I'm in a nearly two year relationship with a wonderful girl. Things are going spectacularly and I could see us with a house and family in the future.
About two weeks ago I met this girl while out at a pub in town. We made an instant connection. That was a Thursday night. We swapped phone numbers and hung out on Saturday and Sunday for drinks and chats.
I'm certain we both have feelings for each other but here's where it gets complicated.
Both me and her are Christians, but we're both dating people who don't share our beliefs. Fair enough, not everyone wants to believe that stuff, we're both cool with it.
Her boyfriend lives in New Zealand, I live in South Australia and the new girl lives in Sydney soon to move to Melbourne (about an 8 hour drive or 2 hour flight from my town.
The reason I mentioned that we're both Christian is that after talking over the other weekend some of that faith stuff became the topic of the conversation and we realised that we can talk to each other about that stuff a lot easier than to our partners.
It seems I have a few options here...
1: I could keep the new girl as a close friend, which will probably happen anyway, not tell the girlfriend about any of this and keep it a secret.
I kinda dislike this because I haven't told anyone yet and it was making me feel sick today.
2: I could tell my girlfriend that I met another girl but nothing has really happened between us, and continue with option 1. This could potentially end the relationship that there is nothing wrong with, but I love her enough that she definitely deserves to know.
3: I could see how the new girl feels about a slightly closer (for her) long distance relationship and if she's keen then we could both end our current relationships and start a new one together. I could definitely see a stronger future with the new girl but theres nothing wrong with the current one!!!!
Or you could stop being a weirdo by going on "not dates" with strange women. You've never really had female friends or attention, have you?
nah nah nah the new girl loves it and wishes she had more time with me. actually have a few 'yes dates' planned this week
>>16890419
You're not being very Christian, OP. Ask yourself "what would Jesus do?" or enjoy your time in hell, heathen.
So i feel kind of guilty, i love buying street wear like hundreds, supreme, and lrg and shit. I recently copped a 50 dollar hundreds shirt but i feel like i really dont know how to take care of my money.
Should i shop at thrift stores, i mean are there usually nice street wear pieces and other cool finds. I just dont like being ripped off by captialsim when i can buy more clothes even if they are used.
Should i just go to thrift stores instead of going to retail?
Yes. You can find nice brands at the expense of other people. Typically the resale shops are the brand central for thug wear and hoe attire.
>>16890424
this op
meant retale, but still same thing
>>16890418
Stop shopping.
You won enough things.
Never "go shopping". Only buy things when you really need them.
I just found out my gf cheated on me. We live together in an apartment and I can't stay here tonight. I'm staying with a friend and in the morning I plan on taking my things and moving back to my parents' so I can look for another place to live. How fucked am I? I know getting my security deposit back is out of the question, but I also know she can't afford the place we have on her own. I'm not legally liable or anything for leaving her in this situation without an ability to pay the bills right?
>>16890388
Are you on the lease?
Did you sign any sort of agreement, either with her or her landlord about paying rent?
>>16890388
Why are you so emotional, stop being a little bitch.
Find out why she did it so you don't fuck up your next relationship and then don't speak to her.
Improve yourself if it was you who truly fucked up.
Little faggot
>>16890422
Not OP, and I don't have any advice, but holy fuck this is one of the reasons I hate posting on /adv. Yeah I fucking know, it's 4chan and I should expect some bullshit responses, but fuck this stupid nigger faggot. Yeah, I'm probably falling for the bait, but when someone needs serious fucking help, all these niggers do is insult you. I hope you get the advice you're looking for OP.
>have a pretty good and eventful day
>get the urge to fap
>find a decent video
>suddenly overcome with the fact that I still love her despite all the shit she put me through
>lose all desire to fap and just feel like shit
what the hell do I DO? It's been like two months, I haven't spoken to her, I deleted her number, I blocked her on Facebook, the whole 9 yards
so why does it still hurt so much? goddamn it
i don't know what to do
>>16890384
Whatever you do, don't let two months turn into three years. Don't be like, me, anon. I've got nothing for you, but good luck, anyway.
