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I just discovered that my wife has narcissistic personality disorder. My therapist recommends an intervention where I kick her out of the house until she gets treated and cleared by a psychologist. Seems kind of extreme but I'm not the professional and I realize I might be the frog in the slowly warming water. We have 4 kids aged 9-19. What should I do?
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Idk If kicking her out of the house is a good idea, but is she like against the idea of getting treated?
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If she has legitimately diagnosed NPD, leave her and don't take her back. This disorder is incurable and will fuck you and your kids up. These people are incapable of love.
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>>17399392
No. NPDs are VERY difficult to get into treatment and some say they can't be treated. If they could admit they had NPD then they wouldn't have it.
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im a bi guy and i want to start having casual sex but im too afraid of risking hiv.
people are not honest and lie about their status, oral sex is not safe
you can still contract it with a condom, and prep is not available where i am
im afraid ill be a permavirgin, cause girls seem pointless
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And? What are you needing advice on.
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>>17399369
too bad. condoms provide 98% protection so thats the best you can do. there is no magical third option. good luck
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>>17399369
Pretty much the normal role of the dice for a random lay, except the odds are a little bit less in your favor by being Bi.
Either role the dice, get laid and get tested. Or expand your social network to find a relationship.
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This shit happens to all my goddammed shoes. The tongues always slide to the side. How do I stop this annoying shit from happening?
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Make sure that it's tied tighlt around there so they won't move.
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Nice shoes, where did you get them?
And to answer your question: you should move it to center and then tie the strings really hard. I dont have this problem though
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>>17399366
replace laces and continue the cross patter all the way to the top.
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While driving, I turned into a parking lot and slowed down for a dip in the road. While doing so, some guy was following behind me and honked because I guess he thought I was going too slow. This pissed me off, because I thought I had good reason to slow down, my front bumper would have easily hit the road if I went over a few mph. He shouldn't have been surprised by what I did unless he never went through the dip or was hardly paying attention. Makes me angry that someone would use their horn so easily. Should I let this bother me?
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>Should I let this bother me?
no.
For all you know his mom died and he was in a shitty mood.
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>>17399370
k thx.
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>>17399353
It's annoying, but nah man just let it go. Not worth your energy. People are assclowns on the road sometimes.
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how the fuck does a complete social retard learn to flirt
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>>17399350
trial and error
Hey /adv/,
I am a very introverted and socially awkward guy and it's killing me internally. I have tried socializing (by simply trying to talk more to people), and I made a small progress, but I am still socially retarded. When I'm in a social situation, that kinda makes me nervous, I just end up staring at a wall rather than participating. This inability to really socialize with others cuts me off from the social life of my classmates, which just makes me feel like shit because it makes me fear that I will end up completely alone and die that way. I feel like I could actually achieve a p good social life with my looks (pic related, I really don't want to come off as pretentious, but that's just how I kinda feel about it). Can anyone give me tips on how to become more extroverted? How to not fear talking to people and approaching them? Being alone kills me.
(Also sorry for the edgy pic, best I have on the pc I'm currently on)
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>I have tried socializing (by simply trying to talk more to people), and I made a small progress,
keep doing this.
There is no shortcut. You get better at talking by talking.
>Can anyone give me tips on how to become more extroverted?
you can't as far as i know. You just need to throw yourself into social situations and learn as you go.
>How to not fear talking to people and approaching them?
Practice.I try looking down at people but that does not work well when i deal with bosses and the like.
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>>17399342
what helped me the most when overcoming my anxiety was realizing that no one gives a shit if you stare at a wall for a while. people will make remarks if you zone out while doing that and can't keep up with a conversation. but if you're just the type to look at walls during a conversation then that's actually not half as much a big deal as you think it is. yes people will realize you're probably a little shy. but at the same time people will also realize that you're putting yourself into this situation and are working on yourself. people accept the fact that you are there and respect you even if you look at the wall and seem a bit distant from time to time. there's a lot of people who are like this (to varying degrees) and everyone in the world has met a dozen people like this in his life.
if you truly understand this then you'll be able to be more relaxed in social situations
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>>17399342
ir pretty handsome so just go talk to people.
the only way to get over fear is to face em. practice makes perfect. have a friend there to help guide. let him know your concerns and issues and let him help you
Give me your best pick up lines or conversation starters.
What works, what doesn't?
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>>17399332
>Hi, my name is XXXX, what's yours?
Tried and true... don't be a douche.
