so 30yo kissless virgin here...
I can't sleep. why? idk really.
ONly thing I can think of is not really ever finding someone suitable
there no woman equivalent to me. 11/10 face 11/10 body 15/10 mind.
i need to have children soon.
To start appreciating people enough so that you could maybe get a bf/gf is to lower your standards.
Like, see yourself as someone not average, but below average and a horrible person.
Then you'll start to see loads of equivalents.
>>17807748
thankyou but I'm looking for one wife/gf.
And how do I choose one and never touch anyone else again?
reason is I having children. Or choosing to.
How do I choose a wife.
where I live all women of my race are ugly...
>>17807730
0/10 social antennae or 2/10 bait
How do you deal with being ugly? Or it's not even that I'm ugly, I'm average. More like how do you deal with not being above average looking?
I feel like I'm never going to be someones first choice in anything because I'm not as good looking as other people might be.
It's come to the point where I'm extremely self-conscious and insecure about my looks even though other people don't probably even care or look at me as anything special.
I also have a lot of friends and I'm ok with girls too once I get to know them a little. It's just that I'm feeling too insecure to approach anyone new because I find them better looking than I am.
I know looks isn't everything, I have friends who are good looking and who most people might see as ugly. They're all equal and the only thing that matters is whats inside. It's just the thought in my head that I can't seem to get rid of.
>>17807729
I hide the pain with memes and anime. But I'm not insecure, and you sound super insecure. I'm not so I have no idea how to get over it. I guess all you can do is work on yourself and make good things happen for yourself until you realize you're not the piece of shit you think you are, because I bet you're not.
btw the entire concept of 'first choices' is pretty bullshit because it's not like people pick and choose off a menu, they have an array of people around them and they end up attracted to one another pretty much by chance. I guarantee no woman you know sits in bed at night weighing the pros and cons of you versus your male friends.
I also am willing to bet that right now as we speak there is a woman you know who thinks you're handsome and would totally date you if she thought you were interested.I also know for a fact that when you're out doing errands at least a few strangers you walk past think you are good looking. How will you know unless you get over yourself and make these things known? Instead of isolating yourself, just stop caring and ask someone out
It's really not that big of a deal
>>17807745
>It's really not that big of a deal
I know it's not, I know the whole thing most likely sounds really stupid. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way and I know that the things you said are probably all true. It's that I only know it, I just don't FEEL it.
I started working out an year ago and I'm already in better shape than probably 80% of the people I see. My issue is reflecting on that too tho, I'm only able to see the top 20% and compare myself to them.
Same issue here, though I'm married and have gotten to the point I'm suicidal over it.
I wish I could give some sort of answer. I've started working out, dressing better, and overall taking better care of myself. But all I see when I look at myself is garbage.
How do I break up with my girlfriend, /adv/. 26, first relationship, first sex, been dating about 8 months. I love her.The problem is she doesn't trust me at all. She thinks that I was never interested in the first place because she had to make the first move but that's because I'm was a 26 year old virgin who didn't think that anyone would be interested. She thinks I do things to intentionally make her "overthink", either about me not wanting to be with her or her other delusion that I'm a closested gay dude. Her evidence for this is that she never catches me looking at other women.
I don't want to do this but we're constantly fighting and I'm not having fun in this relationship anymore. I'm always worried about the next thing that's going to set off an argument. Is there any way to fix this or is this just going to end? If so, how do I tell someone that I love that we can't be together?
>>17807723
Do you live together?
>>17807723
breaking up is never easy anon. You just have to be up front and face her. She is going to cry and beg for you back. Just try and remember why you are breaking up and ignore her and you might succeed.
>>17807723
Does she know you are inexperienced? Does she know any of those things?
Have you been open with her?
How to control your anger? I have bouts of uncontrollable anger, where I go into nearly a rage over the stupidest shit. It's very much linked with depression, I don't really know how else to express my emotions I guess.
I can't scream or whatever, and punching a pillow doesn't really help.
Are there any techniques which can allow me to calm down? It is really hard to cope sometimes, if I am feeling extremely angry.
>>17807708
Learning to control your emotions is part of becoming a mature adult.
Recognize why you're angry, drink a glass of water, and take a minute to slow down and keep yourself calm.
This is likely linked to depression, but it's also a symptom of anxiety.
>>17807737
I do suffer from anxiety too, thanks for your response.
The reason why anger grows on itself is because we're always focused on the subject of the anger. So let's say some guy steals your wallet. This event will make you angry. And the anger will make you focus more on the event which in term will make you angrier and so on. You can see where this is going.
