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Has anyone here tried rebooting your social life and starting over somewhere else?
I'm 21 and having a tough time imagining making new, lasting and meaningful friendships. The reason why I feel like I need to, is because I feel like I've gotten stuck low on the social ladder, which is a vulnerable position to be in, because I find people often take out their frustrations on the perceived "weakest" in the group and quite frankly I think I'm very forgettable. I blame evolution. That said I'm not bullied, and won't cut contact completely, I just feel that I need to make stronger bonds with people I feel like I can rely on.
Anyways, the plan is to become more interesting by the time I start in college (gonna do biology), through being more healthy and developing on my interests. Have any of you ever pulled something like it off?
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Life has no restarts.
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>>17409441
Hey anon, I'm thinking of the same.
The only difference is that I have no friends and probably won't be any more interesting by the time I go to college.
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>>17409465
Not with that attitude. Read books and get hobbies. We're not set in stone. Our brain literally changes according to what we do.
Anonymous
Am I ready?/Is it possible? 2016-07-30 10:39:02 Post No.17409416
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Am I ready?/Is it possible? 2016-07-30 10:39:02 Post No.17409416
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Am I ready?/Is it possible?
Anonymous
2016-07-30 10:39:02
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I would like to be married to a girl in two years. I'm 19, second year of college coming up. Living out on my own with a little help from parents but have no job right now, living off of savings. She's 26. I want to be fully financially independent + able to support this girl and finish school (Engineering). I would like to marry her in the spring or summer after my third year. Is this possible? What should I look out for? Tips on getting there and how to make her feel secure while getting there? She's really stressed about it which is making me stressed. I'm scared she will leave me if I made her wait another year and I really love her. She is so great and other than this there aren't even any serious issues with our relationship. We work things out and love each other. It's so great. I think if she and I don't work out I might give up on relationships. I can't imagine anything better than this and there might not be a point in trying if that happened.
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Why are you in such a rush to get married?
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>>17409426
I really would like to marry her. Living my life with this girl would be the greatest thing that could happen to me. Being able to wake up next to her, support her in her life and she in mine. But she is 26. And we do love each other but I don't want her to leave if she doesn't see a future with me. It would be a lot easier if we were closer in age but she doesn't want to be stuck in one place in her life for too long.
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>>17409443
What? There's nothing stopping you from being in a committed relationship if you don't get married right away. And what if she doesn't want to get married? If she doesn't see a future with you, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't get unilaterally married
Hey /adv/,
Recently I've been vacationing at my moms place in the states for the summer with her husband and daughter. Everyday it feels like I'm being challenged or made fun of by my step father and step sister.
For example, we would be eating at the dinner table and my step sister would be talking about food and than relate it to how big I am (I'm not big like obese but defentely not skinny) this goes on the entire dinner in front of my mom as she just eats.
Another one is when my brother arrived (He's skinny but tall) my stepdad was all over him talking about him and stuff showing off his old man muscles (Think saggy ass old person body) and he brings up the question of how many times he eats a day, in which he responds 3. This prompts my stepdad to of course reply "Man you should eat more so you can get some meat on yah isn't that right anon?".
Honestly I'm at the point where I want to just pack my things and buy an early plane ticket home because I can't handle all this mental abuse. I just want to know if I might be overthinking it but it's really making this vacation horrible for me.
Also I can't speak their language well as I learned English before my parents primary language so they treat me like I'm autistic when I'm talking to them.
Sorry if there are typos and grammar errors galore It's late.
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>>17409398
Just a buy a gun and shoot them, problem solved duder
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Screw em why should you cut your holiday short because of those nobs? You'll have done just what they wanted.
Either cuss em back and stick up for yourself, or just ignore them and let them continue being immature bastards.
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>>17409947
Yah maybe I should. Worse of all I think is my mom is forcing me to refer to him as "dad" which I feel very uncomfortable with.
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I've been in a relationship with someone online since the beginning of the year, and at first everything seemed fine. But later on they became really clingy, they want to fall asleep at the same time every night, even though they don't like to sleep so we end up staying up until the sun rises almost every day. I also learned that they are a total NEET, I knew they weren't in school already, but they completely don't want to do anything with their life as far as I know.
I've talked to them about how I feel, but I feel like they just don't get it.
I just feel bad because I think if I just end it they'll be traumatized or something.
What should I do?
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>>17409364
You are in control of your own computer. You can decide when you're available and when not, and the other person will have to accept that or move on.
That doesn't mean that you have to be nasty, just that you DO have the right to say "I have to sign off now to sleep/do homework/go to work/whatever" and then to sign off.
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>>17409402
Thanks for the advice man
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I have a friend, one that I'm really close to and have been intimate with (physically and emotionally). She's been diagnosed with BPD.
We're not dating and never have been, but after knowing each other for a couple months we started exchanging "I love you"s. This stopped after we had a real discussion about "us" and she revealed that she felt it was too soon for us to be saying something like that (which I also feel is true). She also said that she had only started saying it because she thought it was what I wanted to hear.
