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Just started my first relationship ever.
Any tips on how to sail the ship and keep it afloat?
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Variety is the spice of life. Don't do the same thing every day. Don't binge watch the same show every night. Don't always smash in the same position every time you do. Be interesting. This should be common knowledge and its the best way to keep your relationship afloat.
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>>17444285
Don't be completely autistic
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I'm in the same boat. I'm trying not to let my nervous, analytical side to take over and ruin it with constant troubleshooting and nit-picking. I remind myself that it shouldn't be a chore, though it needs basic maintenance. All the stuff I do is stuff that I want to do, so that I'm satisfied that I'm working on it but not out of fear or anxiety. Seems to be working well so far. Plus, open communication with the gf really takes off the pressure by getting answers to stuff that I'd otherwise overthink.
Have fun, buddy.
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So...I want to meet women, but I feel like all the normal ways of meeting someone that I've been told about won't work for me.
Tried some dating sites, and they didn't have many people because it's a small town, and even then when I saw someone I liked, I had to pay to contact them...fuck that. I didn't try tinder because I heard horror stories and I refuse to make a Facebook account.
Clubs/workshops seem like the next option, but only a handful of things strike my fancy, and limited selection again because small ass town. It'll quickly become obvious if I'm just there to meet people, but I'm still going to try and join something this fall. I jusy don't see younger women doing this kind of stuff though...
I don't want to pick up chicks at a bar or party. It's loud, there's too many people, and I hate going to parties so I won't mesh well with someone who likes to go to parties.
So no dating sites, hobby club thingys, and no bars. I'm fucked because I'm too picky right?
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> I'm fucked because I'm too picky right?
No, you're fucked because you are deliberately self-defeating. If you never go fishing ya ain't catching shit.
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>>17444223
Other then trying to join a few clubs and classes I don't know what else to do though.
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>>17444234
Start there. You can also travel. Why are you stuck in a small town and are there other places in driving distance?
Your life, your choices. Inaction is a choice.
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I can't make my girlfriend cum and it's frustrating me.
I can't ever make my girlfriend cum no matter what I do, what am I doing wrong?
We're both 18 and completely in love whatever but nothing I can do can make her cum. She loves it when I finger her but she always tightens up and dries up. It's not like she can't because she masturbates and climaxes when she does.
She says she doesn't mind but I do and want to for my sake as well. What can I do to suprise her? It's weird as hell but it makes me detest sex now.
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Fuck her butt
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>>17444213
Nah
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>>17444207
What about the clitoris ? Maybe shes just clitoridian
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How do I deal with all that self-loathing, /adv/?
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>>17443948
By becoming someone you don't hate anymore.
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Make yourself a better man op.
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>>17443951
>>17443971
How do I find the motivation for that? I feel like my self-loath and depression just sorta shackle me down. Like, every time I try to get myself to do something I'm just shut down by it all.
Anonymous
"Grow up"? "Being an adult"? WTF is this shit about? 2016-08-09 12:09:44 Post No.17443757
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"Grow up"? "Being an adult"? WTF is this shit about? 2016-08-09 12:09:44 Post No.17443757
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"Grow up"? "Being an adult"? WTF is this shit about?
Anonymous
2016-08-09 12:09:44
Post No. 17443757
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From what I gather: The ideal of being a grownup entails being generally more aware of the world/people around you and making responsible decisions.
This seems fairly at odds with many other adults (and my) ways of going about life.
Thankfully I've lived in places/such a way where being part of the community, doing your taxes and other inane stuff wasn't really a thing. Of course, this has limited my life experiences compared to people that have lived in "the real world" and dealt with such bullshit. It's evident in conversations I have with other people my age, but I've grown accustomed to bs-ing my way through it all well enough.
I'm also fine drifting from job to job picking up a wide range of skills, only half listening to the politics and bureaucratic workings of any of these places. I'd rather put all my energy to the task at hand.
Should I bother with "grown up" things like:
Actually dressing for my age rather than graphic tees and jeans outside of work?
Is there worth in acquiring a taste for mainstream hobbies that seem to be best enjoyed with more friends (football for instance)? I don't see myself dropping anime and video games.
Should I take a finer interest in how everything is operated internally and on higher levels?
Are there any other supposed "adult" things I'm missing out on?
My only plans are to save up, look after the immediate needs of my wife and soon coming son until I can plant our roots in a decent house.
I've slapped together attainable sub goals to get there with my wife. Do I need a more definite main goal than that?
TLDR: Should I take more interest in the smaller details of the world around me and what the other adults in it care about?
Can't it be enough to get damn good at my job and just spend the rest of my time with my family or video games? The real friends I've known all my life are online as a voice or text line anyways.
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>>17443757
TLDR, I think I got the jist of your question from the topic.