The (easiest) way to let your anger go is to focus on it. Not on the subject, not on the event that caused it but on the anger itself. Free your mind of any other thoughts and "observe" your own anger. Don't try to suppress it, let it roam freely, but don't feed it either. Again, the last thing you need to do is to keep obsessing over the event/person or whatever that caused it. If you're simply observing your anger it will disperse very quickly as it has no subject, no fuel.
I get that I may not be making much sense to you here, this is a practice used in meditation and it can be pretty hard to achieve without training. If you're not going to dismiss it as bullshit directly then I suggest you try it alongside with meditation training. This training consists of 2 practices.
1. Sit in a comfortable position, but not in such a way that you will be prone to falling into unconsciousness (to sleep). Usually sitting on a chair works best. Focus on a thing. It can be an object in front of you or, more commonly your own breathing. Just observe it. Don't try to analyze it, just "look" at it. You will feel your mind wondering. Every time you catch yourself thinking about something turn back to the thing you're observing.
2.Sit in the same posture as before. This time you have to observe your own thoughts as they come and pass. This is much harder, as you will usually be swept into your own thoughts without practice. Try to look at them as an outsider, as you're looking through a window at the scenery in a moving train.
If you're interested in this kind of practices I suggest you read "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard. He explains them much better than I could.
Hi, i'm having a bit of a crisis as in I need to rant to people. The main issue is I am considered the most stable one in my peer group and it's starting to get to me how i am not allowed normal emotions or bad days. Is there some where beyond social media where i can just vent?
Here
>>17807705
Wanna keep your peers from knowing you're having a crisis. Nice.
(seriously though... hope you haven't hit your credit limit)
>>17807735
very well
I'm a college senior in her final year, I dance (yes that kind) but no one knows in my peer group. I tried to quit and the lack of attention made me seek it out in more destructive self harming ways. Now I am leading a double life and am too financial weak to break free.
How do i talk to my roomate about her disrespectufl actions? She know I work nights (11pm to 7am) and sleep during the day. She constantly makes a lot of noise and I wake up but can't go back to sleep. My work has been suffering since I'm always so tired. She gets home, slams the front door, is always talking loudly on her phone (she can talk softly as one day she came home at 7am on my day off and had the conversation low). When her friends come over they are always so loud. We live in a house that is split in to two levels, she does hang out downstairs with the people that live there so I don't understand why she can't hang out with her friends done there since they have a living room and we only have a kitchen. I've brought this up with her before and she pretty much told me to go fuck myself by saying that the kitchen is a shared area and she didn't think they were that loud as well as continuing to to say "well I pay for the common area so I'm not going to move into my room to talk with my friends."
She's one of those types that is super cheap and will constantly go "well I'm paying for this/ not using my money for.. so I can do this/that". As well as being nice to your face but yet she'll constantly move stuff and not put it back, for example she always feels the need to move all the dishes (couple bowls or so) out of the sink no matter if they've been there are few minutes or a few hours and put them around the kitchen because she 'needs' the sink and just leaves them there. She doesn't clean at all.
I'm just at my wits end after going two weeks on 4 hours of sleep and I don't know what to do at this point since whenever I try to bring anything up nicely she brushes it off or says "oh well I pay for this area I'm going to use it"
>>17807682
>she fell for the living with women meme
Smack her shit nigga
Get earplugs.
Let's say you are a man in your middle twenty's and everything in your life is wrong except you don't so drugs and you aren't in jail
Where would you start fixing it?
>>17807606
you probably went to bed many many nights and said that tomorrow you are going to
>wake up early
>work out
>eat healthy
>clean the entire apartment
>start the job hunt
>start educating yourself on something new
>start that book
>etc
and hwen you wake up you cross off maybe 1 or 2 things then give up the next day. the reason for this is we are not meant to radically change our lives overnight. otherwise we'd all be perfect. it takes time. 28 days to be precise. doing one thing for 28 days makes it a 'habit' and something you arent likely to drop.
so what you need to do is create a monthly schedule. each month you tackle a really big change. i went through this two years ago when my life was a mess
>january: just fix my fucking sleep cycle. early to bed, early to rise
>february: start working out, at an actual fucking gym too
>march: eat healthy! not just carrots and shit, btu spend ttwo weeks without any junk to prove i can get it out of my system
>april start my new hobby / education (For me it was making a web series)
>may: start a consistent chore chart that i adhere to strictly.
you can do other little thigns each month as well. like starting to apply for jobs should probably be month 1 assuming you dont igve it its own dedicated month. when you do get a job or some major life style change, please remember that your new habits wont carry over immediately. the first week is you getting used to the job. then next week you work working out in to your routine. then eating healthy,. then chores. slowly adapting those hobbies to suit your new job or education.
its okay if you dont immediately catch on with something, thats why you have a month to get it right. the first two weeks are the struggle. by the end of it you'[re on it.
