Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4985. page

>>17280800
>Why do I keep falling so hard for men who either are sexually deviant, verbally abusive, or physically abusive?
You're the key factor here. Until you get help and realize that certain factors in your life lead you to choose men with certain personality types, you will never have a happy relationship. You also need some serious therapy, because your self-esteem is non-existant. Narcissists can smell it on you and attract broken women.

>>17280800
>I do have daddy issues where mine was always drunk growing up and was so verbally abusive we had to attend family counselling when I was 3.
You answered your own question.

>Are most dominant guys like this or was that 1 guy using me?
In the core the vast majority, yes. Some of them are better and more sophisticated at manipulation and you won't recognize it for a long long time.

>>17280800
This was impossible to read, what the Fuck are you saying ?

>>17280708
I don't know but I feel you. Every time I try to do good I fail and cry and the process repeats.

Go software engineer

Sit on your ass all day and type. $60k starting. Good shit.

The only way you will convince yourself you really want to change is to take small steps that you are comfortable with, telling yourself you'll do something is the start but acting on thoughts is the key to growing. If you want to work hard just put more effort in than you did the day before and don't let yourself focus on small negatives that may affect you because the key to growth over time is to live day by day

Humans were obviously designed to work 8-12 hours a day in doors non-stop 5 days a week indefinitely for the entire span of their life inside of artificial habitats with no natural light and silly amounts of stress.

You must be broken.

Stop forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do, man. "Gee, why am I trying to escape reality when I find no enjoyment in anything I do, and I'm constantly under crushing amounts of stress? It's a mystery!"

Really, these social expectations are rediculous. Don't buy into it, be your own person, and make your own decisions. If you don't like working somewhere, work somewhere else. Fuck the benefits. There's nothing great about making $3 more if the work is torture and you're going to kill yourself because of it.

It's life. So long as you manage a place to live, you're good. You can do anything, man. You can do things that don't even fucking exist yet. Don't let people put you in a cage.

>>17280714
i want to believe you and everyone else who says "follow your dreams! hell yeah do anything!"

but in my case, i won't have a home to go back to if i fail. i can guarantee my step father would rather see me on the street than living in his house again once i move out. i'm a creative person and i have tons of ideas but if none take off, and i have no "real job", im fucked right? i mean i have a nice computer, lots of clothes, tv and vidya games, what do i do if i have to leave this all behind somewhere?

i guess i'm terrified of leaving my spot and terrified of staying in it. between a rock and a hard place.

>>17280723
Don't talk to that faggot and stop drinking/doing drugs. I would have probably a thousand more dollars than I currently do from the past two years alone if I didn't drink so much.

Don't bother moving out until that old fuck is literally demanding you leave or he's calling the cops. Save your money and ensure if you get kicked out you can move in with a roommate to ensure that rent costs won't fuck you to death.

I'm guessing since your mother seems like such a good parent to marry this particular asshole you've taken out loans to pay for college instead of her footing the bill. That will also be a problem in the long run.

We don't care about things because they want to be cared about things. We care about things because they're significant to us. Be significant to somebody.

>>17280698
How?

Thanks for proving my point, people of 4chan.

Why do you want to move to another state? And from where to where?

Do you have savings? You need to have savings if you're going to move.

What do you do for work? Can you line up a job before you move over?

>>17280632
Cali to Oregon or Washington. Don't want to go to the bible belt and I'm unsure of the midwest. Don't want to leave the ocean. I feel like there's nothing here for me but bad memories. I have to find out why I'm not advancing much.

>>17280582
Heartbreak sucks, at least you were able to love someone. Just because she wanted out doesn't mean you did something wrong; some women are just heartless and selfish.

One way to get over it is to go for a cheap hookup, to get your mind off of it temporarily. Or if that isn't your thing, get on some dating sites and get right back on the horse. New relationships always come with that new "fire" that will always remove the last one you had

Women can seriously mess with your head. Time and someone new will help you move on

>>17280582
People like to pretend they like you, or even love you. Take your time to heal, because heartbreak hurts like a motherfucker. That's all I can say. There's no specific guideline or "DIY Getting Over Heartbreak." It's something you have to do for yourself. Whether or not you choose the high road or the low road is up to you.

