotionally attached to friends fairly quickly.
Anyways, the last month or so, I've been thinking of moving out.
Reasons being:
He's younger than me and while I'm ready to focus on my career and studies, he's more interested in partying and being popular. He's not from the US and has had a hard time dealing with not being known as he was in his home country.
He's very "I want to live life to the fullest", even if it blatantly goes against his own ethics and morals. This includes doing coke in the bathroom of a sleazy bar. Shit like that. Which would be fine although people with self-destructive tendencies tend to be leaching in my experience. I think you have every right to do what you want. It's your life. But so does everyone else and that justifies people not wanting to be around someone they don't share the values with. I've been called judgemental for that by him, which I wouldn't mind if it hadn't been said as an insult.
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>>18594403
Cont.
He cheated on his girlfriend (she's from his home country) who he's still with and refuses to tell her. She's 16-17 and a sweetheart. Now this may be pathetic but it's really bothering me. Especially as despite everything he's done, "at least I've never cheated" has been his last redeeming trait. It wouldn't have been as bad had I not been the one to find him in the act. I told him the right thing to do would be to tell her and give her the choice to stay or not. Ya know, be a bigger man and just do it. But he's afraid of her leaving him and he has this romantic idea in his head of the pained lover who endures his mistakes for her happiness in ignorance. Now anytime I see a Snapchat of them together (as he's back there now), I just feel so bad for her and so disgusted by him. She's very much in love with him. He says he loves her too. Idk.
What do you guys think? Half of me wants to just cut it off and let sleeping dogs lie. Let him do his thing with her and wish them the best. He's happy with her and if it pisses me off that bad, it's just not good for me to be around. Even if he is supposedly my "best friend". Am I being a judgemental asshole? Some advice would be greatly appreciated.
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>>18594407
Find a way to tell her. Prefarably anonymously.
Either way just fucking move out. You don't like the guy anymore. You could also just say you want to meet new people.
Anonymous
I have feelings for the girl that reports to me 2017-08-06 05:37:55 Post No.18594397
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I have feelings for the girl that reports to me 2017-08-06 05:37:55 Post No.18594397
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I have feelings for the girl that reports to me
Anonymous
2017-08-06 05:37:55
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I have a girl that works close with me on every project. I manage a team, but she is the next in command, I'm her boss, and we are almost always in contact. Before I began this job, she almost moved in with me, and I had no clue she was going to be assigned to my team. Last night, I dreamt of her and I together.
There isn't a solution where I stop working with her.
How do I shut this thing down and stop caring about her?
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>>18594397
Find someone else to care about.
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I've got one distinct flaw in my personality, and that's that I mostly never initiate conversation with people. I participate in banter, I chat all right with folks, but I'm never really start it.
It's become a little obvious when a friend from a group says a passing hello and gives the 'we should play video games again sometimes'. That was like two weeks ago, and I'm feeling anxious to try and join the old group of acquaintances. Like, if I'd get asked to join, I wouldn't hesitate for one second, but if I don't get a direct invitation I'm straight up afraid to join.
tl;dr: Too afraid to talk to old friends because afraid it might feel awkward
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Anonymous
Please help me help my friend 2017-08-06 05:32:45 Post No.18594385
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Please help me help my friend 2017-08-06 05:32:45 Post No.18594385
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Please help me help my friend
Anonymous
2017-08-06 05:32:45
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Hey /adv/, I am in desperate need of some way to tell my friend he needs to get away from his family, and I just cant seem to bring myself to do it in fear of ruining our friendship.
>my friends 20, im 19
>we've been friends since 2nd grade
>he went to uni away from our home town, but still in state
>his dad died when he was 14
>he has basically raised his other two siblings and is pretty much the only father his younger half-sister has ever known
>his mother is horrifyingly codependant of him
>his mother basically followed him to college and never let him grow up
>it got so bad that he dropped out after his first year and moved back home
>he's working full time for the highschool that we both graduated from, just to turn around and give his paycheck back to his mother
>none of the rest of the family even attempts to care for themselves/their house
>their living in complete squalor while he runs around behind them trying to keep up (his sister has FAS syndrome and is incontinent)
I've basically watched my best friend slowly dying while his family has leeched the life out of him. My issue with bringing it up to him is that he's so convinced that they couldn't live without him that he's completely stopped any and all of his social life just to take care of his mother and his siblings. I've brought up going back to college to him, but he avoids the conversation. I leave tomorrow back to college ( the one he went to for a year) and I want to try to talk to him about it before I leave. Any advice on how to approach this is appreciated.
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>>18594385
Give him Metamorphosis by Kafka.
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>>18594385
Precisely what business is this of yours?
Do you have so little respectfor your friend that you assume he isn't aware of his own life? And if he is aware, is it remotely possible that he chooses this life, for reasons beyond you?
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>>18594666
>Precisely what business is this of yours?
They are close friends. Dont be an ignorant ass, they are not strangers. No he does not have the right to tell him what to do but he SURE AS HELL has the right to tell him what he thinks.
