Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3677. page

School was over 21 years ago. Something happened to you at a certain time, and you're going to cry about it for a lifetime?

>>17656896
I'm not sure "cry about it" is the right word. I learned lessons about people from those things. But I'm not sure if those lessons are doing me much good. How do I unlearn my experience and accept a world that doesn't match up to anything I've seen?

>>17656922
That's actually a good question, and it has a good answer.

Get over yourself. Get healthy.

>>17656765
Sounds more like you have a quiet voice, or talk slow. Literally just scream when talking in a group.

>>17656765
How bad is your stutter/stammer?

>>17656804
Yes, you guessed it right. I have a quiet voice but I'm improving on it. Friends are starting to say that I'm a lot more louder than the time they met me.

Scream?!

>>17656809
It's bad.

>Example
"How b-(silent for a while)-bad is y-y-your s-stutter?"

Study more. Write all your code in English than translate it to computer code.

>>17656761
It's hard man, you need good memory and algorithm

You deal with every problem you have head on, you have to research them yourself. Follow the rabbit hole down.

Don't be an Indian (they memorise things and never get past the basics), if you see "static main" and don't know what static means, research it.

"Want to go to a concert on Friday?"

If you overthink it or ramble you'll just make yourself feel bad afterwards. Ask the questions you want to ask, don't stress what you're not saying and don't forget that she's an individual person with her own shit in her head as well.

>>17656767

I feel you, but since we only see eachother in class(with other people)+dont have phone her number/Facebook+only met a few times (in class, with other people) I think it would be creepy, like when we were at the bus stop (in college, it was dark already) and we were talking but my bus came and I asked her if she wanted company for the way or whatever and she said I didnt need to do that and to go on my bus and I went, because I thought of it as a rejection and me trying to be nice but ending up creepy.

I don't have a method for making friends but it's not an overnight process. It just happens over time.

>>17656745

Find people you have fun with and hang out with them.

Group projects and sitting arrangements will help you meet people.

Don't be scared of asking stuff before or after class, or for notes.

Don't be afraid to join a laid-back conversation in the classroom. Don't push into a small group, but join big conversations that span a big part of the class.

>>17656745

Like most people say, it comes with experience. I'm not even an expert, but Ive seen how exposure to different kinds of people is a sort of rubric for dealing with people in similar categories of behavior.

In the most basic way you can talk and be inoffensive to anyone as long as you get them to talk about themselves for the majority of the conversation, and then occasionally commiserate about things you have in common. If you really want to impact people though, you need to surprise them. This can be in the form of humor or what they feel is an impressive observation, or an interesting piece of knowledge. If you can be funny to people, especially in a witty way rather than being a clown (which isn't terrible btw, people like clowns sometimes) they will think you are smart and start to harbor a certain respect for that. Same goes for if you surprise them with something they agree with. They will at least think you are on their level of intelligence and interest, and therefor a worthwhile conversationalist.

It all takes practice, but you may feel the desire to be really dry at first out of fear. You will need to overcome that at some point, because there is a whole class of people that don't totally vibe with you if you are too formal or get caught up in small talk. If you can be goofy though and "break" or lightly push the totally conventional norms of politeness with strangers in public, they will feel like you are chill and fun, and "their people".

>>17656745
Try a club called Toast Masters. There are local meetups everywhere and it's freeeeeeeeee

>>17656732
>she mentions that she went on a date over the weekend

Possibility 1: tries to play with you
Solution: It's a red flag, drop that dumb bitch.

Possibility 2: she dates another guy
Solution: She doesn't like you, drop that dumb bitch.

>>17656732

Was she really flirting or just texting? Maybe you read too much into it.

>>17656742
No, it was flirting, at first it was very playful but as time went on she got less flirtatious. i think I agree with >>17656741 either way it's a red flag

Don't eat like shit.

Get a grasp for the chemical balance in your brain and try to improve that balance to a standard.
That standard just being a high functioning competent and capable human adult.


I was going to kill myself three years ago.
I wasn't fat but I was eating tons of sugar and junk food with no exercise and it fucked my brain up.

I got a prozac prescription that I used for a few months to get myself into a state where I was...

Showering regularly,
Applying body lotion,
> (that 10 extra minutes of paying attention to your skin does something for you mentally)
Feeding/cooking myself healthy meals,
Cleaning up after myself,
And actually exercising
>(40 minutes every other day)

Once I had a grasp on myself I felt better.
I dropped the prozac, held on for the two weeks where your brain chemicals balance back out again
(you might get a little depressed for a week as the meds drop off- but just hold on through it, keep up your good habits)

I came out on the other side,

and I wouldn't be alive today if I didn't sit down, talk to myself about myself and decide to get my shit together instead of just killing myself.

I also moved myself out of a toxic situation.
I make a lot less money,
But I am more alive and happier now.

Being mentally healthy again also makes me feel more comfortable going in to make more money again. As I can actually handle it now.

Taking care of yourself means exactly that.

No ones going to tag along your life and get you out of bed in the morning into the shower.
No ones going to clean your dishes for you
Or make sure the vegetables make it on your plate.

Depression causes you to neglect your own life, your space becomes messy like your mind.
It take persistent attention to all the details in your life, are you in an environment that enriches you?
No?
Figure out how to make that change and I don't care if it takes over a year.
It took me five years to dig myself out.
But KEEP AT IT and get yourself what you need.

Also FUCK ROMANCE
Don't go after some fucking relationship like it's going to save you it won't.

You're fucked up attitude and lifestyle will just drag someone else down and make you feel worse when they get sick of your shit and leave.

