Hey, /adv/. I really fucked up. I've been talking to a girl for two months that I met through a friend. Things were looking good but she never wanted to be a couple because of her friend who also had feelings for me. It came to a point where I got upset and asked her to pick between me and her friend, and she chose her friend. I can tell I did damage to her , and I realize I made a mistake. I want to fix things between us and hopefully end up being together. I need to know what I have to do. Someone please help me.
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The way you described things your best option is to just walk away.
If you choose to be an idiot, which it is look like you are walking down this road. I advise this, hand write a letter, keep it concise and stay on point. Tell her you are sorry and describe what she means to you, end with it with how you would like to have her in your life and mail the letter. Do not tell her what she should do or what you want her to do, stay on point.
You fucked up, your choices are walk away or put all your cards on the table. Walking away is a sure thing, anything else is uncertain.
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>>17484626
How long should I wait to write this to her? Things just ended today
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>>17484695
A soon as your head is clear enough to do so. You are trying to work then angle that hand written letters are special and will appear more sincere, than a text or a phone call. It can also protect you from saying something accidently.
Anonymous
Being Assertive and Outgoing 2016-08-22 00:39:47 Post No.17484600
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Being Assertive and Outgoing
Anonymous
2016-08-22 00:39:47
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Backstory: when I was a kid I used to be quite outgoing, I always tried to make people laugh, would always have plenty of things to say, and was often pegged as a kid with lots of energy and charisma. When I got into my teen years, i began to mellow out, and began to become self-concious about what i said and did, in fear that what was fine as a kid, was now going to be seen as obnoxious and tryhard. In situations where I would meet new people, i would try not to be confrontational, and have try to have a "just passing through" attitude where ever i went. I did have a good deal of healthy friendships, and could always act myself when hanging out, but to strangers, I made an effort to be as unassuming as possible, in fear of being annoying or unlikable. So, last year i went to university, and luckily had two close friends attend with me, so i was not alone all the time or anything, but struggled to create surface level and deep relationships with new people. I am going back soon, and I want to be able to be outgoing and assertive, without being obnoxious.
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>>17484600
(OP continued)
This summer I worked at a restaurant, and worked with a group of people who were generally open, and would always spark banter and joke around, but I struggled to be able to carry this small talk and joking around in anyway that i could with my close friends, and carried myself in a way, that my coworkers, and the guest i served would seem noticably uncomfortable at my sullen and closed off behavior.
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When hanging out with friends, or even just outside of work, most of the attention is between the people. Doesnt help when 2 quiet people hang out together lol But we also respect are down times, listen to music or w/e.
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>>17485204
fuck post cut off....
>When at work you have something else to focus on
>Fucking around with coworkers just gets us through the day
>Hanging out with friends attention is on each other
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Hey /adv/ this post is meant for me to vent and get some advice at the same time (I guess)
Part 1: So basically I was/have been in a FWB relationship with a girl over the last year and a half now. About 2 years ago she wanted to date me, but sent really weird signals (talking about a guy she was in love with, etc) so I backed out. Months later we started talking again and eventually started to hook up here and there.
I have always been into this girl and would date her given the chance. At the start of this year her and I talked about giving dating a shot. Her and I went on a date together. A few days later she texted me that she felt weird about the whole thing and said that she just wanted to keep things the way they were (aka you're not attractive enough for me to date).
Over the next few months her and I hooked up a few times, even acting really "couple-like" at a concert (holding hands, her all over me) that one of my coworkers the next day asked me "Is that girl your girlfriend?"
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>>17484593
Part 2:
About 3 months ago her and I were hanging out (drinking). I was pretty hammered and straight up told her that I would date her and still have feelings for her. She "explained" that she thinks I'm very attractive (otherwise she wouldn't be hooking up with me) but just feels weird about us starting to date after knowing each other this long (probably a bullshit excuse but whatever).
And now after this embarassing moment I've been trying to avoid her like the plague. Everytime our group of friends would hang out she always brings up how she wants a boyfriend and how hot guys are and it makes me wanna punch my face in with a sledgehammer. I know that cutting off contact from her is probably the best for me in the long run.
