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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3463. page

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What's the best course of action if you think you've gone down the wrong career route?
I'm 26, amidst an MA program for literary studies. But I don't think I want to teach any more. Working at the graduate level has illustrated to me that the life of a professor is a hellish thing I want nothing to do with anymore. Working with "high theory" constantly makes me want to kill myself. I just want to do something for a job that minimizes interaction with humans but maximizes profit. I thought working with career academics would ameliorate my misanthropy, but it has only intensified it.

Should I power through and finish my degree even though it's like pulling teeth? Is there anything I can do with either a bachelors or MA of this sort that will just let me fuck off from personal interaction but pay enough that I won't starve?
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Just finished my BA English Language and Culture. Currently doing an MA in what basically amounts to editing. It's pretty great honestly. You basically correct people's texts. The texts can vary from academic essays to novels or schoolbooks. Might be interesting, especially since you have the background/BA for it.
If you're bi/multilingual, you can also try to go into translating or something.

My advice: power through it. In the end you will at least have a degree, and you can then do something else you want, but you will still have that base on which to fall back on. In the meantime, orientate yourself on what else is available. Go to guest lecture or sit in on another major or MA class. Try some Coursera stuff. See what you like and make a plan for after your MA.

Also, fuck literary theory. My disdain for literary theory was one of the reasons I chose to focus on Medieval literature in my BA. Fuck that stupid shit.
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>>17731402
Also, I've been told by my professors that if you're good/experienced enough you can edit/proofread from home and get paid pretty well, so there's that to consider as well.
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>>17731402
>>17731411
Thanks, friendo. This gives me a lot to think about. Never heard of this coursera stuff.

Ironically, medieval literature and its ilk were what I most loved about my undergrad. I miss it so. I loved my academic work so much back then.

Editing sounds interesting, and fairly solitary. I think I'll ask around about that.

What are your "god damn, it's time to leave" catalysts?

Yesterday she asked when was the last time I woke up and actually felt happy to be with her. Two days for me... and almost two weeks for her. She was having a real disaster period but this left me in pieces. What would you say?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Shit's fucked my man. She's gaining momentum to break it off. Expect cheating or extreme drama in the future unless you cut her off first.
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>>17731356
Then she tells me she loves me and crap afterward and is always calling to talk late at night so I don't fucking know.

I wake up thinking you're right, and go to sleep completely secure and in love
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>>17731356
I can't remember the last time I WASN'T THINKING OF LEAVING!

How do I calm the fuck down about my future? To keep it short I'll just use memetext.


>23
>work nights
>live alone
>bring in only a few hundred bucks per month to save up (Maybe 27k a year or so)
>associate's
>loosely studying
>easy enough job if not physically demanding
>online relationship
>paying off car by next December by saving up and paying it all in one lump sum

Everyone says I'm "ahead of the curb". Everyone says I'm doing fine. But I don't believe any of it. I feel like I'll be stuck and won't amount to anything beyond working for fucking peanuts. How the hell can I grow to just...accept myself? Any ego I bring out tends to be bravado just for outward appearances towards friends. I never expected myself to live this long, nevermind even think I'd be alive at 25.

And I know the online relationship is a meme. Given the hell I've already had it seems pretty ideal. I just need to believe her when she says positive things about admiring me.
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17731235
Why do you think you'll be dead at 25?
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>>17731252
Accident or suicide
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Only bump since I feel I'm attention whoring enough as is.

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I 70 matches with 8-10/10 girls on tinder, how do i have sex with one of them?
17 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Btw im a 19 year old virgin
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Guys please im desperate
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You show them a picture of yourself and ask them if they want to have sex.

Use a condom too.

No matter how successful I've become I feel like shit. I moved out at 16 years old, worked at gamestop for 3 years and went to community college with my own money. Made friends (never could seriously connect with any of them), got 2 cats, started making music for a living. My friends and family all praise me but all i do is feel like shit and want to kill myself. I lost my best friends in high school to suicide and I haven't found real friends since.

Ever girl I meet can't think for herself and uses me for my money. Every time I meet my favorite game developers (i work on sound tracks for games) I end up hating them (edmund mcmillen / other game creators).