>>16890384
Get back on the horse
Go find a new girl to screw around with and you'll have better things to think about
Fuck a fat chick if you have to, just get her taste out of your mouth
Hey /adv/, about 4-5 months ago i met this girl. We kept things casual and were just fucked buddies for a bit but ended up becoming really good friends and a few weeks ago she told me she loved me. After a few days I told her that i felt the same but we live in different cities so dating is hard. She has told me numerous times (and her best friend) that she would leave her current boyfriend for me. The issue is that she cheated on him and I'm pretty sure her last boyfriend so I'm unsure why I would be any different then them. I'm starting fall deep in love with this girl but I don't know how to deal with the relationship. she is one of my best friends and killing the relationship would hurt both of us dearly, but knowing she has a boyfriend and the fact that I live somewhat far away puts me off. I make an effort to see her every other weekend but school dependent.I feel i can't trust her to not cheat on me due to previous relationships between her and myself. Would the best course of action just be to end the relationship or to attempt to trust her?
Also I'm extremely emotional and I suffer from chronic depression since i was about 6 so if she broke my heart I'm scared I might commit to suicide but I'm sure i can power through the pain.
TL:DR Falling in love with a untrustworthy girl with a boyfriend and want to attempt the relationship but scared to try.
bump
>>16890356
Have a threesome with the BF and her.
Start a poly-amorous relationship.
Draw straws for who gets to be the sissy cuck.
But seriously, fuck you. You get the emotional turmoil you deserve for the facilitating of some chick being a cunt and widening the gender gap.
Would be ironic if her BF dumped her without remorse, and you were left with this cheating bitch you can't trust because of what you both did together.
I'm not helping you. Dickhead.
>>16890356
Man, why the fuck would you even get into situation.
Best case scenario you fucked some dude's day up, and you guys date for 6 months and then she does this with some other dude.
Like, she's not learning anything in between you and him. This behavior is being facilitated (by you)
You fucked up. Break it off, cut her out, tell her to tell her BF and move on.
I am a wreck adv.. My sleep quality has been dog shit for 3 months. Some nights I toss and turn relentlessly. Other nights I sleep for 8 hours but wake up falling like I didn't sleep at all. It's affecting my work.
I had to call out two times in the same month last month because I just can't work on no hours of sleep. Am I making the right decision by calling out. I just don't want to get to work and nod off at my desk because that looks worse I believe.
What should I do? Can a doctor even help me? I feel like this state I am in is not helpable.
What can I do? I feel like shit. I nod off when doing paper work at my desk very often. I try to fight it but its grip is mighty. Help me....
>>16890330
do you sleep in on weekends? this fucks peopel up more than they think. to have a good sleep cycle it has to be cyclical.
when i got my new job i stayed up ALLL NIght (i normally would stay up til like 4 at that time, you know how unemployment be) then all day, then went to bed early the next night.
then of course, because i had work, id wake up early the next day. then the next day. then the next day. i pushed it so far my body foudn its new spot to fall asleep (as im sure you noticed its eaiser to stay up later than it is to go to be dearly) and becuase of my consistent wake up time i was getitng consistently between 8 and 10 hours of sleep a night. was awesome.
>>16890333
I do sleep in on weekends but not by much. I usually get up 7am for work. I sleep in on weekends to about 9am.
What gets me is I often wonder if I should call out sometimes because it can get really bad. I don't want to go to work on almost no hours of sleep. My biggest fear is getting caught sleeping on the job. It's something I would never deliberately do but sleeping when exhausted is barely deliberate when trying to fend it off. >>16890333
>Broke up with this girl month ago
>We broke up in good condition' s
>I get her out I tell her thath I have feelings for her
>Still rejects me
>I find out she is few days Afther we brake up with new guy allready
> Calls me last night abouth some bullshit and blames me for it
My question is. Do I respond to it or just leave it? I know thath iam in right abouth thing she blames me thath is not the issue. The thing is I really wanna put her down becouse she treated me like trash.