If you're smart you'll do what's best for you.
That's all that matters. Noone is responsible for your own happiness but you.
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>>17443757
Being grown up is about hadleing your own business and general well being
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>>17443809
>>17443803
If it's that simple, I'm fuckin' set.
Thanks /adv/.
Why is dating and attraction so shitty?
>you meet lots of people except the ones you're interested in
>when you meet someone you're interested in theyre not interested in you
>other people that you're not attracted to are into you
Wash rinse repeat
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You are supposed to make someone have interest in you, if you're interested in them. Or the other way around.
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Because we identify as a rational thinking being, but we're yoked by our baser impulses. Essentially we are philosopher's bound to a wheelchair pushed around by horny, powerful reptiles.
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>>17443685
Because the game is rigged against men (unless you are a sociopath) and women have excessive choice which makes them superficially judgmental.
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Had dreams once.
Went after them.
Failed. Then failed again. And again.
Ten years later I don't even know why I started trying.
Nothing makes me happy anymore.
Can't handle failing again. Can't accept any other life.
Haven't felt like a human being in years.
Been getting into steadily harder and harder drugs to cope.
Tweaking 36 hours into a bender as I write this.
Dreams are burdens, not gifts.
Why can't I just give up?
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>>17443639
You sound like you've already given up. The thing about chasing dreams is that it should fulfill you, not take it the most negative way possible.
Either you're not willing enough to change something about yourself that makes you fail, or you're completely oblivious about how life works in general.
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Your doing the Death spiral OP,
you've been down there,
and you know it's not going to make you feel one bit better.
turn it around.
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>>17443687
How?
Anonymous
Who knows about private investigators? 2016-08-09 09:33:28 Post No.17443529
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Who knows about private investigators? 2016-08-09 09:33:28 Post No.17443529
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Who knows about private investigators?
Anonymous
2016-08-09 09:33:28
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My dad killed himself 2 years ago. He was having an affair with a bitch who had 2 boys and lived with an airforce husband. He offed himself 2 weeks before his baby with mistress was born.
There are a lot of fishy things that didn't add up. And now I'm not sure that she was pregnant with my dad's baby. I think she was lying to him but I don't know if he knew that.
I want to do a lot of things but I want to get a private investigator right now. I want to know if this poor bastard is my half sister. I don't want my family to know because my mom has warned us not to make contact with the mistress. She's afraid that the baby is my dad's and they'll come after her house. I don't know how these laws work.
Has anybody ever dealt with a PI?
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>>17443529
I am sorry for your loss.
A PI is not likely to be able to determine with any certainty that this child is your father's. That would require genetic testing, and PIs can't order that or do it surreptitiously.
A PI MIGHT be able to see who is listed on the birth certificate, but this is almost certainly her husband whether or not he is the father, so that's not really what you want. If they divorced on grounds of adultery because it was obvious that the kid wasn't his, a PI could determine that, but that still doesn't necessarily point the finger at your father, as she could have had yet another man on the side.
Really, all a PI could do for you is get you into contact with her. And even that is not certain: ethics demand that the PI contact her first and ask if she wants to be found by you, and if she says no then the PI cannot give you any information.
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>>17443574
thanks dude.
If someone has a baby out of wedlock but refuses to pay support (in case of death) - can the baby momma come after his assets even if they are shared ?
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>>17443590
I'm not certain of how this would work with regards to inheritance law. That depends heavily on jurisdiction, so you should speak to a local lawyer who specializes in these things.
The things you've said imply that your mother owns her home. Do you know exactly how the ownership was expressed (for example, as a tenancy by the entireties, or as a joint tenancy with right of survivorship, or as someting else)? This could be important.
I'm a short brown Mexican living in the U.S.
I have no skills, lame hobbies, and currently going to community college because I was too stupid and poor to get into a university. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do. Also a kissless ugly virigin, but I've gotten over that. I'm never myself with anyone, including my family, because I'm a weird ass nigga and have been called out for it my entire life.
My entire life has been video games, the Internet, and porn. And I hate it. I've always hated video games and the Internet, but there was nothing else I could really do. I've always tried to not associate myself with it.
I just wish I was a normie with a girlfriend and a love for sports and pop music and having the laughing crying face emoji as my most used emoji and live in my own little bubble.
My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be.
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>>17443528
How are you at construction?
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>>17443528
At least you are aware of your situation and that it the first step in self improvement.
It really just comes down to what you want out of your life and if you can muster up the will power to make that change.
If you really just want to be a normie then start getting into normie shit but I assure you that you aren't going to be happy with that lifestyle.
Just take some time to reflect on the changes you want to make and how to achieve them.
Don't get too ahead of yourself because you will lose motivation real quick if your goals take a good amount of time and effort to achieve.