I tried to kill myself last night but couldn't do it cause my cat came in the room and I couldn't take it leaving her. What do I do?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17731124
Just forget about other people entirely they sure as hell aren't here on this earth to make anyone but themselves happy
Just focus on your cats and find solitary pursuits you enjoy to occupy your time
Also
You know
Go to therapy
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read a good book
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Why are you feeling this way? Loneliness? Cause it seems you have everything id ever want in my life

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How to be less intimidating to people? I am a big guy and people, especially women, in public stare at me a LOT and whenever I look in their direction they look awkwardly away. No matter where I go, I get noticed immediately and people try to keep their distance because of my sheer size.
I try to smile but that seems to make things worse (probably makes me look like a rapist). I have good hygiene and I dress well (I regularly need to see a tailor to change the clothes that I buy). I always stand straight and don't slouch, because even if slouching does make me a few inches shorter, it looks fucking terrible, especially on a big man.

I am 6'6" / 225lbs. I would gladly trade half a foot with anyone.
16 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>tl;dr: some "big guy" thinks he's intimidating and that people notice him immediately and try to keep their distance
>when in reality it's all in his head

Yeah, no. Try washing yourself?
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>>17731072
How's your attire
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>>17731077
Dude, I take pretty good care of myself.
>>17731078
Very limited. Usually a mild form of business casual, as it's extremely hard to find clothing that fits. T-shirts are almost impossible as all of them are either too narrow around my chest/shoulders or too wide around my waist. I buy slim fit shirts with extra long sleeves and, depending on the model, still have to bring them to the tailor. Tommy Hilfiger and Hugo Boss have some shirts that fit, but they are expensive (I have around 4 of those). Pants aren't usually a problem, but shoes are a nightmare. In summer, I usually just walk around in shorts and a wifebeater because no t-shirts fit, but wifebeaters do just fine.

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Hey, I need to know if I should send this letter to my ex. It's been over a year and she messaged me a while ago. I told her I would brb after taking a shower and now it's two months later and I still haven't messaged her back.

Here's the letter:

Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t write back to you last time we messaged. I know it probably hurt you.
When I was taking a shower, I remembered all the different ways you hurt me and I couldn’t bring myself to message you back. I’m not completely over the hurt from the relationship ending to be honest. I know I’m the one that ended it but I ended it because I was hurting the same way I’m hurting now. The pain never truly went away, it would ebb and flow every once in a while.
I’m not sure if there’s any way to get closure from that relationship but I have to ask, why were you so mean to me towards the end? Did you not like me anymore?
I really did care for you. I still mentally replay several things you said to me:
“It’s unattractive how badly you want to have sex with me.”
“Do you just want me for sex?”
Those words really hurt me and the only reason I said I wanted to see other people was because I wanted to be wanted. I didn’t think you were ever going to want me again.
The way you tried to escape me at Jeff’s party hurt too. Maybe you were drunk, but it didn’t hurt any less. You didn’t want be near me towards the end. By the end of the night you were sitting next to Jeff with no space to spare, with Susan on the other side of him. You fixed his hair while you broke my heart. I still remember the look Steve gave me while I was trying to take care of him. He was wasted, wasted enough to be honest about how it looked. He looked at you, Susan, and Jeff then he looked at me then laughed. That’s when I knew it was over. When I confronted you about it, you knew it was wrong. There was little we could do about it after the fact. I just buried the pain until we broke up.
15 posts and 1 images submitted.
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You didn’t want to touch me anymore and there was no explanation. I felt ugly and pathetic. I still feel ugly and pathetic. Why were you distancing yourself?
Was there somebody else? Was I too strict? Was I not giving you enough attention?
I now see that the relationship I had after you was because I was desperately seeking someone to want me the way you used to. I remember the last six months of our relationship being harsh. We barely spoke to each other. We were still recovering from what happened with Max.
The way I look at it is that you started talking to Max because I was spending too much time focusing on school and not you. Is that right? Was it something else?
I have so many questions that I may never get closure on. I’m not sure if this message will help. I’m not sure if I should even try. You don’t even have to respond.
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Should I send that or is that too heavy? Either way it was therapeutic to write it.
>>
You don't need to explain any of this to her nor should you. It's over. Leave it. You've made this much progress getting over her so why the fuck would you want to revisit this?

If you want to send her a message, send her the first three sentences of this letter. You don't need anything else. Anything more will make her think you are pathetic and trying to get her back.

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So /adv/, my best friend and I are now in a relationship and we don't know how to proceed.
We've been friends for 4 years and she told me she likes me last week while drunk. Yesterday we had a long talk about it and we both agreed about trying to make the step, but we don't know how to make it - how to not make it weird. We like each other a lot but we have no experience and it happened so fast we don't know what to do next.