>>17807619
try not to make goals you cannot guarantee, for instance
>MAKE NEW FRIENDS
>GET A GF
you cannot guarantee that anyone will want to be your friend or gf, and at best, you can only guarantee someone who is not good quality. instead, have a month where you start implenting new ways to socialize. forcing yourself to go out twice a week (not to a bar, but anywhere, you'll see in my next set of advice).
when it comes to girls keep in mind that 'working out' does not mean instant success. what attracts women is a nice physique, and it takes time to develop. saying 'IVE BEEN TO THE GYM FOR SIX MONTHS AND NO GIRLS ARE SITTING ON MY FACE YET' is silly because you have maybe just reached the point wherei t starts to show, assuming you were dedicated.
and when you do look good remember that the body only gives them interest in you physically. you still have to be the kind of person worth knowing.
>>17807606
>>17807619
>>17807620
ultimately, changing your life is a bit of a 'spiritual' experience in my opinion.
when you are deciding to do something think the following
>will this make me happy?
>or will it just seem impressive
you should avoid doing things for just being impressive. while working out may only seem 'impressive' in terms of muscle it really does lead to a better quality of life over all, and less drama with your inner self.
a good way to find out if you REALLY want to do something is ask your subconscious.
stand up right now, adn think of a question you want to ask yourself, like 'do i really want to do XX'.
close your eyes, and ask yourself the question. if you lean forward, you want it. if you lean back you dont.
its a great way to ask yourself simple yes or no questions.
Tomorrow is my first visit at a psychiatrist. After many years of struggling and during a very horrible period of life happening now, I've decided to seek out help for my awful depression and wrecked mental state instead of wrecking not only mine, but others' lives or possibly killing myself.
I don't mean to sound stupid and I don't want to explain my whole situation or problems here, but I would be very keen to try out medicinal treatment, that is, I would like the psychiatrist to prescribe me some pills of some sort, because over all these years, psychological help or self-conditioning has turned out to no use. Has anyone here got any experience with psychiatrists and could advise me on how to relay my problems to them and to correctly ask to try out medicines? I am very anxious not to waste this appointment without any positive outcome.
Also, I'm in Europe, but I don't know the differences between this stuff in different countries.
bump. Has anyone got any experience?
Depending on where you live, you can ask the doctor to try prescriptions. Unfortunately I can't do that in Canada. The doctor will do a series of tests on you and evaluate it. He will then decide whether it is the right fit and put you on a trial.
So this morning I woke up, took a shower, and then starting cutting the shit out of my legs. I'm a 19 y/o boy, I've struggled with depression in the past. Recently I've starting doing drugs (smoking weed, dropping acid) and this is my first time dealing with suicidal ideation/severe depression since I've starting doing drugs. (I've had depressive episodes before, but I had never done any drugs up until march) so idk how to deal with it. I'm SUPER willing to kill myself and stood in the shower thinking about cutting open arteries in my legs and arms and tonight I'm planning on either Doing that wih the help of sleep meds or making one last painting (I'm an artist) or fucking someone like I have been in order to keep my mind off of it. I know I need help, how should I seek it?
Are you cute
>>17807534
Drugs by themselves won't fix your depression and those are more likely to fuck you up.
You should get a hold of antidepressants instead. Maybe a psychologist to go with that.
A chick I thought is into me asked what shampoo do I use. I told her and asked why (thinking she would compliment me in my hair which is usually my best asset), and she said it's because I have dandruff.
I'm generally well groomed and very careful with my looks so I kinda took it personally and got a bit mad.
Is it just something I forget about? We get along fine, as I said I think she's into me, and I know she's blunt with everyone, but it never actually happened to me.
Do I just take it as it us and move on? I haven't even noticed I have dandruff and I comb each morning before heading out.
Does it mean she actually likes me and noticed every flipping detail?
She's a petite tomboy with a round arse, I wanna be with her.
Bump, come on, it can't be that nobody has any insight.
>>17807525
Uh, what an oddly blunt thing for a woman to say...
Well, it's not like she did it to offend.
I'd say to look over it for now, nobody's perfect.
>>17807525
I don't understand.