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>>17484604
Part 3:
It's weird too, because she isn't even really a really good looking/attractive girl by anymeans I don't understand why I'm so attached to her. I have been with/dated girls that were waaayy better looking than her.
And she always acts really salty/jealous when I would go on dates with other girls. When I went on dates with this one girl she told me she was ugly and that I could do a lot better. Then a few months after it didn't work out between her and I she said "Wow she was really pretty you should have dated her" etc. Almost seems a little sociopathic in a way.
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>>17484613
Part 4:
So /adv/ I guess what I'm getting at is how can I get over this girl? I know that I have a lot going for me (attractive, going to grad school, talent in various hobbies, etc) but I still beat myself up over this girl. Help?
How to do rough sex with the boyfriend? Meaning i want to "lead" i guess, i want to be the one to tie him up, punish him, etc. How do i go about this? What are some sexy ways to tie him up? Some things i can make him do? Tips and ways to be dominate in bed?
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You've got to ease him into it. Start off with suggesting smaller stuff, like tying him to the bed posts or a chair. Maybe even let home lead so he can see what you want to happen
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>>17484580
You want him to get into tying himself up?
Also, You want to take the lead but you also want him to be aggressive and I'm not sure if these two thing mesh well unless both of you are into angry fucking.
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Playing the song "Closer" while going at it might also put him in the mood
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Been with my girlfriend 3 years, love her, but bored of the relationship and in all honesty would rather be single but I don't want to break her heart. Especially as she has no idea I feel this way, from her POV everything is perfect. We don't live together but she sleeps over 3/4 days a week.
3 weeks ago we both met this girl who has come from overseas for a year on an exchange, I'll call her X. She got with a close friend of mine (Y) on the first night we all met at a party, they then had sex a couple more times, then she shut that shit down. This was after she came on to me earlier in the night and I shut her down because I have a gf (not to mention my gf was there) - my gf saw her come onto me, my gf hates X with a passion.
Last night I was at a party again, gf and close friend were not there, X was there and she came up to me and was being very touchy feely and coming onto me hard and I pushed her away, we still spoke later in the night and she was saying all sorts of shit like "I would have got with you over Y that first night if you didn't have a girlfriend" and she again was being touchy feely and I pushed her away. Another close friend of mine (Z) and my girlfriends saw and heard all this. Later on in the night X was extremely drunk and I was also extremely drunk, I sent X a message making sure she got home okay. She said yes. That was the entirety of that conversation. I have not told my gf about this night.
This Friday there is another party. Me, my girlfriend, X, Y and Z are all going to be there and I have a great fear that a whole load of shit is gonna explode in my face despite the fact I don't think I've really done anything too wrong...
Bonus Info: I do not like and am not attracted to X. But I also kinda want to break up with my gf. But there's now no way I can break up with her without making it look to her and everyone that I'm breaking up with her as a result of X's advances.
WHAT DO I DO
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>>17484568
Wait a little while, while continually telling X to fuck right off. Then you can break up with her. Obviously after this point it is highly recommended not to fuck X, or your plan goes to shit.
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break up but don't fuck X
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>>17484576
Lol, reality.
Breaks up and fucks x.
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My girlfriend and I are into some kinky shit, but not too extreme.
We're 18 and use belts and the like but I want to spice things up. I don't wanna get like gimp suits and bdsm toys, but what are easy 'sick' fetish-esque (apart from feet) that we can do?
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Fuck her bellybutton, take drugs, if she's chubby fuck the rolls, cum i on her everywhere, cum in her hair, cum in her eye dont let her clean it up, eat her ass, anal, ass to mouth, slap her face hard and make her cry then make her gag, pull her hair, skirts, fuck her panties or thong make her livk the cum off.
Holy fucking shit I've had some kinky sex recently.
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>>17484552
Womanizer vibrator
Buttplugs and anal beads
Ballgags and blindfolds
Cuffs and bondage rope/tape
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>>17484563
More like this please
Killer group with my best friend and his friends. Get closer to them everyday and start exchanging stories and respect.
