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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 580. page

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I am wasting my time since a good bunch of years now. I'm 21, never worked, never successfully attended university. The worst part is, instead of being pushed to the max by this horrible realization, i don't give a fuck. I'm back at my parents place and play Video games all day. Complete apathy.

I'm not engaged with the world. My intellect is slowly dying. I lost empathy. I'm very anxious. I'm cynical.

I'm not even depressed atm, although i would consider myself generally depressed. The state that i always feared, being content with being a looser, seems to have arrived.

What would you say to me?
5 posts and 2 images submitted.
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<-this
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living with your parent at 21 isn't like neckbeard levels of failure, just try to find a job and work up from there I guess
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You need a drastic change of environment to push you to do shit.
If you can't orchestrate that yourself, join the military.
You basically have to start trying to leave your comfort zone?
Don't like doing something? Do it anyway.

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>be in relationship for 8 years
>every day of it been thinking "being in a relationship sucks my gf is so average, i wish i could fuck a different 19yo everyday
>get dumped
>FUCK I NEED HER BACK I DONT WANT TO FUCK ANYONE ELSE AGAIN

why must things be so?

why does my natural instinct tell me to reproduce and impregnate as many young women as i can while its forbidden but suddenly stops once im in a position to do so
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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how old are you?
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>>18608583
27
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>>18608575
It's called not knowing what you have until it is gone.

Don't let your penis control your life.

I really need to save money, I only get about 450 dollars per month from my dad, only the rent cost me 300 dollars.

I was thinking that I may need to lose some weight and save on food. 3 years ago I did a diet for the same reasosns
>Yes, I need a job, I'm working on it.
and only ate noodles with cheese for about 4 months and lost 4 kg doing no exercise.

But I was wondering if eating Brown Rice and maybe some Peas and other cheap legumes could do the job and not starve me.
Tons of Water, Rice, Legumes, some days Eggs, a maybe just once a week some meat.
2 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18608562
>only $450
>only
must be nice. There are easier ways to meet your caloric and vitamin needs and actually have some flavor as long as you're capable of using a stove. Read through some threads on these subreddits and they probably have FAQs too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/EatCheapAndHealthy/
https://www.reddit.com/r/budgetfood/

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Why do delusional overly affectionate people cling to a cold, emotionally unavailable person? How do you deal with these kind of people?

It seems I only attract people that shower me in affection I never ask for and think that because I spend a couple of months hanging out with them, listening to their crappy life story and feelings and laughing together they automatically assume they're such an important person in my life?

Heck, I even tell them I'm not the special person they've been looking for as they claim I am, that we have no future together, I never claim to love them or even make plans for the future that includes them. Yet they're still so sure I love them back. They're sure because they're certain they know me because they have seen my social persona which is friendly and politely warm/bubbly.

And it's a hell of a mess when reality finally creeps up on them. And I end up being demonized for "leading them on".
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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i know it sucks to having to deal with those needy leeches.
you know what sucks even more? realizing that your way of dealing with human relationships is just as insane. you might not realize it yet, but it will be your biggest challenge in this life. good luck.
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>>18608526
>>18608526
Never stated I was a sane or normal personal in my dealings with people, but that's exactly the reason I try to keep things clear.

I'm not particularly keen on raining on others' parade, but I use these shitty reminders to help them not invest in me or waste their time and resources without knowing what they're getting into. They just refuse to listen.

People in love are selfish, scary and dumb. And then they point the finger at you
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it's happened to me a few times. Guy who had a crush on me in school said he stopped himself from killing himself because of me.. and i'm like ok? like I don't really do much lmao. It's not nice to see them clinging onto you though especially when you feel you don't deserve it or just know it won't work. weirdly, the current relationship i'm in started off like that, my bf had feelings for me, i didn't feel the same for like what, 6 months after he told me? and through these 6 months we'd do sexual things and stuff and i'd just be like enjoying it for the thrill, made me feel like a cunt lol. and now we've been together for 2yrs. it's weird asf. I am a boy which is the weirdest part, no girl has feelings for me but a lot of boys do and its a lil peculiar.