Are you saying she said that about herself and wanted to use your shampoo because she noticed you had dandruff too?
My girlfriend recently told me she fantasizes about having 10 dicks at once but she isnt ready yet. This makes me feel awful and I feel like im not enough or im gonna get cheated on or something. Should I feel this way?
Yeah it is, maybe she won't cheat on you and is just being honest. But fuck, keep an eye on that.
>>17807490
>she isnt ready yet
then you prepare yourself
>>17807548
She told me later that she doesnt want to be eith other guys and would be ok with just dildos but still. Damn
*answer question*
>Professor: Wow anon, is there anything you DONT know?
>Chad: WHAT A PUSSY FEELS LIKE!
*entire class (including professor) laughing hysterically for 1 minute*
>Other Chad: Oh he KNOWS what a PUSSY feels like!
*more laughing and hooting*
>Girl: You know we all love you anon, tee hee
*more laughing*
Why?
Why do people like hurting people? Is it really that easy to just pick on someone?
>>17807485
Oh go on anon, you know what needs to be done
Please don't shoot anyone anon, nobody is trying to hurt you.
>>17807488
>>17807495
Why would you assume that?
Why?
Why are people so callous?
I'd never hurt a soul
I'm questioning why shy, harmless, polite people are targeted by others
I don't get it, guys. I know dating is a numbers game but to what extent? I'm 23 and I've yet to have sex. I'm pretty sick and tired of it because I want to have it so badly. Masturbating doesn't do it for me anymore. I barely cum at all. It's basically just routine now.
It angers me to know that it's a regular thing for people my age and that even if I eventually have sex, it's going to be sloppy seconds with a girl who has tons more experience than me and I don't give a flying fuck about how rude girls here think this statement is.
I've asked out so many girls irl. I try online dating which has gotten me many dates but not much success. I've yet to have a girl go out with me after asking them out irl.
>>17807455
Lower your standards, fuck a fatty or a crazy and move on. You already sound like you have some entitlement issues, that will help you get a confidence boost and help you in the next go around.
Maybe you're ugly? I stayed inside 12 hrs a day playing video games. Shit social skills, but decently fit and I guess semi attractive. I fucked the first girl I ever dated, she initiated it too.
>>17807501
I might be ugly but honestly I don't think I'm that bad if I got dates online with some decent girls.
My wife and I are in an open relationship. I'm seeing this girl. I have made it known to her that I want to be around her romantically but that being her friend and being able to just be around her and get to know her more would be enough for me. For now she wants it to be platonic.
My question is, given that I have already told her that I am romantically interested, would it be unwise for me to make any moves at this point? Isn't the ball already in her court? Really looking for some females on this one.
We have been hanging out a lot. We basically have platonic dates disguised as music shows. We both play music, but we also like hanging out with each other not playing music and just talking. I appreciate her willingness to make room for me in her life. I see it as a sign of potential. Am I wrong?
>>17807438
You are probably the single biggest faggot on /adv/ and there are a lot to choose from.
You are so weak, you marry a woman and get into an open relationship, then when an opportunity arises for you to take advantage of it you just limp out.
>>17807438
bruh you dont romance them you pump and dump but make sure tell no one
Yeah you're wrong. I think she has a soft spot for you but realize that your offer to her is all around shitty. You are basically telling her that she can have the honor of being your side bitch. It's different for you because she will be an addition to a (thriving?) relationship with two people committed to each other. For her, it'll be all she has to be a plus one. Sure she will be free (I hope) to pursue others, but not everyone is wired for polyamory. Most people when they feel a spark want to share something one on one, zero others involved in any way.
If it's not for a purely sexual fling I HIGHLY recommend you to look for people who are poly themselves and are on the same page. This sounds like it'll wind up with her falling in love and you breaking her heart because you'll never be able to give her what she wants from you given your marriage.
Hi /adv/
So I work part time as a cashier and I just got my pay. I found out that there are 2 hours pay missing.
I know why, it's because my boss doesn't pay us for the last 15 minutes when we close the shop and also because she has not given me pay for some times where I didn't take a break. She is not allowed to do any of those things but no one dares to confront her about the 15 minutes thing.
Should I talk with my boss or just let it go? I mean it's only 2 hours so idk if it's worth a confrontation
>>17807430
That is very illegal. Sue.
>>17807432
Thank you for your advice, Sue, but are you sure?
>>17807430
I will guess from your pic that you are in the UK, and that your pay is about £7.50/hour.
If someone you know picked your pocket and stole £15, would you be inclined to just let it go?