Soo do I do it or just leave it. Is it worth it?
>>16890296
leave a 'please dont message me anymore' message in whichever medium, inform her you are blocking her, then just block her.
>>16890304
I did something like thath allready. Thing is iam gonna see her in next week or something like that because we share a lot of friends and places we go out. Soo all thath blocking part is useless when iam gonna see her pretty soon iam sure.
Iam really holding my self just to trash her to ground becouse I know iam right and she is just bitching about it.
To shorten the story I chose my best friend over her Afther we broke up. Strange story and long
>>16890326
if you see her, and your anger rises, leave.
I'm 24 years old, about to turn 25. I'm married, I've got a kid, I have a decent career, and I've got a housemate who lives in the basement.
I feel like I'm nothing but a fucking beta. I am extremely aware that I am not "alpha" and it is killing me. I cannot stand conflict, it makes me insanely uncomfortable. Even a different of opinion can get my adrenaline rushing.
When my housemate causes problems (which he has many times), I have a hard time holding him at task for it, because I don't want conflict. If I pick up beer for him when I'm out, I feel uncomfortable reminding him when we get home to send over what he owes. I do because I don't fuck with money, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
My job, I joined based on the premise of "you'll never have hours outside 8am to 5pm, Monday through Friday." About six months into my position, they say they really value my output, and they'd love to have me help with a small pilot project of only three people, but it's overnight. Three months, a slight pay raise, and I can work from home. I say I'm interested but not committed, and that I'd need more information.
So we decide it isn't right for me, my wife and I. Here I am, working an overnight shift from home, because on three separate occasions they prevented me from backing out after saying I was welcome to, with shit like "Well this is a great opportunity, you should really try it out, it's only a short time," and so on.
Now the other guy who's supposed to be working took off, so I'm alone, and because we have to maintain 100% availability, I am "welcome to take a break or lunch, but need to remain available in case I get contacted. I'll be paid for the additional time, of course." Everyone says to fight for my lunch break because it's a legal right, all I see happening is conflict with my employer and then seeing that I'm not cooperative and less valuable than other candidates.
(cont.)
>>16890290
(cont.)
How do I stop being a beta fucking shit? This is affecting everything in my life. My perception of myself as a father, my sex drive, and I'm pretty sure my health in general, especially combined with the switch to overnights.
I feel like I let everyone push me around, and I really don't know what to do. I try to tell myself to confront things more, step outside my comfort zone, and all that happens is I don't like it and regress. I can't stand this, this isn't life. This isn't what I perceive to be manly.
>>16890290
Dude, I'm 23 and still going to college. I don't have wife/girlfriend, house or car. You sound like you have it made to be honest. Guess the grass is always greener on the other side etc..
>>16890303
I've made a family and a career, but I don't have a degree under my belt. My van is falling apart, but it works well enough.
I just don't have confidence. I can eke by, but I can't stride. I just see myself as lesser in any group I'm in. With friends, with family, with coworkers.
I'm always at a point where I feel barely adequate. I'm going to a psychiatrist to see if I have ADHD, I've always heard complaints about how I don't try hard enough at things even though I feel like I'm giving things my all, and apparently that leads to lowered self-esteem.
I've been hanging out with this girl a lot lately and it's pretty obvious she's into me but I don't know what to do from there. I'm a semi-autist 20 year old, so this is all new ground for me. I can get people interested, but I can't take it any further. What the fuck do I do?
Pic unrelated, I don't actually even know what it is.
>>16890250
I knew I saved that for a reason
Hanging out solo or in some sort of group setting?
>>16890273
Solo typically, group occassionally
What can I work towards to give me a personality? I go to work/school and go to gym. That's it. What can I actively work at? I love being hyper. I'm 5'7 and white. I want to be outside of my house.
>>16890249
>make a list of things you want to do
>prioritize them
>make a schedule of those thing sthat can fit into this year
>do them
you cant work towards a personality, not consciously. its like asking how to fall in love. you dont. you live life, and it happens. if you are trying to build something for other people's sake, you will find yourself in a personality dilemma when you can't figure out what you're doing with your life anymore.
