I determine one's personality based on their clothing style, music taste, their facebook posts and their way of speaking. By that, my head determines who is intelligent, who isn't, who is a good person and who isn't. I know people say you shouldn't judge them by that, but every time i do my expectations come true.
Am i snobbish? And if i am, how do i stop it?
No, those are realistic expectations, just that its more rare to find those type of people than a generic party girl so expect it to take time.
>>17703158
I judge people by how they come across as well. You sound like an insufferable ass so I don't care enough to respond to your issues, not worth it.
>>17703158
Yes, you're also pretty stupid. But whatever works for you
I'm a doctor and I feel like no matter what I do, I am not doing enough for my patients. I feel like I could always read more, I feel like I could always stay later even when my shift is done etc. I feel like I am never good enough and if someone manages to survive for the day, it's by luck. On my days off, I worry that I havent learned enough and I crack open a book. I can't seem to enjoy my free time. I feel guilty if I go spend time with friends knowing that if I stayed at home, I could read a few more pages of different text books.
How the fuck do I tell myself that I am good enough? I guess this is a self esteem problem, but I need to realize that I am accomplishing things and making progress. I just wish I could have an off button that I could use on my days off.
I clean toilets and mow lawns for a living. I suffer from the same misgivings despite positive feed back from employers.
Do your best and then know you've done your best. We are only human.
Do not think of work outside of work.
>>17703152
same. i got hired fresh out of college with no business experience to manage an entire business. and no matter what i do it feels like its not enough, like they're wasting their money paying me... despite the fact that I've gotten the company out of debt, made it profitable, and every single one of my business strategies has been, at worst, making a small profit.
despite two years of managing without a problem and even keeping the business afloat while I had a form of brain injury earlier this year, i still feel like its never enough.
i think its part of the way our generation was raised. nothing we did was ever enough.
>>17703152
You need to talk to someone, you NEED time to yourself so you can function as a doctor.
I'm a vet, and admit that I have very similar feelings at time. However, you need to take a step back and realise that unless you look after yourself you won't be able to look after anyone else.
This is a ridiculously common problem amongst medics/vets- have you tried speaking to your colleagues? Have you tried ringing a help-line? (I know they do specific ones for vets, not a clue for medics). Have you tried talking to someone?
I just don't get it. I am literally on the verge of tears right now. I just got rejected by this girl whom I've been talking to for a whole year, when she told me she loves me and wanted to date me. Suddenly when I tell her I'm okay with it, she says she's gonna hang out with this other guy who she apparently knew for 3 years (but they never spoke to each other during that period, according to her), and she said I'm not her type. What the fuck happened, why did she change her mind in literally one day? I really thought we had something going but to see it all crushed like this in an instant is just painful for me.
>>17703147
She was interested in you, you didn't do anything. Now it's too late, she lost interest. Move on
>>17703151
I literally just asked her out and she said no, we're not together. When I tried to ask her about what she meant when she said she loved me, she denied it and called me a liar.
>>17703147
hard to hear but here goes. She preferred the other guy all along but finally thought she would settle and then he paid her some attention.
Hi /adv/, I'm a 19 year old guy working his way through the first half of his Freshman College Year, studying for a degree in Computer Science. All during High School I was a very introverted and socially isolated guy. I didn't have much opportunity to date the girls at my old high school since most of them didn't interest me, and the class size wasn't very big.
I've met a girl that I think is very attractive in my classical history class, one of my favorite courses. It took me several weeks to work up the nerve to talk to her, but I did manage to. However, I have a problem. I only have my Classics class twice a week, during Tuesday and Thursday, and I can only see her then, and only talk to her after class. This can be difficult, though, since she tends to wrap up her things and leave class at a very brisk pace and I have to try to catch up with her. However, if I do manage to catch her after class, our paths pretty much line up and I can talk with her for a while, yet I still only see her twice a week.
It's difficult to talk with her, get close to her due to how little I actually see her after class. Being the idiot that I am, I gave her my number in a note asking her to text me. She has yet to.