Anyone who can translate this?

ما تقبل طلب صداقة من انور شتيوس هذا هكر
عمم على الي عندك لانه لوقبلوه انت كمان بيوصلك الخلل

Thank
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Use google translate bitch
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>>18608459
something about a friend request by a hacker
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lol it's a pure bullshit.

he's saying: Don't accept a friend request from Anwar Should (انور شتيوس name) he's a hacker.
Spread the word to your friends, because if they accept him you'll be defected as well.

you're welcome, try Google next time.

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Besides cancelling your accounts, orders and insurances, selling all your clutter and useless possessions and ensuring that all your passwords are written down in one place that's easy to find, what can you do to make handling your death as easy to your family as possible?
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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like not dying for example...
do you think they wont notice?
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>>18608463
Of course they'll notice, the point is making it easy to deal with.

My dad's death was a nightmare for mum to deal with because his bank account had several regular automatic payments going on and his time of death was unknown, and on atop of that they were already divorced so technically speaking she had no authority to actually make those calls or deal with any of it.

Not to speak of his completely trashed home and the very expensive laptop whose password is a mystery to us to this day.
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>>18608458

>Living will (go in-depth on it, clearly designate who you want to get your belongings)
>Arrange for burial plot/tomb/whatever
>Set aside funds to cover at least some of the funerary costs (preferably most/all)
>Leave a letter or video with a brief message to assist with giving closure to remaining friends/family, something like "Don't be sad because I'm gone, be happy we had the time together we did."

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After work, I always have these banging headaches that never leave until I go to sleep. I work a simple administrative office job, stress levels aren't particularly high.

Non-meme answers please, they ruin my off time
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>>18608437
Perhaps you're dehydrated and lack proper nutrition.
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go to doc...
do you drink enough water during day? Eat at least normaly if not healthy?

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I've been with my girlfriend now for about two years, recently she started taking these new anti-depressants and as a result she no longer has any sex drive whatsoever. The only time we ever have sex is if we've been out drinking. I've watched our sexual relationship go from several times a week, to once a month, I can recognize a pattern when I see one and if this keeps up I'll be that 30 year old wage slave who gets a once-a-year pityfuck in no time and that idea honestly makes me want to kill myself. I've talked to her about this and it went awfully. I've talked to female friends/family members about this and they all think I'm some kind of disgusting pig monster but for fuck's sake I just want some attention from the woman I love, why is that so wrong? I'm so fucking tired of pounding off every night while there's a beautiful woman in the next room, it just feels pathetic, but if I don't do it I get irritable. I just don't know what to do.
3 posts and 1 images submitted.
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what's her take on it?
can she not try different medication?
i could try to explain to you the dynamics of sexual desire in long term relationships, but honestly, it would just get too long and too much. i recommend you to read some books by david schnarch. they're fucking sexlife savers.
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>>18608423
The impact of anti-depressants on libido varies a lot. Many of the newer formulations are pretty libido neutral, maybe even positive in that she is less depressed and feels like it more often.
So trying different drugs and dosages is important - my doctor works hard to ensure that I have a sex life despite the pills.

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A week ago or so I asked you here if I should try writing to a guy.
>me student, shy, went out with friends
>friend suggested going for his cousin
>cousin - truck driver, hardworking, good personality
>me add him on facebook
so our story ended without even begining. I waited for him to at least accept my friend request, but more than week passed, he posted new things so obviously he saw my request but ignored it.
So I'll go back to hoping that one day I'll find a decent guy. Even though you all encouraged me, in the end it didnt work out and I'm also very embarassed.