Learn self love,
Jack off every now and then and let that be a part of it.
But actually learn to love yourself at least a little because if you have to feel like you are worth taking care of. And you are.

No other person should determine your self worth.

And once you feel mentally in a good spot,
THEN and only then will it be FAIR of you to try and form a romantic relationship with another person.

If you treat yourself like shit, you're going to get rejected, and keep treating yourself like shit.

So don't do that.

>>17656727

context is key. a girl i know just had a miscarriage so 'take care of yourself' means 'treat yourself'. take yourself out for dinner six nights a week if you can afford it. have dessert. take a week and just do whatever you want that you've always wanted to do.

but it depends on what kind of 'shit' your life is. if its your own doing, take care of yourself might mean get your shit together.

>>17656715

Dump her, this is only gonna get worse. Trust me.

You either need to suck it up and discuss these things with her, and work it out together, or you fucking break up and move on.
I mean are you married? Do you have a kid together? What's tying you to a woman you don't find attractive and no longer love? Is it the fear of being alone, that you won't be able to rebound, or has it just been so long you don't want to get back into the dating game because it'll be hard?

>>17656721
4 years now, and it's been a great relationship. She's a woman that's proved her dedication to me, and I really don't want to give that up. She's young, early 20's. And she's got a lot of growing up to do, and I know I've been fat before too, and it's possible to lose the weight.

>>17656694
>the most perfect and attractive girl
>she has severe depression and a history of ending up in the hospital due to attempted suicides

I would really slap you all.

Let her return to the void

>>17656699
please slap me anyway, having known this in the very beginning I would have said no to a relationship a long time ago

>>17656703
That seems like the most viable option at the moment unfortunately

Some people are horrible, some people aren't. Some people are partially horrible.

That's the simple fact. You have to make the decision to be around people that are as good as you're willing to accept, or strive to make them better.

>>17656675
If god exists then how come the physically and mentally impaired exist.
>Inb4 it's the devils' work

Who said people aren't horrible?
Everyones shit in their own way, everyones got their positive sides in their own way too. Even Hitler liked dogs. World aint black and white.

Also, bullying these days has become so subjective. You say something that isn't 100% sunshine and rainbows it's bullying. Sometimes even if what you said is 100% positive people will still find ways to take offense. Especially in the day and age of "cyberbullying"

When I was in middle school, I got called to the office for "cyberbullying". The comment in question? A friend of a friend I had added on facebook asking if her new haircut looked good. I commented "Awe, I loved your long hair though!"
Was told I needed to apologize to her face to face or take a suspension.

In high school, some bitch had it in for me, started verbally threatening me. I made a status about it. 9 months later she jumps me in the library and chokes me out. I go to the office to report her when I get free, she sobs to the principal about my "cyberbullying" that caused her to "snap". Get told I can either drop the assault charges and we both move on, or I can take a suspension for cyberbullying and continue to press charges against her.

Biggest mistake of my life dropping that. She spent the remaining 2 years stalking me and making threats.

Shit people exist, some do shitty things on purpose, some do them on accident, some do them because they have no other choice. Some are just purely looking out for themselves, which is what we all have to do. You can be good too though, you can try your best to be an all around good human being, but at some point in your life, you will have to be a bad guy too in some way to some people. It's all subjective friends.
(Also, bullying exists because kids are literally psychopaths due to the hormone rush of growing up. You're never going to be rid of it because kids are still learning how to be decent human beings.)

>bump<

>bump<

>>17656658
It's just porn.

Is it real or is it hentai? Because if drawings are tiggering you. You need a therapist

1. Cut all contact by deleting facebook/instagram/whatever friendship with her
2. Remove pictures, gifts
2a. If she cheated, destroy all gifts
2b. If peaceful breakup, or rejected, put everything away
3. Go out and do other things, exercise helps a lot
4. Consciously stop yourself and resist the urge to stalk on social media
5. Laugh at yourself in a month when you see just how much better off you are without her

occupy your mind. get a new allconsuming fetish

>>17656557
really in one month?

so if I do this. am good then?

I've started seeing this new girl.only with her because being alone hurts now. I want to
feel loved again and she really like me. should I let her in?

>>17656541

Are you sure nothing else could be the problem?

Tell us about you last attempt and we will analyze it together.

>>17656541
I got rejected 17 times this month, and I personally don't know why. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with you, and you need to ask 1000 times before you get a yes.

Are you asking out random womens that don't know you? that might be why.

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let me know what i'm working with
how sensitive we talking

>>17656456
You don't need to stop being sensitive.
Learn to handle your emotions better - don't be a little bitch, learn to take a joke and criticism, don't get upset over everything, don't bitch without trying to find a solution.
Basically, grow up.

You will find a person who will appreciate your sensitivity, especially if you learn to handle it better than you are now.

>>17656463
Tbh I have a feeling she gave me a cop out answer. The nature of work I do makes or breaks people in regard to handling criticism and "banter".
I'm not one of those self proclaimed nice guys but once I showed her I can be different from my usual playful dick routine, she wanted to be friends.

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>one night stand
That alone should tell you to be prepared if it doesn't work out

>>17656435
I say go for it, catch feelings and see where it goes
That being said, don't give her complete power over you but if nothing else, it'll be a good experience; you'll gain more wisdom and knowledge even if doesn't work out

>>17656461
Thanks.. My thoughts have been kinda all over the place lately, but the fear of the little thing she said, maybe was a hint that she didn't want to go any further, still torments my fragile brain