She doesn't seem repulsed by me. I'm fairly average looking. If anything, I get the vibe that she's more shy, since she tends to sit by herself at the front of class and doesn't talk to many people in our class. In our first conversations, she had her roommate with her, and her roommate seemed to do most of the talking. As far as I can tell she seems pretty withdrawn.
I've been wracking my brain for a while on what to do, and I'm running out of time, since it's over half way through the semester as I might not see her again.
Ask if she wants to get together to study sometime. Don't be too sad if it doesnt work out, a lit of first attempts don't when it comes to introversion. I would also suggest you might join a club or something too to improve your social skills a little. That helped me a bit anyhow.
>>17703137
Bro do you go to concordia?
>>17703148
This isn't actually my first attempt. I had a girl in high school that I wanted to get with. It didn't work out since she was gay, but we are very close friends
I have cheated on every girl that I've ever been with, even formed relationships with the person I cheated with. I know its wrong but I just can't help it. I can't just keep sleeping with the same person for too long. I want to experience more and more women, and I hate myself for hurting all the ones I've been with. I'm not gonna bullshit by saying that its an addiction, its a choice that I keep making. Anyone else have this problem? Any ways that can help curb this? Or should I just stay single and have one-night stands when I want to get laid?
I think you should stay single and burn yourself out. That's the only true answer. If you find yourself cheating on girls left and right the one for you hasn't come along yet.
I've never cheated on my 5 year long bf. But if this isn't some of the most boring days lately.
>I'm 24 and he's 33
>We both like video games.
>He is slowly getting mad at me for playing video games.
>Has debt from terrible choices in his life
>Try to help him a little but I can barely save money
>don't have sex for weeks even though I want to
>has anger issue and get into arguments about the smallest shit that last for days
I love him, but if this year hasn't been the greatest and I don't know what to do anymore.
>>17703111
I think you should stay single.
Honestly, it can hurt a lot to be cheated on. Even more so when you form a relationship with the person you are cheating with.
I think you will accumulate a lot of negative energy if you continue doing this.
Any tips?
I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago.
Prior to that time, I was a pretty free spirited type of woman. I had sex within long term, monogamous relationships, but I had no problem getting freaky and a very high sex drive.
That has all been shattered.
Intercourse is often painful and almost completely unenjoyable for me now. It is difficult to get wet. I just "want it to be over."
I had counseling after the assault, but it never got to these sexual problems.
Only recently, when trying to focus on the source of these issues, did I consciously realize I am having intrusive flashbacks of the assault during sex.
>>17703080
You need to specifically see a clinical psychologist with a concentration in sex therapy. Vulvadynia and PTSD are issues you probably won't be able to overcome yourself. Sorry it happened to you, I hope you manage to recover.
>>17703080
>Counselling
Try again. Make sure you say you want to focus on these issues. You've got to lead the sessions because you're the one paying for them.
I was abused as a child, left me feeling pretty numb about sex (have it lots, partner never clocks on but I'm not mentally there, I'm just playing the role of good sex partner). Counselling has helped lots but only because I would bring certain issues to the table at the start of every session. There's nothing other anons can do for you.
>>17703086
Yes, this is probably true.
However, I live in a pretty rural area right now where there isn't much option for finding a specialist in sex therapy.
I usually do pretty well with self-driven psychotherapy, using self-help books etc. I tried reading a book called "A Pain in the Pelvis" but it focuses primarily on men.
Thanks for your sentiments.
I am honestly surprised to see that the trauma is still having such an impact on me, but I guess that is the horrible thing about sexual assault.
how do I find my masculinity /adv/?
I don't feel very masculine, other than my masculine face the rest is trash. I'm scrawny with small shoulders. I have never once been good at any sport. I have a silly boyish personality. At times, I've been told I'm a bit feminine. I'm not a big or imposing guy. I'm not decisive and often can't make decisions. Men dont tend to look up to me or give me lots of respect.
I'd like to be more masculine but seems having that gravitas is more than just simply improving your posture and speaking deeply. Am I doomed not to be taken seriously?
What do?