And if you think different, you need some real friends, mate.
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A girl I like says she doesn't want to be in relationships anymore and I want to be in a relationship with her. We had a relationship but she couldn't do it because of things going on in her life so it wasn't on bad terms we still talk but I want a relationship with her. If I'm too attached then how do I become unattached?
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I don't feel comfortable socializing unless I can drink.
I can socialize just fine sober.
But I don't like to, and it stresses me out. It's actually sorta painful.
I have this problem even with people online actually.
Is this pathetic?
Does anyone out there have this problem?
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>>18594334
It just sounds normal i am the same anon. I suggest this one thing my friend does, go to events where people get drunk or tipsy and try to socialise without drinking. Majority of the time even if you sound stupid they will still listen and you wont feel akward but just build confidence
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>>18594334
I believe that intelligent people tend to be self-critical. The more brain power you have the more wound up you get, and if you have this problem it leads to anxiety and hypercriticism. A lot of us are tired and stressed out and preoccupied with important matters that relate directly to our quality of life. Stopping to try and get to know someone, especially with people's modern propensity toward offense, is mentally and emotionally taxing. Unless you're in a place where everyone is there to relax and let loose you won't be able to have any confidence that you won't have to jump through someone else's behavioral hoops to get into their "friend" club. This feeling of being bothered by mundane conversation is exceedingly normal. If someone addresses you openly with a smile and kindness this is them telling you that their desire in addressing you is to give you a fair chance to be likeable to them.
If you're not in a particularly cheery mood being likeable is difficult and draining when you would rather be focused on something else. This is how everyone is. Take no shame in feeling the way you feel, just try not to be mean to people.
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>>18594334
As someone that has is issue and deals with a lot of anxiety in general the thing that Ive found to be the most useful is active listening.
jwhen you just look at someone and really listen to what the say and why they say it my own thoughts of "is my hair ok" "am I being awkward" go away
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I've finally come to the conclusion that my friends are no good to me anymore. There's never any support, they're obnoxious, and I don't act myself around them because I wouldn't fit in. Only problem is if I break them off, I'll have nothing social to do
>no gf
>don't like hanging out with the senpai
>don't like people in general
How does an antisocial misanthrope make new friends, or find something to take a break from themself?
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>>18594328
>Old friends bad
So find new ones
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What do I talk about with girls? I literally have no idea other than common interests, introducing myself, asking her about herself and commenting on whatever is happening right now which I'm really bad at. What else can we discuss or can I use at the beginning of the conversation?
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>>18594308
About memes. Ask them questions and let them babble.
http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation
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>>18594308
What topic you discuss with a girl is entirely dependant on what her interests are no one-size-fits-all approach on this.
Besides politely introducing yourself and small talks, try to bait her into telling a story about herself more, anything about her pets, family, interest, everything that's about her, not about anyone else or you.
If you want to talk, tell an interesting story and it'll be best if it's your own personal experiences mixed with witty banter.
Girls like to listen to an interesting story or making people listen about themselves in general to feed their narcissistic tendencies.
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>>18595354
not OP but thanks for this. this is good advice.
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I'm 22 and find myself more attracted to certain older women than most women my age group. I seem to have better chemistry with them and hold better conversations. I'm talking in the range of 30's to early 40's. Is something wrong with me? How would they feel about someone as young as me being into them, especially since I wouldn't be looking for anything serious?
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how is your relationship with your mother.
I am 25 but man I feel like an old man next to these teens and their snap chats and insters
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>>18594331
It's good and always has been. I don't think it's mom issues, more the maturity thing like you mentioned.
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I accidentally fell for a girl I met on a school trip 4 months ago.
We talked for a while, she felt the same. Only problem is we live a thousand miles apart and are both already in relationships. After chatting for a month I just went MIA on her. She tried contacting me for a while, but eventually stopped.
We treated it like a casual thing, but it was pretty transparently the opposite. I cut ties because I couldn't deal with the guilt of being disloyal to my gf and her bf. Even if we decided to be together, one of us would have to move across the country, and we're both broke college kids, so that would be unrealistic.
I haven't stopped thinking about her since. For the last week or two I've gotten pretty close to reaching out, but I think I made the right choice, and I would only make things more difficult by starting again.
Don't really have a question, just needed to say it all "out loud."
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Anonymous
Is this my last chance to show her how I feel? 2017-08-06 04:37:21 Post No.18594278
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Is this my last chance to show her how I feel? 2017-08-06 04:37:21 Post No.18594278
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Is this my last chance to show her how I feel?
Anonymous
2017-08-06 04:37:21
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On Monday I'm leaving my home state, possibly for good, to join the Job Corps for computer technician work and possibly a fire-fighting job.
Tomorrow, the love of my life is coming over to hang out with me for a while so I can tell her goodbye. That, and so I can give her some books which I bought for her just so I could have an excuse to see her in the first place.
