Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4937. page

so she was at that party and kissed someone in saturday?

>>17289071
yes

>>17289060
Getting worked up over inconsequential shit is always a bad idea. If you two weren't dating exclusively to the explicit understanding of both of you what that means, you have no right to be mad about what she does with her free time when she's single. Period.

Get the fuck over it, be happy you've got a girl at all, and man up enough to believe she's got no reason to cheat on you. It'll make everything easier whether it's true or not.

I would personally recommend getting these feelings out before he comes, that way if he takes it really hard, he could just not show up. If that's not possible, then don't waste time leading him on at all. Turn him down immediately. It'll weigh on your conscience the entire time you're there and he'll feel like he was teased.

>>17289058
It seems pretty obvious that you wouldn't be interested in marrying this guy even without the distance. You should let him know immediately.

>>17289076
This is OK, but I think not having this conversation in person is a little shitty and a lot cowardly.

Obviously he's acting like he wants to continue the relationship, possibly to the tune of proposing. You need to lay all your cards down as soon as you see him though. Tell him what you've discovered, tell him you're still not interested in continuing a long distance relationship, and then just tell him how you really feel. If you want to be friends, say so, if you think it'd be easier to just go your own ways, tell him that.

No matter what you say or when you say it, it's going to fucking suck, so just get on with it so at least you'll know if you're worried about nothing or not.

Stop being a jealous asshole. Get over it fucking hypocrite. Maybe you do feel threatened but if she's going to be with you then just be confident that you're good enough. Are you worried about it happening again? Or that you're just another quick hookup. Either way you've gotta decide if you're going to trust her or not. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt because judging her for this that would be dumb shit

>>17289054
Probably jealousy and double standard.

That's not abnormal, but it's not a positive either. Most people are good at rationalizing and excusing away their own behavior as ok but condemning the same thing in others.

>>17289064
>>17289070

thanks for the replies, and yeah I feel bad because it's so hypocritical, but I still feel it

>man
Wear a button up dress shirt and dark dress slacks and a tie. Polo Shirt might be okay if it's very informal. Make sure dress shoes are polished and they match your belt. Remove all piercings and hide tattoos.

>woman
Wear a knee length skirt and a blouse, conservative colors. A pantsuit also works. Closed toe shoes. Don't go overboard on makeup or jewelry. Remove all but ear piercings and hide tattoos.

Clean nails, ears, teeth. Don't use too much cologne or perfume (or any at all really).

Introduce yourself kindly to everyone you meet. Stand when you are introduced to someone. Firm handshake with 2 gentle pumps.

Bring pen, notepad, extra copies of resume, list of references. Leave your cell phone where you can't ever touch it. If you need it on you, turn it off.

Before interview, read up on the company and understand who they are and what they do. What are their longterm goals? What problems are they going through now? Who is the most important person in the company, location?

Read up on some common interview questions and practice. They hate vague answers and love explicit examples. For example, "when is a time you had conflict with your group and how did you solve it?" "Well, one time in high school I was the team leader during our stock market project..."

Maintain eye contact. If you're interviewed on a panel, look mostly at the person who asked the question. Avoid making jokes. Never be baited into bad mouthing old employers or dropping your professional attitude. Some will try to be cold to freak you out, some will try to be friendly to get you to lower your guard. Always be polite but professional.

When they ask "Do you have any questions for me?" ASK FUCKING QUESTIONS. Nothing says passive/lazy like "Uh, no that's all." Ask about the company culture, ask about specifics on the job, whatever.

Join CO*OP

Depends on the job, you idiot.

You know homosexuality is a sin, right?

>>17289218
/thread

>>17289046
Film the vanilla sex op you virgin

>>17289035

theyd be bored. the episode descriptions would be really interesting, but the actual episodes them selves would be really calm and boring. the focus on morals and learning would be really strong without a lot of drama backing it up.

it'd also have really strange plot twists

>>17289035
Slightly introverted black people who keep screaming at the screen for me to go for the girl

some would sympathize

others would call me a lazy pussy

>>17289035
Nothing ever happens in my life.
It would be just me being the guy nobody ever talks to and me home on the pc.