>mfw (file related) i meet this one girl
>Slimish, not fat 9/10 real qt
>5th GF, real one I truly love (so far)
>We're all good friends but her and I have our own times outside of group
>She chose me over another guy, i may have just been more for her
Now, I'm really clingy mostly because of just bad experience with grils. Her soon to be ex and her never talk when she constantly tries to but talks in the main group but doesn't talk to her.
>she wont stress it
>"i dont want stress, i just want to be happy with you"
>i agree, dont push it- bring it up often
>she isnt even allowed to date
>her mom likes me, my dad and hers both have Beamers (my dad has a 535i 2010, hers 528i 20XX, for those wondering)
>I love her
>she loves me
>typical fan girl but knows what she's talking about when it comes to vidya and such
>Everything in common
>5 days so far it's perfect
Back to earlier I AM VERY PARANOID. I always think I'll lose people if get to close (Evangelion ep.4 if you know what i mean). I want to be with her forever.
>I'm too affectionate to her, mostly because of being desperate
>anon, i love you thanks for the gift
>ily 2, no problem
>lemme make you a vaporwave CD
>during date when i give gril gift, i kiss her
>lame kiss dont even know how just guessing based off TV
>kisses me back cuddle for the next hour
>tfw I never want to let go
>She's happy with my existence
>tfw feels
>Feels
>Feels
>Kiss her again, quick a bit better, doesn't kiss back
>Maybe i stress too much
Guys, am I moving this too fast? I haven't felt this way before really. Am I stressing everything? Give me advice please.
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Are legitimately autistic, OP? Because holy fuck
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>>17484547
I literally couldn't finish reading this and I tried a number of times. I've read some fucking autistic shit in my time, but this takes the cake.
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yes.
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I've got a problem with my roommate, who has been my best friend through high school, we're now both 23.
Things were okay a year ago when he moved in, but naturally, we started to hang around the same people, and our group of friends now consists of basically all the same people.
My problem is that now that he has a girlfriend, he will go out of his way to insult me, or put me down, in front of our friends, his girlfriend, and our coworkers (we work at the same place...probably not the best move but it's where I am for now).
I find that I can't exactly defend myself without looking autismal and starting some stupid argument in front of everyone we know - an awkward situation for everyone involved.
I don't really know what to do. I've tried pulling away from the relationship, but he keeps inviting me to go do things with him and his girlfriend, just to make up lies and insult me in front of everyone.
Do I have any options? Am I being a pussy? I'm not exactly great at making friends, but this whole situation makes it pretty clear to me that I have to branch out and find a different group, because having my best friend from high school put me down constantly has been pretty damaging to my ego.
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Op this guy is supposed to be your best mate of what, 5, 6 years?
Fucking talk to him about it in private.
All relationships require communication, even friendships. If you say nothing about it then nothing will get solved. Just calmly present how you feel, give reasonable examples and if keeps being the way he is, find new friends.
I thought this was common sense?
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>>17484550
That's true.
I guess the problem that I have is that when I tell him about it, he denies that he does it at all.
In fact, he'll probably attempt to turn it around on me. Last time I tried to talk about it, he accused me of doing the same thing: "what you can dish it out, but can't take it?"
I honestly think he doesn't know that he does it. Or that he can't even stop if he wanted to.
Problem is, I can't simply remove him from my life. He's my roommate and we're on the same lease for the next year.
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Just ditch the loser.
I hate people like this. They seek approval from putting you down in front of other people because they have nothing interesting to say.
He's not much of a friend. Ditch the loser. Ditch the job. Ditch the house.
I hope you have some money saved up.
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Do you ever calm yourself down with thoughts of suicide?
Sometimes i'm nervous about the future and whatnot, and I just think "eh. I'll kill myself if it ever gets that bad" and I feel better
What's worse is i'd probably never actually do it.
Is that healthy or not
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Doesn't seem too healthy
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>>17484537
I think that sometimes we're put into situations where it we don't have any options and are forced to do something.