Take small steps towards the changes you need to make everyday and surely enough the progress will start to show.
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>>17443830
this and step it up OP, you complain and bitch about it, but dont do anything about it. You just post it on your personal blog and continue with your life. Fuckin grow a pair and do the work for improvement.
>hurdur im ugly
No, you just dont groom yourself nor take care of yourself because you dont give a fuck
>herpderp im dumb
No, you're too lazy to study and prepare;that's your fault
>herpaderpadoo im poor
No, its because you dont work towards anything and rather jerk it off.
Get your goof ass out the computer and start doing something about it.
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Having an existential crisis everyday is normal for me, I'm confident we live on a dying planet and it's only going to get exponentially worse each year. I really want to forget about it but I've never had any faith in religion and to be honest I'm scared. What do I do?
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When in doubt
Eat a banana and sprite
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>>17443492
Everyone is on the same boat senpai, get used to it
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>>17443538
That is bullshit and nothing fucking happens.
>>17443492
Keep existing on this miserable plane just like everyone else. OR kys, but that is for pussies.
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How can I stop being so intimidated/insecure about women? Or at least stop staring and being afraid whenever I walk past them?
NO, Im not an over-weight NEET and I do keep a good hygiene. I go to college and I get over whelmed by my anxiety.
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realize that women are shit and that their opinions are based on whatevers popular in their bubble. You must not give shits about them, their opinions or their feels. Stare all you want, what are they gonna do about?
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>>17443781
Women can tell their friends that I'm weird / creepy and make sure I have no chance of even TALKING to a female. Women's opinions of me can prevent from every trying to reproduce if they don't find decent enough to fuck/date
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>>17443781
alternatively, pictured them taking the nastiest most stank shit you could ever witness
women are just like you, some of them are creepy and weird, have fucked up thoughts/fantasies, etc, etc
So, I HATE it when people self-diagnose, but I honestly don't know what to do anymore and I feel that putting a name and getting some treatment to a problem I've been having since my youth would be beneficial.
I think I have, or something akin to, SPD - Sensory Processing Disorder.
All my life, processing certain sounds, physical feelings, and even visual cues cause very real pain to me - sounds, especially. One of my "trigger" sounds (fuck, that sounds so Tumblr) is thumping noises. It causes a physical pain in my head, and causes me to feel a very intense mixture of rage, anxiety, and overwhelming sadness. I can hear peoples' footsteps in the apartment upstairs, or someone's stereo's bass in the next car over, or even something like a hammer driving a nail in from a distance, and I just lose it. Another is eating related noises - lip smacking, food crunching, and even silverware contacting a plate. Whenever hearing stuff like that, I lose it. I lose it to the point of tears, and sometimes that is because I get so frustrated and angry, or sometimes it's out of sadness and depression, or it could be straight up anxiety. I never know.
Some physical touch "triggers" I have are soft but coarse surfaces, like mattress eggcrate, or even one of those fabric zip-binders that you keep loose-leaf paper in. Touching them sends shivers up my spine.
Visual cues are weirder to explain, but one is common and I learned the name of it from browsing 4chan for damn near 7 years now: Trypophobia.
Point is, I think I have SPD, or maybe just a weird mix of sensory-related phobias, or fuck, maybe damn autism, I don't know.
I also have a history of clinical depression and GAD, both of which are being treated by medication (very well, for the most part) and occasional therapy visits. Should I bring my thoughts up to my therapist? Could they actually help me? I'm just so sick of losing it....
Thanks.
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>>17443313
There is nothing wrong with self-diagnosing, if a lot of research goes into it, and you are ready to accept that it's only a possible diagnoses.
Of course you should bring it up to your therapist. Why the fuck not. Literally nothing to lose.
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>>17443313
Any relevant information you provide to your doctors can be beneficial, but sometimes doctors are incompetent. I'm only 21 and I've had a skin infection for years that's undiagnosed, back pain that never goes away, and I'm unreasonably tired all the time.
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Well you definitely should bring it up with your shrink. What do you have to lose? There's probably a 1/10 chance it'll help but it's better than going through motherfuxking pain because of sounds every day. She might give you some pills. If they don't work you can just sell them to some stoners
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Well... Here we go. #Walloftext
In 2002 I was 12 and I met a girl who we'll call J. J and I hit it off really well. We shared the same hobbies and like a lot of the same things.
In 2006 I grew to greatly love her and I was planning on confessing on valentine's day. But as luck would have it I was sick for the week and when I came back to school I found out that (we'll call him N) my best friend had gotten together with J. I was crushed and eventually fell into a deep depression. I didn't even tell anyone that I liked her and hell N told me that he liked a different girl.