>>17289026

who says you are doing anything wrong?

your big problem here is that you are operating under the assumption that a relationship will last til the end of fucking time unless you do something horribly wrong. thats not the case. no one else has this so stop pretending they do.

some people may hold relationships down longer, but by your own admission you were never great matches with these women. you essentially settled for the best you can get, but that doesnt equate into any real passion. even reading your post i can tell you are very clinical in your approach to these women. oh im sure emotions were involved and tied in, but thats not the same as having that hot passionate connection.

Relationships have 'exits' that you can take when you are starting to get somewhere you arent ready for.

when you first start dating its honeymoon phase. people are just happy to have someone in their lives, and meeting a new person has created a funny chemistry that makes them excited every time.

Then that begins to settle about 3 to 6 months into the relationship. thats the first exit route. this is when people say things like 'im just not feeling it' or parrot off any excuse. they often dont understand what went wrong cuz people suck at understanding themselves. they simply lost that initial spark that makes them excited something new is happening. its like watching a new show. the first few episodes seem amazing. then by episode 10 you're burnt out but still there. the shows still the show. you are jsut used to it now. same for relationships.

after that the next exit route is usually holidays. do you want them to meet family? do you want to get good gifts?

after that the next exit route is moving in or some hardship that randomly occurs. you basically have to decide if you are comitted enough to this person to 'make it work' through thick or thin, and moving in is a big step.

>>17289073

after that, the next exit route is marriage. are you ready to make this 'forever'?


theres ab illion reasons to break up inbetween but if its not caused by something in particular these are the general milestones people reach that push them to break up. the reason the girl broke up with you after discussing marriage is because you discussed marriage. she decided that she doesnt want that.

and whether you believe it or not you really cant 'go back'. once oyu mention marriage in a serious sense they know thats where its going. you can just pretend it didnt. probably didnt help that you talked about marriage casually isntead of doing an actual proposal.
ultimately, yo uarent ab ad person. there isnt a single objective idea of how to move up on the scale of being a good partner. a girl may break up with you over sex, or weight, or this or that or the fifth thing, but these are all simple traits that have nothing to do with who you are as a person and how they relate to you. love is not based on whether or not someones 'good at sex' or 'more successful by now'. its a raw emotion that develops chemically, almost randomly. these things just help maintain it.

sounds to me like you've never had a deep connection with these girls, or at least they didnt with you.

just remember that we all go through a million break ups in our lives. some people last longer thn you but that doesnt make them better or more successful. they just found the right match for that particular time

that being said if someone saying 'y ouare just so miserable' you might want to reflect on that. are you miserable OP??

>>17289026

DID ANY OF THIS HELP OP IVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU ALL DAY

>>17288993
Die lol

>>17288993

a lot of young life is pushing through the shit to get to the good. in my experience highschool is way more difficult and stressful than running an actual business. because everyone is mean to you, teachers are mean to you, you're expected to do all this work for six hours, then come home nad do more work, and if ur not in sports or some other after school activity (an extra two to four hours of work) you're considered fucking lazy.

college makes it a little bit harder with the workload.

but hwne you push through it and establish your life its pretty great. i run a small business, make decent money, hang out with friends, have sex, and work on personal projects. there are still times where the shit hits the ceiling fan but honestly its not nearly as bad as school was.

keep pushing through OP. you cant really save your bro and dad. whatevers going to happen will happen. sucks to think this way but once they're gone (or healed) they wont be a burden anymore.

keep pushing.

>>17288993
I find that in life, you can just say "fuck it" for the most part, and despite feeling the weight of the world crushing you, it never happens.

Most likely, you'll get carried through life by the government.

>>17288978

(2/3)

Here's where it goes off the rails.