Just wanted to thank you all for support and encouragement at that time :)
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>>18608421
All these lonely fembot and I just go home alone every day

Rip
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>>18608441
where you? All guys I see is mostly with bitches and if not, then they wont even look at me... Though I'm not even ugly, insecure a bit, but not ugly at least
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>>18608484
Murica

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I will be meeting this girl that i think i am i love with. I really like her at least. She's something very special in my eyes. And what's good about all this is that she really likes me as well. We have been talking to another for about a month now and its been really great. But i am very nervous to meet her. She is as well. She is a bit scared of it because she thinks that she won't live up to my "expectations" . Though, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on.
When she met up with two other guys before me she wasn't to sure about the relationship with them so she ran away while she could. But I'm feeling this this is different fellas. She says if it feels natural she'll go with it but she's not promising anything.
I am really excited about this, but at the same time i don't want to ruin it all.

What can i do to not come forth as a creep? Let alone not being boring? Are there things that i should do to impress/like me even more? Pickup lines?

I've also been dying to kiss her, so has she, when is the "right" moment and how do i know that she wants to kiss.

Thanks for the answers.
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>>18608414

Show your interest and take the initiative, if she refuse to kiss you, go on the date as nothing happened and ghost her without actually blocking her.

She have not made up her mind, so try, and disappear if you don't succeed. Eventually she will come back.

Now go for it.
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>>18608502
What do you mean by ghosting her? And disappear as in i should "let her go"?

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My boyfriend just told me I clearly love him more than he loves me. What the fuck does that mean?
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18608388
It means you're showing him more affection than he can return. It isn't a good sign and warrants a much longer conversation about the state of your relationship.
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>>18608388
It means he doesn't respect you much and he thinks you're beneath him
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>>18608394
This one.

Sorry for being just barely of age and not really having a specific question but

I graduated high school earlier this year, and high school was one hell of a trying experience. I mostly had a good time but I had to deal with a lot of shit, not going to go into detail but there were just a ton of problems and people to overcome and dealing with it all really drained and hardened me. I don't know if stockholm syndrome is the right phrase but I had to adapt so much to survive that im having trouble unwinding and imagining living in a less chaotic environment. I go to college in one week (a big school) and im worried im going to have trouble adapting to a lighter, freer, more social environment. Im sure i can manage but i feel like id have to pretend to be more of a 'chill bro' than i really want to be and the inauthentic nature of it would make me unhappy and unfulfilled.

I'm pretty down today because my old high school just started classes again today and I have a few friends who are younger than me and there's something kind of depressing about leaving into the 'grown up' world while people ive seen as my peers and equals still have to suffer another long year in high school, its like nothing is really changing. Worst part is one of them is a girl who ive been really close with (sort of had a thing for a while) and she has a bunch of issues and stayed up all night crying while finishing her summer homework because she hates school, in between dealing with obsessive and abusive texts from her boyfriend who purposefully manipulates her because she's too scared to break it off. I've really tried to help her overcome his abuse and other issues but she just hasnt gotten better and im going to be leaving town while she's still letting herself get hurt by everyone and herself and i cant stand that idea.

This might all take care of itself in a week when i leave but if it doesnt, how can i better deal with having trouble letting go of hs?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Start deciding who you want to me. College is the last chance that you're in a socia jungle where nobody knows you. You have the ability to try to be who you want to be, and to avoid any pitfalls that you made in high school.
>become extroverted and social
Easy, all of the other freshman don't know anyone either
>always wanted to be independent
Now is the time to take charge of your life, start now
>unhappy with self, weight, looks etc
You're young, it's now or never
>tfw no gf/no friend loser
Again, you can remake yourself to be anyone, but remember you can also ruin yourself for the rest of your degree

Wasting your years will only cause you regret.

But I'm just saying shit because everyone at my highschool was a looser and I was glad to get out of there
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>>18608346
idk how to help you OP, but I do know that girl doesn't actually want to leave her bf for you. Good luck though.
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>>18608405
Thanks anon, but I may have misrepresented my situation. Im not a superchad but im not a loser, i look pretty good, i have friends, ive had girls, im generally pretty self reliant and confident.