A few weeks after that, she started saying it again, without me ever saying or doing anything to cause it. And I would say it back, because even if we have only known each other for a short time I do still believe that I love her. But recently, she's stopped saying it once more and has been more distant and I don't know what to make of it all. I can understand to some extent, because she's been stressed about a lot of things lately. Things that I can't help her with, aside from listening when she opens up about them.
I once received some advice saying that girls with BPD need constant reassuring and support, which is what I've been trying to give this girl. But it's difficult when sometimes it feels like she doesn't care or feel anything for me.
Is this sort of experience typical in relationships where one party has borderline? What can I do to help her when she starts talking about how hopeless she feels her life is?
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Tell her to refine her diet and overall lifestyle, then straighten her dumb shit out and put an effort into developing self control.
These moronic "personality disorder" labels just give people security in not changing.
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>>17409372
We've been working on eating healthier together, and she's already looking for a job. However, she tends to lose motivation easily and has currently sunk into a real nasty funk.
I'd like to help her with her problems without coming off as preachy, or holier-than-thou.
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>>17409360
Be aware that you're taking on a very heavy load in getting involved with someone bipolar. It's one you may be happy to take on, but don't be blind to it.
You will have to ride her mood swings along with her - cope with her closing down and rejecting you when she's down, and try to keep her from going wild when she's up. It is inevitable that she will turn against you in one way or another when at both extremes, and you'll have to bear that pain.
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Sup, /adv/.
> be me
> work at a pizza joint
> Have mental issues, mostly psychosis, like auditory hallucinations and other psychosis
>be on medication
>find it difficult to concentrate at work
>try again and again to make pizzas right
>keep failing
>having problems with fine motor control
> sauce, cheese and toppings keep coming out wonky
>slowing down work
>get moved to dishes
>Have very few hours now
How do I prevent this from happening again?
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By unraveling your core issues and getting the voices to stop, so you can not be distracted and not take shitty medication (that sounds like Abilify) that messes with fine motor control.
First step is rejecting the psychiatric disposition that says you're broken for life. You're not, your brain is functioning the way it is for a reason, and there is absolutely no evidence to suggest it's an intrinsic mechanical failure you can only "manage". All evidence points to the contrary.
Ask yourself the real questions. The voices aren't foreign, they are of you, and they are you.
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>>17409365
I ask myself questions a lot. A lot of uncomfortable questions. What is the next step after that?
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>>17409376
Building mental structures and finding the means to enact change. Iterate over time. Keep iterating. There is a fundamental complex of core reasons you've become the way you are, and the longer it remains unreconciled, the deeper it's going to go. Return to childhood. Change your diet, change your life. Ask yourself if the role you play and how you're treated, what you see of yourself, is really tolerable.
I don't have all the answers because I'm not you. The above is a rough template, and it's how I helped myself.
3 year Ex bf and I have mutual friends. Broke up like 2 months ago. Get invited to a friend's sister's wedding. He and his new gf will be there, they've been together almost 2 months. I think we all might sit in the same table. I wanna go but also don't. What do you guys think?
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>I think we all might sit in the same table
Specifically ask that this not be the case, then go.
It's really not that hard to rearrange some miscellaneous people at weddings.
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>>17409349
Yeah I'll see if they can do that actually.
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I am trying to learn how to live in the world outside of the internets. I am 25, maybe autistic or just plain oblivious, I did not have a normal childhood, nor teenage years.
Anyway, I was playing pokemon go and one of the gyms was on a very popular trail. I was sitting on a bench, playing pokemon while this woman caught my eye and i didn't notice until it was too late, but i found myself leering. she made side eye contact, then threw her waterbottle in the trash near me and grabbed her cheek (sort of like the picture, but more to the side and a bigger squeeze while looking back at me). she wasn't adjusting her pants, she was wearing similar pants.
i just stared. was she flirting? I am 50% certain she was, but I don't know.
I also had a fucked up experience in uni, so I don't trust girls flirting. Any help would be helpful.
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She was fucking with you.
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>>17409329
ok, i knew it.
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>>17409325
It was just part of her workout.
You could have offered a hand, you chauvinistic pig!
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I'm a 25 year old virgin. I'm a good looking guy, and young girls, 18 to my age, give me attention all of the time, but now I constantly deny myself the opportunity to get laid because I am afraid of their reactions when they find out how inexperienced I am. Most of these girls are co-workers or friends in our group, and I'm afraid of word getting out. My closest friends all think I have no issues with girls, and I've lied about how many time I've gotten laid. I have told the truth about never having a girlfriend, though.
I am beginning to realize that I may be at the point of no return... or at least, I'm VERY close to it. I need all of the help I can get at this point, because I am now realizing just how alone I am as all of my friends are getting gorgeous and amazing girlfriends, many of which were interested in me first and I simply acted like it wasn't happening, sabotaging it for myself.
Help; I'm desperate now. I just want to be happy and not be alone.