Suicide always gives us an option; a choice.
We need that choice; it's the human spirit.
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probably not healthy
no matter how bad things seem, you can't let that be an option
seek some professional help
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So guess what has happened in the past month? Some of the dumbest shit I've had to encounter but usually it is my friends fault for being selfish and a moron.
Here's how it goes. In July an old friend of mine texted me asking me where I was planning to move. Lets call her D. I told her that I was going to head into a bigger area and finally live on my own and away from my parents. She asked if she could come. I don't care who I live with guys. I really don't. Girl, boy, tranny, either way they were going to save me some money. I become well acquainted with her and my buddy who graduated with me was apparently really good friends with her as well and we will call him T. He decides he wants to move in too. In the midst of several weeks we join together many times and find out about each other as much as possible. Then my friend T drops the big bomb. He likes her. Knowing this, I didn't think it would bother with anything I had planned in the first place which was just moving out. But two weeks later the girl finds out. I'm thinking, "wow, maybe they'll get together and such and it'll be a nice thing to see my friends fall with each other". But no. She rejected him and told him she couldn't be liking her if we all moved in together because "it would be weird". Not too much long later he eventually tells her that he's still into her. Later she calls me to tell him to back off if he still wanted to move in with her and I. I did, and I also had instructions to be mean if I needed to. I told him what was what in what I thought was mean but he told me I was being nice about it. I tell him I am sorry and that she requested me to be mean as well.
Fucking ass man.
She decides to flake out about moving in with me without telling me right before I tell him what she asked me to do of being mean to him and such. Two days later she asks me why I told him she said for me to be mean.
Am I in the wrong?
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OP, you learned an important lesson: never be in the middle of a conflict.
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>>17484530
Why the fuck did you talk to him? That's her problem not yours.
She gave you a treat afterwards and petted your head?
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>>17484541
Thank you my man.
>>17484543
I thought I was doing something good for a friend. and green text what has confused you.
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>start doing nofap
>day 30
>realize ill never have a gf and fapping is the only thing that came close to it
Why shouldn't I go back to fapping?
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Well, what were your reasons for stopping?
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>>17484499
I was a chronic porn addict, I felt like shit every time i fapped.
I have brain fog, social anxiety, and low confidence.
I was hoping if I stopped fapping all of that would go away.
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>>17484494
>realize ill never have a gf and fapping is the only thing that came close to it
This is the problem, this realisation is fucking bullshit. Why you will never have a girlfriend? And don't give me this freaking "because I'm autsit hurrr durrr", crap. You are probably just socially retarded because noone showed you how to not be in life, your self conficende instead of being raised by your parents was probably crushed and you confused about what was going in your head resorted to self hatred and isolation.
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Any advice on going through life without friends? I do have acquaintancesome, but no true friends. It's really ironic having unlimited texting, but no one texts you.... but your mom..
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I've always seen the task as always trying to make friends because I have none. Never thought about living with it. Bump
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Are you looking for advice on surviving without friends, or enjoying life without friends? I suspect only a small number of people can actually have a fulfilling life alone. Humans are social creatures, it is a biological need.
That being said, it is certainly possible to be happy alone with the right temperament.
I sate my need for social interaction via the internet. Books/media/masturbation can also serve as a reasonable substitute. Have productive hobbies to occupy your free time.
I've found the biggest pitfall is that if you avoid going outside, you may develop social anxiety or nervousness in large/loud crowds. Try to make conversation when the opportunity arises, or you may lose that skill as well.
I know a lot of people look at this kind of life as something sad, but it really isn't that bad. I had number of friends in university but tended to prefer time spent alone (reading/etc) over drinking or other group activities. After graduation I still keep acquaintances but don't go out of my way to hang out or anything. Being alone was mostly a choice.
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>>17484500
I'm looking to more or less have a flulling life without friends
I do play airsoft regularly to keep the social anxiety at bay. I don't join teams because airsoft players are like cheer leaders.
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Who else on /adv/ is a sociopath?