My main worry here is that with how eventful and formative high school was, ill have trouble seeing high school as 'just some thing' and college as the real deal. I feel like there's a lot of things (internal and external) that are weighing me down and ill have to find a way to deal with to feel free and comfortable in what is basically a new universe.

There is a mentality, a character trope, personality type, communication style - I'm not sure what - that I have a hard time interacting with, my hope is someone has run into and recognized the same pattern, and has a better way to deal with this type of person than I.

In my experience, the attitude in question comes from overweight, middle aged single women. Also my dad, but hes an overweight middle aged married woman with a dick. They like to talk about the games they play, the TV shows they watch, or the musical acts they go and wall-flower at as if there is some sort of power to be gained by being a non-creative consumer of culture.

They like to come up to me out of nowhere, pay no attention or respect to whatever it is that I'm doing, and start talking about whatever media they have consumed in their life. There's no issue with the topic, but they share a common tone - a common conversational tactic - they speak as though they don't have the time to hear a response or to make a conversation out of what they brought up. Theyll finish their monologue with a sense of "okay good talk" but THEN JUST STAND THERE AND STARE.

If I turn away and go back to doing with what I was doing without responding, they give some sort of butthurt backlash. If I try to respond, give some take on what they said, or share some part of my reality THEY START TALKING OVER ME. IMMEDIATELY. As if they were WAITING for me to talk just to make sure I was willing to give them my time and attention but then they take the spotlight.

and I feel terrible! I feel the need to save them from themselves because they are so clearly sad and lonely. Just last night I got this line "You dissapointment me Anon, I need someone to talk GoT with" LIKE THERE ISNT A BILLION PEOPLE THAT DON"T SHUT UP ABOUT GOT. I like helping people, and sometimes people need to be listened to, but I'm tired of being taken conversationally hostage by fat pathetic people.
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i guess the term you're looking for is stupidity. it's fairly common and usually best handled with ignorance.
you can't help them. sorry to break it to you.
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>>18608301

There's certainly stupid people and yeah, best strategy is to just let them be them and move on.

I don't know if the people (or the specific person that led me to post) are STUPID, but I don't think they really have a whole lot of self-awareness.

Both male and female varients of this mindset like to casually work in the fact that they 'are single, and are probably going to be for the rest of their life" - not with a foreveralone neckbeard air of pity, but a resigned yet positive "I am fat so I am single so I must move on with my life" logic. Whatever, yeah you are and we both know why but you aren't goign to bait me into saying it.

It gets really weird when the female type of these people start casually doing things that attractive people do to draw attention - kick off their shoes and swing their feet, lean forward to show their fat and leathery cleavage, hair flips, but give off a super intense vibe of "dont look at me anywhere but my eyes because i'm super uncomfortable with what i've become in the last 50 years"
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>>18608439
it's desperation. they try to conmevt with SOMEBODY, but they fail for the same reason they are single and fat. we both know the reason.
ofc they are miserable and lonely sf. ofc they will try to bait you into making them feel even slightly desireable or likeable. but it's not your duty to ease their anxiety about getting old without havign been able to etablish a meaningfull human relationship. they have had enough time. the fact that a lt of people might have given them an easy time instead of being honest probably aided in constructing the reality they are now facing. basically, they never had to reconsider their ways or work on themselfes and now it might be too late.