In 2009 N and J broke up. I could tell from our talks that she was really taking it hard. I wanted to say that I loved her but what would N think about that fact that I was hooking up with his ex? I decided to keep quiet but stay with her and spend as much time as possible with her. I eventually figured out she was depressed like me after glancing at doctors forms on counter tops hell I even found antidepressant pills in her bathroom. The same kind I was using.
Fast forward to present day and she lives with me because in her own words "I... Don't think I can live comfortably with anyone besides you. You were always there for me." I want to say that I love her but when I think about it there's 2 problems. 1. N is still my friend and him knowing that i'm dating his ex and childhood friend would probably make him think i'm a dick. 2. If she doesn't like me then all I am doing is adding to her list of problems and it would be incredibly awkward between us and I don't think she would have much other people to talk to her about personal shit. Hell when I even mention N at all she says "Don't even say that fuckers name." or "Don't talk about that piece of shit. I don't want to be reminded of the pain that I felt."
Well /adv/ should I confess or just stay her friend?
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>#
stopped reading there
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>>17443256
Well, if he's cool with you living together, i don't see why he would care if you were dating. Just my $0.02.
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>>17443278
Well for once in my life I got a happy ending.
So I just took a walk to the mailbox outside because I was going like "Oh fuck I forgot the mail from today." I didn't realise that I left this page open. I also didn't realise that J woke up. I walk back inside and I hear a faint "I've been waiting 10 years to do this." When I turn around I see J walking towards me grabbing my arms then pulling me in.
Turns out she read the post and has liked me for a LONG time.
She said that the reason she got with N was because she thought that I would turn her down and 2. didn't want to turn N down because she didn't want N to feel like he wasn't good enough for her.(He has been known to hold grudges for a LONG time) 3. Knew that a different girl liked me.
Fuck I could have ended so much shit if I wasn't sick 10 years ago
Even so I guess I should thank /adv/ for existing so I could post here because that was honestly one of the best feelings of my life.
Hard to believe a god damn 4CHAN post just got me and J in a relationship. Feels like an anime love plot or something.
Catch you later /adv/
Anonymous
How to start as a programmer? 2016-08-09 06:33:46 Post No.17443236
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How to start as a programmer? 2016-08-09 06:33:46 Post No.17443236
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How to start as a programmer?
Anonymous
2016-08-09 06:33:46
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So, I'm 26 years old now and therefore kinda feel "too old" to start from zero in a new whole world which is programming, but after being undecided about my life for a long time I finally decided I wanna go for it.
The thing is, I have no idea how to begin.
How's the market for programmers now? Is it really just about knowledge and not about which university you went to? I don't want to get an uni diploma so my plan is to study by myself on the internet, will my path be that tough?
Also I'm kinda between Ruby, PHP, Javascript and had tried many times studying Java but seems kinda hard for me, which languages are you guys working with?
I kinda want to know if I should just focus on one/two languages and then try to make some working programs or games with it and maybe try finding a job with it, is it a bad plan?
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If you are not going to get a degree, you will never be hired as anything but a lowly code monkey doing webpages. After all, why would anyone hire you as opposed to someone with a PhD in compsci? The serious, highly paid specialist jobs will be out of your reach.
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>>17443248
I don't expect to be getting highly paid, I just want a normal job. But really, from what I have been hearing everywhere, so many succesful programmers never had a degree in IT, they either moved from another area or studied but don't think the diploma is crutial in the job interview, so I might be wrong but it doesnt look like you only has a future as web monkey if you dont have PhD
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>>17443268
It looks like you want to do webpage stuff, so for that you can do it without a degree. Don't expect to be given jobs with important mission-critical systems, naturally. Generally, self-taught programmers vastly overestimate their skills. If you haven't studied the subject there are a lot of concepts you will not know.
Man something always Fucks up. I'm trying to figure out what happened here
It's been a year since my last relationship of 4 years ended with my previous GF. Finally decided it was time to get out there and start dating around again, look for another long term relationship.
After more dates than I care to count, I narrowed it down to three girls that I really enjoyed dating. From there I was able to cut it to two, but it was really hard to decide which one I wanted to pursue a relationship with.
So I'm on a date Saturday night with the girl that was slightly behind, and she brings up her interest in being in an official relationship with me. I was excited that she felt that way too, but I figured I should let her know that I was dating another girl as well, and that she was behind, so she needed to step it up a bit.
Dudes, she Fucking got upset! Are you kidding me right now!? She was like how could I be dating another girl? Easily, because we weren't exclusive or in a relationship! This is Fucking bullshit.
The worst part now is I think I like her more than the other girl I have been dating, but I'm trying to figure out how to square things out with her.
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Gr8 b8 m8
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Girls want to feel special. Tekl her she's the one.
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>>17443211
Yeah that's Bullshit.