Any anons relate? :(
>>17703058
get /fit/, lift like your life depends on it
endure hardship, struggle, and suffering without being broken by it
learn to build/fix things
engage in hand to hand combat and emerge victorious
just a few suggestions
>>17703058
i think the issue is that you equate masculinity with respect.
some of the most masculine guys you meet aren't taken seriously at all. they're considered idiots. being uneducated is considered somewhat masculine, in the redneck sense. others might find intelligence masculine, but only if its puffed up by other masculine qualities and used to do something like, running a business.
in some cultures celibacy is manly. in others its considered more masculine to ravage as many women as possible. did you know some cultures even consider beards to be girlie?
my point here is that there is no real definition of masculinity. ultimately the only thing we can all agree on is that its /not/ manly to just do what everyone else says or wants for their approval to feel ebtter about yourself. that can be almost universally agreed upon.
therefore masculinity is a personal relationship. if oyu want to look more manly, go work out. its that easy. but if that sounds 'too hard' well thats why you're not masculine. you're not wiklling to work for what you want.
I made a joke toward my female friend and she was clearly very affected. I apologized more than once and she said it was okay, but I was acting stupid to apologize because something so dumb wouldnt affect her (it clearly did at the time).
The next day, she goes totally cold and acts like a total bitch to me. I ask her what's up and try to be in a good mood, but then she said I should stop "pretending" because it wont make her feel better.
Then the next day, she is just totally cold and is pretty much ignoring me now. I didn't acknowledge her at all because the previous day made me think she just wanted distance. She made no effort to say a word to me either.
Keep in mind she is a very close friend and I've known her for about a year. She has helped me a lot and we have had many awesome experiences together. I consider her one of my closest friends and she has told me the same... but what the fuck is all this about?
When I asked her whats wrong before the day we ignored eachother, she said that she just wanted me to "act natural"
>>17703037
She is really butthurt about that joke my man
>>17703050
She seemed fine after I told it. It wasn't until the next day where I kept asking what was wrong that she seemed to get completely irked by me.
I've got a saviour complex but it turns out I don't know how to save anyone.
What do
find someone with abandonement issues. They don't need saving but they feel like they do, and you'll be their saviour.
>>17703008
Yeah I did and all I did was make them emotional trying to talk about it.
Now I'm in love with a girl who associates me with negative feelings.
>>17703014
Try to avoid the batshit ones
I met a wonderful girl.
She is amazing.
And I have had so much fun talking to her.
But as of Friday, I have felt nothing towards her. It was sudden, and without reason. Don't say "I burned out." I still know she is wonderful and know every reason I should love her.
Beyond that, I feel apathy towards everything. On Monday, I tried to imagine my family dying. And I felt nothing. I tried to recall a scenario that made me angry. I felt nothing. And when I see other girls around the school to whom I was previously attracted, I feel nothing. And when I see some idiot post a dirty image here on 4chan, I feel no sexual attraction like usual. Only today have I begun to feel any emotions again. I feel a distant sadness, but I'm not sure why. Everything in my life was going great.
I was happy on Thursday. On Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I felt... empty.
I have ADHD and OCD (both are real diagnoses, no self-diagnosing), and I've been taking the same medicine (Adderall XR) for years, so I doubt that has anything to do with it.
Depression runs in my family. My mother and sister both have it.
Is it possible that I have it, too? I thought it was just supposed to make your sad days sadder, not completely remove any feeling, including sadness.
Does depression affect your love towards someone?
If that isn't it, what are possible causes of what I'm experiencing? I just want to fall back in love with her again.
I want my heart back. I feel like the tin man
bump
Please help me
>>17702974
7cups.com while you wait people to respond here.
Do you feel that it's related to the fact that you met the girl? It seems like you think that meeting the girl is at least part of the reason you started feeling that way.
My birthday is tomorrow. The last 5 birthdays or so I sat in my bed crying all day. No friends at all. Anything I can do tomorrow? Also poor as fuck
Damn, you're pathetic. You should, like, work on that or something. Maybe meet some people. Maybe make some connections.
>>17702967
Apply for a job, that's the birthday gift you should give yourself.