>>16890249
post your tits
>Have gf of four years
>She's become cold and distant
>She isn't cheating, she's just borderline asexual
>Some abuse thing or another in her past
>I've grown out of caring for my own sake
>Woman at work
>Single mother - cut ties with the father but will co-operate with father for sake of child
>Was tidy as fuck five ago (according to pics)
>She's a bit chubbier now and lacking self esteem
>I love a bit of cushion... Or at least I did before I was locked into a relationship
This is a no brainer.
Right?
>>16890223
Confront your girlfriend first, tell her you're drifting. guage her response then make the choice for yourself.
Depends what you want from a relationship, I wouldn't ditch a girlfriend for a single mother, she is desperate for a baby daddy.
>>16890256
You talk sense.
I wouldn't ditch her for the single mother. It's just that the single mother is there for the dicking and my gf isn't.
Even if I ditched the gf for the litany of reasons I have buzzing around my brain, I would never enter any meaningful relationship with used goods.
Call me a pig but I'm a realist with self respect.
>>16890284
Not a pig anon, people who try to force their morality onto others by shaming them on /adv/ are the real pigs.
If you can keep it a secret.
Also, consider the single mother, there's a possibility if you dick her and run she might try to burn you.
There is a chance your not mentally prepared to cheat and live with a clear conscience.
I hope you clear your history of this thread if you're serious because you don't want to leave any evidence.
But your first priority would be to do this
>Plan something nice with your girlfriend, romance her pick her a flower or some shit I don't care
>Admit to your girlfriend you're sexually frustrated
>kiss her neck, whatever just be very loving toward her
>give her a back massage or whatever she likes and eat her pussy
IF she doesn't emulate what you're putting out tell her you don't like where the relationship is at and then consider dicking the mother.
Use pic related, it's a good pussy eating recipe
gl anon
I did a Spanish course at uni. I've always wanted to learn a new language in the past but I didn't have the opportunity to do that until uni. The idea of doing a language as a minor for fun appeals to me. Most people here pick a beginner's course for languages as it is easy to geet good grades. I picked Spanish simply because I have a Hispanic online friend who I chat with daily and I thought that I could get good marks in Spanish by practisinf with him. Tbh I am much more interested in French culture - it wasn't like I cared about Hispanoc counteies but I don't have any friends who speak French.
Learning Spanish turns out to be super fun and I did a lot of self-learning by myself. However, my friend recebtly got a new part-time job and he is rarely online these days. In other words, I can't practise Spanish that much these days (I don't live in an area with a lot of Hispanic residents). Since I am more interested in French culture, should I switch to French? I need to start another language from scratch though.
You should continue studying Spanish at Uni while pursuing French as a side hobby.
I signed to an online penpal website and joined a language exchange program. Learned some chinese while teaching Spanish and English. Surprisignly enough, that landed me a job that pays triple the average salary in my country, and I work at home. Try it, the name's interpals. You might be surprised.
>>16890243
What makes you think that?
>>16890251
This looks like an ad
I can't stop being excessively nice to this girl who I'm certain has no romantic interest in me and it is really bothering me
I help out with a lot of music programs in my uni in California and since she's told me about how interested she is in them I've been pushing really hard to get my friends in just about every facet to teach her whatever she wants
I found out she was struggling in a class one of my best friends TAs and practically begged him to spend extra time teaching her outside of class
she came to my job earlier today and after talking she gave me this amazingly bright smile and before I realized what I was doing I had given her like 5 things for free
I can't cut her off because she's such a cool person and we have many overlapping friends but this feels incredibly unhealthy and soon she's probably going to be a more reoccurring part of my life
tl;dr how do I stop being a beta and willingly serving this girl's every need
Can you tell your male/other female friends no?
>>16890202
I always have trouble with saying no because it just feels right to help out friends when I can but I've never gone so out of my way
I'm half worried she is going to start finding it creepy
>>16890209
You sound a bit like me. You're just going to have to tell her whats going on and how you feel. The discussion is going to suck but thats how it is. Or you can just tell her your busy and keeping avoiding her.