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>>17399332
context is key. but ultimately what you have to consider is
>does this person WANT to talk to me?
if they dont, very few pick up lines will work. you could go up to a girl, offer to take her to the fanciest restaurant in town, and she will still say 'no' if shes just not into you.
as for context, it all boils dow nto... well, context.
if for instance you are at a gathering hosted by someone you know. it is easy to say
>hey my names anon, are you friends with XX?
then they can say
>Yeah, i know XX from chemistry class or whatever.
or she might say
>who? no i came here with YY
and you say
>oh, YY i know her, shes from my something or other.
or if you dont have a person in common you say
>well welcome to the party (or event)
offer a handshake and go from there asking if shes having a good time, what shes looking forward to (if there are specific events) etc.
if you are at a bar you can simply go up to a girl and introduce yourself and ask if shes having a good time.
if ur on the bus i tend to try to find something to comment on. usually a book they're reading. sometimes a shirt they are wearing. something to get it going, then just start chatting.
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How do I stop being combative in arguments? I was raised on the internet so debating has become a part of how I act. There are few people on 4chan who aren't warriors for their opinion, will do anything to win an argument. This doesn't matter, I don't want to belittle someone or be stubborn and insensitive just to prove a point, I am always wrong when I do this because I'm being a prick to people just to assert my opinion - but I do it often.
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>>17399318
>I'm being a prick to people just to assert my opinion
stop that.
Your opinion is not golden. Stop giving you opinion all the time. Nobody cares. Not even trying to be a dick here man. Nobody want to talk with someone who inserts them self into everything.
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How to tell her that she take too long to answer my messages? We can't make conversation with a answer every 20 hours
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You don't. She's not into you.
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You talk and converse like a man. Don't text and message like a pussy.
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>>17399307
Alright thanks
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I've been waking up with a very weird feeling in all of my limbs for the past 4 months. You know how when you're scared, your limbs kinda get shaky and you're clumsy? I have that 24/7 but it's at its worst when I wake up.
I also have negative afterimages and tinnitus which developed right when the tense feels began. I had panic attacks for a good month thinking it was MS. When this was proven to not be the case, the panic attacks went away. What is this thing?!
I've been to all kinds of doctors - GP, cardiologist, endocrinologist, neurologist (tested for MS, no lesions on scan with contrast). The only things they found was super low vit. D and slightly underactive thyroid. Doc visits was 3 months ago.
I'm really worried about the muscle feels, though. It just feels like I'm permanently stuck in that "scared" mode. Imagine you were frightened really really bad and your knees go weak and all your limbs feel weird.
Does this sound like adrenal fatigue or something? I've read the entire Internet and it literally could be anything from adrenals to vit. D deficiency but I doubt it. I just don't know what to do anymore and no one can give me any answers.
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man, if a bunch of docs looked you over and they don't know, then we won't either. so I hope you don't mind vague guesses.
what's your anxiety level like these days? how much sleep are you getting? are you eating enough?
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>>17399317
Docs are pretty clueless also. I insisted on the vit. D for example, because I've read hundreds of comments by people who have nearly become cripples because of low vit. D. Got tested and sure enough, my levels were 5x below the norm.
Anxiety level is really low. I work a very comfy job, get between 7-9 hours of sleep every night and I eat well too.
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>>17399304
Probably mild muscle atrophy.
exercise more. Whatever muscles feel jittery work them out hard during the day. If they get sore really quick then its likely muscle atrophy. Not a big deal you just need to stretch and work them a bit. Also work on the vitamin D.
Anonymous
First trip in another country, anxiety is a bitch, how do i survive till then? 2016-07-27 18:49:35 Post No.17399292
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First trip in another country, anxiety is a bitch, how do i survive till then?
Anonymous
2016-07-27 18:49:35
Post No. 17399292
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I'll go to Berlin the 3th of August and i'll stay 5 days, this is my first trip ever to a foreign country. I'll go with a very close friend of mine (so i feel reassured a bit) and a friend of his i don't even know (and this already makes me a bit anxious).
I'm 22 and always had anxiety, but thanks to therapy i fixed 90% of my life and had lots of success, both socially and personally speaking. I did like the idea of traveling a LOT, but alas, my irrational fears made me deprive myself of many things i liked, but were too scared to try. However, only today i had the balls to accept a trip with a friend, and anxiety is coming back at full force. I realize i don't have to run away like a bitch, since it's a thing i actually desire and even another step in my personal progress, but i simply don't want to deal with this damned anxiety for almost a week. I'm pretty sure once i'm at the airport, i'll feel confident and sure of myself, as happened for many "first things" i tried, but before then i'll be miserable, and i simply don't want to feel like shit for nothing.
So yeah, sorry if i've been confusing, but i'd just like to have tips about how to feel "safe" or simply not terribly anxious before the trip (some anxiety will be normal, but not as much as i'm experiencing right now). If you need to know anything else, just ask away.
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bumper
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Bumping again
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Do as much as you can to prep beforehand, and then distract yourself as much as you can. If you feel anxiety coming, do controlled breathing. Five beat inhale, hold for two beats, seven beat exhale. Slow, with the exhale always longer than the inhale. When you feel yourself calming down, move on to something else.
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I posted this some weeks ago and got somewhat moderate advice though now I feel like I'm even worse and still ruining every form of friendship or acquiantance-ship i have.