The old saying "time heals all wounds" is true. You feel like crap now because the wound is fresh, but it will heal, probably with a faint scar, but you won't be bleeding for life.

Talk to your best friend, sibling, parent, someone who you can ramble to without judgement. Get every emotion out. Then, accept that it is truly over and do everything you can to focus on other things in your life. Do not talk to her. Do not try to get her back. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Spend time with your friends, dive into your hobbies, talk about the pain when you need to, but try your best to push her out of your mind. I promise it will get better.

Imagine how big of an asshole a woman would be if she got pissed at you for simply talking to other women.

Don't be that asshole

>>17280616
not OP but i would find this flattering tbqh

>>17280579
You've got issues there dude

If you can cheat, but are possessive, you are being extremely selfish

It's easier to trust shy girls - ones who look away when you stare at them. Most likely they will be loyal and can be trusted with "a friend" - especially if they are a punk

If you are keeping the forward/outgoing ones, you might have to learn to share

My experience is that if you are cheating, you will end up dating women who are cheaters; it's like the pool you swim in

Or find a shy one, and keep her in the house and be a dick. It might not last forever, but you will at least have your "assurance" that she isn't hanging around other men

I would trust her word if you know she is a good girl. Women tend to be loyal, and if you are the man, then she wont step out on you. Just feel good that you are getting her, and the other guys just wish they were

I don't know if this is bait but you need to get a better microphone, I could barely hear your voice without turning up really loud, speak to be understood, articulate your point and don't leave big gaps of silence

>>17280594
It's not bait. I was generally looking for advice. Thank you. I will try to find one better.

I think if you're going to stick with playing games while discussing unrelated topics, you should at least be original and play different games. Not necessarily a different game every video but spice it up a bit; play games that aren't as popular. Watching somebody play Generic FPS 2016 That Every Other Content Creator is Playing gets boring.

(Cont)

I tried to ask how much the position paid and if she could describe the day to day duties in more detail, but she would only tell me "the manager can go over that with you." I do not want to waste the manager's time if the job duties and pay arent what I'm looking for, so why can't I know now? "Erm, you really don't know? You can't look it up for me?" "It is the company's policy not to reveal that information at this stage." What. The. Fuck. The last two phone interviews I've had with two other companies revealed that information at this stage without me having to ask it. Isn't it common sense that people need to know this, and it's better that they know early to avoid wasting anyone's time?

Finally, after wasting 30 minutes parroting every line of the resume that she already had, HRL got to the "behavioral questions". The very first question was "name a time that you witnessed something unethical at work. How did you handle it?"

Guys, I truly have never "witnessed something unethical". Not even when I worked in retail, never saw a fellow employee steal or anything of the sort. Isn't this what managers and leadership teams deal with, not entry level grunts like what I was applying for? I have never been asked this in an interview. I have been asked to explain what ethics means to me, which in my opinion is a far more appropriate question for someone who's not applying to be in a leadership position.

Anyway, I explained to HRL that I truly haven't witnessed it, and tried to explain how I handled othe6 ways that people at work brought the team down (negative attitude) and how I helped turn it around. This answer wasn't good enough for her and she demanded I talk about observing an unethical situation. Which I already explained has never happened to me. In retrospect I should have made something up, but at this point I really didn't care.

(Cont)

I pointed out that this was a question that was more appropriate for managers as they handle those situations, and asked if other entry level candidates really had examples of this. She said yes, they did. She, ah, hung up on me shortly after.

So: was I an ass or was my questioning of the whole process justified?

She sounds pretty shitty, don't worry about it if you have another job lined up anyway though.