How do we build a deeper relationship? What should I do now?

Sorry 'bout my shitty english btw.
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Make it not weird? What?
She's your bestfriend. How can it be weird? Essentially the only thing that should change is that now you get to fuck.
Most of the best relationships I know of were when the partners became best friends on top of being lovers. You already have that part down.
If it's the physicality of the relationship then I get it. You might be feeling weird if you haven't had sex yet because basically nothing has changed in your relationship with her except a label. So I would say that you need to make it more physical: kissing, cuddling, sex, stuff you wouldn't do with a friend.
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>>17731011
Hang out together like you always do. But kiss her good night. Hold hands if it feels right. Snuiggle. The rest will either come naturally or it won't, in either case telling you if the shift is right for you.
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>>17731011
>it happened so fast
it didn't happen fast it happened slow over 4 years so don't rush. I would try a romantic date and better yet a weekend away just you two.

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Not seeing my bf for 3 weeks. Want to tease him with photos. What are some sexy pics (not too sexual just want to tease him) to send to him? Could you maybe post examples (of pics of other girls you found online or something).
27 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>17731004

Lady you got more issues than him not hitting you up.

It may not be a relationship
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>>17731006
I dont get it
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>>17731006
I mean I want to send pics of myself but I need examples lol of how to pose and tease

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For the past week my mother keeps noticing how a cat is in our yard and sits by our door trying to come in every morning. We have no new neighbors and I've never seen the cat before in my street or anything.

Today was the first time I saw the cat on the porch. I went out and pat it and gave him/her some milk. When I opened the door it rushed inside and just keeps wandering around my house.

I went out for a few hours and when I got back the cat was waiting on the porch in the same place when I left. It rushed back inside my house when I came home too.

It wags its tail when I pat it, it seems friendly however I heard that is not a good sign (wagging tail). It has no collar but looks very well cared for. Does it have a home? Has it adopted me to be its new owner? I;ve never had a cat before so I don't know much about their behaviour. Cat looks identical to pic related
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Cute af, I'd say keep it

But put up signs saying found Carly,and post it on Craigslist too
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>>17730930
I'm getting a puppy soon so not sure I really want a cat. I'm happy to look after it until it finds its owner. I will adopt the cat as my own before it has to go to a shelter.
>>
Wagging tails just like purring aren't bad or good it just means they are experiencing an emotional overload.

Cats are very physical animals and smart but they are also simple. You can get the right read on a cat from some average rules but every animal is their own and has some quirks of their own.
If you want to keep the cat check the animal shelter first maybe it is chipped and ran away from home far away. If it isn't you can most likely keep it, don't give it milk cats like the high fat content of it but they actually cannot digest it giving them diarrhea flushing their stomach of any food they could digest. The rule of the thumb is kibbles and water are enough or many some gravy with blood and not too much fat but also not too little. Wet food can depend on the animal once a day is more than enough too much makes them fatten and too little can fuck their liver. Maybe go every two days if your cat smaller and not moving that much. The portions depend on how big and old the animal is which you can get checked when you check for the chip.

Basically cats aren't as trained to human contact as dogs are which doesn't mean they don't understand it they just don't have as high of a tolerance although it depends some cats can deal with a lot of carrying and grabbing and others can't deal with any. Find out what your cat enjoys and live with it like it was its own entity and not an extension of you like you would a dog and you got yourself a sweet deal.

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Hey guys. How should I deal with a busted eye?

Got my face slammed into the back of someone's skull tonight. This pic is from ~15mins ago. Bleeding has slowed considerably, currently have a bandage on it and I've been keeping ice on it as well. My vision appears to be fine and, although a bit slow and painful, I can open the eye. I have been doing this periodically just to "stretch".

Anything else I should be doing? Tips for what to do overnight when I can't keep ice on it? Tips on dealing with my coworkers thinking I'm a domestic abuse victim tomorrow?

Sorry for any typos, I'm not wearing my glasses currently.
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Caleb?
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>>17730872
nope
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>>17730867
>You look black.
>Tell your coworkers at your job tomorrow (probably Walmart) that you tripped and dick slapped yourself in the face.
>????
>Raise and promotions.