"Why do I always feel like awkward and uncomfortable when hanging around with female acquaintances who have boyfriends?
I've hung out with some acquaintances at times, not finding out that they have boyfriends until later on and even the ones I just talk to and not hang out with, I feel really uncomfortable and shitty around them and I hate this feeling. I have nothing against them, but I just get this really bad and unshakeable feeling. "
My other bigger problem is that I'm shit with words. I feel like I'm a terrible person who always have to bring the negatives out with this pessimistic mindset of mine especially when it comes to female friends.
I have a friend/acquaintance, I hung out with her a while back when she visited my city and upon our first meeting she informs me she had a boyfriend which then made me uncomfortable in relevance to my OP. But even though I should be a good friend, I couldn't help but say at times that "wouldn't you be better off/more comfortable visiting [place where we are or were going to] with your boyfriend in stead of me?" which then ruins the mood. I had said this numerous times stupidly even saying at different points when we visiting another city that "I'm not comfortable with x" or "Don't only couples do x, I'd rather you not do that with" I should be having fun with a friend by my stupid idiotic self just chooses to ruin everything always.
Another case where I hung out with another female acquaitance who also has a boyfriend, hanging with her and her firneds. I felt alone and out of place. I being negative and just acting like I don't belong. Instead of being more confident and trying to have fun, I somehow always get pulled in by the negativeness and be a fucking moron.
I really need help, I can't ask anyone I know. Please help me /adv/ how do i change.
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>>17399290
To add to this. I'm basically a forever alone and I've never had a gf which i feel strongly ties in with this. But I do believe in friendships between opposite genders can work but my poison mindset is pushing these people away from me. I feel like they all just hate me secretly.
I don't even love myself either.
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bump
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Looking for desks you can use while sitting and standing?
My ass hurst from sitting so long and standing is better for you anyways
I'm 6 foot if that is important.
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>>17399281
let me google that for you.
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>>17399281
Ikea sells desks with adjustable legs.
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My parents are threatening to disown me until I "grow up".
I've always been the black sheep. They're hyper-competitive, I'm not. They enjoy hunting, I don't. Work's their life and I've been on an extended vacation since '08. You get the idea.
So the short and tall of it is that I dropped out and entered the work force as soon as I possibly could. I saved every penny, moved out on my eighteenth and bought some land and what would nowadays be called a tiny house.
Ever since then I've devoted most of my life to my interests, hobbies, and friends. I play music, travel, do charity work, whatever. They've always disapproved, partially due to religion and partially due to them being generally manipulative people.
I didn’t exactly grow into their expectations, either. I haven’t had kids, I haven’t married, and I haven’t exactly climbed the social ladder. I make art for a living which hasn’t exactly rubbed well with them.
They gave me an ultimatum for my birthday. Either I "grow up" or they'll never speak to me again. They've managed to corral a good chunk of my family against me as well. I'll admit that I don't particularly like the vast majority of them but it still hurts.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. My life is wonderful, but I don't want to lose my family either.
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From the way you've put it it sounds like you're better off without them.
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>I've been on an extended vacation since '08
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A family who disowns you for being happy and yourself is not happy. Close friends would probably be family to you at this point.
In other words, having the same blood doesn't mean they are family.
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Does life have meaning?
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>>17399251
yes
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Does it matter?
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>>17399251
ultimately, whether or not life has meaning is irrelevant. people who believe life has meaning can chase that idea to the end of time and not notice. others can never question if it has meaning but rather whether or not their life has a purpose, and its better than the alternative: death. others believe life has no meaning and take that as an excuse simply to do whatever they want. others interpret that as some sort of meaning.
the basic idea of existnetialism is that the universe itself is random, we are random, and therefore life has no meaning. there was no intent, so there is no goal.
however, as beings who can choose we can give our lives meaning. we cannot control the random acts of an indifferent universe, but we can control how we respond to them. we may not always have a good choice, but we do have a choice, and it is those choices that give our lives meaning.
a man may want to go to war to defend his country, and be a small part of a big purpose. or he can stay home to take care of his elderly ill mother, and be a big part of a small purpose.
which one is the meaningful one? neither. or rather, both. once he makes a choice he makes it for reasons he decide are good and just, and that gives his life meaning.
others subscribe to a less philisophical but more spiritual approach, wherein there is a sense of 'destiny' but rather than it being a single moment we build up to, it is the amalgamation of our entire lives. they believe we are born with a sort of 'spiritual blue print' that we are meant to try and fulfill.
perhaps discovering the 'meaning of life' is part of that. considering how varied life is, the meaning can be different for everyone. ultimately if you feel your life has meaning, even if only to yourself, does it matter what true answers await?
at the end of the day, the most logical thing I ever heard was here on 4chan, some quote on top of a picture of calvin and hobbes.
>you are the universe experiencing itself'.