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Bf and I do long distance, I stayed at his place all throughout July. I use birth control and took it every day, sometimes a maximum of 4 hours after the alarm had rung for me to take it. He came inside almost every time. Now I'm back at my place, many miles between us, skip week came and so did my period, and I've started the new batch of birth control pills for this month. Sometimes I feel really tired and want to eat a lot. My stomach feels hard too, or that may be all the punching... What are the chances I'm pregnant? Am I just being hysterical?
Please help you guys, I'm losing my damn mind! I've no one else to turn to for help...
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18608254
Take a pregnancy test.
If you had your period after having sex, then no you're not pregnant.
>>
very unlikely.
why don't you go get a test? it will give you certainty. not knowing what's up isn't doing you any good.
>>
Thank you so much you guys, you gave me the balls I needed to go take one
Thank you both so much
Thank you
Thank you
THANK YOU

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> uncle who everyone likes
> always friendly and tries to help young men in need in the community
> everyone sees him as a saint for doing something so noble
> except I know why he really does this
> I come back from the army, time to finish college
> need a place to live while I look for an apartment
> uncle offers his spare bedroom at his house, rent free
> wow, thanks so much, you're doing me a big favor
> turns out it was me who was doing him the favor...I feel so ashamed thinking about this
> we're sitting on the couch, watching tv one night after dinner
> the show is getting good, I lean forward with elbows on knees and head in hands
> it started with a pat on the back
> then a back rub, ok whatever I don't mind
> his hand keeps rubbing lower
> then later his hand goes past the pant line, starts feeling my crack
> I'm like wtf, does he realize how far down he's gone
> so I slowly sit up next time his rubbing hand goes higher
> turns out that was his plan all along
> his hand goes down the pant line on the front side now
> his fingers come to rest on the head of my penis
> 10 seconds later, he does a bit more back rub, then the show is over and we go to our separate bedrooms

When it was happening, I just froze like a scared rabbit, like a deer caught in the headlights. I couldn't believe it was happening. A 24 year old man being sexually molested by a 62 year old man? I never heard of that before I thought it was always grown men going after little kids! But there was no doubt about what he did.

Now it makes sense why he's always so interested in helping young men in need. And he's been doing this for at least the pat 15 years! I can think of 4 other young men he's helped out in the past, each one he let live in his spare bedroom for a period of time. Now that I think of it, one of them went to a psychiatrist for a while, although I never knew why. I think I now know why.
5 posts and 1 images submitted.
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and your question is on how to not tell him where you live now?
best would be to actually report him. he's sexually abused you and probably others.
if you can't bring yourself to do that, just straight up tell him that you won't tell him if he ever asks. he will know exactly why and not ask again if he isn't a moron who wants to go to jail.
>>
I have avoided being around him in private ever since then, leave early come back late, which was easy: catching up with family and friends now that I'm back, looking for work, getting college / apartment stuff worked out.

I found an apartment, application approved, and my move in day is two weeks from now. Sooner or later, he is going to ask me where my new apartment is, saying something like he will want to visit me. Of course I don't want him to visit me, I don't even want the bastard to know where I live!

But this career molester is thought highly of in the community. If I suddenly move out while he's at work and block his phone number, everyone will not understand. "Why would you do that, anon, he's been so good to you."

I DO NOT WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW I WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY A 60 YEAR OLD! People will never look at me the same again, I will always have that label in their eyes.

I say / do anything even slightly negative:
> oh he's struggling because he was molested

I work hard and make real achievements:
> he's just doing that to compensate because he was molested

He's going to keep asking if I use some kind of "temporary situational" reason why I can't tell him the address.

> I'm still deciding between 3 apartments, so I don't know which one it will be
Eventually, that excuse will expire. I can see it already, "Hey bud, the fall semester has started a week already, so I guess you're moved in by now. Tell me where you're at and let's celebrate!"
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>>18608242
>and your question is on how to not tell him where you live now?

yes, that's my first question for a series of steps I will take to address this situation.

>best would be to actually report him.

What's going to happen, really? Without evidence, it's my word against his, and he is held to high esteem in the community. That's so typical of molesters, they build up their public image so that nobody will suspect them.

>he will know exactly why and not ask again if he isn't a moron who wants to go to jail.

I don't want to do anything that will tip him off that I am on to him. He has been doing this to many young men over at least the past 15 years. I am acquaintances with some of his past victims. The local ymca is one place where he chooses his targets.

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