>>17280493
I haven't broken up with anybody in a long time, but I remember that feel.

the first one usually hurts the worst. at least that was the case for me and for a lot of people I've talked to. it took me a year and a half to get over my first bf. the second one, it took a few months. after that it was maybe a month or two per breakup (been in 5 relationships not counting current).

but yeah I remember that first one. we were together less than a month, but when he dumped me I felt like I'd lost a limb. granted, I was always a bit on the needy side, and I had horrible social skills and was as cringey as any frogposter or tumblrina. so I'm sure I was pretty horrible to be around. but from inside it just hurt so goddamn fucking bad all the fucking time. and at the time I didn't know that letting go happens gradually and kinda in stages, and that while it's ok to grieve, you have to make a conscious effort not to wallow in grief. I thought you just let go and boom that's it (idk where I got that, I was dumb as fuck), and I couldn't do that. so I just hung onto the past for dear life.

then I met someone else, and with each relationship it got easier as I learned more and more ways to cope without being a complete BPD sperg about it.

it'll get easier. just try to remember the good times, and resolve to make more good times in the future if you should ever try again.

>>17280493
I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. When I discovered this news I got down on my knees and prayed for the lord to ask him to protect my ex, because his ass is going to die. I didn't have to do most of the work, as he basically destroyed himself. All of his friends abandoned him, because as it turns out no one likes a cheater. A group of guys I know took it upon their selves to beat him up anytime and anywhere they saw him. He stopped leaving his house except to go to school and back. The girl he cheated on me with called me to tell me, and she and I have become best friends now. She didn't know, as he told her that he broke up with me a long time ago. He has now had to change addresses, phone numbers, even his damn hairstyles. Now this would sound like a triumphant story, but as >>17280545 said, the first breakup hurts the worst. I was so heartbroken and destroyed, and it was so ironic that he and I had said how much we both hate cheaters. But I managed to raise myself back up, but the scar is still there.

That make you feel better OP?

>>17280578
> A group of guys I know took it upon their selves to beat him up anytime and anywhere they saw him

holy shit that's terrible
lmao

>>17280424
>I'm afraid that not only is she going to leave before we become serious, she's going to forget all about me and move on instantaneously.

This is absolutely true and you knew it from day 1. She's leaving. You cannot sustain LDRs of this nature. Don't even try. It's a fool's game at your age and with your life situation. She's embarking on a great new adventure at college, where she will be around new people and new guys who can actually be with her 24/7. You cannot do that. You lose.

Fuck her for funsies and enjoy the summer. But don't fall in love. Be ready to let go at any moment. Nothing more will come of this.

>>17280424
She will leave and move on and so should you.
Welcome to the real world.Take it like a man.

>>17280444
I know, anon. I completely agree. But this is the first girl I've EVER felt anything towards, and I really like her. It's gotten to the point where I don't feel right unless I'm spending time with her. What the fuck is happening to me? Can I do anything about it?

You write like an idiot. How old are you?

>>17280422
Cut me some slack it's like 5am and i haven't slept

>>17280390
Wait for reply, if it doesn't come a phone call would scream of clingyness. Then move on.

Now, while it might be because it seems like I'm desperate (I'm not, I didn't even believe in love until I'd met her, although I've had a few relationships, but never was affection really felt from either side, but stories for another day), I really, really wanted to make her happy. Truly happy. I wanted to make her forget all about the people who had hurt her in the past, I wanted her to feel that listening to me and surviving for even a day longer was worth it. As such, I started aiming to better myself. I told her that I had no issue with her not working either (she wants to, though, but she was in a similar boat to me - difficulties finding work). I started taking care of myself properly, even going so far as to start trimming my nails and shit when I normally bit them - for a person like me that was kinda big. I managed to get a job, but it was awful. It pays me less than minimum wage, as I made a really shady deal that half my hours would be considered unpaid volunteer work - I was desperate. It's the only job I can physically get no matter how hard I try. I also don't want to do anything that'll hurt my chances of staying there as it's the source of income I have, and even if I've studied relevent subjects in the past (IT-related, also have some other credentials), for the most part I'm unemployed and no one wants that. Trust me, I went everywhere and did everything I could to get one, this is all I could get. Regardless, getting back on topic, I have begun working myself to the bone because I don't want to force her to wait three or four years in order for us to eventually be together. I wouldn't want to put her through that. In a few months I plan to visit her, regardless, even if it'll take the majority of what I've saved up so far, but I don't care.