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>be me, 23 years old
>still living with parents
>meant to save money, but combination of poor money management skills + having to pay rent makes me unable to move out
>home is also incredibly unpleasant to live in
>asked father about a month ago if I could stop having to pay rent
>he asked why and I blurted out that I hate living here
>he's quite hurt and said he could give back all the money I've paid
>I refuse since the real world doesn't work like that
>this also hurts him because he says I'm treating him like a stranger

Anyways, what's the right thing to do? If I take back the money he'll always hold it against me (proof that I was never ready to be an adult), but it seems like refusing is also hurting this feelings.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Move out, you ass. I never missed or appreciated my own family more until I moved 2000 miles away from home. Now it's been about 6 months and I want to go back more than anything but I know what I want, and that's to make something better of myself.

I still struggle paycheck to paycheck and I lucked out having one good friend here so crippling loneliness isn't an issue, but life has been a lot more fulfilling since I left my dad's place, not to mention my relationship with him as well as my mom (who I'd neglected to talk to for a year, personal) has improved and become meaningful.

Stop being ignant. Take away what you take for granted and see how you feel then.
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>>17730837
>>meant to save money, but combination of poor money management skills + having to pay rent makes me unable to move out

Please define exactly how having to pay rent to your father prevents you from moving out in the ''combination of poor money management skills + having to pay rent'' scenario.
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>>17731293
Money that would've gone to savings instead is going to rent. Saving that money was the only advantage of living at home. Instead I'm paying rent to live somewhere I don't want to be.

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Hey /adv/ long time browser and poster, first time actually making a thread.

So my brother used to abuse me a great deal as a child, beat me and all that. I don't think it was terribly abnormal or anything that didn't happen among other siblings (or so I assume) but anyway - the worst part for me is when he'd force me to stay in a room with him. I'd call out for my mum and try to run but he'd block the door and hurt me, force me to stay there for hours

So now we're in our 20s and our relationship is fine. In fact him and my other brother are the closest people to me in my life.

Anyway last night I overheard him in another room. He was playing a video game and raging over it - and I began to feel really unsettled, and out of breath. Eventually he stopped and that was it.

But just today he was getting angry over it again and hitting shit and it must have struck a nerve. Because I had a huge panic attack and broke down in tears crying and trembling. I'm literally too terrified to leave my room.

Advice? I've always been quite anxious growing up but never this bad. I'm honestly too scared to talk to him about it, is there an alternative?

Every time I think about my childhood now it makes me panic and choke up. Especially about being trapped in that room.

He never did anything sexual, fyi
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17730833
>therapy
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>>17730833
>I don't think it was terribly abnormal or anything
It is very abnormal and disturbing behavior, actually. Not normal at all. Did your parents not know? What was their reaction?
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>>17730839
Is it expensive? I'm broke as fuck, also in what way would therapy help? Not knocking therapy, I'm just curious.

>>17730843
While I'm at it, my Dad is very much "You're spoiled and have it so well, so you don't deserve to be sad".

I broke down in tears to him last year about my alcohol problems and he practically told me to fuck off kek

Mum's always kind of coddled us. Probably has something to do with it.

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I need some advice:
>Look like this motherfucker.
>Don't have pet bear companion.
>Want a pet bear companion.
How the fuck do I get a pet bear for a companion?

Fuck women, these mountain hoes ain't loyal but a loyalty of a pet bear will last a fucking lifetime.
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>All you queers & pussies constantly shit post on here.
>Blah blah blah I can't get a girlfriend blah blah blah
>Blah blah blah I'm depressed blah blah blah
>Blah blah blah I want to kill myself blah blah blah
>Someone comes here with a real problem who actually needs advice and you ignore him.
What the fuck guys? Seriously, how the fuck do I legally get a bear for a pet?
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Be a crazy motherfucker and get a bear cub illegally and then raise it and have it maul you to death when it can't deal with not being in its natural environment.
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>>17730997
this

we don't have domesticated bears for a reason, anon

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Two days ago I got the number of a girl who works in a candy store two shops down from where I work. I had spoken to her previously on 3 different occasions when I went in there to get lemonade.
She's always been really nice and gives me a discount on everything I have bought, but I always just figured it was her being friendly. We texted for a while last night and I learned more about her and I'm starting to like her. How do I go about asking her out?
Pic related
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Hey, wanna go out on Friday? Theres a new chinese/indian/mexican/shitty restaurant I wanna try :)
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Ask her to meet up for coffee or dinner
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>>17730760
She's busy all weekend with work. We chatted last night when I was in break and in the shop. I know today was her only day off this week and I had work

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