>notice I have a lot of the same phenotypes as the girl--realize I'm super stretchy, flat footed, impossibly pale, easy to injure, always in pain
>ohshit.wav
>pretty obvious I've got the same thing (later confirmed by a genetic test)
>realize that I'm doing pretty okay because I'm doing some things that she's not (specifically re: weight-bearing and overexertion), and there are things that we're both not doing that would be incredibly helpful (specifically re: pain management)
>the wheelchair really bothers me (even after months of therapy specifically about it), and I've seen her sour in situations where it's evident she's in it, so I start trying to feed her what I'm doing to lock mine down, seeing as she may not know some of the things I've figured out and I may save her some emotional pain
>she's resistant to the idea, fights it tooth and nail
>I feel hurt etc et al

>>17288980
(3/3)

And here's where we're at now:

>be me, taking medicinal cannabis 2x day for pain, wearing insoles for weight bearing, managing physical activity and how I carry things like a MF
>tailoring my plan around what might make her more comfortable (no opioids because I know they really bother her, working my way out of braces because she has expressed distress in seeing me use them)
>see her continuing to use old methods
>confront her about it
>she finally gets me to realize that the opinion she's gotten from experts is that the injuries she has but I don't are extensive enough that the wheelchair is likely her best option forever, regardless of what I may give her, and that they'll likely never heal
>also gets me to realize that she's been consciously building a plan for longer where I was operating more on reflex, so she really doesn't see me as being in a place to offer advice of any import
>also mentions that some of the things I was trying to have her do she counts as 'moving backwards' (eg daily meds) and might even be exacerbating injuries, although that's unclear
>has not had to have therapy re: going into a wheelchair, but has had to because of my reaction to it

>>17288984
(4/3 whoops lol)

So here's my dilemma:

I do love this girl, but we're in such different places in terms of the repercussions of the genetic illness we share and how we're managing it that I'm wondering if the relationship is unworkable. We're both causing each other more harm than good (any SO that sends you into a therapist is not somebody you should be with, and we're both doing that to each other), and I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of someone I'm intimate with openly displaying a disability that I and so many other people like us manage with totally different methods that let us and the people who love us forget we're suffering.

If I was able to overcome my knee-jerk reaction to the wheelchair, many conflicts between us could be solved, and we could be very, very happy together.

I very much do not think I'm emotionally big enough to overcome this in a short enough timeline to spare us both a lot of hurt feelings and regret, and we've both caused each other enough of that already.

I'm leaving the country for 21 days, so we've both got a lot of time to think about it.

What would you do?

>writing
>not a degenerate career

pick one

>>17288965

journalism requires a very intense journalism focus. the first step is going to fucking college and studying journalism for four years. then getting an internship and wokring your way up. it is in no way a lax industry.

you can try to make it as a blogger online, but that bubbles burst and it relies mostly on randomness as opposed to skill (and of course selling out).

writers who publish books dont get enough money to live off of unless their books get picked up as a movie.

even writers with over 30 books in their series still have jobs on the side. my boyfriend published 5 novels so far, and he still has a day job. the guy who created the Xanth series (as well as many other series) still has to run an entire farm to support his family.

being a great writer and being a passioante writer are two different things. if you are passionate, write for fun and seek publication where you can.

consider writing a radio play first (Extremely easy to produce, free even) and use that to push people to buy your paper back novels to gain hype. once you have hype start sending out your books to be published and make note of your independent success.

>/pol/ack
>journalism

Keep your biased, prejudice cancer to yourself.

>>17288941
Try going outside

>>17289045
>Try going outside

This is good advice. Instead of asking strangers if you'd like something, why don't you go fucking try doing some of the things you're interested in trying?

I romanticize summer because I've had some of the best times of my life during summer. Throwing bbqs with friends, bonfires, camping, beach, all with friends and the girl I'm crushing on at the moment, stealing kisses, awkward sweaty make outs, hiking out to abandoned houses and lying on the roof looking at the stars. For me, this summer is looking to live up to past summers. Got a couple of interested girls, threw a bonfire and planning more bonfires and camping, surfed a whole bunch, best friend staying over from abroad, set up a art/music co-op at my house, girl I hooked up with once is flying in to see me. Make the most of your life while you can, man.