Cont.

Anyway, here's where the problem is - the hours of the job are shit, I'm treated with very little respect, and i don't get paid fuck all, but at least it's something to save with. It'll still take two years at this rate to save up enough cash to move both of us across seas (neither of us like where we live), put a deposit on a house to rent, and have enough money to survive for a few months until I can find a job elsewhere. On top of that, I've been beating myself up each and every day, wracking my brain on how I could find a better way to make cash, or a better way for us to be together. I've researched everywhere I could, talked to everyone knowledgeable on the topic, but nothing's really come up. As such, over time, I began becoming really stressed. I worked tirelessly for no reward, the time I could see her was minimized (different timezones, now the hours I spent with her were spent working, other than the few hours we saw each other each day if she managed to wake up at a decent time), and I began beating myself up, considering myself worthless, and overall just hating that I couldn't amount to anything no matter how hard I've tried. Stress was my killer, and it's slowly made me unhappy. Another thing I should mention is that I have anger issues, because my father had them. Whether it was learned or genetic, I don't know, but I have them. Now, for her, I not a single cell in my body could ever think about hurting her unintentionally, but over time my stress got the better of me. I've raised my voice a few too many times when we were just having differences in opinions (no real arguments), or I've shown my obvious depressed side, or just in general I might have had a short fuse that day because of work, or because of beating myself up. Either way, I have never, ever attacked her directly, even with my issues and insecurities, although I have raised my voice or made her feel like shit unintentionally, as she never did anything to deserve my anger.

Cont.

As such, realizing what a monster I was being, even unintentionally and not directly attacking, I've worked to better myself. I've made very, very precise care to settle my issues and insecurities, I avoid topics that could bring up stress between us (old issues, talking about subjects she knows I get heated over, etc), and we've come to the agreement that we will agree to disagree (we disagree on a lot of topics - we're almost total opposites in most regards, although we're both intelligent (or so I believe) so we both have a lot to say and can make strong arguments - we're also both stubborn).

Cont.

>>17280379
You will never find someone who is 100% the same as you. If you want to have fulfilling relationships, and ANY relationship at all, you have to get over peoples' personal opinions. You'd be a fucking moron to let someone good go just because they don't follow your ideology, or political party or whatever opinion it is that you hold.

You simply don't talk about it. the love you have for someone will always outweigh the opinions of that person. My hardline republican catholic father has been married to my bleeding heart liberal mother for 45 years. They have the strongest love I've ever seen. They don't let their petty opinions come between them and the great thing they have.

To do so only shows how immature you are.

>>17280379
I say you end it - Obviously the more you get to know her, the more you don't like, ESPECIALLY if you are feeling a "accusations" vibe

Don't risk it

File: 1466555960421.jpg (48KB, 450x450px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 450x450px

>>17280379
End the pain sooner rather than later. Modern feminism is a load of shit.

>>17280319
get friends who aren't stupid, or buy them all some natural deodorant like tom's or some of those deodorant crystals and give it to them. they'll probably be insulted and you'll have to look for new friends anyway, but at least you won't have to smell them anymore.

are you going to art school or something? I'm trying to rack my brain to think of where you could possibly be, where you'd run into that many people who don't use deodorant. I have several friends who are either hippies or into the whole natural products thing for health reasons. but even they use some form of deodorant/antiperspirant. but then, they are all over the age of 20 and are not in denial about how they smell. your friends sound like they are either in high school or college and are not very self-aware, or have never had a job.

>>17280319
That sounds a little odd; I wouldn't think they would want to smell bad

Maybe say after 30 seconds when you see them, "what is that smell" like innocently, and then the topic will be introduced, and go from there

>>17280357
Im in College yes, and suprisingly in Milwaukee. A lot of people for some reason are taking the whole healing gems, rocks, no-shaving, body oil shit very seriously for whatever fuck reason. I hate trends.

>>17280360
They are well aware they smell. 'ITS NATURAL OH MY GOD YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT' is usually the immediate comeback