Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3614. page

I can't speak for anyone else, but I heard her laugh one day and realized it was music to my ears. Asked her on a date shortly after that.

Seeing her smile makes me so happy, and so I go out of my way to do things for her because I care about her happiness. As far as sex goes, I love sharing the experience and being able to make her feel good. Don't get me wrong, I like feeling good too, but I'm more invested in her physical pleasure/orgasm than my own.

>>17678665
Gay

I decided I wanted a relationship once I got a proper full-time job and had the spark of confidence that comes with becoming self-sufficient (to a degree anyway) so I joined okc and met my (now) ex. Now I have no confidence again, yea boi

Hmm, maybe you should find another bf.

Possesion charges dont show up/affect entry-level/mid-entry job applicants unless its a felony, so whats the real charge OP?

>>17678578
List of felon friendly employers.

https://exoffenders.net/employment-jobs-for-felons/

Just keep hanging out as friends if you can manage that without falling into crazy love with her.

If it might hurt you to break up again then move on.

>>17678572

I could definitely manage that but part of me stills wants her. I'm not sure which part i want to listen to.

The other thing is that everyone who has seen us together says that we are good for the other and seem to work. She has her issues and i tell her that it doesn't bother me and that i want to be that stable thing in her life, as unstable as it might be now.

>>17678568
I don't understand. It seems you guys, or at least you, behave as if you are in a relationship so don't get the unstable break up excuse. Perhaps because she is free to see whomever, not fucking you but got you there on the shelf it's all good. Kinda sucks for you if you are orbiting hoping for a reconciliation because you are going to be really hurt when you discover she is serious about another guy.

Tell her you no longer wish to see her. Thats it. Anything else is your fault. If she shows up at your place say for her to leave, that you dont want to see her.

Ignore what she says, ghost her on messages and calls if you have to. You owe her nothing. She aint forcing you anything.

>>17678561

I already told her several times. My psychologist told me to stay away from her as far as possible. My fault? Somebody clogs up my inbox messages, tries every way to contact me and it's my fault?

I already ignored her but she just plainly ignores whatever I say because she has to see me. Telling her it's just temporary will not work.

Also she has unrealistic expectations that scare me: she randomly asks me to take her out for dinner or compliment her, as if we were still together.

Are you British? Send her my way

>doesn't say where home is
Don't bother OP, college is for smart people.

>>17678536
Boston, since you were asking

>>17678523
Dude just man up and go to UofArizona, like do you really like the winters in MA? Get real bro.

UofA has found like half the stars in the galaxy or some shit, you will rarely ever find a cloudy day.

>>17678520
Don't base your idea of relationship on what other people tell you about relationships.
People usually talk about their relationships just when they're going bad - people talk to others just to vent after an argument, seek for advice just when things are going shit, etc.
A lot of people enter a sort of vicious cycle when it comes to love - they're so jaded and cynical about relationships that they systematically ruin every relationship they get it, getting more and more jaded and cynical. I feel like everyone's so worried about being in the 50% of marriages that end up in divorce that they don't put effort in the relationship, because "it's not going to last anyway". Which will, inevitably, make them a shitty partner and make the relationship end.
If your relationship is going well and everything seems perfect, you have no reason to believe that it will go badly.

Other that this, you have to realise that every relationship is a bet and you're inevitably going to lose it.
When you love someone you're basically giving them the possibility to hurt you. It's a part of the deal: if someone is close to you enough to bring you happiness, they're close enough to make you unhappy.
Over time, everyone will disappoint you. It happens. Even if they care, even if they put a shitton of effort, even if they truly love you and want just the best for you, they'll do some stupid shit and hurt you. I will suck. You will feel like shit. But you should forgive them, and move on.
Of course - Make sure they didn't do voluntarily (for example, don't forgive a cheater), that they're willing to fix their mistake and they're genuinely sorry. I shouldn't even say this, heh.
Don't take it as if it is the proof that they're unworthy of love, or that love isn't worth the effort. Everyone makes mistakes.

It seems like this girl really loves you and you love her back. Don't throw it away because you're too scared to make it work.

>>17678520

I know that feel man, just got out of a 3.5 year relationship because she cheated on me (kissed and cuddled with a guy friend of hers under the influence), she was in deep regret about it and it fucked her up, but both of us knew we couldn't continue at this point, we're just too damaged. Things were literally perfect prior, and she admits this, it was a momentary lapse and the pressures and constraints of a long term relationship just got to her.

We were incredibly in love, had a relationship similar to yours, one you think could last a life-time. I've felt that cynicism you talk about too, I think at an age under 25 it's nearly impossible to make a relationship last, doesn't matter how happy you are or who you are with, you start to feel trapped and like you're missing out on your 20's.

My advice is to keep a healthy level of cynicism and trust your gut instincts. Try to trust you partner unless they give you reason not to, but also don't be afraid to question things that don't sound right like any kind of inappropriate or shady behaviour, anything that makes you uncomfortable. I think protecting yourself somewhat and putting on a confident front is the safest bet until marriage, I know it eats away at you sometimes but you just have to believe in your relationship and make sure you both respect and understand each other.

>>17678590

Also to add to this, love does fade, but not in the way you think, after 1-2 years you are pretty much at maximum comfortability with each other meaning no real excitement or spontaneity but thats just what happens, this is where a lot of relationships end because people will miss having the rush and butterflies or the "spark" they once had, mature people understand their love has just blossomed into something more comfortable and realistic.