This girl has been married for almost three years, but she more or less knows how I feel. We met in art class in high school, had a sort of falling out, (simply because I wasn't really relevant anymore, had nothing to offer her, and I was making a bunch of mistakes) and only recently rekindled our friendship when she found me on social media.
When I first met her I fell hard enough to ax my current relationship at the time, the very second I realized how I felt about her. I've told her a few times, and while she didn't exactly tell me what I wanted to hear, she has acknowledged my feelings. It was during this time I lost sight of myself and fell out of scope, and she got married.
Everything I've heard about her husband is negative, and it's all come from her mouth. She's told me he tried to persuade her to have a foursome on their honeymoon, that he's gotten close enough to other girls for her to message them telling them to back off. She's even told me they've thrown around the idea of divorce.
To make things even more confusing, she called me less than a month ago crying to me about him, saying she was thinking about coming over to me with some booze, whatever that means. I told her she was welcome, and after she told me she was coming over I sent her my address... and she never showed up or replied when I asked if she was ok.
Later she text me, but we haven't spoken about that incident.
>continued
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>>18594278
I love this girl so much. She is sweeter than the finest candy, and she has a soul made of gold. I want to kiss her, feel her body, run my hands all over her for the first time and show her how much I want her.
At the same time, there is a part of me that wants to respect her marriage. I hate the idea of having her feel like she's unfaithful to her partner, no matter how bad he treats her. I hate the idea that I could spoil her marriage, and I probably shouldn't make a move because I still have nothing to offer her. He is a DJ and they are in a metal band together, but she works on missiles and honestly, I think he is just a lazy skirt-chasing poser. She has told me she is basically taking care of him.
I have so many conflicting emotions about this, I can't get my head straight. I thought I was over her when we parted ways after high school, but we she reconnected with me, my feelings came back even stronger than before.
When she was hanging out with me one day before she called me crying, we were lying down on my bed together reading books. I started to touch her hand, rubbing it lovingly, and she didn't stop me. When she went to leave, she gave me the best hug I've ever had, pressing her body into mine and I lifted her up a tiny bit and I whispered into her ear, "Are you sure you want to leave?" She didn't say anything but simply smiled at me.
She left her bracelets at my house on accident and she told me to keep them... I haven't taken them off for months.
I have no idea what to do about how I feel, and I'm afraid I'm going to make a mistake giving into my emotions. Should I? Should I tell her not to come over?
WHAT DO I DO?
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Just don't expect to get with her no matter how much you may want to.
If I were you I would invite her over, and tell her how I feel about her husband. Even a friend would do that.
Then maybe she'll divorce him. Doesn't really help you much, but at least she'll be better off and you could visit every now and then and then have your way with her.
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can salsa go bad if it is left in a refrigorator? im hungry and want to eat nachos and salsa. its been up, but the lid has been on it the whole tine.
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>>18594219
Yes, any food can. If you leave it in the fridge and its been opened, its basically a ticking time bomb to experation, even if its been in there ever since you've opened it.
Should check the expiration date.
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I don't know if this is the right board for this, but I need advice on how to last long(er) during sex. I have a date upcoming with a girl I've been talking to for a while, and in the event that things go well I want to perform well. Any advice is appreciated
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>>18594198
Jack off more(?) Seems the logical way to last longer, but I'm a girl so take this with a grain of salt.
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What's the civilized way to respond to someone making plans with you and not showing or responding the day of the plan?
I'm not close with this person at all, in fact this was a chance to get to know more about them. Now, I am quite indifferent but I can't help but feel I have to do something...
I'm not distraught, but how do you respond to blatant ghosting?
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>21 years old
>Don't feel capable of attaining a girlfriend
>Don't feel a strong desire for companionship now that I'm disillusioned with reality
>Feel alone, but just need a friend more than anything else
>Thinking about just drinking and jacking off until I die and running with hookers every now and then
I don't believe in love in the traditional, Western sense.
It's all labor and toleration until death, and I don't know if I want to partake. It doesn't seem like it gives much to existence, and I don't need any form of sexual release.
Does anybody know more than I do?
I just can't see myself ever having a life like that.
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Relationships require effort, this is true. But for good relationships, the effort is worth it and often doesn't feel like work. A good, healthy relationship gives us a a source of support and comfort, emotional connection, and the confidence to go out into the world knowing they've got our back. Good relationships also often encourage personal growth and teach you skills in communication and empathy
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Ok
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My ex girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend's older brother. I started treating women like objects after that and took my education religiously. Now I work for a hedge fund manager and make over $400k (mostly on passive income). I bought my first house when I was 22 while I was still in college and I'm starting my own land development company soon. I'm single. I live alone. I'm estranged from my family, and the few friends that I have still make fun of me for taking my work too seriously. Despite all of my "success" I still long for affection. Humans are innately programmed to feel pleasure from carnal desires due to the necessity of fulfilling the evolutionary duty of procreation. I know a woman in my life that I can be completely vulnerable with is what I'm missing in my life. I guess I'll just keep dreaming.