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>>17409324
Noone cares you're a virgin. Just go for it you dunce, or you'll end up a wizard. Also, don't be desperate.
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Sounds like your core problem is having crafted a false persona, ie, lied outright. It's easier if you only lie by omission.
Just do it and get it over with, and face up to that you lied. A weight will be lifted and people probably won't care as much as you think.
I'm 22 and will probably find myself in a similar position eventually, minus the lying. I never lie.
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>>17409324
>co-workers or friends in our group
Don't shit where you eat
Anonymous
Found my bosses Instagram 2016-07-30 09:39:39 Post No.17409318
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Found my bosses Instagram 2016-07-30 09:39:39 Post No.17409318
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Found my bosses Instagram
Anonymous
2016-07-30 09:39:39
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I found my bosses Instagram and not sure what to do. Technically she's still just my employer (waiting for my background check to come in). I've been creeping hard without leaving a trace but feel weird about it. I feel like just following her account and seeing where it goes but feel it's inappropriate in a work agree for me to do so the same way teachers don't friend their students on Facebook.
Help me, half of me wants to fuck around and say some funny shit and the other half wants this job badly.
What do.
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Help yourself. You already have the means.
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>>17409318
That's not coffee.
WTF is she even drinking?
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>>17409320
Looks like ice coffee or a mix drink
How do I not be socially oblivious?
My friend tells me that I haven't inproved on my social malaise, so what can I do to learn how to better interact with people?
I'm not even sure what I'm doing wrong. I also am scared because I have to learn all this in front of other people.
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>>17409312
Use your head. People are just very complex machines. Watch their outputs, figure out why they generated them, infer what they're thinking and feeling, and learn to understand your own experience and ideals.
It's always an interplay between your own desires and playing along with the way other people work.
PS, people net suck. Do not become a slave.
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>>17409315
Thanks, anon. You explained that well.
Anonymous
I may be Charlie from Flowers for Algernon 2016-07-30 09:27:59 Post No.17409311
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I may be Charlie from Flowers for Algernon 2016-07-30 09:27:59 Post No.17409311
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I may be Charlie from Flowers for Algernon
Anonymous
2016-07-30 09:27:59
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Fuck..................................
I read this book, how Charlie was treated, I was treated my first 20 years of life. Is there a way to check if I am a moron (really stupid / retard)? like a quick online test? I have a high GPA but I do study a fuck ton.
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>>17409311
No, you're not. Relax.
If you did have mental limits you would have noticed by now that there were elementary things (like counting money or finding your way home) that everybody but you could do, and you wouldn't be capable of a high GPA with all the studying in the world.
You might be a plodder rather than a high flier, the kind of person who can achieve heights but has to work at it, as opposed to the few (and they are very few) who seem able to do it without trying. But that's no great shame.
Hell, you could read the damn book and get the point of it, so you can't be mentally deficient.
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/adv/, I need help.
There was a girl I liked, but I was too nervous to approach her, so one of my friends ended up doing it (he didn't know I liked her) and they are basically bf/gf now so I backed off.
Now that I have taken a liking to another girl another one of my friends also recently did too. I don't want history to repeat itself, and I just don't know what to do. I am very awkward and feel like I have nothing to talk about so I don't.
I don't broadcast that I like someone because it feels very awkward to do so.
Sorry if this sounds like inane rambling, I can't think straight at the moment.
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Then get a move on and fucking talk to her ffs lifes not a rehearsal
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>>17409309
How do I do this, though? I never had a figure to teach me how to deal with girls. I have no clue what I would talk about.
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>>17409316
Just treat her like a human being? What the fuck do you talk about with your dude friends? Do that, but to her. Just ask how she's doing and ho on from yhere. If you have any hobbies/interests in common, that'll be a good place to start.
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http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/07/23/is-hidden-fungus-making-you-ill/
Apparently I've had that for years. it sums up literally every reason why I hate myself. I'm disgusting and now I know why. BUT! There is a solution, which will be hard.
Anyone have any advice?
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/bump
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>>17409276
It is more likely snoo.
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Everything on that list on symptoms aside from the literal infections is just "WELL GEE THAT SORTA FITS ME TOO!"
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So, a couple of months ago i moved in with my dad. Im 18 and couldn't find a job or afford a car, so I came to him soni could get somewhere closer and also since ive lived with my mom and wanted to see him more.
And while ive made a lot of progress and had a great time, i want to go back soon. Basically, as soon as i have enough to buy a vehicle when i get back (which is about a month more of working).
How do i tell him? I always knew id go back but i told him i hadnt decided yet. He wants me to stay, and my younger step sister also moved in and she expects me to stay as well. What's the best way to break it to them? Should i do it in advance or close to when I leave?
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>>17409267
Just be upfront about it, being dishonest will hurt your relationship in the long run
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>>17409292
Should I just tell him soon then? I dont want to say anything until i have a close date because I need to factor in some stuff to see exactly when i leave
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>>17409298
Yes of course, maybe his fatherly advice can help you dcide when and where