Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4496. page

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I've found myself in a particularly confusing situation, and I need advice on how to get out. The simplest way to put my problem is that I find myself in a situation where I cannot discern any other option but to kill myself. I don't want to, but it's the only plausible solution that I could find for essentially my entire life. I'll elaborate.

Basically, I've been severely depressed my entire life, being 21 now. I remember as young as 12 I'd have thoughts about suicide, based on the notion that I was somehow less than human. That's essentially how I've lived my entire life, with this deeply held feeling of self hatred.

This is where my situation becomes complicated. I sincerely do not want to end my life, I wish I could move past this and lead even a mediocre life. However, I'm don't believe that's feasible at this point. I've spent my entire life loathing myself, believing that I am objectively inferior to literally everyone around me, and deserve to die on the basis that it would benefit the world to not have to sustain an inherently useless entity like me. I've never once even felt indifferent towards myself, let alone liked myself, so I'm not sure how/if I ever could at this point.

To end this rambling post, I have to say my circumstance isn't from lack of trying. I've tried pills, therapy, I've reached out to friends, I've tried doing some deep soul searching, improving my health/fitness, basically every anti-depression solution I've heard of, but all I've ever done is get worse. I've run through every option I can find, and am at the point where I'm don't even know of anymore options than suicide. So this is my question, how does someone with my sort of deep-seeded self hatred learn to love them self, or is it even possible?

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Ok so here's the story, its a fucked one but I want your advice...
First, I live with my dad, and he's pretty cool, but he's been in and out of prison a few times when i was younger. I didn't know what he was in for until I got to be about 16 (I'm 18 now) and he was in for possession of controlled substance. (meth im guessing) and i always knew something was up when I was young (he'd have weird junkie friends over and I'd seen a pipe but I didn't know what it was until later) but a few days ago this happened.
i walk into his room and
see this chest that's always locked, unlocked. I always thought it was for decoration.
so my curiosity gets the best of me and look inside.
i see a few briefcases and
in one of them is a meth water pipe, and maybe a gram? of meth. and there's also razers and hollowed pen tubes for snorting it I'm guessing? and in the second one there is a women's wig, balloons filled with water (fake tits) and women's clothes and a few giant dildos. I was fucking grossed out from the tranny shit, and the meth surprised me. OK but anyways I need advice on how to talk to him about one or the other.

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if i have damage from the abuse of diphenhydramine, would an ssri like olanzapine or zyprexa help?

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Hey /adv/, wondering if you can identify/advise me on what this lump in my mouth is/what to do about it. Or perhaps direct me somewhere this question is better asked.
Thanks

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What's up, /adv/

Several months ago I got pulled over for expired plates and I happened to have weed on me. I got fucked over and the cop charged me for a DUI, possession, and paraphernalia. I blew a 0.000 but stupidly gave up my urine which obviously had weed in it. I have a good lawyer and we're fighting it, but the prosecutor is a fuck and won't cut a deal for reckless driving or something. I'm prepared and braced to take the full punishment and I take full responsibility for my dumb actions.

Anyways, I'm over the "woe is me" stage about this and I'm 100% focused on moving ahead with my life and being successful. I'm entering my last year of graduate school for a social science.

Anyone have experience of getting a white collar job or a job in academia with a record with non-violent misdemeanors on it? My initial plan was to go straight through and do a PhD now, since (from what I can tell) most PhD programs DO NOT do background checks.

At the same time, I would like to make some damn money, which being a career student doesn't really bring. Now I'm looking at academic advising positions and it seems many of those do not directly require a background check.....

Just looking for advice from anyone who has possibly been in a similar position and what career routes/options I have going forward.

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Well /adv/, how would one go about getting a job on a ranch and be able to ride horses as a perk? I desperately want to ride horses but I'm a suburban fag that is going to start school soon, I also want to get to know horses cause I just highly admire them. Is it realistic to find a job like that or am I just lying to myself.

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tl;dr How easy is it to get a new friendship group when you're no longer at school/university? What are some good ways to make friends as a young adult?

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How am I meant to get anywhere in life when I have manic eposides that last 3 days on avg every week? They arent delusional or psychotic I simply cant sleep during and it fucks me for a good 3 days after too. I've taken valium and xanax which make me feel good but don't shut my mind off or let me sleep. I cant keep doing this shit. I have class in 3h and I havent slept in 50ish hours. I will probably be pulled aside and have my apparenfe discussed again

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-Trigger Warning-
This is my fourth time asking /adv/ for help. I'm still pretty new round these parts, I hope you can forgive my errors.

Basically due to loneliness after losing my best friend at the time, I began to attention seek. I cut and starved myself. I made new friends and my best friend is very kind and she looks after me like a girlfriend would. The problem is she fusses over my weight and sometimes cries over me.