>>17288922
do you know the website the game runs on? there is a really neato firefox addon you can get called LeechBlock that will automatically redirect you to another page as soon as the target page is visited. You can set it up to go to any (job search, lul) website, blank page (white page with nothing on it), or send it to some dummy page that has a 404 error look to it. possibilities are endless

it also has options to block someone from opening the addons menu either all the time, or certain times so that removing it is virtually impossible short of reinstalling the browser. I use i during finals time to keep me off 4chan, Facebook, and other sites and have it set to redirect to my university's page

It will effectively block her from ever accessing sites of your choosing and she will have no idea why and if she does, is unable to change it. Chrome has one called StayFocused, but I am not a chrome user and I am unsure if it denies removing it like leechblock does.

>>17288922
> 2 years on unemployment
> not feeling ready for a job yet.
We both know that this is bullshit and not likely to change any time soon, so action must be taken in a different way.

She's comfortable in her current situation. It might be depressing as fuck, but it's simple, and it allows here to survive. At this point she'll want to preserve status quo, so it's up to you to disrupt it somehow. I gather that you don't support her financially, but that you do the housework? In that case, move out. Then she'll have to start cooking and cleaning herself. Eventually money will dwindle, and she'll have to do something.

Simply put: You're enabling her. Moving out will at least stop that aspect of it.

There will be moments where this seems cruel and harsh, but you're not helping her by allowing this to continue.

Farmville is the least of her problems - The semi-comfortable neetness needs to be addressed first.

>>17288949
Holy fuck that's awesome, thanks a lot anon! really appreciate it!

>>17288975
Yeah you are on spot with everything, but moving out is the worst case scenario, since chances of me finding affordable housing are 0% and moving out is a hassle i would prefer to avoid.

I'm hoping that fucking with her web game will atleast lead her to do something else than sitting in front of laptop all day. If she gets a hobby or better yet some kind of work, even part time is a wish come true for me.

Thanks for an input anon

Fuck your family. Do what you WANT to do, if they don't love you regardless they are a waste of your time. If you are worried about money, get a second job and have illustration be you other job. Invest in something that will go up in value like a house/stocks/small business and that will generate revenue.

>>17288953
Thank you for the answer, I was starting to think about going into a part time job during those further studies so I could do that as soon as I came back, what do you think? It's the only plan I can come up with atm

haha idk dude sorry that dog picture cracks me up

>>17288904
I'd say to go blunt and ask her if she wants to continue dating or not. If her answer is even somewhat on the fence, drop her.

>>17288904
this, honestly>>17288915

Also, stop contact for a bit and see if she starts to contact you. if it is always you initiating contact, then there is a good chance she is playing around and in that case be blunt and ask her what the fuck her deal is.

She could also be genuinely this busy too. I would give her some chances, but dont get drug along

>>17288893
(2/3) Barely passing all of them. I am having serious cognitive issues, I pretty much have dyslexia at this point. I misread everything and no longer have the ability to focus on simple tasks. I lost my natural ability to write essays and poems. I am struggling in math which used to be my strongest subject. My depressive episodes have returned and my productivity suffers. I've gotten into a lot of trouble at school since then. Getting caught/suspected of being intoxicated and few occasions where I made "disturbing remarks". I really don't want to be like this but it is impossible to approach my dad. He just thinks that I am a useless degenerate and I am starting to agree with him. When ever I ask him if I can return to counseling he seems offended and asks why. I usually give a bullshit reason or just walk away. Regardless of what I say he never follows up. I remember my first psych evaluation, for some reason he was in the room with me and barely let me talk. He was speaking for me and it was like my psychiatrist was ignoring me. Anyway I am going on a tangent so I will try to conclude this. How do I return to counseling and get back on my meds with out this faggot's help? I am 18 but don't have a job (since I am a student) and don't know how to go about this without him finding out. My apologies if I sound like a faggot who likes to play victim but it feels nice to vent on an anonymous image board.

>>17288897
(3/3)
TL;DR : I have a stubborn father who ignores my Bipolar Disorder due to the culture he comes from and is fucking me over. I have been on meds before and went through counseling so I know what it feels like to be somewhat stable. How do I go about returning to counseling and seek help?

Shameless bump