I thought I'd give a little bit more information/context for my fear to maybe answer some questions in advance.

Condoms are the only contraception we're using right now, but I've going to fight against it after this scare. I've tried the pill before, but the hormones were too much for me to handle and I was left bedridden. I really want the IUD, but my gyno is refusing to give it to me as she doesn't want anything that'll stop me ovulating as I only have one ovary. Abortion is illegal where I live, so I'm not surprised that the healthcare system here is trying to keep me primed and ready for being a mother.

>>17678526
Bump. Perhaps the comment I made about being primed and ready for motherhood was a bit harsh as people are still given the pill here, I just hate that I know exactly which type of contraceptive I want and I'm told no.

Just take a pregnancy test

I was in something similar. She figured she could manipulate me by going against what I want, kids, by wanting to break up. So I said fine let's break up. She is pretty attractive and well paying job so she'd think I'd be dumb to let that go. Well I just up and left. Went to the gym and come back to my car to check my phone and all sorts of texts and missed calls saying she made a mistake blah blah. We work it out for the meantime. Few months later one of her friends brings her baby to a party we're at. Girl doesn't even bother with anything to do with the kid while I'm holding and playing like a natural. Kids mom asks so when are you available to babysit. That night I told the gf you're aware we have an expiration date right? She says she's been thinking about changing her mind for me and whatnot but by then I figured that if she really didn't want kids then she might end up just resenting them later. Not good. Broken up now but hey such is life

Yeah, get rid of her.

>>17678636
>>17678915
I'm only 19 so kids is a long way off but I can't help but feel like eventually this has to end. When do I end it? We're both still virgins and haven't had sex yet so I'm kind of late it that regard so I'd like to have sex first but is that okay to do? Some people have suggested I talk to other girls whilst I'm with her and then break up with her when I find someone new. I know that's not technically cheating but it just feels wrong to me and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that to her.

Bumpity bump.

Has your gf done any psychedelics before?

LSD is a very strong drug and not a plaything. Enjoy being together with her and sharing the experience. She might want sex, she might not it's impossible to know because everyone reacts differently to psychedelics.

>>17678549
She has no experience with psychedelics so we obviously intend to consume a low dose.

>>17678498

After what you described, you should have discovered some stuff about the other person. Ask about that.

Ex: They say where they are from, so you ask about that place. That way you get more info and more things to talk about.

>>17678546
Okay but happens after? Do I banter with them? After you know each other for a while, what do you talk about then?

>>17678678
Usually people talk about something they both have in common, but idk m8, I'm like you

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>>17678496

Hi, OP.

No...but also yes.

Masculinity is a bitch to define, it's been warped to hell and back in the last 40 years, vilified by one end of the political spectrum, turned into a get-out-of-jail-free card for certain parts of the others. It doesn't help that historians has torn many of our examples of virtue down from their pedestals.

In short, it's not as easy to pin down as it used to be, but in this case, he means masculinity as "not shunning away from confronting a situation even though it can turn nasty". He is insulted that you were not willing to say your goodbyes to his face.

To me being a "real man" has to do with the principals that a guy holds and if he does the honorable thing. You took a coward's way out by telling someone off through text and not even being able to withstand confrontation through text. You didn't give your once friend the respect to end your friendship like an adult and took the route that a teenage girl would

>>17678587
I see, thank you for the explanation, though I still don't see why I need to see him in person. I'd prefer to avoid confrontation/violence wherever possible, especially if it would only serve to further cement what we already know, in this case that the friendship is over.
>>17678601
You make an interesting and valid point too. In my defense I never said anything to him that was threatening or abusive, though I suppose that doesn't justify anything. So in this case is the "manly" thing to do to meet him in person, talk it out, even when tempers could be lost and blows could be exchanged? I've never been manly in the way most people in the West would consider manly, and truth be told I'm terrified of getting into a fight. As I said in the OP I'm not very socially aware either.

>>17678472
No, they have to find their balls and initiate themselves.
Women in general are Beta af, never expect them to move on you, even if there are a few exceptions to that.

>>17678472
because
1) they're scared to initiate, just like you
2) they usually don't have to initiate anyway

anyone who tells you that it's 'the man' s job' is either lying to you or themselves. most women are too pussy to do it, so the man usually has to step up.

>>17678472

Are you telling me people don't approach you to talk?

Either via text or when you meet? Even when flirting?

Where do you live. Let me know so I never go there. Seems boring.

They do, but theyre hard to find. When you find em tho, don't fuck it up like I did. Girls like that are usually busy and won't spend as much time as the usual gossip chick, but its well worth

>>17678440
Sure.

> and don't have constantly to ask me if I love her
I've never did this to my partner if I wasn't extremely unhappy in the relationship and my partner wasn't neglecting me.
Maybe try to improve yourself.

>>17678440
>tfw the autistic CP spammer from /tv/ came to this board

bcs im gud lol

>>17678418
"Your whole family will die in their sleep if you don't. Hearing this negates all of your immunity"

>>17678418
Im hella nervous i got a job interview today

No response after sending it either.

Should I apologize or not acknowledge it? Help. I really don't know what to do. Could this cost me my job?

>>17678413

This is what I would do IMO.

" I am very sorry for the delay on the report, this was due to problems with my computer. This has now been rectified and I apologise for any convenience