>tfw no empathy
>tfw not sad when people die in a big attack
>tfw only help if people know I know they need help
Heheheh... feels so good
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>>17484455
AND you got double dubs.
Leave this place, go back to /b/.
M A D M A N
A
D
M
A
N
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>>17484455
>I'm so kool gaiz
>I feelz no emoticons
Whoopty shit you fuckin retard
Nobody gives a fuck
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>>17484455
You come across more like an edgelord. Wait til you hit your late 20s, if your lucky and avoid incarceration and addiction you could enter a period of great clarity.
aspd is a blessing and a curse, you don't feel the suffering, but you will come to understand how empty a life without love or trust is.
The cruelest joke of is around age 50 the symptoms just go away, what will you do without your mask?
Anonymous
Rant. Anxiety. Crying atm for no concret reason. Porn induced ED. Feeling lonely 2016-08-21 23:27:21 Post No.17484450
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Rant. Anxiety. Crying atm for no concret reason. Porn induced ED. Feeling lonely
Anonymous
2016-08-21 23:27:21
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I hate parties. I like the songs but when I dance people mock me because I don't know how to and it must be pretty obvious and that jst makes me feel akward and my already low self-esteem kicks up a notch and I distance myself.
Last time I went to one (must've been 4 months ago already) a girl that was really drunk, not saying anything coherent, stayed a couple minutes with her arm around me, everyone around me was just telling me to "do it, do it". But I didn't know what. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to apprach a girl I know little about, so I said if she wanted to go to somewhere more private but she barely understood me so I had to say it over and over again, until she said no but kept her arm around my neck. It was just really fucking akward and messed me up. 10 minutes later she was taken by someone so I just spent the rest of the few minutes I spent there by looking at two hot girls kissing eachother in a corner and drinking.
I'm feeling really fucking lonely despite having a gf, my circle of friends faded over the years and I don't know how to re-structure it. In college its so easy to get flooded by normies, to feel ashamed by not being an alpha male like the rest or be able to have sex thrice a week like some girls and gays I've interacted with. The people outside of that cliche that I do know of already have their own personal friendship circles. How do I start one or insert myself more without sounding like a desperate loner? Why do even "nerd" events like GoT have to be fucking parties?
I made my girl cum everytime we've been together, sometimes even twice, but I have some serious ED that I'm trying to get over through noFap. The thing is as I start to get even the smallest signs of mixed signals I start to connect everything to my lack of virility. I feel less compelled to flirt with her and ashamed to even ask for sex (we a city away from eachother).
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>>17484450
Cont.
I've been trying /adv/. I've been trying so hard for so long and I feel such little difference from when I started. I just need to listen how from time to time when I get this dips into emotion hell. How do I get better. I need to work on these things so I can clear my head and focus on my studies which I haven't been applying myself in since my head doesn't stop ringing me these negative signals over and over. Just hammering them in, these little momments that I flawed and from which I can't seem to know what I could've done differently.
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bump
nearly same problem, doing same thing now
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>>17484454
It's okay to hate parties. Find friends who don't always party. If I'm at a party I just sit there and chill, idc what people think cause it's still a social gathering in the end.
Regardless, just hang with friends outside of parties and you'll probably feel better. When you have with friends you just don't have the time to think about negative shit.
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Is it fun at all in the beginning to have a clingy girlfriend? I've seen so many threads where guys complain about it, but in the beginning, wouldn't it be a bit fun to have someone always wanting your attention? Maybe I'm just so deprived of that type of attention, that it seems good in theory, but it would just be a novelty that would quickly wear out.
Are there clingy relationships that work out well if both desire attention and they give it to one another? Is that a bad reason for a relationship to exist in the first place?
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I don't see how it can work.
It just begins getting annoying and you'll want none of that shit after a while.
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>>17484449
You've experienced this? I'm talking about in the beginning, if you just both feed off each other's attention, could that end horribly?
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Also if you have no feelings for her but insist on keeping it going, when you finally break up she could point a knife in your direction. Just giving you a heads up bro.