1. Where are you from?
2. Are you old enough to drink?
3. Do you enjoy being outside?
There's always stuff you can do for your name day, even without people. We know your feels. Personally haven't had a good name day for over 7 years now so it's not an expectation anymore. Sometimes it's better to be alone, doing something no one else wanted to do with you. As long as you can have fun doing it, might as well take your day and make the most out of it.
did the faded undercut as one suggested on /adv/ thanks
sorry for polluting this board with this seeming useless thread
this is before
You look like shit, but a better piece of shit than before. Now fix up everything else.
>>17703069
^ this
You just have to dress better work out a bit and you are gonna get all the pussy you want boi.
Who here has Tinder success stories? I get a good amount of matches but I haven't ever met anyone from there. Is it generally true that if I'm matching people on Tinder, I should be ready for sex or trying to meet up the day of the match? I'm not really looking for that.
OkCupid I've had more success with since the people are generally a little more serious about dating, but Tinder has the more attractive normal girls.
How many messages should I be sending on Tinder before asking if they want to meet or something, is my question.
Ive never heard of successful ventures on tinder.
Ive never even got a girl to message me back yet
I had no matches for 2 months, but that's because I live in Europe and I'm very select about the girls I want to meet.
Most matches won't meet, and the ones that do are as different from each other as all other instances of people dating.
I've met four women off tinder in my two years career:
Number one, met after about three days of chatting, fucked her twice on two different occasions, but didn't meet to fuck on the first date, it just happened anyway, since our date laster about eight hours.
Number two: got her to buy me a few beers on the same day we matched, then went home because I decided she wasn't for me.
Number three: met her a week after matching, and had gotten very explicit about what I was going to do to her. Fucked her for about two months, and basically fell in love and made her realize she never wanted to see me again, after I explained that the reason I couldn't be friends with my ex, was because we never really got over each other.
Number four: same beginning of story as above, but still fucking her (5 weeks since matching.) The sweetest pussy I've ever tasted, and will be seeing her indefinately.
Got two other matches I haven't met, but starting to warm them up.
I'm btw not really into one night stands, and want to date several women, developing lasting relationships with those that fit me. I'm not looking for an exclusive girlfriend, but might reconsider, if I meet someone that makes sense to stop fucking other women for.
Not sure if helpful, ask me anything
Ended a 3.5 year relationship with my first girlfriend about 3 weeks ago, we spent over half of these last few weeks messaging because she was afraid to let go, I ended up blocking her on social media but she continued texting me up until last Friday where we said our final goodbye so I can begin to move on with no contact. It has been hard but I do feel much better at the point I'm at now, my issue is however that I still cannot stop thinking about her. It's no longer in an anxious way or sadness/crying, it's just curiosity about what she is up to and missing her as a person in my life. This has led me to try to snoop around friends of friends facebooks to get a glimpse into her life, but she hasn't been very active so I don't see much, I also keep expecting her to message me again any day so I'm pretty close with my phone at the moment. I realise all of this is unhealthy behaviour and I'm worried about how much longer this will continue, It's hard to stop. I do distract myself and I am able to be happy when I'm doing other things but any quiet period all I can think about is her.
I think the way we broke up so peacefully makes this a lot harder, I know we both still love each other.
>>17702945
I'm In the same position but she broke up with me . I keep the phone next to me hoping she'll text lol . I always wonder what she's doing. She broke up with me over something stupid but what can I do.
why did you guys break up?
>>17702955
Fuck, you sound like me. I didn't even "break up" with my ex, we were trying to get back together but she hasn't texted me in like 5 days and I wake up every day thinking she texted me. I'm done with her but I just wanna see her crawl back so it's her text going ignored, not mine. Even fucking other girls hasn't gotten her out of my head.
Had a stressful day at work, had a fuck buddy come over to help me relieve stress. She's one of those annoying "I like witty banter lolz" types and just was just being particularly annoying. During our bantz she hit a nerve so I just lost my shit and slapped her as hard as I could and she just left without saying a word. I don't really care about getting to bang her again as much as I care about being sued for assault. It's been a couple days and I haven't gotten any phone calls or anything. should I preemptively lawyer up?
>>17702885
Yes, you deserve it too.
>>17702885
You sound like an asshole. I hope you go to jail.
>>17702891
"lulz sarcasm witty banter" pseudo intellectual girls need to have their shit slapped DESU nobody likes an insufferable cunt