So, /adv/, my life has been really fucked up recently and everything I built in my 20s fell apart, but I've got another chance in a new city where I don't know anyone. My experience is in a position that requires a lot of connections when you're starting out (financial advisor).
I think I need a completely new career. What's a good growing field I should look into?
Also, I'd be happy to answer any dating questions anyone might have, that's something I know I'm good at, at least.
Have you tried recruitment / hr field? You'd need good people skills but with your knowledge in finances you'd make a good recruiter. And it's mainly a feminine field = tons of chicks and virtually no men at work.
>>16890206
Hmm, recruiter is another networking-dependent position, though. I know some recruiters and all the reasons I don't want to go back into finance probably count double for that position. Something on the back end of HR could be good? Though I'm not sure if I'd consider tons of chicks and no men a plus - I've been the only man in estrogen-dominated offices before and it's less fun than it sounds. Thanks, though, that's something I hadn't really considered.
I'm basically an introvert with sales skills - if someone comes into my office I can sell them on whatever, and I always ace interviews, but I hate making phone calls and networking doesn't come naturally to me. I don't know if I can handle living by professional networking again. Especially when I'm starting from knowing absolutely no one here.
I got into finance because I nearly got a PhD in econ, but my ex-fiancee broke up with me during finals week and I was kicked out of the program after failing my exams. That was part 1 of how my life got messed up.
>>16890245
Anyway, part 2 was really all about my parents divorcing. I've spent the last year mediating my own parents' divorce after 40 years of marriage, selling their house, and moving to another state with my mom. I left my former career in the process and now I'm trying to start over with something new. The NEET life is losing its charm.
So here goes.
Is it possible to learn to get better at social interactions and letting go of inhibitions? Has anyone here actually done it? Not a brag thread but I have hobbies and talents and practically everything I could want except I only have two close friends and social settings without either friend intimidates me to shambles unless I'm putting on an act. But if the facade cracks then doubt sets in and I sperg out and have anxiety attacks. Sometimes if I'm alone and somewhere unfamiliar I'll even speak in a foreign accent just to feel secure.
I used to play gigs and socialize and actually talk with people. I was comfortable around anyone and could work an entire room. Then some shit happened and I allowed negative people to influence my thinking and then I lost everything and most of my family died. Had to build my life up again from scratch and became this weirdo autistic shut-in. Even in face-to-face conversations, people seem to be put off by me somehow. I also way over-think verbal communication and can't seem to grasp the concept of brevity and have trouble not referring to myself. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again in social settings.
>>16890173
>is it possible to learn to get better at social interactions and letting go of inhibitions
are you in any way implying that no one ever has? cuz if so, you are retarded. and if not, you know the answer to the question, so why ask it?
yes, people get better at social interactions. we are not born with this inherent level of social anxiety that literally never changes. you yourself go on about how you were good, then got bad. do you think it only goes the one way?
as for how to do it, just like anything you only get better by doing it. go out and talk.
>BUT ITS NOT THAT EASY
it may not be as easy as the two steps imply, but all that being said it really is just two steps. go out, and talk. people are going to be assholes sometimes. this isnt tumblr. real life isn't tumb;r. when someones being an asshole you dont talk about how lifes unfair and retreat into yourself. you say 'gee, what a dick' take a swig of your beer and go talk to someone else.
>>16890215
>are you in any way implying that no one ever has? cuz if so, you are retarded. and if not, you know the answer to the question, so why ask it?
That was just a way of asking for stories from people who have overcome similar situations
>>16890267
in the future ask
>has anyone here over come social anxiety or gotten better? how'd you do it?
cuz the way you word it now it sounds like you're claiming its possibly impossible and are using the thread more so to whine.
which is interesting cuz the follow up stuff is not really whiny.
all that being said, its like i originally said. the only way to get good at something is to do it. its hard, but so is my cock, and you work that great baby. you'll get through this.