I don't want this attention anymore. I decided over the summer holidays (I'm only 15, 16 in 1 month and 29 days :P) I would keep contact on the low. Because of this i talked to new people and found myself a girl who I would like to date. She says she likes skinny boys and since I suffer from anorexia I guess I fill that role. I'm not saying I keep carrying on starving myself but keep up my physique but if I do that I might lose my best friend (checks my wrists and weight a lot, and gets angry if the change is negative)

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Can't believe I'm coming here for this, especially after never posting, but here we go...
The last year of my life has been a mess I feel.
>be male second oldest of 6 and 2 half siblings
>graduate hs
>break my leg 3 days before
>mess on hydrocodone
>lose all my friends, qtgf, become a mess even after sobering
>get 3 part time jobs after being able to walk (lasts about 5 months...)
>getting ready to go on Mormon mission
>old atheist friend messages me some stuff, start doubting
Background: I've been skeptic for awhile...
>mom gets pissed at asking(hardcore Mormon) try to change my mind about doubting
background: had on/off depression since the divorce and remarriage 3 days later, suicidal thoughts and a couple attempts that i never followed through, never talked about it or did anything
>go in, 3 months in am having breakdowns and panic realizing there's no way out and I have no faith...
>email my mom, she's concerned as she's worried suddenly I'll kill myself
>decide to go home a few days later (not knowing moms concerned and worried I'll get disowned...)
>gets labeled as "medical excuse"
>mom and stepdad get pissed everytime I breakdown
>see therapist who's convinced I'm having a "spiritual existential crisis" is all...
>3 weeks later go see my dad in Colombia
>he has several breakdowns
Background: he has PTSD schizoid bipolar issues which got much worse after divorce...they also had six kids...
>get back home
>therapist has a stroke
>breakdowns 1 week later
>have no money since #norefunds
>parents upset I still don't want to be Mormon...
(Cont)
(Pic slightly unrelated, but feels...)

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How do I stop being angry? I'm 29 and I've always been a pretty angry dude. I feel like it has gotten much worse in the last ~2 months. Prior to this I was feeling more along the lines of depressed.

Situation:
>Live with girlfriend
>she works all day
>I spend all day looking for work
>I've been unemployed since November
>when not looking for work I'm fiddling with a variety of DIY projects
>have enough money saved for another year
>lonely during the day and then get easily annoyed when girlfriend is home

Every little fucking thing annoys me. Frustration is the overwhelming feeling, but I doubt anyone would take that feeling seriously.

I swear at every little thing that happens.
>drop extension cord
>>Cock sucker!
>thing falls over
>>mother fucker!
>popups on a porn site
>>god damn it!

>repeat ad nauseam

Everything frustrates me. I'm sure it's a manifestation of my inability to find gainful employment, but it's an underlying personality "trait" that I've had all my life.

wat do?

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Are we really all locked in to social media, is it actually vital for a social life?

I haven't had facebook in 3 years. In that time, I've been depressed and lonely - it was that way before too. But now, even when I go out to meetup groups. Even when I exchange contact info with people at my commuter school. Even when I read social skill books. I am lonely 23 year old with no signs of change.

I know this is similar to generic posts on this board. The key difference is that I try. I've tried many different ways to live a happy life and they've all failed. What do you think?

The reason I'm posting on here is because I just shouted a ton at my dad, and when I walked out my cute apartment neighbor was there, I waved and looked at her. She had a sad expression, looked right back at me, and did not wave. Felt bad man. If I wasn't so lonely I wouldn't shout as much. My dad is a jerk and moron, but my yelling doesn't help. I just want people in my life, and to be happy.

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How do I solve this....need some help/advice.

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I posted here yesterday saying I was feeling lonely (17385403), and I got a few very nice replies which I saw in the morning by which time the thread was archived. Thanks, they made me feel better :)

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So I have a problem where I'll tend to get kind of obsessive about a certain girl at a time. Realistically, it's nothing more severe than "social media stalking," but I'm getting worried about what it's doing to me.

Right now it's with that model with the heterochromia that people have been sharing a lot in the past year. I found out about her last October, and ever since, not a day goes by where I don't check her instagram, twitter, and tumblr pages multiple times a day. That's obviously not fucking healthy, and made considerably worse by the fact that I'll never meet this person, let alone communicate with her in any fashion, and any girl I come across I instantly find myself comparing them to her.

Now it's not totally bad. I have used her as motivation to hit the gym when I'm feeling less than energetic about going, and both her and gym have helped me clean up my diet some too (thinking about her judging me for eating disgusting fast food as stopped me from popping into mcdonalds a number of times). But that's still no justification for her constantly being on my mind.

I've been working to try and disillusion myself about her (i.e. how the eye colors are faked, how calculated her personal social media tends to be, etc.) in order to break the thought patterns, but that hasn't been too effective. I was wondering if anyone else had some advice on what to do outside of seeking professional help